How do you split your finances?

[Cali Gal CPA 0]

Joint everything, but I manage the finances. Hubby doesn't even know what our bank account #s are, eventhough he makes a lot more money than I do.

Scary eh?

[Ban Hammer 12,829]

Hi all,

I prompted the poll about pre-nuptial agreements and as I read the responses of those who chose to reply (thank you for sharing your thoughts), I wondered about another question, better served for discussion than a poll, I think...

During my first marriage, finances were shared equally.. joint bank accounts, credit cards, etc.. even though income was split more like 60-40. Divorce was relatively amicable with a 50-50 split of assets, joint custody of the kids. The only contention was retirement and he threatened to keep me from closing the deal on the house I wanted if I pursued half of his, so I relented.

Now... I'm wondering how people who have been divorced, or are older and have established lives/kids/etc, have decided to manage their finances... everything jointly, one joint account for bills with separate accounts for personal expenses, other options?

I'm of the opinion that marriage is a partnership, not a business arrangement, but I don't have experience in any other method other than 'joint everything'. I'm interested in hearing pros/cons of how arrangements have worked for people.

Ideas? Thoughts?

Jen

half of HIS retirement? that would be a crime.

you got that right Rich!!!

Military guys get screwed all the time becaue of that. They're old ladies wait until just before they retire, and get a divorce, and get to walk out with half of their retirement!!!

That's why the vows were written to read "till DEATH do you part". If it ain't natural, then make it unatural!

My friend's bf has an exwife who gets half his pension. Forever. Doesn't matter if she gets married or not.

Then again, doesn't welshie and her man have this very same issue with his biotch of an ex?

yup thank you pat schroeder......

had the same problem facing me but fortunately my ex wife was too greedy to consider the long term

[sparkofcreation 0]

Hi all,

I prompted the poll about pre-nuptial agreements and as I read the responses of those who chose to reply (thank you for sharing your thoughts), I wondered about another question, better served for discussion than a poll, I think...

During my first marriage, finances were shared equally.. joint bank accounts, credit cards, etc.. even though income was split more like 60-40. Divorce was relatively amicable with a 50-50 split of assets, joint custody of the kids. The only contention was retirement and he threatened to keep me from closing the deal on the house I wanted if I pursued half of his, so I relented.

Now... I'm wondering how people who have been divorced, or are older and have established lives/kids/etc, have decided to manage their finances... everything jointly, one joint account for bills with separate accounts for personal expenses, other options?

I'm of the opinion that marriage is a partnership, not a business arrangement, but I don't have experience in any other method other than 'joint everything'. I'm interested in hearing pros/cons of how arrangements have worked for people.

Ideas? Thoughts?

Jen

half of HIS retirement? that would be a crime.

Not half of it forever, just half the value of the pension that he put aside during the marriage. Just like the wife gets half the salary he earned during that time, half the house, half the car, and so on. (That, of course, assumes that one is in a community-property state--things aren't divided 50/50 in equitable distribution states of course.)

I don't see why people think it's unfair. Having a pension is not that different than having money put aside in a bank account, and the spouses will divide the money that's in the bank account (or at least, what was deposited from the date the marriage started 'til the separation). So why wouldn't they divide that part of the pension the same way? It's not like the ex-spouse has any right to the part of the pension that's set aside after the marriage ends. Or are you all saying "All my money is also my wife's, except that my pension is my own?" And how much of your salary (which you've just said is also your wife's) are you setting aside? If you're setting aside your salary, and your salary also belongs to your wife, doesn't the part you set aside also belong to her?

This, of course, applies in both directions--in my case, I have a pension and G. does not.

[Englishsammy 17]

We plan to share everything, we did before we were even engaged (well we were both as broke as each other )!!! We are goin to have a joint bank account as soon as we are married and we plan to always share everything and have joint bills, banks, mortgages etc, I think it is really important to share, no secrets, no this is mine thats yours type thing. My parents share everything so its normal for me.

Not everyone is the same, every person is different, I know I can trust Roshon and he would never spend our money on stupid stuff and he knows i'd never do that, but some of my friends keep there own money as their partners aren't so sensible or they just prefer to be independant.

It all depends on your own situation and how you feel

Sam

[Ban Hammer 12,829]

Hi all,

I prompted the poll about pre-nuptial agreements and as I read the responses of those who chose to reply (thank you for sharing your thoughts), I wondered about another question, better served for discussion than a poll, I think...

