Young Love and a Total Newbie at this..

[bolded penguin 0]

@dogspot - Ty, I think it's a smart idea too. ^^

About the job, I realize that he won't be able to immediately get one when he enters the States, even if he has the permit to do so.

And yes, I do eventually want to marry him. I hope that maybe going to visit him or him coming down will help.

Now, let's say I did want to wait before we married, and have him go to college here with me in the U.S., what would be another road to take in doing that?

There's so much to look into. x-x

[keysjangle 145]

As a girl who was in a long term relationship for years before deciding to marry, I can tell you in all sincerity, that you NEED to spend time with him first before thinking too far ahead. At 17, if your parents aren't on board, you're pretty much dead in the water.

Figure out your first meeting before thinking about moving him to the U.S. It takes time to develop a long term relationship. Work, save up money and focus on school for now. As for the guy, keep developing your relationship until it's time to meet.

All the best though I had started talking to my husband in 2006 at 15/16 and now at 21 and 27 we're newly weds. Picture perfect except he lives in Florida and I'm in Canada So honestly, take it from me, don't rush into this. Long distance is hard, hard work, but it can end up the way you hope if you guys can work together through the rough patches

[bolded penguin 0]

Thanks for the advice! I'm not trying to rush, but it's good to get information and plan ahead. ^^

Gervl, my friend has the same situation as you; her boyfriend is in Florida and she's in Canada. They met where me and my boyfriend did. Long distance is hard to manage, but we can get through it!

[Barbara J 115]

Thanks for the advice! I'm not trying to rush, but it's good to get information and plan ahead. ^^

Gervl, my friend has the same situation as you; her boyfriend is in Florida and she's in Canada. They met where me and my boyfriend did. Long distance is hard to manage, but we can get through it!

Ok I am having my 2 cents worth here. I can't believe people are giving you advice and information on fiance visa's and so on. What they have told you is all correct and good but as a mother no way in hell would I let my daughter even think of such a thing at 17.

You have school to finish and the college as you said he has to finish yr 12 and then uni or do college to get a trade.

I have 2 daughters who worked through years 11 and 12 and now have good paying jobs now 24 and 22. At your age they had boyfriends yes but local and no way thought about serious relationships. They had their studies to do and getting good grades and passing their high school certificate. You have so much time and life ahead of you , why would you be thinking of something like this. As a internet friend yes but to think of settling down with this boy and trying to bring him to the states? WT? As your parents aren't keen and neither are his and I am glad of that, I would just stay friends and take time with this. And if he is a true Aussie boy he has a lot of adventures to experience first. So stay friends yes but please don't be thinking marriage at your age. Enjoy life and go out with lots of boys cause I am sure he will date lots of Aussie girls.

I don't mean to sound mean but just the mother in me and if i was either of your mums I would try and discourage these thoughts a lot. Sorry for being negative.

[Fandango 1,439]

Ok I am having my 2 cents worth here. I can't believe people are giving you advice and information on fiance visa's and so on. What they have told you is all correct and good but as a mother no way in hell would I let my daughter even think of such a thing at 17.

You have school to finish and the college as you said he has to finish yr 12 and then uni or do college to get a trade.

I have 2 daughters who worked through years 11 and 12 and now have good paying jobs now 24 and 22. At your age they had boyfriends yes but local and no way thought about serious relationships. They had their studies to do and getting good grades and passing their high school certificate. You have so much time and life ahead of you , why would you be thinking of something like this. As a internet friend yes but to think of settling down with this boy and trying to bring him to the states? WT? As your parents aren't keen and neither are his and I am glad of that, I would just stay friends and take time with this. And if he is a true Aussie boy he has a lot of adventures to experience first. So stay friends yes but please don't be thinking marriage at your age. Enjoy life and go out with lots of boys cause I am sure he will date lots of Aussie girls.

I don't mean to sound mean but just the mother in me and if i was either of your mums I would try and discourage these thoughts a lot. Sorry for being negative.

Are we reading the same thread? What I cull from reading this is that she's asked a few very basic q's, and we answered. She said she hasn't even met him yet. She's even said she plans to go to uni first. What is the problem? Let's face it, in a year or less, this young lady is going to be an adult, and is going to be responsible for making her own choices Not you, not me, not her mother, but she will be in charge of whatever she wants to do. I think it was quite smart of her to see what's down the road, should she look to pursue it.

While she is young, nothing that you can say can prove that she is not ready for a serious commitment. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. Maybe right now she's thinking down the road they might marry, and maybe she'll change her mind, But at the end of the day, they're a long way off either way...and if this is something they want to pursue, and she works hard to meet the req's, then it's her choice to make.

