I need your help......

[xoxo123 0]

Hi first let me introduce myself, Im from Thailand, im a fashion designer and im 24. My boyfriend lives in California he is 25. We met last year in Dec.2007 and ever since we still contacting each other (long distance relationship). In May 2008 he send me a plane ticket to go visit him and our relationship sort of elevated from there. He did ask me to marry him so that we can be together but it was too sudden and I was a little skeptical. Now I realized that I want to be with him, because we survive many months of not seeing each other and that have proven to me that we have a strong foundation. He will come and visit me in Jan 2009.

At first i was going to go there using a tourist visas and see what it would be like with him there. So if everything went well, we will get married there and then apply for the K1 visas. I must admit although we knew each other for only a year, but I do trust him. But the future is uncertain, if he ever decided to divorce me or some terrible thing happen, I hope not, where does that leave me and how do i deal with it? I feel like I should plan ahead of the worst thing that can happen. The last thing I want is being deported, because I secrefied my dream job here. I don't want to go back home divorced and unemploy. The thing that scares me the most is the complicated processes will drift us apart. So I would like to know what is the best way to approach this situation?

Questions:

1. Should we get married here in Thailand and try to get the K1 visas from here or would it be faster and easier for us to married in the states?

2.If I go with a tourist visa does that allow me to get married and file for a K1 visa there?

3.If he ever decided to divorce me ,how do i deal with it? Is there anyway for me to stay there legally?

4.Once I get a green card I am save for another 3 years is that true?

5.During the time that the green card is being process/arrive will i be able to work?

Please help me....Thank you!

[Completely 3]

Hi first let me introduce myself, Im from Thailand, im a fashion designer and im 24. My boyfriend lives in California he is 25. We met last year in Dec.2007 and ever since we still contacting each other (long distance relationship). In May 2008 he send me a plane ticket to go visit him and our relationship sort of elevated from there. He did ask me to marry him so that we can be together but it was too sudden and I was a little skeptical. Now I realized that I want to be with him, because we survive many months of not seeing each other and that have proven to me that we have a strong foundation. He will come and visit me in Jan 2009.

At first i was going to go there using a tourist visas and see what it would be like with him there. So if everything went well, we will get married there and then apply for the K1 visas. I must admit although we knew each other for only a year, but I do trust him. But the future is uncertain, if he ever decided to divorce me or some terrible thing happen, I hope not, where does that leave me and how do i deal with it? I feel like I should plan ahead of the worst thing that can happen. The last thing I want is being deported, because I secrefied my dream job here. I don't want to go back home divorced and unemploy. The thing that scares me the most is the complicated processes will drift us apart. So I would like to know what is the best way to approach this situation?

Questions:

1. Should we get married here in Thailand and try to get the K1 visas from here or would it be faster and easier for us to married in the states?

2.If I go with a tourist visa does that allow me to get married and file for a K1 visa there?

3.If he ever decided to divorce me ,how do i deal with it? Is there anyway for me to stay there legally?

4.Once I get a green card I am save for another 3 years is that true?

5.During the time that the green card is being process/arrive will i be able to work?

Please help me....Thank you!

There is no what ifs if you love someone, you will conquer everything just to be with someone you love. Marriage is like a job, you both need to work it out..

But what is your real concern? Marry him or get a greencard? I am sorry but your questions seems confusing..

Edited October 20, 2008 by Completely

[Dakine 26]

Hi first let me introduce myself, Im from Thailand, im a fashion designer and im 24. My boyfriend lives in California he is 25. We met last year in Dec.2007 and ever since we still contacting each other (long distance relationship). In May 2008 he send me a plane ticket to go visit him and our relationship sort of elevated from there. He did ask me to marry him so that we can be together but it was too sudden and I was a little skeptical. Now I realized that I want to be with him, because we survive many months of not seeing each other and that have proven to me that we have a strong foundation. He will come and visit me in Jan 2009.

