privacy between married couple

[GregwedsAngel 0]

his mom talked to me about this and told me that i should relax since the girl who keeps on bugging him is in the Philippines. i told her that it doesn't follow that just because the girl is not in US, i'm already safe from infidelity. she asked me to give my husband more time adjusting in our new life sine we're only 3 months married. she also added that my husband is not used to share everything since he is only child. (i really don't know what to feel after our conversation. ofcourse she's the mom of my hubby.. she'll defend him no matter what.)

i'm pretty sure that the nude pics are not spam. i already have a copy of the nude pics and the email address of the girl. i emailed her about this and ofcourse, as expected she's not replying. (i also find it weird that the girl uses 2 different names)

i talked with my husband and told him that i can't forget what happened. it even haunts me in my dreams. he said that i'm his wife and he married me, that simply means, he wants me, not the girl. i answered him that marrying me is not a proof that he won't cheat on me.

while browsing his email, i also checked his facebook and friendster, and saw the name of the girl is blocked. he assured me that he's not cheating on me. but how can i have my peace of mind if he won't give me his passwords? i don't know if i still have to push him to give me his codes. i don't want to have another argument.

i don't know if i should be regretful that i invaded his "online privacy". i know it's bad but what if i'm still completely clueless about it? what will happen to me and in our relationship?

i told him that i left my family and job in Philippines just to be with him and i don't deserve to be treated like this. i rather go home if he'll just fool around. but he begged not to leave him.

i love him and i know he loves me too. but why is this happening to us? i thought that we'll be living in a perfect world. is there a such? (i know, this is the bad effect of reading too much fairy tales.)

i'm so confused, i trusted him so much that i never expected this coming. i really don't know what to do. my mind says not to trust fully and dig for more info until i reach my peace of mind. but my heart says, take all the risk and give him another chance. i know he's a good man, just a bit childish.

i prayed to God to give me a sign. should i stay or should i go? 2 days after the confrontation, i received a letter with our interview appointment. i don't know if i should take this as His sign.

The red marks... read: mommy's boy

The purple marks... read: isn't chancing upon what you uncovered a sign?

Your call... either you put your foot down or you put your foot down What does he do for a living anyway?

I am terribly appalled by his mother's response to you! She seems to be a classic fit of a woman who

hinges her self esteem on the approval of her man! TSK TSK TSK

[chinese_mutt 11]

his mom talked to me about this and told me that i should relax since the girl who keeps on bugging him is in the Philippines. i told her that it doesn't follow that just because the girl is not in US, i'm already safe from infidelity. she asked me to give my husband more time adjusting in our new life sine we're only 3 months married. she also added that my husband is not used to share everything since he is only child. (i really don't know what to feel after our conversation. ofcourse she's the mom of my hubby.. she'll defend him no matter what.)

-Married for 3 months and you're already having this problem? The "only child" explanation could be true too. Most importantly, why didn't you two ever talked about what the other person considered "cheating"? My husband and I talked about this long before we decided to get married and I got the shock of my life when I found out that we didn't have the same standard when it comes to cheating. Safe to say his view was more rigid... and since then I tried not to give him reason to think that I am cheating. Not everybody has the same moral standards, clearly you two should talk. Keep his mom out of the picture please!

i'm pretty sure that the nude pics are not spam. i already have a copy of the nude pics and the email address of the girl. i emailed her about this and ofcourse, as expected she's not replying. (i also find it weird that the girl uses 2 different names)

- Don't stoop to her level. That's all I can say about this. Why are you even bothering to communicate with her? Don't give her precious minutes of your life.

i talked with my husband and told him that i can't forget what happened. it even haunts me in my dreams. he said that i'm his wife and he married me, that simply means, he wants me, not the girl. i answered him that marrying me is not a proof that he won't cheat on me.

- And... what did he say? Again, go back to my first reply, give the rules on what cheating is and isn't. Then both of you will be playing in the same field.

while browsing his email, i also checked his facebook and friendster, and saw the name of the girl is blocked. he assured me that he's not cheating on me. but how can i have my peace of mind if he won't give me his passwords? i don't know if i still have to push him to give me his codes. i don't want to have another argument.

