Abuse and Removal of conditions

[Merlion@ 0]

It is very hard for me to write about this, but I need help. I got my conditional green card in sept. 2007. In the meantime, my husband became very controling emotionally, psychologically, and also hit me in a few ocassions. The other night he twisted my hand and I called the domestic abuse line. I was crying and was afraid for my life. The lady told me to call the police but I was afraid since he threatens to not help me with the green card. I am in a position where he blackmails me for the green card. He is frustrated with me beyond belief and every little thing gets on his nerves. He uses words like "my greencard made you better, ######" or "you ain't ###### ######" "you think you all that?" and lots and lots of abusive words that start becoming cliche. My paperwork to renew green card in due in June but I do not know if I can continue like this. I am very competent human being, in a doctoral program and working with children in mental health field. All this started to affect me at work. I want to know if there is any way for me to still get my green card. I need to know what steps I need to make. He says everything is "my word against his" and I consider recording all his madness. Please help me and let me know what my legal action should be.

I know I am not perfect myself, but I consider that any issues need be resolved with communication and not by throwing things.

Tonight he was pissed off that I did not clean the house (frankly, he never cleans after himself) and threw my jacket on the floor, got really close to my face and disconnected the internet and also grabbed my phone so that I do not call the police. I married him in good faith. After we got married here, we went back home and had the ceremony there with my family, too.

I have the following documents in case I need to apply for removal of conditions on my own:

1. pictures from marriage

2. pictures from our trip and ceremony back home (december 2007)

3. i adjusted status in PA and now moved to FL, so I have the lease from were we live now

4. i do not drive (which gives him more power over me since he has to take me places, i asked him to teach me as I can't afford classes, but it is not happening) but he pays car insurance out of my account - I do not have the paperwork he has done for this, but I'm thinking that there is a way I could get this (although I don't know how; I remember I signed a void check for him to be able to do this and now the money comes out of my account monthly)

5. i know i'm on the car insurance, but have no paperwork to prove it-how will i get this? I guess i could ask when he is in good mood (he is very unpredictable-one day in good mood, the next in bad mood)

Will this be enough to prove that our marriage is for real? I was afraid to call the police as he says if i do "i lose," that is I won't get the green card. Also, I do not want to hurt him if he wants to get a job in the future (i know have a police record doesn't help).

I need help how to handle this. We are in a 1 year lease together-if I leave (i have nowhere to leave although i'll go to a shelter if i have to) i have no idea what the consequences would be (i will not have enough money to pay for both places).

I need help, I also have no social support whatsoever.

Thank you for any legal advice and/or kind words.

3.

[kitteh 1]

Oh wow. Honey, I wish I could do more than write some words on a message board to try to help you. Obviously what he is doing is shitty and you do not deserve it. I'm not sure about the law, but nothing is worth dealing with emotional and physical abuse.

Where are you guys at in the process? You married here and are waiting for adjustment of status after a K-1 visa?

[Merlion@ 0]

Hi!

Thanks for your response. I came to the US on a J1 visa in 2003. I changes status to F1 and finished my undergraduate degree here. I was in love with him and was not able to travel outside US until 2007. Four years away from my family for this to happen!

So, in short, I adjusted from F1 status.

[Ennis 0]

Hi, fellow vj-ers!

I haven't posted in a while, but now that my immigration saga is over I felt like sharing a thing or two with you - I'm sure there are people here who can benefit from what I have learned.

Long story short - my marriage is over. It almost cost me my life, so the fact that it's over is a good thing.

For those of you who don't know me, here's the background:

Came to the US in 2005 as a student (F-1 status). Met the ex the same year. Married Jan 06, filed AOS in Sep 06, interviewed Jan 07, conditional GC approved 1/4/07. Separated March 08, divorced Nov 08. Divorce took forever - I had to do it myself without a lawyer and I had a hard time getting the paperwork right. I filed my I-751 waiver in October 08, when I wasn't yet divorced, and I checked box "e" - battered and subject to extreme cruelty. This kind of waiver you can file if you are still married and living together, separated or divorced - it doesn't matter. Here's my timeline:

10/14/08 - mailed I-751 abuse waiver to CSC

10/16/08 - package received at CSC

10/17/08 - check cashed

10/23/08 - extension letter in the mail (NOA date - 10/16/08)

11/22/08 - biometrics (I got a bio notice about a week before, can't recall the date)

11/24/08 - touched

11/25/08 - touched

1/29/09 - approved. Card production ordered.