At first i was going to go there using a tourist visas and see what it would be like with him there. So if everything went well, we will get married there and then apply for the K1 visas. I must admit although we knew each other for only a year, but I do trust him. But the future is uncertain, if he ever decided to divorce me or some terrible thing happen, I hope not, where does that leave me and how do i deal with it? I feel like I should plan ahead of the worst thing that can happen. The last thing I want is being deported, because I secrefied my dream job here. I don't want to go back home divorced and unemploy. The thing that scares me the most is the complicated processes will drift us apart. So I would like to know what is the best way to approach this situation?

Questions:

1. Should we get married here in Thailand and try to get the K1 visas from here or would it be faster and easier for us to married in the states?

2.If I go with a tourist visa does that allow me to get married and file for a K1 visa there?

3.If he ever decided to divorce me ,how do i deal with it? Is there anyway for me to stay there legally?

4.Once I get a green card I am save for another 3 years is that true?

5.During the time that the green card is being process/arrive will i be able to work?

Please help me....Thank you!

Sorry but you sound like you're more concerned about getting a GC than having a loving marriage. Got to worry about getting married before you worry about staying in the US when you a divorce!

Hint! Have a loving marriage and EVERYTHING will work out just fine!

Edited October 20, 2008 by Haole

[Minya's wife 25]

Questions:

1. Should we get married here in Thailand and try to get the K1 visas from here or would it be faster and easier for us to married in the states?

No. The K-1 is a fiancee visa...intended to be used to enter the US one time to marry your US citizen fiance. So you cannot be married at the time the visa is issued to you.

2.If I go with a tourist visa does that allow me to get married and file for a K1 visa there?

No....using a tourist visa, for another purpose besides "visiting" is considered visa fraud.

3.If he ever decided to divorce me ,how do i deal with it? Is there anyway for me to stay there legally?

This is a personal issue, and should be discussed with your fiancee before any decisions are made. The second portion of your question is confusing, what do you mean is there a way for you to stay here legally? If you are the wife of a US citizen, you are eligible to apply for residency...so that you would have legal right to reside in the US.

4.Once I get a green card I am save for another 3 years is that true?

Safe for 3 years? Safe from what? Once you get the initial green card, it will be a 2 year conditional green card. After those 2 years, you will again apply to remove the "conditional" status.

5.During the time that the green card is being process/arrive will i be able to work?

Yes, if you apply for an Employment Authorization Document (EAD).

Please help me....Thank you!

I think you need to do further research to understand what is involved. You're using terms that I'm not sure you quite understand. Please read the guides available here on this site for more information, and have your fiancee also look here. Once you are better informed you can make the best decision regarding your future.

-P

[Minya's wife 25]

Hi first let me introduce myself, Im from Thailand, im a fashion designer and im 24. My boyfriend lives in California he is 25. We met last year in Dec.2007 and ever since we still contacting each other (long distance relationship). In May 2008 he send me a plane ticket to go visit him and our relationship sort of elevated from there. He did ask me to marry him so that we can be together but it was too sudden and I was a little skeptical. Now I realized that I want to be with him, because we survive many months of not seeing each other and that have proven to me that we have a strong foundation. He will come and visit me in Jan 2009.

At first i was going to go there using a tourist visas and see what it would be like with him there. So if everything went well, we will get married there and then apply for the K1 visas. I must admit although we knew each other for only a year, but I do trust him. But the future is uncertain, if he ever decided to divorce me or some terrible thing happen, I hope not, where does that leave me and how do i deal with it? I feel like I should plan ahead of the worst thing that can happen. The last thing I want is being deported, because I secrefied my dream job here. I don't want to go back home divorced and unemploy. The thing that scares me the most is the complicated processes will drift us apart. So I would like to know what is the best way to approach this situation?

Questions:

1. Should we get married here in Thailand and try to get the K1 visas from here or would it be faster and easier for us to married in the states?

2.If I go with a tourist visa does that allow me to get married and file for a K1 visa there?

3.If he ever decided to divorce me ,how do i deal with it? Is there anyway for me to stay there legally?

4.Once I get a green card I am save for another 3 years is that true?

5.During the time that the green card is being process/arrive will i be able to work?

