Bridezilla Update...(I think I'm OK posting this here...)

[thetreble 19]

Well my friends, I have come to give you all an update on my bridezilla.

She may not be bridezilla for much longer. Last week was a very hard week for our family. It began with her saying some very inappropriate and malicious things about me on the internet and it basically started from there. I called my brother in law at that time and said that I had essentially reached the breaking point and I could no longer be in someone's wedding who not only did not want me there, but was publicly insulting me. She made a few attempts at apologies but they weren't apologies at all.

After my father in law heard about the situation, he was very upset. He had been holding some things in for a few years and wasn't sure how he should deal with it. He was all ready to stay out of it until bridezilla's parents and sister began calling my Brother in Law and basically screaming at him over the situation. Even her father called my brother in law and was telling him he needed to "fix it". So, at that time and after the harassment, my father in law decided to step in, in defense of our entire family. He spoke with the bridezilla and basically told her that she was hurting our family and that he won't stand for it. A confidante of mine who was in the room at the time of this conversation said she was very scared and has never heard my father in law be SO stern with someone like that in a long time.

I thought that was really the end of it. I mean, I thought she would have given up the fight there and been too upset and just apologized to every one for being an #######. That did NOT happen.

Her parents called my brother in law "emotional abusive" to their daughter.

He is now questioning whether or not he should get married at all.

My husband went out to dinner with him last night (my first day off with my husband in almost two months and I let him go hang out with his brother..now THAT is love) and tried to give him some advice.

I found out last night when he came home that several people in our family, including my father in law, have told him not to marry her at all. Every one is telling him this is just a preview of his future.

What a hard one for him. He is suffering. He's been with her for 4 years and before the wedding planning, I believe they were happy. But sooner or later, people can't hide behind a mask. Usually some event in life happens to really bring a lot of deep issues to the surface. I think at the end of the day, her family is so crazy that how the guy could deal with it for the rest of his life, I really don't know how he could.

Any ways, that's my update!

[Krikit 1,163]

Wow. That really is good news, Treble. I hope your BIL is strong enough to do the right thing.

There was someone very close to me who got married. He was advised not to by our entire family. For a long time afterwards he would come over and tell me he'd made a big mistake, but that it was too late to fix it. I never could get it through his head that it was never too late and that, in fact, the longer he postponed it the worse it would become. The bad times escalated exponentially, and tore the whole family apart. Everyone was miserable except the wife. He's dead now. And I am positive that that marriage contributed to his early demise. Just a very very very sad ending to a very very very sad, and frustrating, story.

[minnew 4]

Its better for him to figure out whether he wants to go through with it now! She is a crazy self-centered woman who is making everyone's life hell just because of the wedding. I hope he thinks long and hard about his decision.

[trailmix 77]

That is tough, in spite of everything you have to wonder if he still loves her - which he probably does, which makes this very hard for him. However at some point she or he or both of them have let the outside world in to their relationship.

[thetreble 19]

Aw, jeysus, Krikit. That is such a sad thing to hear and one of my fears for my BIL. My husband is thinking that maybe he should also tell him not to marry her, but wasn't sure if it was his place to say that or not.

My fear is much like what you just mentioned. He gets married to her and every one in the family just turns their back on his marriage. I'm worried he will do it and then think he made a mistake in which he can't get out of.

My husband did tell him though not to fall for this idea of following through with commitment just because you made a promise to marry someone. He said if he really feels he should not marry her, he shouldn't and he has no obligation to do so.

[Krikit 1,163]

My fear is much like what you just mentioned. He gets married to her and every one in the family just turns their back on his marriage.

It changed the dynamics of our entire family, and had a horrible impact on the relationship with his children. The fact that he is now dead, and the problems remain unresolved, has made things even worse, if that's at all possible.

You can point out the obvious until you're blue in the face, but that will never change the mind of those who fail to see. I do not regret the advice I gave my relative. I will always regret that he never took it.

[SapphireDreams 71]

Wow what a touch situation for your bro-in-law. I really like your husband's advice about following through with the commitment. That was smart.

If she is already causing all of this drama and creating unrealistic expectations, it's going to be a long hellish road ahead. He's going to make a really tough decision about this. Even though they've probably spent a lot of time and effort on this wedding, I hope he looks at it from a life perspective.

Good for you Amanda and good for your father for sticking up for his family.

[thetreble 19]

Agreed.

I'm sure he still loves her very much and I do hope that he looks at it from a life perspective, trailmix.

I just can't believe they called him emotionally abusive. He's nothing of the sort. All he has done is defend her and stick up for her for four years. He told Jared he wanted to apologize to me for all the times he had to call me because she asked him to. (ie. he would call me when I would ask the wedding party if we could compromise on a gift that was economically suitable for every one, and they would call him telling him I was being unreasonable)

He feels so bad now that he ever got involved in that staff and wants to say sorry. I told him he doesn't need to say sorry at all! I understand the pressure he was under and I love him. There is no need for apologies there.

She has told him that if he calls off the wedding or wants to delay it, they are finished.

[Krikit 1,163]

She has told him that if he calls off the wedding or wants to delay it, they are finished.

Oh good. So there's hope.

[JillA 2]

I can't believe she stooped as low to trash you on the web, that's pretty sad. Anyway, kudos to your FIL to stick up for you and his son! The whole situation seems to have spiraled out of control, and while it would be difficult beyond belief to end it now, it would be easier and a huge weight lifted off I'm sure. So.... when is the wedding, how long does he have? And will you still go as a guest?

She has told him that if he calls off the wedding or wants to delay it, they are finished.

That would be for the best

[thetreble 19]

The Wedding is Aug. 2nd so he has 3 weeks.

My Father in Law told him to break up with her completely, enjoy his new condo he bought and all the money he was going to spend on the wedding he should take his friends to Vegas and have a blast. My FIL has a way of putting things.

Jared told him though that some times it's worth it to be miserable right now for a little while because of the break up, then be miserable his whole life because he married someone who has an awful family.

[JillA 2]

The Wedding is Aug. 2nd so he has 3 weeks.

My Father in Law told him to break up with her completely, enjoy his new condo he bought and all the money he was going to spend on the wedding he should take his friends to Vegas and have a blast. My FIL has a way of putting things.

Jared told him though that some times it's worth it to be miserable right now for a little while because of the break up, then be miserable his whole life because he married someone who has an awful family.

That's such a good point!

[Sprailenes 47]

I think everyone should tell your BIL what they think. Don't hold it back. It could go on and on and then one day everyone will regret not saying what they had to say because it will be too late.

This girls parents sound overbearing, is he ready for this? Her family and her will probably hold this entire situation over your brother in laws head forever.

[thetreble 19]

Well she's already told Chris that she dislikes his father completely and that she does not want him in their house. (by their I think she means..his?)

I don't think he's ready for it. I think he's ready for marriage but not this. I don't even think she's ready for marriage yet. I think she's a little too immature for it at this point. They are only 25, too! The wedding wasn't supposed to be for at least another year.

Nev-you're right. I might say to Jared he should tell him how he 100% feels. His mum also told Jared privately that she doesn't think Chris should marry her but didn't know how to say it in the right way. She;s very quiet and reserved.

[Krikit 1,163]

Well she's already told Chris that she dislikes his father completely and that she does not want him in their house.

Oh boy. I hope he's not the quiet type who's going to snap one day.

Edited July 13, 2009 by Krikit