That was it. No interview. If someone's interested in my evidence list, I can post it if I find it on my computer. I had about 700 pages - bona fide marriage and abuse, all over a 2.5 year period. I had things like restraining orders, police reports, shelter records, ex's numerous emails with threats and name calling, letters from 3 therapists that I saw during this nightmare of a marriage etc.

Feel free to ask me any questions you want, and if you don't want to ask on the forum - message me, I'll get back to you.

One thing you should remember - do not stay in an abusive relationship. Your life will be a lot better once you get out and start anew

i hope this can help you. i found the info in another topic, it sounds the same thing you're going through. good luck. your health is not worth it.

Edited February 15, 2009 by Ennis

[Ennis 0]

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=175630

[Dakine 26]

You should get all the records you can of the abuse.

[Quarismo 0]

You should get all the records you can of the abuse.

i have not like you situation but it resembles you but i have already got 10 years green card 3 days ago , guess what i am here and my b***** wife dont even know i am here , she is living with some one , she was cheating on me from day 1 and i didnt even know it , she was just using me for paying her God damn bills being overseas i was doing it , i thought she is good woman , but when i found out i left everything i was married in 2004 and i got my visa in the end of 2008 , she didnt even know i am here , got my ssn , got my id , got my green card valid only for 10 years , i have already lawyer backing up my butt , she told me not to worry she cant do a damn thing , financially i am sound , so i aint worry about any thing , nor she cant say a damn thing to me , if she does i will drag her butt in to court for doing adultery , she has nothing in her hands now , she lost her kids and DFax took them from her , coz she cant support a damn thing why i am lucky in the trailor she is living it is under my and her name , if i want i can really create alot of problems for her but i wont , coz i dont want to involve my self in some ####### ,

yes you are right i heard that remark that "you are coming here coz of me " she told me that and i replied her call uscis and cancel it i dont give a friar tuck about it ,

Now i am safe #### man , i have my LPR , with me , id , ssn and soon i am applying for driving license , i know how to drive been driving from the last 12 years , so hopefully get the driving license , already waiting on calls for interview 2 interviews are soon ,

Why i am telling u all that story ?

when you are doing some thing , u must plan stuff with out planning nothing works , she played her cards and i played her cards , but guess what i knew what cards she had , lolzz , so with the blessings of God i am winner and she is damn looser

Regards to your question , if he is cheating on you , and if u can prove he is cheating on you , you can use that and u dont need to kiss his a*** any more and u can get your permanent green card with out his help , i dont know if he is cheating on you or not , when it comes to my case she is cheating on me , living with some one and have child from other a***.

if he is not cheating on you , then u will have to take his s******* , until u get your permanent green card , once u get your green card then dont wait to file for divorce , coz once u get your LPR , he cant do a damn...........

i hope it will help you

prayers are with you , and i can feel

takecare

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Think carefully about all the evidence you can assemble that demonstrates that you are residing together and have since your marriage, and evidence that you commingled your funds, and financial obligations.

Who paid the utility bills in your home in PA and in FL? Were bills sent to the home? Is the address on the bills the same as the address on your bank account? Can you get statements from your account that show the payment made for auto insurance or any other bills that were associated with your joint residence? Do you have a joint bank account? If you are paying for auto insurance out of your account, do you have a copy of the policy that shows the address? Who owns the auto on the policy? If you can demonstrate that your funds are used to pay for his auto, that is a good piece of evidence. What about atx returns? Are you filing jointly? Can you get a copy of that return? Do you receive mail at the marital home? What about any life or health insurance policy he may have? Are you named a beneficiary?

It is very hard for me to write about this, but I need help. I got my conditional green card in sept. 2007. In the meantime, my husband became very controling emotionally, psychologically, and also hit me in a few ocassions. The other night he twisted my hand and I called the domestic abuse line. I was crying and was afraid for my life. The lady told me to call the police but I was afraid since he threatens to not help me with the green card. I am in a position where he blackmails me for the green card. He is frustrated with me beyond belief and every little thing gets on his nerves. He uses words like "my greencard made you better, ######" or "you ain't ###### ######" "you think you all that?" and lots and lots of abusive words that start becoming cliche. My paperwork to renew green card in due in June but I do not know if I can continue like this. I am very competent human being, in a doctoral program and working with children in mental health field. All this started to affect me at work. I want to know if there is any way for me to still get my green card. I need to know what steps I need to make. He says everything is "my word against his" and I consider recording all his madness. Please help me and let me know what my legal action should be.