During my first marriage, finances were shared equally.. joint bank accounts, credit cards, etc.. even though income was split more like 60-40. Divorce was relatively amicable with a 50-50 split of assets, joint custody of the kids. The only contention was retirement and he threatened to keep me from closing the deal on the house I wanted if I pursued half of his, so I relented.

Now... I'm wondering how people who have been divorced, or are older and have established lives/kids/etc, have decided to manage their finances... everything jointly, one joint account for bills with separate accounts for personal expenses, other options?

I'm of the opinion that marriage is a partnership, not a business arrangement, but I don't have experience in any other method other than 'joint everything'. I'm interested in hearing pros/cons of how arrangements have worked for people.

Ideas? Thoughts?

Jen

half of HIS retirement? that would be a crime.

Not half of it forever, just half the value of the pension that he put aside during the marriage. Just like the wife gets half the salary he earned during that time, half the house, half the car, and so on. (That, of course, assumes that one is in a community-property state--things aren't divided 50/50 in equitable distribution states of course.)

I don't see why people think it's unfair. Having a pension is not that different than having money put aside in a bank account, and the spouses will divide the money that's in the bank account (or at least, what was deposited from the date the marriage started 'til the separation). So why wouldn't they divide that part of the pension the same way? It's not like the ex-spouse has any right to the part of the pension that's set aside after the marriage ends. Or are you all saying "All my money is also my wife's, except that my pension is my own?" And how much of your salary (which you've just said is also your wife's) are you setting aside? If you're setting aside your salary, and your salary also belongs to your wife, doesn't the part you set aside also belong to her?

This, of course, applies in both directions--in my case, I have a pension and G. does not.

having been there and done that, i'm going to open my mouth about it. when i went thru my divorce i was overseas about to go a combat zone. some servicemembers don't have the ability to even be around to lay claim to 50% of the real property accrued in the marriage - i know i was not.

the issue with the military retirements is this:

it's a gold mine for the spouse. even if caught in bed with half the town and the ending of the marriage is clearly the spouse's fault, the servicemember must pay. and thru the nose they do. so it does not matter if the servicemember is at fault or not, they lose their butts. and keep in mind the ex can go marry another servicemember and do the same thing............thus receiving what equates to a full military pension or more without ever serving in the armed forces.

to compound such, the servicemember is penalized for promotions. the law (called the uniformed services spousal protection act - usspa) should limit the retirement to that time frame that they were in the marriage. for example: they were married for 10 years, the servicemember was an e-6 at the time of divorce, with a potential paycheck of let's pick the nice round number of $1000, his or her ex would get $500. however, it's not that way. odds are they will be promoted several times and retire as say an e-8 with $1500 a month, the ex's amount jumps to $750. and such is for life until the ex dies. i've also heard that upon retirement of the servicemember, the courts order that they pay for the survivor benefit plan in case they die before the ex to ensure continued payment of such - and that's more money out of the servicemember's pocket!

one last note: it's not retirement pay - it's retainer pay...........as the servicemember can be recalled back to active duty and be shot at.

Edited May 6, 2006 by charlesandnessa

[Nessa 23]

having been there and done that, i'm going to open my mouth about it. when i went thru my divorce i was overseas about to go a combat zone. some servicemembers don't have the ability to even be around to lay claim to 50% of the real property accrued in the marriage - i know i was not.

the issue with the military retirements is this:

it's a gold mine for the spouse. even if caught in bed with half the town and the ending of the marriage is clearly the spouse's fault, the servicemember must pay. and thru the nose they do. so it does not matter if the servicemember is at fault or not, they lose their butts. and keep in mind the ex can go marry another servicemember and do the same thing............thus receiving what equates to a full military pension or more without ever serving in the armed forces.

to compound such, the servicemember is penalized for promotions. the law (called the uniformed services spousal protection act - usspa) should limit the retirement to that time frame that they were in the marriage. for example: they were married for 10 years, the servicemember was an e-6 at the time of divorce, with a potential paycheck of let's pick the nice round number of $1000, his or her ex would get $500. however, it's not that way. odds are they will be promoted several times and retire as say an e-8 with $1500 a month, the ex's amount jumps to $750. and such is for life until the ex dies. i've also heard that upon retirement of the servicemember, the courts order that they pay for the survivor benefit plan in case they die before the ex to ensure continued payment of such - and that's more money out of the servicemember's pocket!

one last note: it's not retirement pay - it's retainer pay...........as the servicemember can be recalled back to active duty and be shot at.

ok what if the guy has been married like 5 times, would the 4 of his ex wives split that half?

