My view… probably will give some sort of understanding

[adiiann 163]

I only have couple of hours before I really feel so sleepy. LoL.

First of… please be inform that this post doesn’t intend to justify any inappropriate behavior of Filipinos. And also, I am hoping that this time, I will not spark any unpleasant words from others.

I observed since I became a member of this site that “sending money to the family” by a Filipina (I prefer Filipina because it’s common here) has been an issue here.

“Sending money or Helping family” in the Philippines is already considered a social norm in Philippine society; hence it’s already part of the Filipino culture. Filipinos have colonial mentality which also helps to establish this kind of culture. Most Filipinos think that anything coming from abroad esp. USA and Europe is great and always better than what they could get in the Philippines. That is why, it is so common for relatives abroad to send packages in “balikbayan” boxes. And it doesn’t stop in sending goods or packages because family in the Philippines think that you can afford to send those expensive goods (equivalent value in Peso), which mean you also have lots of money. Therefore, they speculate that relative in abroad has so many money, and its fine to ask money or ask help in monetary equivalent. They didn’t really realize that you just don’t pick money at the backyard and send it to them. All they could think is that dollars is way more than the value of pesos.

This is the social norm in Filipino culture that foreign spouse should understand. I didn’t say that the foreign spouse should accept the fact that it’s part of Filipino culture, but at least understand it, the way they understand the individuality of their Filipino spouse. And probably come up with a compromise in such a way that it didn’t hinder the progress of the relationship of being husband and wife.

Even my family asks me to send them something even though they could afford to buy on their own. It’s just the fact that stuff will come from USA, it always sound nice and better. And yes, my husband is one of the many Americans who understand this culture. It’s alright to him that I spend a bit much in sending packages to my family. But I set limitations, I let my family in the Philippines know that it doesn’t mean I can send them those packages; it’s alright to keep asking. I told them, I will only send packages when I can afford and when I have budget to do it.

I didn’t have any trouble in letting them understand me because even from the start, I let them know that my husband couldn’t afford to give so much and that we also have needs here in USA.

I probably suggest to Filipina abroad esp. here in USA, if you are caught between your desire to help your family in the Philippines and your husband’s understanding of the situation. It would probably okay, to say “No” to your family in the Philippines and let them know your real situation.

Okay, I am really getting sleepy, so I will try to add some more on this when I wake up later.

[Fashionista 0]

I only have couple of hours before I really feel so sleepy. LoL.

First of… please be inform that this post doesn’t intend to justify any inappropriate behavior of Filipinos. And also, I am hoping that this time, I will not spark any unpleasant words from others.

I observed since I became a member of this site that “sending money to the family” by a Filipina (I prefer Filipina because it’s common here) has been an issue here.

“Sending money or Helping family” in the Philippines is already considered a social norm in Philippine society; hence it’s already part of the Filipino culture. Filipinos have colonial mentality which also helps to establish this kind of culture. Most Filipinos think that anything coming from abroad esp. USA and Europe is great and always better than what they could get in the Philippines. That is why, it is so common for relatives abroad to send packages in “balikbayan” boxes. And it doesn’t stop in sending goods or packages because family in the Philippines think that you can afford to send those expensive goods (equivalent value in Peso), which mean you also have lots of money. Therefore, they speculate that relative in abroad has so many money, and its fine to ask money or ask help in monetary equivalent. They didn’t really realize that you just don’t pick money at the backyard and send it to them. All they could think is that dollars is way more than the value of pesos.

This is the social norm in Filipino culture that foreign spouse should understand. I didn’t say that the foreign spouse should accept the fact that it’s part of Filipino culture, but at least understand it, the way they understand the individuality of their Filipino spouse. And probably come up with a compromise in such a way that it didn’t hinder the progress of the relationship of being husband and wife.

Even my family asks me to send them something even though they could afford to buy on their own. It’s just the fact that stuff will come from USA, it always sound nice and better. And yes, my husband is one of the many Americans who understand this culture. It’s alright to him that I spend a bit much in sending packages to my family. But I set limitations, I let my family in the Philippines know that it doesn’t mean I can send them those packages; it’s alright to keep asking. I told them, I will only send packages when I can afford and when I have budget to do it.

I didn’t have any trouble in letting them understand me because even from the start, I let them know that my husband couldn’t afford to give so much and that we also have needs here in USA.

I probably suggest to Filipina abroad esp. here in USA, if you are caught between your desire to help your family in the Philippines and your husband’s understanding of the situation. It would probably okay, to say “No” to your family in the Philippines and let them know your real situation.

Okay, I am really getting sleepy, so I will try to add some more on this when I wake up later.

Agree!

[Operator 1,925]

"This is the social norm in Filipino culture that foreign spouse should understand. I didn’t say that the foreign spouse should accept the fact that it’s part of Filipino culture, but at least understand it, the way they understand the individuality of their Filipino spouse. And probably come up with a compromise in such a way that it didn’t hinder the progress of the relationship of being husband and wife."

adiiann you could replace Filipino with any other nationality in your comment above. These are very true words that all of us in multi-cultural relationships should try to comprehend.