I know I am not perfect myself, but I consider that any issues need be resolved with communication and not by throwing things.

Tonight he was pissed off that I did not clean the house (frankly, he never cleans after himself) and threw my jacket on the floor, got really close to my face and disconnected the internet and also grabbed my phone so that I do not call the police. I married him in good faith. After we got married here, we went back home and had the ceremony there with my family, too.

I have the following documents in case I need to apply for removal of conditions on my own:

1. pictures from marriage

2. pictures from our trip and ceremony back home (december 2007)

3. i adjusted status in PA and now moved to FL, so I have the lease from were we live now

4. i do not drive (which gives him more power over me since he has to take me places, i asked him to teach me as I can't afford classes, but it is not happening) but he pays car insurance out of my account - I do not have the paperwork he has done for this, but I'm thinking that there is a way I could get this (although I don't know how; I remember I signed a void check for him to be able to do this and now the money comes out of my account monthly)

5. i know i'm on the car insurance, but have no paperwork to prove it-how will i get this? I guess i could ask when he is in good mood (he is very unpredictable-one day in good mood, the next in bad mood)

Will this be enough to prove that our marriage is for real? I was afraid to call the police as he says if i do "i lose," that is I won't get the green card. Also, I do not want to hurt him if he wants to get a job in the future (i know have a police record doesn't help).

I need help how to handle this. We are in a 1 year lease together-if I leave (i have nowhere to leave although i'll go to a shelter if i have to) i have no idea what the consequences would be (i will not have enough money to pay for both places).

I need help, I also have no social support whatsoever.

Thank you for any legal advice and/or kind words.

3.

[Merlion@ 0]

Hello!

Thanks for your responses everyone. I will have to gather all the evidence of abuse. I'm thinking to buy a recorder and have whatever he tells me on tape. He now starts to put words in my mouth and claims I said things I never said. I also cannot sleep well as he goes to work early in the morning (works as a cab driver). His shift starts at 7 and wokes up starting 5 talking bad about me and complaining. Of course, this makes me feel tired during the day and on weekends I end up sleeping more than I want to since I feel tired. This morning he said I need to "get things the hard way" and "I will go through hell before he signs the papers for me." I'm thinking to get a sofa and sleep in the living room from now on as it gets impossible by the day to even rest.

Regarding the taxes, we did not file this year. Last year he did not file and the year before that he filed as self-employed and now he owes back taxes. He says I need to pay those for him ($500/month). Everytime he gets pissed off he reminds me of this (appartently he filed too much and he filed "for me" so that i show th\e affidavit for my first interview-this in and of itself seems wrong as one is required to file taxes and unless they owe you money, he should always file). I want to ask to file together and whatever money they'll give me back to put it towards his back taxes that he owes. Or I don't even know what's the best thing to do.

I will let me family know that I want to file on my own. This is hard for them also as prior to going home in 2007, I couldn't see them for 4 years. Do petitions filed based on abuse take longer to approve than the "regular" ones?

Thank you again for listening and responses.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Hmmm. I'm sorry to hear of how trapped you feel. So essentially, he is self-employed as a cab driver and is claiming that he over reported his income just to meet the requirements of the I-864, and now turns to you to pressure you into making it up to him, financially. Futhermore, you pay the auto insurance, even though you don't, yourself, drive and it is cab insurance. Aren't the premium payments on that really expensive? It sounds more like he's treating you as a business partner than a wife.

Hello!

Thanks for your responses everyone. I will have to gather all the evidence of abuse. I'm thinking to buy a recorder and have whatever he tells me on tape. He now starts to put words in my mouth and claims I said things I never said. I also cannot sleep well as he goes to work early in the morning (works as a cab driver). His shift starts at 7 and wokes up starting 5 talking bad about me and complaining. Of course, this makes me feel tired during the day and on weekends I end up sleeping more than I want to since I feel tired. This morning he said I need to "get things the hard way" and "I will go through hell before he signs the papers for me." I'm thinking to get a sofa and sleep in the living room from now on as it gets impossible by the day to even rest.