Sometimes, being a parent means you have to let your children make their own mistakes, And as is the case with young adults especially, the more you try to dissuade them from something, the more you'll actually be pushing them towards it. I say save the lectures and admonishment for your own adult children.

In fact, most of the advice here given came with mild disclaimers such as stressing the importance of school, the importance of the 'what ifs' regarding his employability, etc.

I realize I'm probably coming across as snarky, and it's really unintentional. I appreciate your advice actually. But I didn't see this situation as in need of a lecture, to either the OP or the members for giving the advice.

Edited January 27, 2011 by Lisa C

[patient2010 93]

YOu have lots of good advice here good luck with whatever you decide and welcome to VJ

[Barbara J 115]

Are we reading the same thread? What I cull from reading this is that she's asked a few very basic q's, and we answered. She said she hasn't even met him yet. She's even said she plans to go to uni first. What is the problem? Let's face it, in a year or less, this young lady is going to be an adult, and is going to be responsible for making her own choices Not you, not me, not her mother, but she will be in charge of whatever she wants to do. I think it was quite smart of her to see what's down the road, should she look to pursue it.

While she is young, nothing that you can say can prove that she is not ready for a serious commitment. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. Maybe right now she's thinking down the road they might marry, and maybe she'll change her mind, But at the end of the day, they're a long way off either way...and if this is something they want to pursue, and she works hard to meet the req's, then it's her choice to make.

Sometimes, being a parent means you have to let your children make their own mistakes, And as is the case with young adults especially, the more you try to dissuade them from something, the more you'll actually be pushing them towards it. I say save the lectures and admonishment for your own adult children.

In fact, most of the advice here given came with mild disclaimers such as stressing the importance of school, the importance of the 'what ifs' regarding his employability, etc.

I realize I'm probably coming across as snarky, and it's really unintentional. I appreciate your advice actually. But I didn't see this situation as in need of a lecture, to either the OP or the members for giving the advice.

You know it wasn't so much a lecture just a woman being freaked out that a young girl is thinking of these options. I respect your comments and I gave my point of view. And as a mother of 2 responsible girls who have developed into 2 sensible young ladies I am proud to say that they still lived at home till my 24 year old last year bought her first home and my 22 yr old is still living at home. ANd to add even when they were 18 and I don't care that they were legal they still abided by my rules whilst under my roof. Tell me how you feel when you have a 17 yr old. No more to be said ty for your comment.

[Fandango 1,439]

You know it wasn't so much a lecture just a woman being freaked out that a young girl is thinking of these options. I respect your comments and I gave my point of view. And as a mother of 2 responsible girls who have developed into 2 sensible young ladies I am proud to say that they still lived at home till my 24 year old last year bought her first home and my 22 yr old is still living at home. ANd to add even when they were 18 and I don't care that they were legal they still abided by my rules whilst under my roof. Tell me how you feel when you have a 17 yr old. No more to be said ty for your comment.

I'm not sure you know my history, and whether or not I have been responsible for a 17 year old girl. But that's by the by. I'm really not trying to get into a 'who's the better mommy' war with you, as everyone is different.

I am very happy for you that your girls have turned out the way they did, and I'm not calling your motherhood into question. What I am highlighting is your implication that the OP and the other posters in this thread are somehow irresponsible; the OP for having these feelings, and the members for 'encouraging' it.

I still maintain that this young lady seems quite responsible; she's in school, she's looking to go to uni. And she's also landed herself in a situation where she's showing foresight in asking questions for something in her life that is admittedly several years away. She didn't come on here and whine and complain about how life is so unfair, how she wants to get married right now without ever have meeting (how many times do women on here say that? loads). She's asked a few questions about requirements. For down the road.

And I think that's grand.

None of us have a crystal ball, and if in several years' time, she decides to marry this young man, if she has stuck to her plan and gone to uni, and if she's financially solvent enough to not only meet the financial req's but also to be able to support him during his adjustment, then I say she would have proven herself at that point to be capable of making such a monumental choice.

There is nothing to be 'freaked out' about.

[bolded penguin 0]

Maybe I should clear up a few things here?

I do love this boy, a lot, and I care for him. Will I 5 years from now? I don't know, but I hope so. I understand the importance of education, and though it seems scary going to college I know I will.

The thing I do not get is how someone can criticize me on a forum meant for marrying someone out of your country, and living there. :/ I want to let you all know that I'm well aware the future can change, but as of now I wanted to ask some questions that will be important if I'm still with him years from now.