I agree with you 100%.

[TravellingNomad 12]

i agree that it is the social norm...but i don't think you can call it part of anybody's culture (filipino/filipina or otherwise). our relatives back home just need to know where to draw the line.

for instance, my mom's siblings that are still in the Philippines. i took my parents with me when I went to see the wife and the kids earlier this year. my mom don't work, she has medical bills that she needs to take care of, etc. etc. etc. (which is part of growing old) and she's told her sibs that she does not work and has been unable to work for the past few years because of her knee replacements (both of them) due to an industrial injury. but did that sink in for them? did they understand what my mom said? of course not. when we came back, after a few weeks, everyone was asking her to send them money for this and that. and when my mom couldn't send them the full amount they were asking for, they started talking sh!t.

ok...a little off as far as relation and topic is concerned. but my 2 cents....it's more of attitude and perception than it being a culture.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Great thread and well thought out post!

There are layers to the issue though of giving financial help to family back in the Philippines and one of them is the danger of that help actually being more of a crutch than really helping. IMO, I think it is human nature (perhaps even animal nature) that we quickly become accustomed to receiving help. While I'm a firm believer in helping and being charitable, I'm also aware that even family members can abuse that charity. I think it is far more helpful to actually pay directly, whatever financial assistance they need - whether it's a mortgage/rent payment, utilities, medical bills, tuition, etc., rather than giving it all as unaccountable cash. If there is no accountability on their end, the temptation for many is too great, not to always use the money in the wisest way or what it was intended for. Giving a credit/debit card to them is one way to provide accountability because you can view their transactions. Helping family is a good thing and the right thing to do when they truly need help, but make them accountable for whatever financial help you are giving them. No one should ever be offended by having to be accountable.

[adiiann 163]

i agree that it is the social norm...but i don't think you can call it part of anybody's culture (filipino/filipina or otherwise). our relatives back home just need to know where to draw the line.

for instance, my mom's siblings that are still in the Philippines. i took my parents with me when I went to see the wife and the kids earlier this year. my mom don't work, she has medical bills that she needs to take care of, etc. etc. etc. (which is part of growing old) and she's told her sibs that she does not work and has been unable to work for the past few years because of her knee replacements (both of them) due to an industrial injury. but did that sink in for them? did they understand what my mom said? of course not. when we came back, after a few weeks, everyone was asking her to send them money for this and that. and when my mom couldn't send them the full amount they were asking for, they started talking sh!t.

ok...a little off as far as relation and topic is concerned. but my 2 cents....it's more of attitude and perception than it being a culture.

Hi! I still think that your situation has a little bit relation to this culture and also common “family attitude”. Many Filipinos think that if you can afford to go abroad means you have money and it doesn’t matter whether you are earning or not. It’s really sad, but your mom probably let her siblings depend on her all the time, which probably results them to becoming a bum. It’s so common in the Philippines, and I guess most of the Filipino families experience it, you are not alone. LoL. Talking ***t when they couldn’t get what they wanted, it is so common.

But what I can say is that, at the common ground, its Filipino culture to help their families. But it’s up to the provider on how to set their limitation, and handle the situation.

[RVIANE♛ 5]

Hi! I still think that your situation has a little bit relation to this culture and also common "family attitude". Many Filipinos think that if you can afford to go abroad means you have money and it doesn't matter whether you are earning or not. It's really sad, but your mom probably let her siblings depend on her all the time, which probably results them to becoming a bum. It's so common in the Philippines, and I guess most of the Filipino families experience it, you are not alone. LoL. Talking ***t when they couldn't get what they wanted, it is so common.

But what I can say is that, at the common ground, its Filipino culture to help their families. But it's up to the provider on how to set their limitation, and handle the situation.

i can relate on this.... this is happening to me now LMAO

[TravellingNomad 12]

Hi! I still think that your situation has a little bit relation to this culture and also common “family attitude”. Many Filipinos think that if you can afford to go abroad means you have money and it doesn’t matter whether you are earning or not. It’s really sad, but your mom probably let her siblings depend on her all the time, which probably results them to becoming a bum. It’s so common in the Philippines, and I guess most of the Filipino families experience it, you are not alone. LoL. Talking ***t when they couldn’t get what they wanted, it is so common.

But what I can say is that, at the common ground, its Filipino culture to help their families. But it’s up to the provider on how to set their limitation, and handle the situation.

oh my goodness..TUMPAK KA KAPATID!!

it is just so crazy because i was just talking to my mom earlier. my sister told my that my cousin that works in Taiwan was asking her and my aunt for $ for her ticket to fly to Canada. i was like #######?!?! what happened to the money she's making over there? because she sure does act like she's a model in her FB pictures showing off the new clothes she had just bought.

nakaka-asar lang kse i know my mom's situation so i give her spending money so she can buy herself things...and then i find out, she sends money to these people that don't even appreciate them. me and my sibs told our mom...if she doesn't stop doing that to the money we give to her, her allowance from us kids will definitely stop. it has worked for the most part. i just better not find out she sent money she needs so that my cousin can have airfare.