Surviving the distance

[HoneyandSonny 0]

Hi everybody, I left my husband in lebanon earlier this week and its been really hard trying to adjust back to life here. Its just that I was so use to him being there with me everyday and now hes gone. I just want to get on a plane and go back to him...anyway, I know that many of you guys have gone through this already. How do you make your love survive the distance? For me it just doesn't feel the same without him and now I feel so far away from him.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

you do your filing now for the case as soon as you can, start making plans for his arrival, look ahead and keep busy and keep in touch everyday on here with others doing the same thing

[prince+angel 3]

I agree - keep in touch with VJ & connect with hubby as much as you can! Discuss & plan your future together - short term & long term, complete some things maybe you put off for awhile. Each day gets abit easier but it does take time & you'll both manage through it together. Just dont let the "process" become your relationship - I've seen that happen and it adds unnecessary stress to a extraordinarily long distance marriage.

I think you were in Lebanon for some time, had an opportunity to start your lives together and now have to seperate for just a little while. Just keep in mind there is an end reult where the best is still yet to come

[CasandraYounes 0]

I am one that is all too familiar with this....it was hard when I had to leave my husband not once, but four times. I felt like I had gotten so used to him and his family because I stayed months at a time during breaks. The last time was the most difficult for me because it was not like I had something else to keep me focused. After I graduated college this year, I felt like ok what do I do now other than look for a job. I didn't have school anymore to keep all of my attention. Its like a mini depression just swarms in. What do I do now? What do we do now as women in these difficult situations?

Like others have said, keep connecting with VJ. It helps to put your feelings out there and know that others are feeling the same way. Find positive activities to become involved in that you might have done and don't anymore or that you would like to, I started reading books again, watching movies, and make it a point to at least email when the other half is busy. Communication is key. Keep it there because once it starts lacking, believe me, that loneliness starts taking control.

Stacy, I loved your comment about not letting the process become your relationship. This past month, I think that is what bothered Aziz and I so much. Talking so much about the process and what needs to get done is stressful. After a while, my husband just said enough with this process, I don't want to hear about it for a couple of days. Thats what we did. Took a little NVC vacation. Though not for everyone, but take a little time-out sometimes.

Like everyone, you will make it, trust that your relationship is strong and can withhold whatever the distance may be. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers and hope that the journey it takes for you to be reunited is not a long one.

Take care

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

The ladies above give some great advice. I too know how you feel. I feel like a peice of me is missing. I am not myself, that's for sure. No, it's not easy. I cry alot, but I try to stay positive and keep God close to me. I know our day will come that we will be together as a family. Anyhow, I love the people here on VJ they are very supporting. Whenever you need a shoulder to cry on....come to VJ we'll be here for ya dear. Hugs!

[christeen 966]

Seperation can be a difficult thing, especially early in a marriage/relationship. I have been married to my husband, who is from Italy for 6 years and we have been together for 9 years. In all that time, we have been constantly moving and in motion. I will share some of what I have learned over these past years as it relates to seperation and the challanges and the joy.

My husband was an officer on a cruise ship and I lived in Florida. I was a passenger and he was an officer and it was love at first sight. For the entire relationship we were faced with extensive time apart. His schedule was 4 -5 months onboard the ship and then 2 months off. Many times his port was all over the world. I tried to go onboard with him every 6 weeks or so and we spent every moment of his vacations together, mostly in Italy so he could visit his family. In the meantime, I have had medical probelms and have had to have 2 total hip replacements and my husband has loved and supported me through them 100%. But this caused us a lot of time apart with him on the ship and me laid up and in a wheelchair and learning to walk again. But he was always my rock, even when he could not be by my side at every moment.

So believe me, I understand feeling apart and alone. He decided last year to start looking for a job in USA and in April he finally found one here in South Florida!! He decided that he had enough and wanted to live a "normal" life with me on land and in april we started this GC process so he could come over here and live with me.

Since starting this process, it has been difficult not to be consumed by it. We went for years through months of seperation at a time, yet, because we feel that we are so close to realizing our new life finally living together as one, this seperation seems the hardest.

But my husband and I are more in love today than we were 9 years ago. Our seperations and challanges have only proven to reinforce how much we enjoy spending time together and how strong our love is for each other.I believe in part because we know how precious being together is and not to take it for granted. During our tim apart, we have also matured as individuals and both come to the table now with different yet enriching experiences that we share with each other. Yes, throughout the years there have been cultural and language "misunderstandings", but now we laugh about most of them. We are exact opposites yet that seems to balance us, what I am good at, he sucks at and vice versa... We are a very great team.

Just remember, as I try to keep in mind too while going through this mess, that things will not always be this way. We try not to constantly talk about the process and let it dominate our conversations, because #1, we do not have any control over it and #2, It will come to an end someday (hopefully soon) and you want to be sure you have other things to talk about and share when this process is no longer the main topic of discussion.

I guess, from someone who has experienced many years together in a semi long-distance and very hectic marriage, keep up the connections and keep each other as part of your lives, seperate as they seem, and once you are both settled in the USA and living together, this experience will be a huge bond as something you have faced and overcome together. Most people do not have to fight so much for a marriage and thus never share the same bond as facing these challanges will be.

I just pray that they soon approve our petition and we can move on and start a new decade together under a single roof. My hope to all those on the VJ and best of luck!

Thanks and all the best...

[Bajih 4]

I feel for you! It is hard- I have never been with my fiance' except for the few days I met him in Syria. It has been a year now.

I do not know what it would be like if I had been living with him and then had to come back alone.

Long distance relationships are hard- regardless of the circumstances.

How to keep on- Keep yourself busy. Get out of the house. Do things; go places; get involved in classes or the community. Make sure to leave him texts or emails throughout the day. Buy yourself a webcam if you haven't already and talk to him/see him each day. This is my lifeline. (one that was cut short tonight when the power went out yet AGAIN in Syria! argh!) Ship off little surprises if you can. (not sure if you can ship things to Lebanon) There is just no easy way around it- he is there; and you are here. It will take some adjustment. Give yourself time. I am sure you are going through all kinds of emotions- lonely, afraid, angry, depressed,... just know that it is all normal and that you WILL be okay.

Pray, pray, pray.

..and if at any time you feel it is too much; or too overwhelming; or you just need to feel like there are others out there like you- come to this site. It is a source of comfort. Please know that all of us are here to help support you. We are just a big MENA network of caring souls.

I am thinking about you.

Baj

Edited July 27, 2009 by Bajih

[sara535 15]

some good advice here already - I'll add my 2 cents.

Keep busy, and DONT watch the clock. Counting the days only makes each one longer. I told myself at the beginning it was going to be a long time, I looked at all the comparable timetables for the service centers and then I added a month and just settled in for the wait. its the whole 'watched pot' thing......