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slk1995

Fiance Not On Board With K-1 Process?

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Hey VJ family, 

 

I need some general advice. Any experiences or stories you may have would be totally appreciated as well. I'm the American, preparing to begin the I-129 process for the K-1. But, I'm getting a little skeptical and scared... 

 

Every time I bring up the step by step process to the paperwork I'd be filing on my end, he doesn't seem to budge or act at all. The first step for him personally is talking with his American friends about possibly co-sponsoring. Once that's settled, I'll be good to make sure filling this all out will actually be worth the time.  I can't get through the first form WITHOUT the documentation that's required (his passport picture, letter of intent, his sons' addresses, etc) . He works 6 days a week, 12 hour days. Opposite time zones play a major role into this as well. He's in Australia. I've tried talking to him about what I will need, but lately he hasn't been participating in the process....so, now I'm questioning things. He just doesn't seem to be on board with taking some time once a week (his off day) for us to work on the petition. My ideal goal was to hopefully get it completed and sent to USCIS after the holidays. I no longer know what to do. I don't think he is on board with putting in the work with me to make this start happening. I honestly think he's hoping that I'll basically be the full time secretary...alone. I think he is beyond frustrated with the reality of how complex this process/our situation really is. Also, we barely call anymore, due to his roommate disliking the idea of me. So, I'm not sure if he is running, or is honestly just pausing to really think and prepare for this mentally. 

 

Has anyone ever went through this with their partner? Should I be running, or should I just fill in on what I can...until I somehow get his required parts for the petition? If any of you went through this with your foreign partner, how did you overcome it, or ditch it altogether? I plan to politely address this with him further tonight when he is awake. Any thoughts/comments are greatly needed. 

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2 minutes ago, TNJ17 said:

It takes two to tango. That’s all I gotta say. If he’s not willing to work on this so that you can be together, it’s unlikely the relationship will survive the madness and the stress that USCIS processing does to you. It is a pain in the a-hole and if he’s this uninterested in the beginning, then is it worth going through the process at all? 

THANK. YOU! That's my favorite quote for this situation. Tonight dictates if I'm leaving him behind. 

 

He already stated he doesn't want to even come VISIT me until he can legally make the big move, for financial reasons. So I've been pretty weary the last few weeks about his ulterior motive at the end of the day. So yeah, if he isn't going to start creating the most simple documents (like letter of intent) to start tonight, I guess it's time to close the door. Lock it. And throw the key. 

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country:
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I agree that most of it is the USC who is required to do, but I honestly think that’s a joint process for the whole thing. We both filled out all paperwork together regardless of who the form was about. Just because having two sets of eyes is better than one for catching mistakes. Plus it helps to know that you are both doing this because you both want to be together. 

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4 minutes ago, yuna628 said:

Hi OP,

 

I think the big thing is needing to talk to him in a way that you can determine if you are both on the same page. Is he ready for it? Immigration is a serious process - and it requires I think both individuals involvement to ensure it goes smoothly. If he is resistant to the idea of even contributing, how will he be when it comes to something as important as marriage and starting a life together? I say this in earnest... LDRs can be difficult as it is, but so are any relationship.. without both acting equally and responsibility it will be difficult to achieve success. You have to be ready. Of course it's possible, when it comes down to it, he could be afraid of leaving everything he has behind. I once said to my husband that I did not want him to have any regrets looking back, and if he did then I couldn't in good conscience start the process yet. It's also possible something else is going on in this relationship.. but only you would know this. Why does his roommate dictate his life and whom he loves and speaks to, for starters? Why is he not more actively involved? Why does he not have any passion or excitement about starting a new married life?

 

When it comes to paperwork, it's the USC who will need to do most of it initially. There's only a few bits and pieces from him required. But after that process is complete, the rest will be up to the foreign fiancé... and without their participation in the matter of gathering documents, going to appointments, etc.. there's no way it's going to work. You said that you are the USC, if that is the case, why is he the one in need of finding the cosponsor? Do you not have any prospects or way of sponsoring him yourself? How well do you know the prospective cosponsor and do you know if he is telling the truth about them? After the K1 process and marriage, you will have AOS to file - and that will also require his involvement, which is critical in him remaining with you.

 

It is best to know where things stand in this relationship, before you proceed..

Thank you again. Extremely helpful to get other ways of looking at this. 

 

The roommate dislikes me because of some "exotic and/or controversial" things I did in the past to earn money. It was all legal, but I'm pretty sure he discovered my secret a few months ago by chance. The guy has mental health and drug addiction problems; so he tends to explode. I've watched it happen countless times now. So I'd prefer to not hear the guy in our calls, either. 

 

I don't think he honestly loves me anymore. I just really don't. I'm almost starting to believe he is out to use me to get here. 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, TNJ17 said:

I agree that most of it is the USC who is required to do, but I honestly think that’s a joint process for the whole thing. We both filled out all paperwork together regardless of who the form was about. Just because having two sets of eyes is better than one for catching mistakes. Plus it helps to know that you are both doing this because you both want to be together. 

E-x-a-c-t-l-y. That's the thing. So if I can even him on the phone tonight, I'll be asking where he really stands with me. I'm getting extremely ready to move on and return to the freedom of single life. 

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1 minute ago, slk1995 said:

E-x-a-c-t-l-y. That's the thing. So if I can even him on the phone tonight, I'll be asking where he really stands with me. I'm getting extremely ready to move on and return to the freedom of single life. 

Follow your instincts. 

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2 minutes ago, EandH0904 said:

If he was using you to get here I think he'd be doing everything he could to get the petition filed so he could get here. 

 

People are people and sometimes things don't work out. Do you have to do the petition RIGHT NOW? 

 

If he's not on board, maybe you can wait? Your relationship will either continue to grow with love or will just file out. It doesn't sound the strongest right now. 

You make an extremely good point; if he had that bad intention, he'd be rushing the paperwork to the extreme. 

 

Yep. I have the petition out on my bed as I type this. We've been engaged for 8 months. Haven't seen him in person since late June. At this point, I'm only sticking around if we actually start a process up. I don't see the point of me or him basically dating thin air, with no progress made.  It's not very strong right now. I basically just intend on asking him how he's currently feeling about his immigration, and where he stands with such a concept. 

Edited by slk1995
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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Wales
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51 minutes ago, slk1995 said:

Thank you again. Extremely helpful to get other ways of looking at this. 

 

The roommate dislikes me because of some "exotic and/or controversial" things I did in the past to earn money. It was all legal, but I'm pretty sure he discovered my secret a few months ago by chance. The guy has mental health and drug addiction problems; so he tends to explode. I've watched it happen countless times now. So I'd prefer to not hear the guy in our calls, either. 

 

I don't think he honestly loves me anymore. I just really don't. I'm almost starting to believe he is out to use me to get here. 

 

 

What were they, may have an issue with US Immigration and they check.

 

If he is working 6 days etc why does  he need a joint sponsor?

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

What were they, may have an issue with US Immigration and they check.

 

If he is working 6 days etc why does  he need a joint sponsor?

I'm not posting it here since it was supposed to be private. It wasn't very long lived. And I'm confident it wouldn't cause any issues. 

 

I need a co-sponsor financially; I don't make the minimum requirement to sponsor him alone. 

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Wales
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3 minutes ago, slk1995 said:

I'm not posting it here since it was supposed to be private. It wasn't very long lived. And I'm confident it wouldn't cause any issues. 

 

I need a co-sponsor financially; I don't make the minimum requirement to sponsor him alone. 

I thought he was the USC, sorry.

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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