-Why are you browsing his email? Could it be that you are depressed & homesick and is just making excuses to go home? I'm just trying to play the devil's advocate here. I want you to think carefully why you're giving this girl a control over your life and relationship.

i don't know if i should be regretful that i invaded his "online privacy". i know it's bad but what if i'm still completely clueless about it? what will happen to me and in our relationship?

-You 'invaded his privacy' that means... without his permission. I sure hope you got his permission.. otherwise, I see a big big big trouble looming ahead both of you.

i told him that i left my family and job in Philippines just to be with him and i don't deserve to be treated like this. i rather go home if he'll just fool around. but he begged not to leave him.

-okay. again, read first part of my reply. AND PLEASE, don't you ever ever tell him this again. Sa tagalog, para mo syang sinusumbatan. Hindi ba decision nyong dalawa na lumipat ka sa States? Hindi ka naman nya pinilit di ba? Bakit kelangan may ganitong sumbatan. Be careful with your words, mahirap ng isoli yan pag-nasabi mo na... forever na nyang di makakalimutan yon. Don't use guilt as leverage.

i love him and i know he loves me too. but why is this happening to us? i thought that we'll be living in a perfect world. is there a such? (i know, this is the bad effect of reading too much fairy tales.)

-There is no perfect world. The problem is.. you two did not communicate well while you were dating. which is weird coz almost all persons in a long distance relationship are forced to keep communicating to each other. In short, hindi kayo nasa parehong page. Page 1 ka pa lang... asa page 3 na sya. Hindi nyo dinefine sa isat isa kung ano ang cheating para sa inyo, kung ang flirting ba ay cheating, ang pag-nood ba ng porn ay cheating, bawal na ba syang tumingin sa babae, bawal ka na bang tumingin sa lalake, bawal ka na bang lumabas with male friends, bawal na ba syang magandahan sa ibang babae. You both grew up in different environment so wag mo i-expect na pareho kayo parati ng thinking. Open up... ask questions... marriage is hard... harder still if you do not communicate well. Learn to listen as well as learn to speak your mind without being emotional or judgmental.

Ung mga tao dito, sobrang idealized nila ung openess... but that may be because umpisa pa lang alam na nila ung definition ng cheating ng partners nila. Same goes for definition of privacy, love, trust, commitment, etc. Lahat yan kelangan mag-ka-sundo kayo ng husband sa definition otherwise... forever ka ng ganyan. Sya feeling nya walang mali, ikaw naman puros mali nakikita mo. Kasi nga di kayo pareho ng point of view.

i'm so confused, i trusted him so much that i never expected this coming. i really don't know what to do. my mind says not to trust fully and dig for more info until i reach my peace of mind. but my heart says, take all the risk and give him another chance. i know he's a good man, just a bit childish.

-Dig info?? Para san?? Para uuwi ka na sa Pinas? All I heard you say is that uuwi ka na... ni hindi ka man lang willing mag-counseling or to try to work things out. Sana mag-isip isip ka naman, wala naman nag-sabi na mabilis mag-asawa di ba? Akala ko mahal mo ung tao... bkit parang ung solution mo is uuwi ka na agad sa Pinas. Wag ganyan... wag kang basta basta mag-give up. Sa buhay laban lang ng laban... lalo na kung mahal mo talga ung tao.

i prayed to God to give me a sign. should i stay or should i go? 2 days after the confrontation, i received a letter with our interview appointment. i don't know if i should take this as His sign.

-Sign for what?

To the OP see my response in RED. Hindi kita inaaway, binibigyan lang kita ng ibang point of view. mabilis mag-jump to conclusion na kasi hindi nya binigay sa iyo ung password ergo may tinatago sya. Mas madaling gawin mo ay i-evaluate mo ung sarili mo. Feeling insecure ka ba kasi sobrang ganda nung nude pics? Bakit di pa mag-pa-parlor or spa or mag-bili ka ng sexy outfits para makuha mo ung attention ng asawa mo for life? I-ayos mo ung sarili mo bago mo ayusin ung asawa mo. Usually ang alam ko, kaya nag-hahalungkat ung mga missis ng mga ganyan bagay is because hindi sila confident sa sarili nila. Inday, maganda ka... mag-pa-ganda ka pa lalo... i-seduce mo yang asawa mo araw araw para di na nya maiisip ma-ngaliwa.