Please help me....Thank you!

Sorry but you sound like you're more concerned about getting a GC than having a loving marriage. Got to worry about getting married before you worry about staying in the US when you a divorce!

Hint! Have a loving marriage and EVERYTHING will work out just fine!

Hint, just because one has a loving marriage, does not mean EVERYTHING works out fine. Rose colored glasses only take you so far. The OP was simply asking some questions...but to me it sounded more like someone who has no idea of the process....not someone who's more interested in a GC. There is nothing wrong with wanting some security in your future, and this does not mean that one is a gold digger. The issues worrying the OP are those that have crossed anyone's mind to a certain extend because the focus on the perennial 'what if?'

rocksteady, please do more research on the choices you're facing as they pertain to your potential emigration to the US and discuss with your fiancee those issues of a more personal nature, such as your worries about the 'what if's' in case of divorce.

-P

[xoxo123 0]

Hint, just because one has a loving marriage, does not mean EVERYTHING works out fine. Rose colored glasses only take you so far. The OP was simply asking some questions...but to me it sounded more like someone who has no idea of the process....not someone who's more interested in a GC. There is nothing wrong with wanting some security in your future, and this does not mean that one is a gold digger. The issues worrying the OP are those that have crossed anyone's mind to a certain extend because the focus on the perennial 'what if?'

rocksteady, please do more research on the choices you're facing as they pertain to your potential emigration to the US and discuss with your fiancee those issues of a more personal nature, such as your worries about the 'what if's' in case of divorce.

-P

Thanks for your lovely reply....You are so right I have no idea about this thing. I guess I wanted to be with him so badly that it makes me think too far ahead. You basically sums up of what im trying to say for me!

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Haole

Sorry but you sound like you're more concerned about getting a GC than having a loving marriage. Got to worry about getting married before you worry about staying in the US when you a divorce!

Hint! Have a loving marriage and EVERYTHING will work out just fine!

Thanks for your time replying this msg. I think you misunderstand what Im trying to say. I have to worry because this is me moving to another country leave my job here. I believe in love but you gotta be smart and i need to be prepare of what might happen. I guess making this big decision requires me to think both with my heart and my head. I don't have any doubts for my relationship between me n my bf. Like I said the reason I wanna go there is to be with him. I just want to keep my heads up. I want to be smart at this not doing it on an impulse. I read many posts on VJ about people facing these problems and it sort of makes me worry,too much I guess. And the question regardless of whether the relationship if its going to work out or not, basically i just want to know will this effect or contaminated my record in the future if I decided to go back there.

[Cham 3]

Hi first let me introduce myself, Im from Thailand, im a fashion designer and im 24. My boyfriend lives in California he is 25. We met last year in Dec.2007 and ever since we still contacting each other (long distance relationship). In May 2008 he send me a plane ticket to go visit him and our relationship sort of elevated from there. He did ask me to marry him so that we can be together but it was too sudden and I was a little skeptical. Now I realized that I want to be with him, because we survive many months of not seeing each other and that have proven to me that we have a strong foundation. He will come and visit me in Jan 2009.

You were not sure about saying yes on your visit and to sudden I agree BUT it sounds like you are still not sure what you want.

At first i was going to go there using a tourist visas and see what it would be like with him there. So if everything went well, we will get married there and then apply for the K1 visas. I must admit although we knew each other for only a year, but I do trust him. But the future is uncertain, if he ever decided to divorce me or some terrible thing happen, I hope not, where does that leave me and how do i deal with it? I feel like I should plan ahead of the worst thing that can happen. The last thing I want is being deported, because I secrefied my dream job here. I don't want to go back home divorced and unemploy. The thing that scares me the most is the complicated processes will drift us apart. So I would like to know what is the best way to approach this situation

As someone said THERE IS NO WHAT IFs. If you trusted him 100% there would be no questions of what if he does this or that. What If I am deported. what if what if. If you trust him 100% you would not be thinking ANY what ifs ecspecially about him divorcing you. You are not even married and you are thinking about that. I honestly do not think YOU are ready at all to let go 100% of your life there and be with him in the USA. I do not think you are ready because your thrust level is not that high. (it may be high BUT it is not 100%)

You have only been together a year and this is called the honeymoon phase. Many people get married within the 1st year of dating and many do divorce that do this (no no NOT ALL DO but most)

IF you love each other THAT much this complicated process is NOTHING compared to a lifetime of happiness with your loved one. IF you are THAT in love it should not bother you. I say wait it out a while, your relationship is still new and if you have doubts, then DO NOT DO IT YET!!!

