Stirring the pot - Nigeria

[Ta Ta 1]

I am not making assumptions of the OP's intent and in good faith believe he posted out of social curiosity.

My beef was with an experience a poster had, a conversation with someone who called someone a scammer based on his tribe.......let me clarify only with the person who judged the man based on tribe and NOT with the poster who told the experience.

[Ta Ta 1]

Edo State...he's Esan

Is Esan the same as the spelling Ishan or a different tribe ?

[ebonyqueen 0]

Edo State...he's Esan

Is Esan the same as the spelling Ishan or a different tribe ?

I believe they are the same...have seen both names used. I Just kno my husband uses Esan.

[Bashorun 1]

Bashorun, I am not sure why you addressed me because I am in agreement with your post. And I have and will continue to study the

Mende tribe ( my fiance's tribe ). Since there is very little out there and I am not able to live there among his people for now I am looking towards general African culture as some of it overlaps and is still helpful even if it is not Mende. The book I and Forchika mentioned in the other thread being a perfect example of very helpful down to earth practical tips for western wives.

I agree, a marriage with one being from a different tribe has adjustments to make too. So does a same tribe city / country mix couple.

Omoba, I'm not bashing or either am I against anything U said, I just chose to address my comments to U becos U sound very enligtened and sincere about each every comment U made on VJ. I know am not the only one that sees it. So it like am talking to U and not someone with attitude ready to start a fight on VJ with me. U get ma point? thanks.

[Ta Ta 1]

Bashorun, I am not sure why you addressed me because I am in agreement with your post. And I have and will continue to study the

Mende tribe ( my fiance's tribe ). Since there is very little out there and I am not able to live there among his people for now I am looking towards general African culture as some of it overlaps and is still helpful even if it is not Mende. The book I and Forchika mentioned in the other thread being a perfect example of very helpful down to earth practical tips for western wives.

I agree, a marriage with one being from a different tribe has adjustments to make too. So does a same tribe city / country mix couple.

Omoba, I'm not bashing or either am I against anything U said, I just chose to address my comments to U becos U sound very enligtened and sincere about each every comment U made on VJ. I know am not the only one that sees it. So it like am talking to U and not someone with attitude ready to start a fight on VJ with me. U get ma point? thanks.

Yep got it and am enjoying your comments too. B)

Edo State...he's Esan

Is Esan the same as the spelling Ishan or a different tribe ?

I believe they are the same...have seen both names used. I Just kno my husband uses Esan.

I dated a someone from that tribe before......delta region ?

[ogele 0]

Bashorun says:

Nigeria is a well diverse country with about or over 200 ethnic groups, correct me if am wrong. This doesn't mean someone is trying to generalize or stereotype in any way. It is just the fact, we have a rich culture attached to each every tribe and which really makes it impossible to actually know someone in the real sense if U ignore learning as much as U can about the culture and tribe that person represent.

Ogele says:

Your words speak truth.

Bashorun says: why?

becos this is the stiring(strng?) in which our parents raised us with.

Ogele says:

Huh? What are you talking about here?Your parents raised you an ethnic irredentist?An ethnic xenophobist?Or in international parlance,a racist?Mine did not raise me that way,and many of my ethnic stock do not think of the rest of our country’s ethnic groups that way.

Bashorun says:

This goes both ways between the husband and wife but becos we actually living here in america, africans has a bigger share of the adjusting of american culture to learn.

Ogele says:

Okay?

Bashorun says:

For an example, it is generally known that a yoruba boy is raised with so much respect for the elders that it tells with the way he greets and address someone that is more older than him. So with this U can easily pick a yoruba boy within a group of boys.

Ogele says:

Baloney!Ever heard of the saying, “salutation is not respect”?I am Igbo,and we are taught never to bow or kneel to another man because such reverence is reserved for God only.If a person does not assist you in giving your woman orgasms,why in tarnation would you be bowing to him.The Igbo simply shake elders with two hands and averted eyes as a sincere sign of respect.If you prostrate in Igboland,you will receive a smack and a humiliating sneer such as, “how about I come by tonight and help you warm your wife’s rump?”Even then,I was always taught to respect other people’s cultures as sacred,and equal in weight in terms of the significance of what is being conveyed,as mine.

