Do You Ever Think You Might Be Doing Your SO a Disservice?

[Bootylicious!! 2]

We wouldn't do it differently. We're much better off here than in Mexico. Here we have a house, three cars, and anything else we want to buy. Even though Javi got laid off a couple of months ago from his construction job, he's started his own business, and is doing well enough to keep us afloat. I work for the college here in the area so my job is very stable. I don't make tons of money but I don't have to worry about being laid off or anything. I have free insurance also. If we were in Mexico, I could not work because I do not speak spanish. Javi would not be able to make enough money there to afford us housing or cars for that matter. Even though the economy is shite right now, we're much better off here. I would never go back and do anything differently. We would like to live in Mexico at some point, maybe for a couple of months at a time, but never for good.

[AlHayatZween 2]

Now we have to fork out another $550 for removing conditions and then stick it out for a year, by the sound of it, to have it processed. #### that for a joke.

Since we are talking time and numbers, what's the average it might take to remove conditions and get a 10-year green card? Judging from some couple's timelines, it doesn't look that long... am i reading wrong or are they just the lucky ones?

(sorry, i'm still in the K1 process, and taking it one step at a time, so...)

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

There are times, when I do, seriously, think this way. However, the choices are either I move to Russia and try to survive or my Alla moves to America and tries to survive. When I factor all the variables, the later is still the most viable option for us now. It would be far more stressful and challenging for me as an American citizen to emigrate to Russia, find truly gainful income, and provide for us there.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

I think all you can do is take the plunge and see how it goes. Also, not to sound like an advice columnist, but try not to think of your situation in terms of you possibly doing your husband (fiance?) a disservice. You came to a mutual decision, right? If it doesn't work out for whatever reason, you can reevaluate the situation together and decide what's next.

I know it sounds simplistic, but try not to panic!

[Cassie 8]

Now we have to fork out another $550 for removing conditions and then stick it out for a year, by the sound of it, to have it processed. #### that for a joke.

Since we are talking time and numbers, what's the average it might take to remove conditions and get a 10-year green card? Judging from some couple's timelines, it doesn't look that long... am i reading wrong or are they just the lucky ones?

(sorry, i'm still in the K1 process, and taking it one step at a time, so...)

Currently, I have seen approval in a couple of months, and then you have the nice chunk of us that waited/are still waiting over a year.

[ELW 5]

It is a disservice in some ways and a grand opportunity in other ways. Life is sweet and sour. When hubby first came here to USA he missed India terribly and was depressed about no job or friends. He used to say how good it would be if we never came here to USA. After a few months however he began to enjoy the conviences so much that now he says he doesn't want to go back there to live again!

In India we both had jobs that were just so-so and barely had anything to save up. Also no health care. And no AC & heating. Not to mention all the pollution, dust and dirty stuff on the side of all the roads. Here we are both covered by my insurance, and though he is making only minimum wage at the moment, he can still send tens of thousands of rupees to India for his family (living in a village with no running water), while saving a small amount here and covering household expenses too. He also likes the constant electricity and hot water.

Still, I miss the richness of life in India and more free time. Hope I can convince him to go back to live there after we save up enough and have retirement checks coming in!

[AlHayatZween 2]

I think all you can do is take the plunge and see how it goes. Also, not to sound like an advice columnist, but try not to think of your situation in terms of you possibly doing your husband (fiance?) a disservice. You came to a mutual decision, right? If it doesn't work out for whatever reason, you can reevaluate the situation together and decide what's next.

I know it sounds simplistic, but try not to panic!

Yes, this is all true...

i suppose you never really know what life is going to throw at you... no matter where you are...

i'm just feeling anxious over the whole thing. maybe i should stop reading about the economy and stop thinking about my job... this could be a good start!

[AlHayatZween 2]

Currently, I have seen approval in a couple of months, and then you have the nice chunk of us that waited/are still waiting over a year.

Thanks!

i know that we are dealing with USCIS and that anything can and probably will happen, but that is not a terrible time frame.

knock on wood.

Edited May 17, 2008 by AlHayatZween

[honeyblonde 0]

I just saw this thread and thought I'd reply since we're in similar boats. You've made some very good points, and many who replied made some too.

Basically, it really does depend on where you are now, and where your SO is coming from. Our husbands are both Moroccan so I know that side of it, but not sure where you are. I'm in the deep south, so it's been pretty hard for my husband. I'm currently applying for jobs elsewhere to move somewhere he will be more comfortable. For now my search is limited to English speaking places, although I have enough Spanish I could be proficient in it with a few months practice.

One thing that concerned me about your post is the way you phrased it. I have learned that it is very important to never hint that bringing my husband here is in any way doing anything to help him. He will remind me that he is only here to be with me and would much rather be at home in Morocco if he had a choice. You seem to be very aware that although Morocco is considered a poor country, it is rich in so many other things that money cannot buy, like strong family ties and a rich culture with time for leisure and healthy meals. We sometimes focus so much in this country on material wealth we forget what we give up for it.

The one thing I keep reminding my husband of is that he really needs to get his US citizenship, if for nothing else than to be able to come here to visit my family with me once we move back there. Another thing, if your spouse comes here and works and earns social security, unless he gets his citizenship, he will not be able to draw his social security when he retires without staying in the US (this varies by country.)

Our economy is terrible right now and immigrants are bearing a lot of the brunt of it because the tighter the job market, the more likely an employer is to hire someone from the local community that they have known since childhood over someone from another country that they've never met. This might be different in bigger cities, but I'm seeing it a lot around here, and from the sounds of it so are others who responded.

I think it is good that he comes here for a while, if for nothing else to give him a chance to see your side of life. After he's been here for a while and hopefully gotten his US citizenship, then the two of you can decide if you'd rather live in Morocco. It sounds like you already have the language skills to move there, so you're one huge step ahead of me. I'm trying to learn French and Arabic now so we have that option.

[caybee 21]

Life for us would have been more difficult in some ways if I had moved there, although we'd probably be eating healthier and exercising more, and life would be slower, at least in his hometown. We'd have more space, less "stuff" to worry about, wouldn't even need a car. But it would have been quite difficult for either of us to find decent work there. With him here, I am working toward a career that I could conceivably do successfully over there in time, and he has opportunities for education and advancement now that he wouldn't have had there. We hope he'll have his citizenship within a few short years, and then we'll have more options. We've never considered the USA to be our final destination, necessarily, though it may be. It's what we're doing for now to be together, and he tells me he feels this is his home now, so even though there are struggles neither of us anticipated, neither of us feels we've made a mistake. And he'd be right ticked with me if I ever suggested that I'd hurt him in any way during this process. We made this decision as a team, the best one we could make at the time, and we're taking things as they come. The decision, like most, is open to revision.

[ginger1981 0]

I think it depends on the couple's situation. It made more sense for him to move here than for me to move there. Although we aren't opposed to moving back to the UK if it would improve our situation.