I understand you must be smart..and this is the time to think about these things YES..BUT if the love was 100% strong you would not be stressing and worrying SO much about it. I think you need to wait like I said and visit THEN once those doubts are gone THEN go for it

Best wishes

Edited October 20, 2008 by Cham

[pushbrk 14,567]

Questions:

1. Should we get married here in Thailand and try to get the K1 visas from here or would it be faster and easier for us to married in the states?

No. The K-1 is a fiancee visa...intended to be used to enter the US one time to marry your US citizen fiance. So you cannot be married at the time the visa is issued to you.

2.If I go with a tourist visa does that allow me to get married and file for a K1 visa there?

No....using a tourist visa, for another purpose besides "visiting" is considered visa fraud.

3.If he ever decided to divorce me ,how do i deal with it? Is there anyway for me to stay there legally?

This is a personal issue, and should be discussed with your fiancee before any decisions are made. The second portion of your question is confusing, what do you mean is there a way for you to stay here legally? If you are the wife of a US citizen, you are eligible to apply for residency...so that you would have legal right to reside in the US.

4.Once I get a green card I am save for another 3 years is that true?

Safe for 3 years? Safe from what? Once you get the initial green card, it will be a 2 year conditional green card. After those 2 years, you will again apply to remove the "conditional" status.

5.During the time that the green card is being process/arrive will i be able to work?

Yes, if you apply for an Employment Authorization Document (EAD).

Please help me....Thank you!

I think you need to do further research to understand what is involved. You're using terms that I'm not sure you quite understand. Please read the guides available here on this site for more information, and have your fiancee also look here. Once you are better informed you can make the best decision regarding your future.

-P

Minya's wife has given direct and correct answers to your questions. Your concern about what would happen to your immigration status in the event of a divorce is quite understandable considering you will have left your life and dream career behind you.

I'd advise you to make your life choices first and then embark on the visa path that best matches your marital status and other goals. The K1 visa requires the marriage take place in the USA and that you be unmarried at the time the visa is issued. If you wish to marry in Thailand, you would take a spouse visa path. Study the guides for the options and details.

Generally, if you come to the USA and marry or are married to a US Citizen, you'll have at least conditional permanent resident status within a few months. Provided you entered the marriage in good faith, it's quite likely you could remove the conditions to that residency whether the marriage lasts or not.

[tallcoolone 102]

Life is Gamble.

Sometime you just got to Roll the Bones.......

[Completely 3]

Hint, just because one has a loving marriage, does not mean EVERYTHING works out fine. Rose colored glasses only take you so far. The OP was simply asking some questions...but to me it sounded more like someone who has no idea of the process....not someone who's more interested in a GC. There is nothing wrong with wanting some security in your future, and this does not mean that one is a gold digger. The issues worrying the OP are those that have crossed anyone's mind to a certain extend because the focus on the perennial 'what if?'

rocksteady, please do more research on the choices you're facing as they pertain to your potential emigration to the US and discuss with your fiancee those issues of a more personal nature, such as your worries about the 'what if's' in case of divorce.

-P

Thanks for your lovely reply....You are so right I have no idea about this thing. I guess I wanted to be with him so badly that it makes me think too far ahead. You basically sums up of what im trying to say for me!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Haole

Sorry but you sound like you're more concerned about getting a GC than having a loving marriage. Got to worry about getting married before you worry about staying in the US when you a divorce!

Hint! Have a loving marriage and EVERYTHING will work out just fine!