Regarding the taxes, we did not file this year. Last year he did not file and the year before that he filed as self-employed and now he owes back taxes. He says I need to pay those for him ($500/month). Everytime he gets pissed off he reminds me of this (appartently he filed too much and he filed "for me" so that i show th\e affidavit for my first interview-this in and of itself seems wrong as one is required to file taxes and unless they owe you money, he should always file). I want to ask to file together and whatever money they'll give me back to put it towards his back taxes that he owes. Or I don't even know what's the best thing to do.

I will let me family know that I want to file on my own. This is hard for them also as prior to going home in 2007, I couldn't see them for 4 years. Do petitions filed based on abuse take longer to approve than the "regular" ones?

Thank you again for listening and responses.

Edited February 15, 2009 by diadromous mermaid

[Merlion@ 0]

Actually, the first part is correct.

The auto insurance is on the private car not his cab. He is depositing money in my account around the time the insurance is due. Nevertheless, even if I don't actually pay his insurance, the fact that he does pay his insurance through my account attests to the fact that our marriage was bona fide to begin with. So, one piece of evidence. As far as joint accounts, we opened one but did not keep it open. Right now he owes money to banks and that is why he is unable to have a bank account on his own.

My family helped as numerous times when we needed money and now he says I should call my family to pay his taxes.

Ufffffffff, why me? It;s tough because he makes it as if it's my fault.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Ah I see. As unfair as it might appear to you right now, and especially when he is mistreating you, husbands and wives do share in the assets and debts of the marriage. Unfortunately, in your case you have debts and he is irresponsible and you're being asked to make up for that. If he has no bank account, due to collection activities, that also could work in your favour. I surmise that all living costs are paid from your account, and you both make deposits to your account. Is that correct? So, utilitiy bills that are addressed to your home are paid for from your bank account, even if the name on the utility account is his only?

Actually, the first part is correct.

The auto insurance is on the private car not his cab. He is depositing money in my account around the time the insurance is due. Nevertheless, even if I don't actually pay his insurance, the fact that he does pay his insurance through my account attests to the fact that our marriage was bona fide to begin with. So, one piece of evidence. As far as joint accounts, we opened one but did not keep it open. Right now he owes money to banks and that is why he is unable to have a bank account on his own.

My family helped as numerous times when we needed money and now he says I should call my family to pay his taxes.

Ufffffffff, why me? It;s tough because he makes it as if it's my fault.

[Merlion@ 0]

I give him half of the bill whenver it's due and he pays it at the cash checking place. No bills go through my account although for example, the cell phone account is a family plan. I guess I could get evidence of that.

We have:

cable and internet bill - in his name although I pay half

electric - again in his name, although I pay half

rent - we both pay but through money order, the lease is on both our names, prior to living here we lived 6 months somewhere else and we were both on that lease to plus in PA

he keeps most of the paperwork, so i guess i'll have to get them and put my name on all of them.

[Got Charmed 0]

Actually, the first part is correct.

The auto insurance is on the private car not his cab. He is depositing money in my account around the time the insurance is due. Nevertheless, even if I don't actually pay his insurance, the fact that he does pay his insurance through my account attests to the fact that our marriage was bona fide to begin with. So, one piece of evidence. As far as joint accounts, we opened one but did not keep it open. Right now he owes money to banks and that is why he is unable to have a bank account on his own.

My family helped as numerous times when we needed money and now he says I should call my family to pay his taxes.

Ufffffffff, why me? It;s tough because he makes it as if it's my fault.

Let me reassure you that this is not your fault, just stay inline to what you know, you were not born to be hit by anyone, he chose to bring you to the US and he is responsible for you, hold to your faith and pray and take care of yourself, your a very smart woman and dont worry you will rise and be on top when all the dust clears.

[justashooter 430]

Hi, fellow vj-ers!

One thing you should remember - do not stay in an abusive relationship. Your life will be a lot better once you get out and start anew

i hope this can help you. i found the info in another topic, it sounds the same thing you're going through. good luck. your health is not worth it.

not the same case, by any means. this poster may be married to an ####, but she doesn't have restraining orders or hospital records or police reports. she just has a jerk for a husband, but she picked him. seriously, what kind of a grad student picks a taxi driver, anyway? maybe there are a few things we are not being told?