homesick blues

[John & Marie 0]

Hello all, I am the husband of a very homesick wife and she is pregnant also she wants to go home all ready. I have asked her to go places with me but she does not want to leave our apartment need help please

[charlie and tahne 8]

im sorry about that.,, i exchange messages to your wife before, you live in battlecreek very far from my place (inkster),, there is alot of filipina there than in my place,, maybe because of pregnancy she feel the homesick..try to understand here and i think better if u bring some filipina there if u have friends..

[Anh map 2,098]

It's a fairly common occurrence when someone moves half a world away. Just ride it out. Skype and phone cards can help.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

It is normal.

Take her to the nearest Asian store for comfort foods. Do you have internet? She can chat with friends back home using Facebook, et cetera.

I kept my wife busy by having her improve her resume, and making a list of potential employers. An old friend of mine married Pinay, so I could drop her off there once or twice a week to spend the day.

She will get over it. It just takes time. You need to be patient, and encouraging, without being overbearing. You may find her going hot and cold (Lambing and Tampo) for a few weeks, or even months.

You may have to visit the doctor and have her see a behavioral specialist. She may be going through PTSD, especially if she is having nightmares. She may need a serotonin reuptake inhibitor to help her sleep peacefully.

[ScottyNAngie 0]

that's part of pregnancy, im just like her too when my tummy was like 19 weeks, sometimes feeling like homesick! but just undertsand her, take her somewhere:)

[rlogan 2,036]

We figured out my wife was pregnant because she started behaving irrationally. She was saying insane stuff like she didn't deserve me so she was going to go home, you know - to do me the favor of unburdening my life of her.

You are dealing with two things at the same time - pregnancy and the distance from home. One thing as men we have to accept is that there are times when our wives are going to act really crazy and we just have to be supporting and loving through it all. What I have done is to always validate her feelings. Feelings are facts. So you try to be supportive and understanding instead of trying to disagree with the feelings. You can't go off on them in a rant about how you've invested all this time and money and energy in the marriage and here she is throwing it all away. You just have to say "of course you feel like this. It is natural. It is normal. There is nothing wrong with you..."

I'm a lot older than my wife so I didn't have that teenage testosterone response to it. They really appreciate a level-headed guy who is going to act as a steady anchor.

Wanting to stay inside the apartment is a classic depression symptom. Both pregnancy and the move will do that, but there is also possibility of things going on in the relationship too, so it is best to really communicate as openly and honestly as you can about everything. Convince her it is a team effort and you both have to work together to overcome whatever it is. It's a real bad idea to keep negative feelings to yourself. I tell my wife to always let me know when she has any negative feelings. I can always tell when something is up, and it always makes her feel better just to say whatever it is.

Best of luck to both of you.

[ayenatUS 0]

hi. just wanna share my own story about homesickness. i arrived here in US Jan. 31st but you may bot believe it...i am still experiencing terrible homesick. but don't get me wrong because i have the most wonderful husband in this world too...he never fail in offering what he could do to make me feel better. But its just the two of us here living in the state, i mean my family is obviously in the Philippines and his family are living in New York...and we were here in California. so its like we were all living at end to end of USA.. we are living near the beach...but i never met any filipina yet here in my community (small community) or guess i will never find in here. maybe in the next town but that means they are reachable through drive, which i still dont know how to drive and still haven't met anyone. as much as i want i don't wanna bother my husband about what i truly feel coz i know he has to deal with busy work too and that's enough stress i guess.

in my situation, these are the things that i truly miss:

aside from my family which i can always talk everyday as long as i want coz we have unlimited call plan to Philippines,

i miss my friends, coz i am a happy/friendly person who likes to spend fun time with friends but that doesn't mean i am not enjoying my husbands company coz i already meantion i have the most wonderful husband in this world.

i have friends who are in the same situation where i am in and experiencing the same, talking/chatting with them on facebook or any means of online conversation , i believe isn't always enough,.

IT IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT WHEN YOU CAN TALK TO SOMEONE IN FRONT OF YOU, TO LAUGH WITH, WHO UNDERSTANDS ALL YOUR ISSUES, WOMEN THING OF GOIN CRAZY WITH SILLY STORIES-I AM TALKING ABOUT A FILIPINA WHO COULD VISIT IN MY HOUSE OR VICE VERSA BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT WE GET USED TO. THAT IS WHAT I AM LONGING FOR...

i spend my whole day alone in the house, or i go for a walk for an hour around the community, or jog, or go to the store-THIS HELPS A LOT. BUT I DO ALL OF THEM ALONE WHEN MY HUSBAND IS AT WORK. that's really hard to deal with... AND WE MISS OUR FOOD TOO BECAUSE NOT ALL THE INGREDIENTS THAT WE EXACTLY USE IN OUR COOKING WERE AVAILABLE HERE.

Thanks for this...i felt some relief.

[TBoneTX 43,018]

The first trimester of pregnancy = mental illness, or the equivalent. The most sane thing around here was (15 minutes before the supermarket closed) "I want mangoes -- very hard, and very green!" Ride it out till the fourth month, si man.

[rlogan 2,036]

as much as i want i don't wanna bother my husband about what i truly feel coz i know he has to deal with busy work too and that's enough stress i guess.

Thanks for this...i felt some relief.

See how it makes you feel better to say what you feel?

Yet, you don't say what you feel with your husband. I think you should ask him whether he would prefer that you share your feelings with him honestly or if instead you should keep them from him him under the theory it relieves him of stress.

