Long Distance Relationships....

[MRStee 19]

Just wondering, on other people experiences that have survived the 3 year mark after POE, who already have gone through AOS and their better half has already obtained Citizenship.

Been thinking how many relationship have survived after that point in some "Long Distance Relationships" or some of us just buying time? (very expensive time to say the least!!!)

I am sure there are always happy stories with being happily ever after.....

Interest to hear both the good and the sad one too....

because I am starting to have serious about L. D. R....in general.

Thanks

I will also say this to people who are about to realize their dream. I am very happy for you, it is about as wonderful a thing that can happen to anyone. I will also say you are now getting to the hard part. Not the easy part, you thought the hard part was being apart, the hard part is being together. Your new spouse will need you like no one ever needed you before. This is especially true if they are not native English speaking people and especially if they are from other than English based cultures. I always imagine that new spouses from Canada or Australia or UK have it easier, maybe not.

Alla spoke good English when she arrived, but it was still a problem. People talk too fast, use slang and idioms she doesn't understand, and YOU do not even realize they are saying. She had to learn to drive, balance a checkbook, check her bank account online. Ukrainians for the most part do not use modern banking systems. The get paid cash and the money they have is the cash in their hand or what is stashed in a book or under the mattress. When they want to know how much money they have...they take it out and count it. There is just a huge difference in how we function than many other cultures. It is not a cultural thing, it is not a traditional thing, it is just a different way to do the same thing. They have to learn where to shop, where to buy what, how to get to different places, find a doctor, find a dentist, discover new friends and acquaintances. It is a very challenging time and requires the patience of a Saint. Add children into the mix and it is a whole 'nother ball game.

So, after all this process, not knowing what's going on with USCIS etc. NOW will be the time your patience is truly put to the test. When it is just remeber how much you wnet through to get them here, how many times you wished you were together. Never forget that part and you will be fine. It gets easier day by day, month by month. You will see.

Great advice!!!

[jundp 191]

LDR is not casual dating. Time apart can be very stressful. I agree about total trust being required.

What is really nice is that an American man can find a traditional woman overseas. I think there are only about a dozen traditional American women left in America, and those are already taken

Good luck in your search, and take your time to make sure you have found the right one. Good thing about int'l search is that there are plenty to choose from, and that a mature American man is a treasure to the foreign girl, and she is just waiting to pamper you and make you feel like the king you are!

It's nice to know that no matter how long I stay away from VJ, some attitudes will always remain the same. And cause great amusement.

[marklovetina 52]

Long Distance Relationship- full of sacrifices on both side.... but there should be a timeframe that one day u will be together... me and fiance is on this too.... and we are really giving efforts to work things out on us.... very stressful but after the waiting all will be fine.... and were looking forward on this.... to live happy and still full of love.... :star:

[Arabella 4]

I had two serious relationships prior to my LDR. In those relationships, we were so busy making out and being all caught up in physical attraction stuff that I didn't notice how incompatible we were! For example, those two were jocks, and hadn't read one book between them! They didn't have anything in common with me, and I thought "opposites attract."

Well, those relationships failed, and here I am in love with my Canadian who knows me better than my ex's ever did. We have similar interests and spend hours talking, reading, sharing, playing our favorite games together, etc. I know that he likes me for who I am, and not just because of physical attraction. Let's face it, if our relationship was only physical, we would have moved on by now.

My LDR had really challenged us to evaluate ourselves and make sure this is what we want and that it is worth it.

[pdcvcc 0]

I had two serious relationships prior to my LDR. In those relationships, we were so busy making out and being all caught up in physical attraction stuff that I didn't notice how incompatible we were! For example, those two were jocks, and hadn't read one book between them! They didn't have anything in common with me, and I thought "opposites attract."

Well, those relationships failed, and here I am in love with my Canadian who knows me better than my ex's ever did. We have similar interests and spend hours talking, reading, sharing, playing our favorite games together, etc. I know that he likes me for who I am, and not just because of physical attraction. Let's face it, if our relationship was only physical, we would have moved on by now.

My LDR had really challenged us to evaluate ourselves and make sure this is what we want and that it is worth it.

Totally agree with you. It is wonderful to not only love someone but truly like them. I believe the LDR helped build a solid foundation between us.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

My Husband and I were online friends two years before we were formally engaged online. lol. Then it took another nine months in engagement before I worked my way to where I could afford plane tickets to Egypt. Considering all of our circumstances we followed our hearts and got married. Now it's been nearly 3 years of marriage apart making that five years of having an online relationship with this man with three of that married to each other. We're still waiting for his visa. It's very hard. I was just saying to others in another thread this visa process sucks and makes people insane. I've been there a few times myself and the fees, paper work, hassle, delays, and unknowing doesn't stop until they become citizens. The rules of relationships change when it's long distance and online. People have to adjust in this modern day committed online partnership. We are kind of pioneers in that regard because the internet is only 40 years old since it's invention on October 29. I just learned that Friday in my computer science class! lol

