Ukrainian Couples... What did you bring?

[AKguy 1]

I just get tired of saying that's how its done here.

Time after time after time.

My newest "that's how it's done here", has moved on to weddings!... "But, that's how it's done here!"

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

You were right on with that Gary. Sure, we may make a lot of money in comparison to Ukraine or Russia, but our costs are outrageous too. It's like, welcome to America, now open your wallet.

It has been a trying time to get my wife to understand that making good money and having good money are two different things. This is where we try like heck to explain it to them. Just had to tell her the car license on the sedan is due. She asks how much and for how long. Why do we need to pay every year if we still have the same car?

I just get tired of saying that's how its done here.

Alla arrived on a Thursday and I had mentioned I get paid on Friday's. So the next morning she asks"So where is the money?" I showed her...by opening my online access to the ban account. "There, see, it is deposited automatically at midnight"

But where is the MONEY????????????????? Of course, then she thinks we REALLY don;t make all that much money. Anyway, it took a while, but she finally understands all that, or at least gave up on trying to figure it out. She still refers cash. Bascially, as long as she gets what she needs and what we plan for, plus some cahs to go have coffee with her friends, or a manicure...she is happy. she makes a little money herself in her various endevours and that is her "play money". It all worked out.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Sounds like a pretty common theme. As my wife gains greater understanding of what living here is all about, there seems to be less and less trouble getting the financial stuff. It was both stressful and amusing to watch here ping-pong from "we are rich" and "we are poor" early on. I found that it helped to get her involved early in the bills and accounts. She still doesn't solo with finances, but she comes back to me with better questions every month. The whole concept of mailing a check was new (why not just go to the office or bank and pay that bill?). Because that is the way it works here sweetie.

[1HappyGuy 45]

I know we got a little off topic here, but I hope you newbies are taking notes. We are dealing with perceptions that our significant other has been told for years about Americans. The reality just doesn't sink in well. I tried having my wife pay a month's worth of bills from her checking account. It didn't make much sense to her and she like so many others did not think paying by mail was a safe way to pay. I didn't even try to explain the concept of float on our money to earn a few extra pennies. But, nowadays there isn't even a few extra pennies to be earned while waiting for the check to clear.

By the way, AKguy must be pretty busy cleaning the house this weekend. His honey arrives on Monday.

Yahoo to AKguy. It's been a long wait but she's almost here. :dance: :dance:

[AKguy 1]

Yay me! *scrub scub scub* woohoo!! *scrub scrub scrub* woooo... ooo... She told me not to clean! "The way your place looked last time I was there was good!" it took me weeks to get it that clean...

And she gets here Tuesday!

[slim 1,514]

We have a lot of drama over money. I'm a firm believer in the biggest "this is how it's done here" of all, and that is - she pays her fair share.

[Brad and Vika 129]

We have a lot of drama over money. I'm a firm believer in the biggest "this is how it's done here" of all, and that is - she pays her fair share.

I can only imagine the hysterics in my house at the mere suggestion...

[slim 1,514]

I can only imagine the hysterics in my house at the mere suggestion...

It's not pretty. But through our endless battle of attrition I think I'm starting to wear her down.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I know we got a little off topic here, but I hope you newbies are taking notes. We are dealing with perceptions that our significant other has been told for years about Americans. The reality just doesn't sink in well. I tried having my wife pay a month's worth of bills from her checking account. It didn't make much sense to her and she like so many others did not think paying by mail was a safe way to pay. I didn't even try to explain the concept of float on our money to earn a few extra pennies. But, nowadays there isn't even a few extra pennies to be earned while waiting for the check to clear.

By the way, AKguy must be pretty busy cleaning the house this weekend. His honey arrives on Monday.

Yahoo to AKguy. It's been a long wait but she's almost here. :dance: :dance:

I gave up on explainining the "float" besides it is not what it used to be and I never write a check until I have money to cover it anyway. But I DID have to explain why our checkbook said one thing and the bank statement said another (the float)AlsomI use an accrual method which really drives her nuts!

She did the bills with me for a while, claimed she understood and stopped. Now she just takes some cash and doesn't touch the checking account. If she runs across something"big" she will call me. Today, for example, she found a super deal on a washing machine at a clearence sale at Lowe's, $200 for a machine originally priced at $1080! It has some scratches and dents...so what? It goes in the basement utility room! She called me and asked if she can use the debit card...YOU BET!

I can only imagine the hysterics in my house at the mere suggestion...

