ROC after Divorce - USC Help

[kc214 8]

Hi,

 

I am the USC. Ex husband and I got married in December 2014, moved to US in July 2016, separated in May 2017 and got the divorce finalized in April 2018 . There were many reasons why the marriage didnt work out but mainly he started developing anger issues, was emotionally abusive, and I found out he was doing drugs. He oftentimes told me that moving to the US with me was a huge mistake, that he hated living here, hated his job, etc. 

 

After the divorce finalized he told me he was applying for his permanent green card and needed all the documents I had saved throughout our marriage as evidence. I honestly wish him them best and have tried my best to help him out as much as I could. I even wrote and signed a letter about how we entered the marriage in good faith and things just didnt work out. 

 

After we got separated I moved into my own apartment, when he found out where I lived he would often show up unannounced to "see the cats". It all made me really uncomfortable so I decided to move again and made sure not to tell anyone except for my mother. He is now calling my mother and I nonstop saying that he needs my new address (which means he again showed up at my old apartment) for the I-751 and it's "the least I could do" since I am making him go through this entire process. 

 

Does he really need my address? I don't want to be a bad person and be the reason his ROC is denied, but I am also really tired of him basically harassing me for things he needs and really dont want him to know where I live. I might just be paranoid but I also deep down feel like is capable of doing anything and just want to feel safe where I live. 

 

 

I know I will probably get a lot of hate from this post but hopefully someone could offer some insight. 

 

[mushroomspore 3,043]

No, your ex-husband does not need your address at all.

 

He's the immigrant so honestly he should have taken the responsibility of collecting the evidence of married life seriously during your time together instead of asking you after the fact. Sorry to be blunt but this is childish behavior. It's like when a kid realizes he forgot an important project and it's due the next day so the parent stays up all night doing the project. 

 

He's trying to manipulate you. He needs nothing from you for RoC since the divorce was finalized. Your signed letter was already too much.

Edited July 11, 2018 by mushroomspore

[little immigrant 800]

I don't think he needs your new address. But your mom needs a new number. 

 

I think it's noble of you trying to help him with his ROC but you have given him all that he needs. 

[Ben&Zian 4,397]

You're divorced. Tell him buzz off. He can finish his ROC on his own if he wishes. He doesn't "need" anything really from you. I'd ignore him and he can choose to do .

[debbiedoo 2,339]

nope, you dont have to give him anything. Hes filing for ROC with a divorce waiver.

 

its on him to produce whatever evidence he needs.

[EmmNM 179]

I agree with everyone. It is on him now to file. You've already given him more than enough.

[nullaccount234 882]

26 minutes ago, kc214 said:

 and it's "the least I could do" since I am making him go through this entire process. 

 

 

Making him go through what process? He came to the US voluntarily. He married you voluntarily and he can't make you stay married if you don't want to, that's just how life works. You're not making him do anything. Don't let him hold you responsible for his misfortunes. He is a grown up.

 

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Your address is your business only.

[GreatDane 366]

I agree with everyone else. He is here by he own will and going through the process because he wants to. No one is forcing him to stay or file the paperwork.

 

Don't give him your address. Change your number and your mom's. Only let those you're in close contact with/not in contact with him have it. 

 

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. Once the divorce was signed, you should have been rid of him. The fact that he didn't save papers (and is now using that as an excuse to harass you) is not your problem. Try to stay away from him and if he persists, you can request a non-contact order. He has absolutely no excuse to continue harassing either of you.

[SeabreezeUF 31]

51 minutes ago, kc214 said:

Does he really need my address? I don't want to be a bad person and be the reason his ROC is denied, but I am also really tired of him basically harassing me for things he needs and really dont want him to know where I live. I might just be paranoid but I also deep down feel like is capable of doing anything and just want to feel safe where I live. 

 

 

I know I will probably get a lot of hate from this post but hopefully someone could offer some insight. 

 

I'm very sorry you're having to go through this.  I quoted the above excerpt because

1) to echo others, no, he does not need your address. ROC with divorce filing is completely on him and there's no reason you need to be involved, let alone provide your address.  Don't allow him to manipulate you.

2) Please don't be too hard on yourself: you're not a bad person, especially for just wanting to feel safe where you live! You provided him a lot more help than many would have. Please don't beat yourself up. You felt so uncomfortable you moved. Take care of yourself; he's an adult and can figure ROC out just like you were able to figure it out. 

 

Also, I second the poster who said your mom needs a new phone number.  

 

ETA: Basically ditto what @GreatDane says above. We posted at the same time and that post says it all better than I did!