If you are having doubts all I can say is that only the people involved in the relationship really know the truth of what goes on between each other. Without trust there is no foundation for love. If one is having doubts and one feels comfortable talking with their partner then it can be worked out. Examine what is yours and what is theirs. If you are just feeling insecure or if there is validity to your doubts. If you can talk with your partner then you can communicate you voice and work it out but that can't be done until you pin point what is bothering you and address it. Marriages take work in the beginning and mistrust can be overcome. It's nice to have total trust and if at one point you lost it know that it can be regained again. That's about all I have.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

In this case you would be correct, there is no love lost here AND I happened to be an English major in college. Just saying.....too

You have proven my point exactly. Thank you. You are NOT one of the two tradtional wives in Mississippi, but you would nag in proper English. I suppose that is something, but a Russian accent is sooooooooo sexy.

[Krikit 1,163]

Moving from K-1 Process to the Moving to America forum.

[Arabella 4]

In this case you would be correct, there is no love lost here AND I happened to be an English major in college. Just saying.....too

Your academic excellence is indeed impressive. But that makes things even more deadly. You may not be able to help but correct your man's English, grammar and even semantics.

My coworker recently had to break up with a great guy (she thought), because one day at a fancy happy hour place, she found herself correcting his English. "How can this be", she said. "This is a happy hour, and I am focusing on correcting his English. Something is wrong with this picture and relationship."

She knew that was the end, and that it would never work out. She broke up with him the following weekend, after consulting with friends.

I'll say it again: "Correcting your SO's English and grammar is a major red flag and indicator regarding the health of the relationship. It is the epitome of nagdom that nags will not be able to recognize or admit."

Let's be kind and loving out there, people. Let little quirks and annoyances go unspoken, and instead try to fill your SO's heart with love and warmth. Make him feel special and loved, not nagged and defeated 'cause no one wins then.

Peace

My mom was an English teacher, so I grew up being corrected all the time. When I was a teen and in my early 20s, I thought I was being *helpful* by correcting people's grammar. I thought that they'd appreciate it! I was shocked to find out that no one liked to be corrected! So I just let people make their own mistakes, and I make a few of my own as well. ;p

[missmissy 38]

For the record, all I did was fix a spelling error, I didn't correct anyone's grammar. I was trying to be funny and still point out that I live in Mississippi and can read. I didn't correct anyone's grammar.

[MonkeyJuice 3]

LDR is not casual dating. Time apart can be very stressful. I agree about total trust being required.

What is really nice is that an American man can find a traditional woman overseas. I think there are only about a dozen traditional American women left in America, and those are already taken

Good luck in your search, and take your time to make sure you have found the right one. Good thing about int'l search is that there are plenty to choose from, and that a mature American man is a treasure to the foreign girl, and she is just waiting to pamper you and make you feel like the king you are!

It's nice to know that no matter how long I stay away from VJ, some attitudes will always remain the same. And cause great amusement.

I can't work out if he's really being serious or if he's a troll!

[Ndrangeta_one 0]

Thank you all for the response to the topic, it surely made some interesting reading.....

I understand that most of us start with the best intentions but sometime (like everything else in life!) the results are NOT what we except or we hoped for..... maybe due to the distance or cultural difference, i thought it may be a greater gamble.

[MonkeyJuice 3]

Thank you all for the response to the topic, it surely made some interesting reading.....

I understand that most of us start with the best intentions but sometime (like everything else in life!) the results are NOT what we except or we hoped for..... maybe due to the distance or cultural difference, i thought it may be a greater gamble.

Or maybe you live in a dreamworld??

[Susita 175]

Just responding to some previous posts about 'traditional' women.

I hope the majority is aware that in our society, it is near impossible for a middle-class family to own a home, pay all the bills, and provide your children with all of the things that they need while only one of the two in the relationship work. For some due to higher salaries or lower costs of living, it is possible. I wish I was one of those people. I would love to stay home with my kids. Financially, it isn't feasible for us.

My husband and I share the responsibilities of the household because we both work full-time. You would think that for a man from a traditional south american culture, it would be a big deal for him to give the kids a bath or clean up sometimes. But he's happy to do it. (I do the majority of the cooking though )

Long Distance Relationships are difficult. But I have to say, ours was well worth it. It all depends on the people who are in it... and how they feel about each other.

[meowmeowmeow 0]

it takes a lot out of you, this relationship. it is hard and most people can't survive them, or dont really get to "know" the person they are in this LTR with until they are actually together. that's another rough thing. i'd say make sure that this person is the real deal and you both are strong enough to deal with the sorrows that accompany being apart and then do it...otherwise, forget it...

for me, it's been very painful but worth it....i wanted to marry someone from my cultural background and this was one of the few ways i could...