Bashorun says:

I am not trying to say a tribe is better than the other but there are ways our culture impart our way of life and this doesn't mean anything negative, actually am looking at the positive aspect of culture in which i gave an example of.

Ogele says:

Let me help you out of the ambiguity.Nigeria,nay Africa is comprised of many cultures,but it is a safe assumption that there exists an overwhelming mutuality in their philosophy of life.From their idea of marriage,family,hospitality,kindness,brotherhood,humanity and fairness,African cultures are the same.Variations might exist in the actual process say,the amount of dowry,but that is just about it.

Bashorun says:

If a marriage fails, it doesn't solely fail becos of culturer differences, it mostly fails becos either or both couple are ignorant and selfish to understanding the impact culture has in a marriage. Remember it doesn't have to be an international marriage before culture becomes a big part of it, even in nigeria marrying someone from another tribe, like a yoruba man married an igbo woman. From an american view, this is a marriage between africans but as a Nigerian we know there are culturer difference between the couple they have to overcome.

Ogele says:

Very well said!

Bashorun says:

why? becos like I said this is the stiring(string?)in which their parents has raised them with.

Ogele says:

Again,did they raise you,racist?

Bashorun says:

Again, nothing negative with what I said here.

Ogele says:

There is everything negative with your analysis.If not,why keep inserting the caveat?

Bashorun says:

We learning the american culture so wouldn't it be wise for an american spouse to learn the foreign spouse culture which actually U can achieve only when U understand the tribe where the spouse is from. This would help the marriage during the process of adjusting to american life by the foreign spouse. U would be making a big mistake saying U are learning african culture, like i said Nigeria has a diverse culture. So to close this, learn the culture of the tribe ur SO represent to better understand him or her. Just another successful marriage tips.

Ogele:

Nothing successful about the tips.

[ebonyqueen 0]

[chispas 0]

Did you guys check out the youtube video representing some of the various regions of Nigerians? As an outsider I was enlighted to see how many regions the country boasts. Plus you know, there is the issue of population and just plain ole access to the Internet that makes a difference.

[forchika 4]

Can I join you?

[Zee Bee 61]

Bashorun says:

Nigeria is a well diverse country with about or over 200 ethnic groups, correct me if am wrong. This doesn't mean someone is trying to generalize or stereotype in any way. It is just the fact, we have a rich culture attached to each every tribe and which really makes it impossible to actually know someone in the real sense if U ignore learning as much as U can about the culture and tribe that person represent.

Ogele says:

Your words speak truth.

Bashorun says: why?

becos this is the stiring(strng?) in which our parents raised us with.

Ogele says:

Huh? What are you talking about here?Your parents raised you an ethnic irredentist?An ethnic xenophobist?Or in international parlance,a racist?Mine did not raise me that way,and many of my ethnic stock do not think of the rest of our country's ethnic groups that way.

Bashorun says:

This goes both ways between the husband and wife but becos we actually living here in america, africans has a bigger share of the adjusting of american culture to learn.

Ogele says:

Okay?

Bashorun says:

For an example, it is generally known that a yoruba boy is raised with so much respect for the elders that it tells with the way he greets and address someone that is more older than him. So with this U can easily pick a yoruba boy within a group of boys.

Ogele says:

Baloney!Ever heard of the saying, "salutation is not respect"?I am Igbo,and we are taught never to bow or kneel to another man because such reverence is reserved for God only.If a person does not assist you in giving your woman orgasms,why in tarnation would you be bowing to him.The Igbo simply shake elders with two hands and averted eyes as a sincere sign of respect.If you prostrate in Igboland,you will receive a smack and a humiliating sneer such as, "how about I come by tonight and help you warm your wife's rump?"Even then,I was always taught to respect other people's cultures as sacred,and equal in weight in terms of the significance of what is being conveyed,as mine.

Bashorun says:

I am not trying to say a tribe is better than the other but there are ways our culture impart our way of life and this doesn't mean anything negative, actually am looking at the positive aspect of culture in which i gave an example of.