Edited July 11, 2018 by SeabreezeUF

[Sarah&Facundo 576]

So, if I am reading this correctly, he blames you for being here.......yet he wants to go through ROC to stay? If you "made him" come and he is unhappy, why is he still here?

It sounds like you made a smart choice to move forward.

[IndigoPhantom 35]

2 hours ago, kc214 said:

Hi,

 

I am the USC. Ex husband and I got married in December 2014, moved to US in July 2016, separated in May 2017 and got the divorce finalized in April 2018 . There were many reasons why the marriage didnt work out but mainly he started developing anger issues, was emotionally abusive, and I found out he was doing drugs. He oftentimes told me that moving to the US with me was a huge mistake, that he hated living here, hated his job, etc. 

 

After the divorce finalized he told me he was applying for his permanent green card and needed all the documents I had saved throughout our marriage as evidence. I honestly wish him them best and have tried my best to help him out as much as I could. I even wrote and signed a letter about how we entered the marriage in good faith and things just didnt work out. 

 

After we got separated I moved into my own apartment, when he found out where I lived he would often show up unannounced to "see the cats". It all made me really uncomfortable so I decided to move again and made sure not to tell anyone except for my mother. He is now calling my mother and I nonstop saying that he needs my new address (which means he again showed up at my old apartment) for the I-751 and it's "the least I could do" since I am making him go through this entire process. 

 

Does he really need my address? I don't want to be a bad person and be the reason his ROC is denied, but I am also really tired of him basically harassing me for things he needs and really dont want him to know where I live. I might just be paranoid but I also deep down feel like is capable of doing anything and just want to feel safe where I live. 

 

 

I know I will probably get a lot of hate from this post but hopefully someone could offer some insight. 

 

No. And what he is doing is obviously stalking and harassment...if he is finding life here so difficult, he could/should have gone back to his home country. Seems to me like you have done all you could do for someone who obviously does not appreciate it, did not take the opportunities and advantages that being in the US could offer (as compared to so many countries), turned abusive, turned to criminal behavior, and after all that is blaming his circumstance and choices on you. You need to protect yourself from him and move on with your life.

 

[Highmystic 234]

2 hours ago, kc214 said:

 

Does he really need my address? I don't want to be a bad person and be the reason his ROC is denied, but I am also really tired of him basically harassing me for things he needs and really dont want him to know where I live. I might just be paranoid but I also deep down feel like is capable of doing anything and just want to feel safe where I live. 

 

 

 

 

You can always opt for a post office box for your mailing address if so desired. 

[Going through 5,668]

1)  Your mother needs to change her phone number, and have it unlisted.

2)  You need to cut contact with this guy (unless you have children together there's really no other reason to remain in contact).

3)  You need to change your phone number as well since he's also calling you, and have it unlisted.  And block him on social media if applicable.

4)  If you have mutual friends with your ex, be very choosy about who knows your new phone number/new address.

5)  You're not a "bad person".

6)  If his ROC does get denied, you are not "the reason" for it.   

 

[kc214 8]

Thank you so much everyone!!! I will admit I have cried after reading all of your comments. 

 

I guess ultimately I am a pushover and do genuinely wish him the best but have finally reach my limit. 

 

Since I haven't been answering his phone calls his lawyer  just emailed me the following " It is very important to get this right - if it looks at all suspicious, then it might cause you problems in the future since you petitioned for your husband. Thats why I have to be very careful with everything we give them."

 

I feel like they are trying to threaten me into giving them the information they need. 

 

For now I am going to stand my ground.  I just feel really attacked right now. How would me not giving them my current address look suspicious? And what exactly is he trying to say will happen to me?

 

 

Thank you again to everyone with your support. It's nice to be assured that I am not crazy for feeling harassed and taken advantage of. 

[mushroomspore 3,043]

41 minutes ago, kc214 said:

Thank you so much everyone!!! I will admit I have cried after reading all of your comments. 

 

I guess ultimately I am a pushover and do genuinely wish him the best but have finally reach my limit. 

 

Since I haven't been answering his phone calls his lawyer  just emailed me the following " It is very important to get this right - if it looks at all suspicious, then it might cause you problems in the future since you petitioned for your husband. Thats why I have to be very careful with everything we give them."

 

I feel like they are trying to threaten me into giving them the information they need. 

 

For now I am going to stand my ground.  I just feel really attacked right now. How would me not giving them my current address look suspicious? And what exactly is he trying to say will happen to me?

 

 

Thank you again to everyone with your support. It's nice to be assured that I am not crazy for feeling harassed and taken advantage of. 

Wow that lawyer is also a slimeball. A regular lawyer would know your ex doesn't need anything from you. I would report this lawyer to the bar for that email. But that's up to you. Standing your ground is the right decision. So sorry you had to go through this.