Sabi nga nila, change comes from you. Hindi mo mababago ung asawa mo for now.. pero pwede kang mag-bago para ma-seduce mo sya ulit. Aja!

Kaya mo yan!

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

Hi Brendon. I don't know my husband's password in his email add. But everytime he checks his email, I always look over his shoulder aand it's fine with him. What do you need those passwords for? Don't you have your own email accounts? Does he know your passwords too? Does he spend all your time sniffing through your stuff as well? Girls like us gotta have some secrets too, you know. It keeps the mystery in a relationship.

[bulaklak 0]

i

-seduce mo yang asawa mo araw araw para di na nya maiisip ma-ngaliwa.

Paano kong ganyan na talaga ang ugali ng asawa niya flirtious? sege o.p. i-seduce mo and mataba mong husband.

[bulaklak 0]

talk to your husband and tell him how it made you feel. see what he says.

Lie again...he will tell her what she wants to hear.

Edited July 19, 2009 by lotus101

[bulaklak 0]

You can't win this... if he does not want to give it to you now then don't push it. Give him some space, trust him a bit more... if he's ready to give the passwords to you then that's good. If not, respect is the key. And last piece of advice, don't go peeking on his account. That will save you tons of grief.

Trust should be EARN !! WHY DOES SHE SHOULD TRUST HIM? SHE ALREADY CAUGHT HIM CHEATING.

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

You can't win this... if he does not want to give it to you now then don't push it. Give him some space, trust him a bit more... if he's ready to give the passwords to you then that's good. If not, respect is the key. And last piece of advice, don't go peeking on his account. That will save you tons of grief.

Trust should be EARN !! WHY DOES SHE SHOULD TRUST HIM? SHE ALREADY CAUGHT HIM CHEATING.

You JUMPING to conclusion again...Do you know for sure what she was looking at ?

It could simply have been looking JUNK mail SPAM MAIL.....and the FIRING SQUAD is already prepared....

For GOD sake.... people know all the facts before jumping summary judgment and conclusions....

[bulaklak 0]

You can't win this... if he does not want to give it to you now then don't push it. Give him some space, trust him a bit more... if he's ready to give the passwords to you then that's good. If not, respect is the key. And last piece of advice, don't go peeking on his account. That will save you tons of grief.

Trust should be EARN !! WHY DOES SHE SHOULD TRUST HIM? SHE ALREADY CAUGHT HIM CHEATING.

You JUMPING to conclusion again...Do you know for sure what she was looking at ?

It could simply have been looking JUNK mail SPAM MAIL.....and the FIRING SQUAD is already prepared....

For GOD sake.... people know all the facts before jumping summary judgment and conclusions....

You too jumping to conclusion. how do you know that its just a JUNK MAIL SPAM MAIL?? ASSUME?

[cEzYcHiC 0]

ok, i'll try to make the story short.

my husband fell asleep while he's in the computer. out of my curiosity, i checked his emails and friendster/facebook since he's still logged in.

(i really don't know his passwords.)

i caught that there's a girl sending him nude pictures in his email and calling him "baby".

i felt so disappointed that i confronted him about it. he told me that he never denied that he's already married, and showed some emails from that girl saying"i find married guys more exciting. so i don't care, let's just enjoy baby." i don't know what to feel. (knowing that the girl is also from Philippines)

i told him to give me his passwords, but he won't allow me. saying that he wants to have privacy with his messages. i do trust my husband, but this issue is affecting our married life. i really can't trust the girls around him. am i having some insecurities issue?

i told him that i just want to go back in my home country if he'll just play around. but he won't allow me, instead he promised and assured me not to do anything that would harm our relationship.

i just want it to be fair since he knows all my passwords. but he really won't give me his codes.

am i being over protective or over acting about this?

IS THERE REALLY A THING CALLED PRIVACY BETWEEN MARRIED COUPLE? ARE THERE REALLY LIMITATIONS?

thanks for the advices.

I have the same story like yours except the part where the girl sent him nude pics.

My hubby always receive emails from his friends with girls showing off their privates.

And he knows all of my passwords. But I don't know his. Maybe because I've never asked him.

Try talking to him on deleting the girl's email add or blocking it. I think that would be a better start.

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

You can't win this... if he does not want to give it to you now then don't push it. Give him some space, trust him a bit more... if he's ready to give the passwords to you then that's good. If not, respect is the key. And last piece of advice, don't go peeking on his account. That will save you tons of grief.

