I havent started my K1 visa yet, ill do it in december bc we have to wait 6 months after my fiance´s divorce before filling the application.
The thing is. Ill go to live in a small town in wisconsin, called Waterloo. I have always lived in big cities, and i am used to this kind of life. Also, im very independant. I have worked since i was 18 and i never asked anybody for help.
Now im worried bc i wont be able to work for a while in the USA for a while, around 5 or 6 months maybe.
I dont like much the idea of depending of my husband (by then), staying at home alone watching tv or sleeping while he's out working.
I feel as if im going to be in jail in this town. there isnt much to do there except for going to the park. i cant go anywhere bc this town is far from madison for going by foot, i need a car, which i dont have, and it will also take me a while to get a driver license.
I wanted to take english classes, but they r in madison, and i dont have a way to arrive there, so i cant take them.
he says he can take me and drop me in madison, and when he finishes working, pick me up, but, come on!!!! im not going to wait for him for hours just doing nothing. Also, i dont like the idea of him driving me everywhere as if i was a 10-year-old girl. I wish i could do all those things alone, not depending of him, and the idea of not having other option than depending on him, depresses me. I know it could sound childish and stubborn, but, i dont want to depend on him, and i would rather stay home alone doing nothing than letting him drive me everywhere.
Also, im worried bc i wont be able to work, to earn my own money, bc ill need the work permit... ive been even thinking of working "illegally" for a while until i get the green card. I dont care if i have to do any kind of job and if the salary is low. this place is full of farms, and i would suck a cow udder with my own mouth for $5 an hour just to have my own money and be out of home and keep myself busy and meet new people. I dont want him and her daugther to be the only ppl i know and i talk with.
Also, i hate that he likes to live far from downtown, even in those smalls towns. He likes to live leaving the town, isollated, bc he likes the peace and quiet, and i dont!!!! i feel like if the house will be in the middle of a desert island. The only thing ill see is fields, a park, and few houses, when i would like to live in a neighborhood with more houses, and more ppl, and where i can find "life" in it.
We have been fighting for this "house" issue the whole weekend, i feel like if he wants me to accept all these things bc for him they r normal, but he doesnt really understand me, even if he says he does. he doesnt know how hard is changing ur life, going to live to another country, feel alone, make new friends, etc... i have passed through this before, bc im living in a country which is not my home country.
to be honest, im starting to have second thoughts. Things would be different if i could at least do things on my own, like going to study english, or windows shopping, or visiting places, etc. but i cant.
i dont do anything more else than crying the last 3 days. I feel depressed. I dont know what to do, In one hand i dont want to lose him, but in the other hand, i wish things were different, that i could go to a place where i can be independant, able to do my own things without asking him for help. I just see myself 5 months locked in a house doing nothing but sleeping or watching tv. I know this is temporary, but i cant be like that, bc i dont like to be lazy all the time.
Im sorry for this long post. I dont know if this is the right place to write it. i just needed to talk with someone and say what i feel. maybe some of u have passed through this when u arrived the USA and can give me some advice. maybe im just making a mountain out of a molehill