I obviously plan to do something with my life, not marrying him on some whim and cry and complain. The time zone situation is hard - no doubt about that, and with school I can't stay up late; but that's for another time.

As with my parents, I don't speak much about him to them, though I want to. I think it's because they're used to everything being in-person and not online, that talking about it might be difficult at first.

I thought that asking these questions ahead of time was a smart move, so I'm not always in constant wonder, and thinking of fairy-tale endings. The process will be long and costly, but if everything works out down the road I think it'll be well worth the wait.

[tcTTct 37]

You seem to be a very mature young lady and kudos to you for thinking far ahead.

[LewisandAlena 0]

Ok I am having my 2 cents worth here. I can't believe people are giving you advice and information on fiance visa's and so on. What they have told you is all correct and good but as a mother no way in hell would I let my daughter even think of such a thing at 17.

You have school to finish and the college as you said he has to finish yr 12 and then uni or do college to get a trade.

...

Enjoy life and go out with lots of boys cause I am sure he will date lots of Aussie girls.

I don't mean to sound mean but just the mother in me and if i was either of your mums I would try and discourage these thoughts a lot. Sorry for being negative.

I WISH I knew this stuff when I met Lewis at 17. I'd be married by now. Instead I'm waiting for my August-filed visa because I had no clue how long this thing would take. Certainly, it's a young age, but everyone is different. I get really ticked at people who tell me I'm too young. Date a few other guys first. Seriously? Be immature and create unnecessary attachments with young men who mean nothing to me?

To the OP, I think it's fantastic that you're looking into this now. As I said, if I had known then what I know now, my Lewis would be here. I think it's good that you want to know up front what it will take, so that if and when marriage comes up, you'll know how to plan.

Also, it's not impossible to finish college married. But it is very difficult to accomplish ANYTHING when you're driving yourself crazy missing the love of your life.

[bolded penguin 0]

I WISH I knew this stuff when I met Lewis at 17. I'd be married by now. Instead I'm waiting for my August-filed visa because I had no clue how long this thing would take. Certainly, it's a young age, but everyone is different. I get really ticked at people who tell me I'm too young. Date a few other guys first. Seriously? Be immature and create unnecessary attachments with young men who mean nothing to me?

To the OP, I think it's fantastic that you're looking into this now. As I said, if I had known then what I know now, my Lewis would be here. I think it's good that you want to know up front what it will take, so that if and when marriage comes up, you'll know how to plan.

Also, it's not impossible to finish college married. But it is very difficult to accomplish ANYTHING when you're driving yourself crazy missing the love of your life.

Thank you for the kind words, it made me smile to know I'm not the only one.

[Onyx & Inari 0]

As with college I plan on attending a 2yr community college at first, getting most stuff out of the way. I might then file after if we're still together (which I hope!). I would love to be a Marine Biologist, and I believe here in Texas, colleges at Corpus Christi offer those classes. So I won't even have to go far from home.

As for him not being able to work right away; when could he begin to apply for a job?

Question I ask is his age also; I'm in my late 20's and already have a degree, but for some reason the US ignore this fact when applying for a job as I technically didn't graduate from "high school". I myself intend to go back to university once my Adjustment Of Status (AOS) has been granted. You maybe unaware of this but education costs almost triple for non-residents.

I suggest if this is serious, and will go ahead his education is also something to consider - This will further more add to cost, but can be a very advantageous move in the life ahead that you both wish to share.

Also should stress that you are both certain should you take this route, as the entire process will take a further three years once he enters the USA on a K1 Visa, longer should he wish to file for duel citizenship in the future.

All I can say is good luck to the both of you, and well done for thinking ahead far enough to start asking questions and doing your own research.

[Rob and Jill 82]

You maybe unaware of this but education costs almost triple for non-residents.

The variations in fees depend on the University. Rob only has to be here for 6 months before the University considers him a "resident" since we're married.

[lynJer 7]

yeap....apply to go to university in Australia where you will get a world class degree unlike a lot of universities here where the degrees may not be as readily accepted in some countries....

But as an Australian Girl....can I just say...I would think twice about getting too keen on any Australian bloke....OMG....they can be bad news....you will eventually understand what I mean by that but needless to say they are very difficult to deal with when they get with their mates down the pub or go off to their footy....Ausssie blokes are either playing sport, drinking beer, watching sport with their mates, doing anything with their mates is their number one priority. Us Aussie girls just laugh at them and their attitude, but being from another country it can be really upsetting being left....again and again and again....just a warning for yah

I was married to two Aussie men....NEVER EVER AGAIN....

might be best you eventually work on him living here....keep your sanity....

Good luck...and dont forget 'I warned yah'!!