Edited May 6, 2006 by nessaandcharles

[Welshcookie 17]

having been there and done that, i'm going to open my mouth about it. when i went thru my divorce i was overseas about to go a combat zone. some servicemembers don't have the ability to even be around to lay claim to 50% of the real property accrued in the marriage - i know i was not.

the issue with the military retirements is this:

it's a gold mine for the spouse. even if caught in bed with half the town and the ending of the marriage is clearly the spouse's fault, the servicemember must pay. and thru the nose they do. so it does not matter if the servicemember is at fault or not, they lose their butts. and keep in mind the ex can go marry another servicemember and do the same thing............thus receiving what equates to a full military pension or more without ever serving in the armed forces.

to compound such, the servicemember is penalized for promotions. the law (called the uniformed services spousal protection act - usspa) should limit the retirement to that time frame that they were in the marriage. for example: they were married for 10 years, the servicemember was an e-6 at the time of divorce, with a potential paycheck of let's pick the nice round number of $1000, his or her ex would get $500. however, it's not that way. odds are they will be promoted several times and retire as say an e-8 with $1500 a month, the ex's amount jumps to $750. and such is for life until the ex dies. i've also heard that upon retirement of the servicemember, the courts order that they pay for the survivor benefit plan in case they die before the ex to ensure continued payment of such - and that's more money out of the servicemember's pocket!

one last note: it's not retirement pay - it's retainer pay...........as the servicemember can be recalled back to active duty and be shot at.

yeh....I have done a fair bit of research into this over the past few months and read some pretty horrific and sad stories. It's still pretty raw in our household right now....so I am not going to comment anymore..

[slim 1,514]

I plan on just handing my paycheck straight to her.

[ChristinaM 0]

As someone who is not of the "everything should be pooled" school, I'd like to put my two cents in.

I have no objection to having a joint account for paying the bills, rent and essential living expenses, but I think that any money earned outside that belongs to the person who earned it. If you and your spouse then wish to pool cash for a vacation, big-ticket purchase, etc. then that's fine, but I feel very strongly that nobody should have to justify every red cent they spend - or that they should be put in that position in the first place.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

As someone who is not of the "everything should be pooled" school, I'd like to put my two cents in.

I have no objection to having a joint account for paying the bills, rent and essential living expenses, but I think that any money earned outside that belongs to the person who earned it. If you and your spouse then wish to pool cash for a vacation, big-ticket purchase, etc. then that's fine, but I feel very strongly that nobody should have to justify every red cent they spend - or that they should be put in that position in the first place.

How does the former relate to the latter? I don't get it.

I mean, we "pool" everything and neither of us has to "justify" any expense. Larger things we naturally talk about as I am in no position to just blow a few grand whenever I feel like it. Everyday things are just done as either feels appropriate and necessary and kept track of. But that is way short of justifying anything at all.

[ChristinaM 0]

Depends how your finances are set up, ET-US. I can only speak from my personal experience.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Depends how your finances are set up, ET-US. I can only speak from my personal experience.

I can see what you're saying. Joint accounts can lead one down the road of having to justify every expense. All I am saying is that one doesn't necessarily lead to the other. Joint finances and relative financial freedom (there are obviously limits depending on income levels) can well go hand in hand. That's all I'm saying.

[sowens 0]

I can understand why some would want seperate as well as joint accounts etc, I had a rocky realtionship before and money was a mjor issue in it, but there isnt anyone I trust more than my husband, we share everything. Its been hard due to the pride thing, there has been times when one of us wasnt working and the other was, but we have gotten past it knowing that we are just that "Partners". And I couldnt have picked a better team mate!

[radacos 0]

Well, I have been in school for the past 3 years, so he really has been supporting me fully for that long. We have a joint checking account and credit card, I have my own checking account and a credit card, and he has a couple of savings accounts that are his. Over the past year I have been working, although earning a small fraction of what he makes. My paychecks go to my account, which I use to pay off my credit card (I wanted my own CC so I could establish credit). But, I use my credit card mostly to grocery shop, so that counts as common expenses anyway. Things are going to get a trickier in 6 months, when I have to start paying off my student loans. We've talked about it, and decided that most of my paycheck will go towards that -- since *I* incurred the loan, and it's a significant amount, I would feel kind of bad asking him to chip in. Of course, given the huge disparity in our incomes, he will still be, de facto, supporting my living expenses.

Sigh... I guess I am just a kept woman. I rationalize this by pledging to support him whenever he decides to go back to school or embark on a marginally profitable occupation.

[anya-D 8]

Hmmm.... let's see...

What's hers is hers, and what's mine is hers, and if I need money, I go to her!!!

That's pretty much it!