Ogele says:

Let me help you out of the ambiguity.Nigeria,nay Africa is comprised of many cultures,but it is a safe assumption that there exists an overwhelming mutuality in their philosophy of life.From their idea of marriage,family,hospitality,kindness,brotherhood,humanity and fairness,African cultures are the same.Variations might exist in the actual process say,the amount of dowry,but that is just about it.

Bashorun says:

If a marriage fails, it doesn't solely fail becos of culturer differences, it mostly fails becos either or both couple are ignorant and selfish to understanding the impact culture has in a marriage. Remember it doesn't have to be an international marriage before culture becomes a big part of it, even in nigeria marrying someone from another tribe, like a yoruba man married an igbo woman. From an american view, this is a marriage between africans but as a Nigerian we know there are culturer difference between the couple they have to overcome.

Ogele says:

Very well said!

Bashorun says:

why? becos like I said this is the stiring(string?)in which their parents has raised them with.

Ogele says:

Again,did they raise you,racist?

Bashorun says:

Again, nothing negative with what I said here.

Ogele says:

There is everything negative with your analysis.If not,why keep inserting the caveat?

Bashorun says:

We learning the american culture so wouldn't it be wise for an american spouse to learn the foreign spouse culture which actually U can achieve only when U understand the tribe where the spouse is from. This would help the marriage during the process of adjusting to american life by the foreign spouse. U would be making a big mistake saying U are learning african culture, like i said Nigeria has a diverse culture. So to close this, learn the culture of the tribe ur SO represent to better understand him or her. Just another successful marriage tips.

Ogele:

Nothing successful about the tips.

Both of you are coming from different points of view on these issues. Just because you may not agree with what is being said or because it is not the norm in your culture does not make it wrong.

[ara 0]

My husband was born and raised in Lagos-Yoruba tribe.

[blah0323 0]

my hubby is yoruba.

[Alt name 1]

Dunno but we won the nigerian lottery 11 times last year. Waiting on those "bank transfers" to come through

[We_Destiny 1]

The ethnicity of my sweety is Igbo.

[KenDC 0]

I am sorry if this post has caused problems. I was not my intention. I am a sociologist by training and I just thought most would be Igbos coming to America. The second follow up question was going to be about language. Now, I will generalize on this point. Many Igbos in America are lamenting because by the 2nd or 3rd generation, the kids do not speak the language. My next question was going to be are you going to allow your spouse to teach your children the language?

This is not a problem of just Igbos but all ethnicities in America. I have heard it from the Spanish-speaking population and everyone in between but every group thinks their language is in the most dire shape. The US Census did a study and by 3rd generation, only English is spoken in the house and many don't know the native language. But if you hear Igbos in America talk about it, they say Yorubas are better than Igbos in that more Yoruba-Americans know Yoruba than Igbo-Americans know Igbo. I am one of those that hears Igbo but does not speak. I hope, if we have kids, for them to speak Igbo but it seems school and grades get emphasized and the lessons stop.

Again, every group in the US goes thru the language debate.

As for the original question, every group brings to the table different customs and traditions. One of the great things about America is that for the most part, it is not as divisive as in other countries. Growing up in university town, I met so many cultures, it does not faze me at all. You realize good and bad come with every group.

But it is dumb to not acknowledge that there are differences. I use the Iraq War as a prime example. How can you go in not knowing the difference between a Sunni, Shiite and Kurd? You can treat everyone with respect but at least have some knowledge going in. Same applies here. If you have an international spouse and you don't know anything about their culture, you are going to have a steep learning curve.

Even though both me and my wife are Igbo, me being born and raised in US and her in Nigeria, has led to some very awkward and funny times, especially regarding gender roles and customs (and I go back often - i.e. drinking everything with a straw, no bag ticket checker at airport when retrieving bags, ID for everything, no bargaining over prices at store - very funny 1st time this happened).

Finally, Happy New Year to all and I hope everyone meets the person of their dreams, gets approved and has them in their arms by the end of 2008.