Maybe we should have married Russians Brad. Alla would quickly point out that her "fair share" was not necessarily paid in cash!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yay me! *scrub scub scub* woohoo!! *scrub scrub scrub* woooo... ooo... She told me not to clean! "The way your place looked last time I was there was good!" it took me weeks to get it that clean...

And she gets here Tuesday!

I am not sure a house is EVER "too clean" for a Ukrainian. Despite my best efforts the first thing Alla did was spend about 3 weeks cleaning our house!

Good Luck, Shawn. We understand if you are not around VJ so much for a while.

[slim 1,514]

Alla would quickly point out that her "fair share" was not necessarily paid in cash!

My wife pulls the same ####### but I remind her CitiBank won't necessarily accept her payment.

[Brad and Vika 129]

My wife pulls the same ####### but I remind her CitiBank won't necessarily accept her payment.

The concept of barter is still alive and well Vika used to talk about moving away from her family and a great job as figuring into the equation somehow. That got old after awhile. Now I have to talk her out of goofy temp jobs in unsafe areas that her balloon-headed best GF is constantly advising her to try.

Oh #######! That reminds me, aforementioned balloon head is due back from Ukraine next week. My days of peace are almost over.

[slim 1,514]

The concept of barter is still alive and well Vika used to talk about moving away from her family and a great job as figuring into the equation somehow.

When my wife talks about us being broke I like to remind her how quickly we went through all that money she brought with her when she came here and how she worked to the bone to save and stack up all the millions of bucks she brought in her suitcase. Since she showed up with nothing, the conversation usually ends pretty quickly, even after the same tactic of trying to remind me she left all that good stuff behind. "If it was so good, why didn't you bring all your savings with you?"

That got old after awhile. Now I have to talk her out of goofy temp jobs in unsafe areas that her balloon-headed best GF is constantly advising her to try.

Hey, at least her GF is advising her to work and she's considering it. My wife's GF just laid down cash for a condo after busting her @$$ and saving for the last four years. What's my wife's reply? "I have husband who supposed to buy for me."

Oh #######! That reminds me, aforementioned balloon head is due back from Ukraine next week. My days of peace are almost over.

Start planning now!

[Brad and Vika 129]

When my wife talks about us being broke I like to remind her how quickly we went through all that money she brought with her when she came here and how she worked to the bone to save and stack up all the millions of bucks she brought in her suitcase. Since she showed up with nothing, the conversation usually ends pretty quickly, even after the same tactic of trying to remind me she left all that good stuff behind. "If it was so good, why didn't you bring all your savings with you?"

I hear you. Vika had no savings to speak of, but I gather that your wife was making Western World good money before. I also think that the term "good stuff" is pretty subjective to start with, and subject to change without notice. Er, I mean subject to change by her as each conversation dictates For all of that, we are still both very happy with the situation, and she will resume class and look for a job (or think about looking) when she comes back from Ukraine this fall. I have zero problems with her working, but would prefer she have decent hours and work in a safe place. Since balloon head (I mentioned her GF earlier) does as she pleases with almost no help or guidance from her husband, sometimes she passes goofy ideas around, and spirited discussions occur in our house. Less and less of that as time goes by, and Vika sees the situation clearly. It just takes time to get the lay of the land.

Edited July 25, 2010 by Brad and Vika

[slim 1,514]

I gather that your wife was making Western World good money before.

No. However, she was used to being wined and dined by men who chauffeured her around in Mercedes and BMWs, took her to the finest restaurants, and showered her with lavish gifts of cash and jewelry (none of which she brought with her either).

According to her, that's what her husband is supposed to be doing now.

I also think that the term "good stuff" is pretty subjective to start with, and subject to change without notice. Er, I mean subject to change by her as each conversation dictates

I like to remind her "good stuff" is a lot easier to procure with two people working toward the payments.

spirited discussions occur in our house. Less and less of that as time goes by, and Vika sees the situation clearly. It just takes time to get the lay of the land.

What's really cool about my wife's BFF is she's a super hard worker and has saved a whole bunch of money over the last few years. I ask my wife why she doesn't work as hard as that girl and she says, "I have husband who is supposed to be pay for this stuff." I add, "but can you only imagine if you had all that money to add to my money? Think of all the stuff we could have then!"

So far, it's not fazing her but as time wears on (and she's paying more and more of the bills since I'm unemployed) I think she's starting to see how much money we really have when we're both working full-time. Yes, when one person pays ALL the bills, there really isn't a whole lot left over, is there?

Balloon headed girlfriends might not be good for some things, but the one thing they're really good for is positive reinforcement. "I wish I had a husband who helped me pay for all this. I can only imagine if all my money was added to all your husband's money. Wow!"

Now that gets 'em thinking!