Trust should be EARN !! WHY DOES SHE SHOULD TRUST HIM? SHE ALREADY CAUGHT HIM CHEATING.

You JUMPING to conclusion again...Do you know for sure what she was looking at ?

It could simply have been looking JUNK mail SPAM MAIL.....and the FIRING SQUAD is already prepared....

For GOD sake.... people know all the facts before jumping summary judgment and conclusions....

You too jumping to conclusion. how do you know that its just a JUNK MAIL SPAM MAIL?? ASSUME?

Not you or me know for sure ?....do we ?

and that is exactly my point.... once again, you are ready with the firing squad!!!!

since we both ASSUME ...we are making an A$$ of you and me....

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

You can't win this... if he does not want to give it to you now then don't push it. Give him some space, trust him a bit more... if he's ready to give the passwords to you then that's good. If not, respect is the key. And last piece of advice, don't go peeking on his account. That will save you tons of grief.

Trust should be EARN !! WHY DOES SHE SHOULD TRUST HIM? SHE ALREADY CAUGHT HIM CHEATING.

You JUMPING to conclusion again...Do you know for sure what she was looking at ?

It could simply have been looking JUNK mail SPAM MAIL.....and the FIRING SQUAD is already prepared....

For GOD sake.... people know all the facts before jumping summary judgment and conclusions....

You too jumping to conclusion. how do you know that its just a JUNK MAIL SPAM MAIL?? ASSUME?

Not you or me know for sure ?....do we ?

and that is exactly my point.... once again, you are ready with the firing squad!!!!

since we both ASSUME ...we are making an A$$ of you and me....

Sometimes being too apprehensive sucks! She is indeed ready with the firing squad and she's sure is ready to jump the gun.

[chinese_mutt 11]

talk to your husband and tell him how it made you feel. see what he says.

Lie again...he will tell her what she wants to hear.

sure. sure. whatever floats your boat. be cynical but don't cry if you end up alone in life. too much bitterness... not exactly how i'd want to live my life.

You can't win this... if he does not want to give it to you now then don't push it. Give him some space, trust him a bit more... if he's ready to give the passwords to you then that's good. If not, respect is the key. And last piece of advice, don't go peeking on his account. That will save you tons of grief.

Trust should be EARN !! WHY DOES SHE SHOULD TRUST HIM? SHE ALREADY CAUGHT HIM CHEATING.

trust should've have been earned long before the marriage. and don't shout please, bad manners does not give you credibility.

[chinese_mutt 11]

i

-seduce mo yang asawa mo araw araw para di na nya maiisip ma-ngaliwa.

Paano kong ganyan na talaga ang ugali ng asawa niya flirtious? sege o.p. i-seduce mo and mataba mong husband.

someday... you're going to be fat, your skin will shrivel up, your teeth would fall off, your hair will be thinner if not gone completely... I hope your spouse will still love you because frankly all i see is bad manners and negativity from you.

[Ban Hammer 12,836]

You can't win this... if he does not want to give it to you now then don't push it. Give him some space, trust him a bit more... if he's ready to give the passwords to you then that's good. If not, respect is the key. And last piece of advice, don't go peeking on his account. That will save you tons of grief.

Trust should be EARN !! WHY DOES SHE SHOULD TRUST HIM? SHE ALREADY CAUGHT HIM CHEATING.

trust should've have been earned long before the marriage. and don't shout please, bad manners does not give you credibility.

[=FoxyBLUE= 2]

"ASK NO QUESTIONS AND HEAR NO LIES"

"WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW WON'T HURT YOU'

***I'm not being insensitive or trying to be rude and not feel the situation. I FEEL YOU, I DO! but if these things will affect your marriage, because you assume (SOMETIMES) that he's doing something stupid (which sometimes its a "Guy Thing") it will make things worst, make it bigger and complicating..You'll know if things are falling apart, btu for now...do your thing..do your job as his wife...do it BETTER! So, in the future he wont say something against you..that you do this and that..just pray!

***I WAS in your situation before, but its just giving me headache everytime i think of it. I just keep myself busy...and not think of it. and lots and lots of prayer!

You have so many PRAYER WARRIORS here.....US!