I convinced my wife when we met that she needed to be honest with me, and that it was both unfair and unwise to keep her feelings bottled up inside. Women in general seem to have a problem with this, and the worst of it is doing things they think the husband will "notice" and interpret the right way instead of just telling him openly and honestly what they are thinking and feeling.

It has to be tough being alone all day if you are accustomed to having people around. It is the opposite for me. One thing I just hate about the Philippines is everybody getting into your business. No peace. I have lived on the edge of the wilderness for 25 years and only see people if I leave the cabin.

My wife always hated that and wanted to move to a place like this so we're perfectly compatible that way. But you sound like you need some friends to do things with.

[ayenatUS 0]

See how it makes you feel better to say what you feel?

Yet, you don't say what you feel with your husband. I think you should ask him whether he would prefer that you share your feelings with him honestly or if instead you should keep them from him him under the theory it relieves him of stress.

I convinced my wife when we met that she needed to be honest with me, and that it was both unfair and unwise to keep her feelings bottled up inside. Women in general seem to have a problem with this, and the worst of it is doing things they think the husband will "notice" and interpret the right way instead of just telling him openly and honestly what they are thinking and feeling.

It has to be tough being alone all day if you are accustomed to having people around. It is the opposite for me. One thing I just hate about the Philippines is everybody getting into your business. No peace. I have lived on the edge of the wilderness for 25 years and only see people if I leave the cabin.

My wife always hated that and wanted to move to a place like this so we're perfectly compatible that way. But you sound like you need some friends to do things with.

he knows me well and i am really having a hard time pretending that i am ok. but i would always say i am good...btw, you sound like him when he's telling me those words. we do have same agreement about honesty ever since, and my husband prefer to be just like you in terms of making friends with people. isn't it amazing? thanks for the reply!!

that's why every once in a while he would ask me if i am ok or do i need something or is everything alright and that makes me feel better. but you know what i told him, its just me who's giving myself a hard time i guess.

also, i would agree to both of you and to my husband about the "people" who likes to get into other peoples business.

" It has to be tough being alone all day if you are accustomed to having people around."-

just imagine, its just me and my husband. some would have atleast their husbands family to talk to living near them. that's all....

back where i came from, we use to have a small gathering EVERY sunday, with more than 20 of my cousins, less than 20 of my Aunts and Uncles.

more or less 30 of friends then now, its just me and my husband. BUT I FEEL BETTER NOW READING THE SAME EXPERIENCES FROM OTHER PEOPLE. )

I JUST REALIZED HOW MUCH I LOVE MY HUSBAND.

AND I THANK GOD FOR ALL THESE MEN LIKE YOU AND MY HUSBAND WHO WERE GOOD PEOPLE AND UNDERSTANDS THEIR WIFE FOR THE NEW LIFE THEY ARE ADJUSTING WITH.

your wife must be so lucky too.

[graceroxas 17]

"I want mangoes -- very hard, and very green!" Ride it out till the fourth month, si man.

A little digression here. I thought only preggy Filipinas have this craving

Grace

[Pilar 1]

Try to call her several times a day just to say: "I love you" and " I just called to say I am thinking of you" . That, maybe, will help her.

Another great idea is chat or skype with family and close friend in her own country.

Just be tender with her. She is in the "sweet waiting" and mentally and psicological everything changes. All she needs is you by her.

love her , take care of her ...she needs no more but you .

[John & Marie 0]

im sorry about that.,, i exchange messages to your wife before, you live in battlecreek very far from my place (inkster),, there is alot of filipina there than in my place,, maybe because of pregnancy she feel the homesick..try to understand here and i think better if u bring some filipina there if u have friends..

Thank you for the talking with my wife and Inkster is not that far from us only a couple of hours. Marie is out shopping and having brunch with one of her Filipino friends here that my daughter introduced us to though one of her friends she looked happy going out today thank you all

[SALLY AND MIKE 0]

its really normal your wife got homesick whes shes alone coz its very different from the philippines where the country we came.Ive done on that stage also when i arrived here in US,its really hard to adjust at first.Internet in home helps me a lot to get out of homesick in home,I can talk online with some of my friends etc.I call also some of my frends here in US during the day when my husband is in work.i experemint some cooking in home and trying to learn how to cook.keeps my life busy while i am in home,We live far from the city,far from everything like mall or stores.I dont have a filipina frends here that close in our home most of my frends are only in facebook,,,but im happy coz i can talk with them even i did not see them in person.Now little by little i adjust my life here in US,,i need to be strong even i miss my family so much,,But this is the life i choose and i love so much my husband and i want to spend him.

Your wife now is pregnant mybe she had a mood swings try to understand her.Especially if she is on the first trimester now.Im also pegnant now and during my first trimester i had a mood swings,i tell many bad words to my husband that i know its not make him happy,I got mad without a reason to my husband and i cry after that.Even his tired from work i let my husband to cook when his in home,and request to cook the food i want.Now im on the 2nd trimester mood swings,morning sickness gone and my husband really happy coz im alwys good to her,,

[ayenatUS 0]

Thank you for the talking with my wife and Inkster is not that far from us only a couple of hours. Marie is out shopping and having brunch with one of her Filipino friends here that my daughter introduced us to though one of her friends she looked happy going out today thank you all

this will be a big help for her. a Filipino friend will always make us feel we're not alone. (of course you're there) but i mean in this strange country (for the meantime.) she needs you more today. always make her feel that you understand eveything.. this is the toughest days in her life.