Thanks for your time replying this msg. I think you misunderstand what Im trying to say. I have to worry because this is me moving to another country leave my job here. I believe in love but you gotta be smart and i need to be prepare of what might happen. I guess making this big decision requires me to think both with my heart and my head. I don't have any doubts for my relationship between me n my bf. Like I said the reason I wanna go there is to be with him. I just want to keep my heads up. I want to be smart at this not doing it on an impulse. I read many posts on VJ about people facing these problems and it sort of makes me worry,too much I guess. And the question regardless of whether the relationship if its going to work out or not, basically i just want to know will this effect or contaminated my record in the future if I decided to go back there.

We need to take a risk if we want to be happy.. I understand that you have to be smart, but there is a saying that what happened to Pedro, does not mean it will happen to Juan..

Getting married is a risk, but this is for your happiness. Marriage is a job, you have tto work things out.. You should always think positive to keep your relationship strong..

Think twice before you make a decision, check yourself, when doubts is gone.. then ask questions about immigration..

Edited October 20, 2008 by Completely

[Gemmie 142]

I wish people wouldn't pass judgement on someone just because she's trying to do this with her heart AND her head. I did the same thing myself, used my heart and my head, not because I didn't trust my partner.. but because I wanted to look logically at all of the aspects before making such a big decision and leaving my previous life behind.

As someone said THERE IS NO WHAT IFs. If you trusted him 100% there would be no questions of what if he does this or that. What If I am deported. what if what if. If you trust him 100% you would not be thinking ANY what ifs ecspecially about him divorcing you.

Comments such as this are, in my opinion, naive.. you have to know that just because you would finally be together with your loved one, things aren't going to be "happily ever after".. there is ALWAYS a chance that a marriage might fail and it usually happens to the person that doesn't expect it. There is nothing wrong with looking ahead at her options should her marriage not work out.

Let's face it, how many times has someone posted here when their marriage breaks down, asking if there's a way to stay in the US after divorce? Were they simply not "trusting" their partner? As much as I agree that you should trust in your relationship and in each other that you'll work things out, I don't agree that there is no such thing as a "what if?" In fact, we should know by now that there is always a what if in immigration; what if I can't get granted a tourist visa, what if I am denied entry at POE, what if I can't see my love for the entire process, what if our application is denied, what if I can't make enough money to support him/her, what if we face problems in the future - and yes, what if it doesn't work out. All reasonable thoughts.

To the OP.. I suggest you look at the guides first. You could get married wherever you wish, but the type of visa is different depending where/when you choose to do so. There are options for you if you entered the marriage in good faith and it didn't work out.

[ellieandwill2 0]

Hi first let me introduce myself, Im from Thailand, im a fashion designer and im 24. My boyfriend lives in California he is 25. We met last year in Dec.2007 and ever since we still contacting each other (long distance relationship). In May 2008 he send me a plane ticket to go visit him and our relationship sort of elevated from there. He did ask me to marry him so that we can be together but it was too sudden and I was a little skeptical. Now I realized that I want to be with him, because we survive many months of not seeing each other and that have proven to me that we have a strong foundation. He will come and visit me in Jan 2009.

At first i was going to go there using a tourist visas and see what it would be like with him there. So if everything went well, we will get married there and then apply for the K1 visas. I must admit although we knew each other for only a year, but I do trust him. But the future is uncertain, if he ever decided to divorce me or some terrible thing happen, I hope not, where does that leave me and how do i deal with it? I feel like I should plan ahead of the worst thing that can happen. The last thing I want is being deported, because I secrefied my dream job here. I don't want to go back home divorced and unemploy. The thing that scares me the most is the complicated processes will drift us apart. So I would like to know what is the best way to approach this situation?

Questions:

1. Should we get married here in Thailand and try to get the K1 visas from here or would it be faster and easier for us to married in the states?

2.If I go with a tourist visa does that allow me to get married and file for a K1 visa there?

3.If he ever decided to divorce me ,how do i deal with it? Is there anyway for me to stay there legally?

4.Once I get a green card I am save for another 3 years is that true?

