Divorce affect on current visa

[thongd4me 69]

Hi, I've been married to a philippina for 2.5 years, she just recently was able to come over in Dec 2009. Turns out she apparently doesn't want to stay married to such a degree, we haven't been intimate and there's been no sign of affection from her since she arrived.

If I file for divorce and it goes through, will her visa be revoked?

I'm assuming that she already has a 2year green card and has filed for or about to file for lifting conditions.

Better to not assume anything but fill in your timeline.

There is already a pinned thread on this topic - see Effects of Major Family Changes forum.

[BinhJerome 14]

Ask yourself this question. DO YOU LOVE HER? If you still do, then you have to figure out a way to have her fall in love with you. Maybe it is to late, maybe not. If you force your hand you have lost. Maybe she did move here for all the wrong reasons, but guess what she is here, and you cant go back in time, all you can do is go forward, nothing we can do to help. Either cut your losses, or try to take her on a date, in the 2 1/2 years what did you learn about her? What does she like to do? What movies does she like? Favorite foods? These things can help if you want to start a relationship with her. I dont care if you look like Brad Pit or Jaba Da Hut from star wars, you cant force love and intimacy, if you want that get a hooker, but if you want love you have to work at it, so if you still care for her, make her life here easy, dont confront her and give her altimatums, it never works in your favor. Think of it as a new beginning, try a date or two, give her a reason to want to come live with you, and stop trying to pressure her. No means no even when you are married, so if when she was living with you and if not saying you were, but IF you kept trying to be intamate that would be a turn off, so no matter how you look it isnt going to go well. There were mistakes made by you, mostly by you in your decision to get married and file for a visa, trying to blame her for her family pressuring her is not right, be a man recognize your mistakes, it was not all your fault, but to try and blame her now is just not fair. My friends that were critics of me finding love in a different country, this is what I told them. If the woman is smart enough to fool me and she leaves me when she gets here, good for her. If I am to ignorant to see through the sham, good for her. If I catch her running a scam, back she goes! So guess what, you didnt catch her, so good for her, now deal with what you have, and that is a love for a woman that at this point does not feel the same. Think of it like a prize at the end of the tunnel, or remember your school days, wasnt there a girl that you wanted to go out with and she never would give you the time of day? I did, and guess what I ended up finding out about her, and even ended up going out with her, I changed her point of view about me, but I did not do that by pressure tactics. I did it by being a man. So be a man, grow up and think about what is most important to you, and remember you CANNOT change the past, so let it go or it will eat you alive. Good Luck Jerome

[thongd4me 69]

We were married in the philippines and she arrived here in Dec 2009 on a K3 visa. Not a fiance visa ( K1 ).

I do love her, but from what she is saying, she was pressured into marrying me by her family members for financial reasons, and that being said, I blame her as well for going along with it. I met her thru her aunt who has been married to a friend of mine for 10 years, and when I went there to marry her, she "claimed" it was love.

Since she's been here though, she's shown me no real affection and most days it's like she doesn't even want to be in the same room. Also, we've not been intimate since she arrived and she doesn't even like me to touch her. btw - I'm not some ugly looking dude, I'm have way decent... lol

Her cousin also lives nearby ( who is illegal ) and she has moved to her cousin's house. Now I asked her if this was just a seperation or is her intention to never come back. All she'll say is "let's see where this takes us..."

My fear is that she's not directly answering the question because she's afraid I'll divorce her and it will impact her visa.

Believe me there is nothing I would prefer than to stay married to her. But keep in mind that my kindness has been taken advantage of here and I'm very hurt because of it.

My deepest sympathies for her behavior.

I was married to a Japanese woman who pretty much did the same thing.

She married me to get away from a domineering mother, not because she was in love.

Maybe she thought it was love at first too but she couldn't escape her real nature which

was to always be angry for no apparent reason. She was becoming her mother actually.

Don't blame yourself, just suck it up and move on. Don't worry about her immigration status

as depending on what her status is now she will be able to stay as a PM indefinitely or

be forced to return to her country. I'll let others give you advice on that

If she continues to stay you will most likely have to pay some kind of alimony

as divorce courts do not consider immigration status in their proceedings.

Since you were married for such a short time, the alimony awarded should not be that much.

A reasonable price to pay for a lesson learned.

I was fooled once and my ex wife does have a 10-yr GC which I can do nothing about.

However I learned from my mistakes and currently am very happy with my Thai wife.

We support and trust each other and didn't expect the other to change after marriage.

What you see is what you get and that's what you have to live with.

If you don't like it, it's best to cut your losses and move on.

[thongd4me 69]

There are more helpful ways of offering advice to the OP than to make judgmental comments about their relationship. Please refrain from unhelpful comments - as Johnny Quest said, the OP didn't come here for a lecture.

Yes, there's something to be said about the OP being guilty of "enabling" an SO's bad behavior,

but I agree with K that may have been a harsh way to put it. Some of the best of us are guilty of

enabling bad behavior in our blood relatives as well as the relatives we choose. The smartest

people have fallen into that trap, as I have. The best thing is to recognize this and stop enabling.

If the SO can agree to counseling, the bad behavior could possibly be reversed, but as in my case

the only option was to divorce as she wouldn't help herself or be helped by me or anyone.

http://www.bpdcentral.com/bks/swoe.php

Edited May 19, 2010 by thongd4me

[Otto 83]

** Topic may be better suited in Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits (rather than K-3 Proc.); moving thread there.

[pushbrk 12,092]

I'm assuming that she already has a 2year green card and has filed for or about to file for lifting conditions.

Better to not assume anything but fill in your timeline.

There is already a pinned thread on this topic - see Effects of Major Family Changes forum.

Re-reading the original post, it appears she entered the USA right about at the 2 year mark of their marriage. If it was a day after their second anniversary, it would be a ten year green card. Either way, it's the card, not the visa that will determine whether there's ANY potential change in her immigration status resulting from a divorce. If she has a ten year card, divorce has no impact on her immigration status whatsoever.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Answer 1st...No AOS filed..she is probably gone after your divorced...AOS filed..she probably stays unless your claims of fraud are considered....If you forced her out of your house..you will probably be paying for her sustenance after her attorney is finished with you (did you consider that? ultimatum was well played?). You did swear an oath of support. Remember that affidavit of support thingy?

(Unwanted) observations 2nd...I think this thread should have been titled- I got screwed and I'm pissed! ..no wait...how bout...I'm NOT getting screwed and I'm pissed! LOL

Doesn't it always seem that an Ultimatum makes some1 feel all warm, fuzzy and safe.? I wonder who got that special feeling of serenity when you layed down your ultimatum..? (I'm guessing..her) Working the way you planned? Mission accomplished?

And.. then, there's the (almighty) visa. That visa is 1 hell of a trump card isn't it? Yep...gives that ultimatum a real bite. I mean...what good is an ultimatum without a negative consequence backing it?

(I am a big fan of ..."I" statements.

Example: "I" am not happy in this relationship because "I" (insert your reasons here).... So, "I" need us to talk and work this out 2gether...otherwise, "I" think it's best "I" end this charade and "I" should consult an attorney regarding divorce and the possible effects on immigration status.)

Isn't that (really) what this is all about? She got a visa and you got screwed?..well...sort of..?

Scammers scammers scammers...hate those nasty little boogers...I think you owe that Aunt and your friend a giant.. Thank you! Seems very cold hearted that your friend would stand back and watch you be victimized. I'm a little confused by that..hmmmm...something smells a little fishy.

I am curious, please,..is the cousin a man or a woman? Oh, why bother...it's all pretty mute anyway....

Good Luck!