5.During the time that the green card is being process/arrive will i be able to work?

Please help me....Thank you!

Hi,

first let me say, as you seem to be having these doughts now, i think it would be better to wait before you decide to do any thing alone the lines of K1 or K3, as yes this process can take a while.

As he is coming to you soon, you need to both sit down and talk talk, talk and talk, tell him how you feel, let him tell you how he feels, listen to each other, understand each others point of view on things, take you time you are both still very young and have so much time to develop a good stong relationship and if it is meant to be, it will be, follow your heart, you have one life and if this is the road your heart sends you on then just enjoy it be happy and no worry about what has not yet happened, as if you do, you will never do anything, and life is for going for it not looking back and saying if only?

i am 48 years old woman, widow, children all grown, grandchild, lived my whole life in my country, never in this world two years ago did i think i meet a man i would fall in love with again and half way around the world, i am following my heart and going to be with him forever.

take care and good luck

ellie

[Cham 3]

I wish people wouldn't pass judgement on someone just because she's trying to do this with her heart AND her head. I did the same thing myself, used my heart and my head, not because I didn't trust my partner.. but because I wanted to look logically at all of the aspects before making such a big decision and leaving my previous life behind.

As someone said THERE IS NO WHAT IFs. If you trusted him 100% there would be no questions of what if he does this or that. What If I am deported. what if what if. If you trust him 100% you would not be thinking ANY what ifs ecspecially about him divorcing you.

Comments such as this are, in my opinion, naive.. you have to know that just because you would finally be together with your loved one, things aren't going to be "happily ever after".. there is ALWAYS a chance that a marriage might fail and it usually happens to the person that doesn't expect it. There is nothing wrong with looking ahead at her options should her marriage not work out.

Let's face it, how many times has someone posted here when their marriage breaks down, asking if there's a way to stay in the US after divorce? Were they simply not "trusting" their partner? As much as I agree that you should trust in your relationship and in each other that you'll work things out, I don't agree that there is no such thing as a "what if?" In fact, we should know by now that there is always a what if in immigration; what if I can't get granted a tourist visa, what if I am denied entry at POE, what if I can't see my love for the entire process, what if our application is denied, what if I can't make enough money to support him/her, what if we face problems in the future - and yes, what if it doesn't work out. All reasonable thoughts.

To the OP.. I suggest you look at the guides first. You could get married wherever you wish, but the type of visa is different depending where/when you choose to do so. There are options for you if you entered the marriage in good faith and it didn't work out.

I was NOT passing judgement had you read it properly you would have understood that I was saying IF she has issues with the what ifs then WAIT. Like another poster stated ..get the things you want FIRST out of the way before you make a full blown commitment. Rose colored glasses do come off and then the reality hits.

YES she is loving her man and YES she is smart enough to be thinking about these issues. MY POINT WAS that IF she is thinking about these issues and saying a ton of what IFS then she does not need to get married just yet.

There was a question of trust. SO therefore it was far from naive my friend.

I was IN HER SHOES 2 times and I cant tell you how many times I wish I would have stated the what ifs INSTEAD of wearing the rose colored glasses and thinking that it was a fairytale

NOT once did I say her thoughts were unreasonable.

JEEZ

[Minya's wife 25]

I wish people wouldn't pass judgement on someone just because she's trying to do this with her heart AND her head. I did the same thing myself, used my heart and my head, not because I didn't trust my partner.. but because I wanted to look logically at all of the aspects before making such a big decision and leaving my previous life behind.

I was NOT passing judgement had you read it properly you would have understood that I was saying IF she has issues with the what ifs then WAIT. Like another poster stated ..get the things you want FIRST out of the way before you make a full blown commitment. Rose colored glasses do come off and then the reality hits.

YES she is loving her man and YES she is smart enough to be thinking about these issues. MY POINT WAS that IF she is thinking about these issues and saying a ton of what IFS then she does not need to get married just yet.

There was a question of trust. SO therefore it was far from naive my friend.

I was IN HER SHOES 2 times and I cant tell you how many times I wish I would have stated the what ifs INSTEAD of wearing the rose colored glasses and thinking that it was a fairytale

NOT once did I say her thoughts were unreasonable.

JEEZ

No need for getting snippy...I also read your your initial comment as a bit condescending, if not entirely judgmental. My statement that the rose colored glasses do come off, was intedended towards Haole's entirely judgemental comment that:

Sorry but you sound like you're more concerned about getting a GC than having a loving marriage. Got to worry about getting married before you worry about staying in the US when you a divorce!

Hint! Have a loving marriage and EVERYTHING will work out just fine!

and taken out of context for your use. I meant to say that in light of the rose colored glasses falling off after a while, the OP's worries about her future were not unfounded, and they certainly did not hint that she was a 'gold digger'...just a girl with some question..

The OP's questions were concise and had to do with immigration. It is not really our place to advise on relationship issues, unless he/she specifically asks for it...which I did not see in the original post. While it is OK that many give opinions and advice on how to best ensure that an international relationship/marriage survives, that is not the purpose of VJ, nor should it be the main focus of a reply. IMO we're here to offer advice about immigration, not relationships.

-P

[Gemmie 142]

I wish people wouldn't pass judgement on someone just because she's trying to do this with her heart AND her head. I did the same thing myself, used my heart and my head, not because I didn't trust my partner.. but because I wanted to look logically at all of the aspects before making such a big decision and leaving my previous life behind.

As someone said THERE IS NO WHAT IFs. If you trusted him 100% there would be no questions of what if he does this or that. What If I am deported. what if what if. If you trust him 100% you would not be thinking ANY what ifs ecspecially about him divorcing you.

Comments such as this are, in my opinion, naive.. you have to know that just because you would finally be together with your loved one, things aren't going to be "happily ever after".. there is ALWAYS a chance that a marriage might fail and it usually happens to the person that doesn't expect it. There is nothing wrong with looking ahead at her options should her marriage not work out.

Let's face it, how many times has someone posted here when their marriage breaks down, asking if there's a way to stay in the US after divorce? Were they simply not "trusting" their partner? As much as I agree that you should trust in your relationship and in each other that you'll work things out, I don't agree that there is no such thing as a "what if?" In fact, we should know by now that there is always a what if in immigration; what if I can't get granted a tourist visa, what if I am denied entry at POE, what if I can't see my love for the entire process, what if our application is denied, what if I can't make enough money to support him/her, what if we face problems in the future - and yes, what if it doesn't work out. All reasonable thoughts.

To the OP.. I suggest you look at the guides first. You could get married wherever you wish, but the type of visa is different depending where/when you choose to do so. There are options for you if you entered the marriage in good faith and it didn't work out.

I was NOT passing judgement had you read it properly you would have understood that I was saying IF she has issues with the what ifs then WAIT. Like another poster stated ..get the things you want FIRST out of the way before you make a full blown commitment. Rose colored glasses do come off and then the reality hits.

YES she is loving her man and YES she is smart enough to be thinking about these issues. MY POINT WAS that IF she is thinking about these issues and saying a ton of what IFS then she does not need to get married just yet.

There was a question of trust. SO therefore it was far from naive my friend.

I was IN HER SHOES 2 times and I cant tell you how many times I wish I would have stated the what ifs INSTEAD of wearing the rose colored glasses and thinking that it was a fairytale

NOT once did I say her thoughts were unreasonable.

JEEZ

There's no need to be so defensive. My comment about passing judgement was aimed at the people that were claiming she seemed more interested in a GC.

You might not have said that her thoughts were "unreasonable", but you did say that there wouldn't be these kind of questions if she trusted her partner. This is why I selected that part of your comment and addressed that one part, because I don't agree. Questioning decisions is a healthy process, and doesn't say anything about the level of trust, in my opinion. I didn't see anything about the OP confessing to having an issue with trust. It's just having natural thoughts about such a huge decision.

The rest of it, about waiting before making a decision, yes. Of course that's a smart and logical thing to do.

Edited October 20, 2008 by Gemmie