Left the u.s.a without advanced parole

[amul 229]

4 hours ago, Peter winfrey said:

I'm from England so our cultures clashed immensely.

I know enough folks from England who ended up marrying people from countries like India, Turkey, US, Mexico and their marriages are going strong. Sorry to say, but this seems to have to do with compatibility...reality and perhaps some responsibility too!

 

Quote

All the drinking at the weekend and looking for a good time showed her a very irresponsible person.

Errr, looking for a good time? 

 

Quote

But I also had savings which I worked very hard for, so spending everything on paperwork seemed such a waste to me. 

How do I put this....so that it sounds a little less brash. I am having a real hard time believing that this is a legitimate post especially after reading the above comment/s, but I could be wrong. 

 

Either way, some counseling seems in order.

Edited September 7, 2017 by amul

[Boiler 43,429]

Quicker option would be for her to be the one that moved.

 

May be cheaper.

[narakthisud 174]

My wife and I knew this process would take a lot of time and money (over $1500 so far in USCIS fees alone). Perhaps next time it would be helpful to understand what you're signing up for before getting engaged/married. Being married is tough enough; trying to navigate the maze of paperwork and bureaucracy of the immigration system is a whole other ballgame. Layering a big culture shock on top of all that is a recipe for disaster unless you both make an effort to understand each other's differences. 

[Jawaree 717]

7 hours ago, Peter winfrey said:

Okay thank you. Is there a visa which will make her love me again?... You apply for it and automatically she feels good about the relationship lol

Do you just need a visa & not the marriage, she should visit you & you both talk over this

matter & look into some counselling before trying to return, did she say you should return

[Peter winfrey 1]

Thanks for all the input. My marriage was never based on me wanting a green card or some kind of better life, I actually gave up a very well paid job, my drivers license, my heavy goods vehicle license, motorcycle license, sold everything I had and left my family to be with a woman whom I thought was the "one". I visited her 5 times in total, stayed out there for Christmas twice and she came over to England too, so it wasn't something we rushed in to. But when we lived together then the cracks started to appear and the clash of cultures were very strong. In England, any get together with families of celebrations are based around drinking. In America is based around food. But also, it's hard for a person to not miss home and yearn for what he knows best and where he feels the most comfortable. So the green card scam is out of the question and cannot be throw up for debate, because if my soul purpose of being with the woman was for immigration reasons, then why am I back home?. It's a question of having a little bit of turbulence during our marriage and me weighing up the options as to what we can potentially do to fix things. Thanks  for everyone's input, I appreciate the feedback

[mmmp 32]

1 hour ago, Peter winfrey said:

Thanks for all the input. My marriage was never based on me wanting a green card or some kind of better life, I actually gave up a very well paid job, my drivers license, my heavy goods vehicle license, motorcycle license, sold everything I had and left my family to be with a woman whom I thought was the "one". I visited her 5 times in total, stayed out there for Christmas twice and she came over to England too, so it wasn't something we rushed in to. But when we lived together then the cracks started to appear and the clash of cultures were very strong. In England, any get together with families of celebrations are based around drinking. In America is based around food. But also, it's hard for a person to not miss home and yearn for what he knows best and where he feels the most comfortable. So the green card scam is out of the question and cannot be throw up for debate, because if my soul purpose of being with the woman was for immigration reasons, then why am I back home?. It's a question of having a little bit of turbulence during our marriage and me weighing up the options as to what we can potentially do to fix things. Thanks  for everyone's input, I appreciate the feedback

Living together is hard, especially after doing long distance. My husband and I had our challenges in the first couple of months, but talking and being honest and kind to each other got us through it. As for cultural differences - I'm from Eastern Europe and he is American - as cultural differences go, it's like the moon and the sun. But simply being from a certain place in the world doesn't define you entirely. You say England is a culture of drinking - as someone who travels to England often and has many English friends, I can't disagree with you more. Drinking is not the number one defining characteristic of your culture. Don't blame your country for your own shortcomings - own up to your mistakes and make efforts to be there for your wife. As someone who has also given up on a great job, great apartment, close group of friends and financial security to move to a foreign country to be with "the one", giving up on all those things was the easy part - it's being there for each other day after day and building your marriage that is the hard part. Good luck!

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Sounds like a couple of AA meetings might help.

[jeffkadrliktorr 99]

It's just strange reading what you say about the process of moving here and your relationship. Mostly because my moving to the US to marry my husband was such an exciting adventure. Obviously it was hard saying goodbye to family for who-knows how long, but it still didn't feel like that much of a sacrifice to me. I miss my home country sometimes, but never enough to make me want to live there again. I also come from a country where social gatherings have a tendency to revolve around alcohol, but i've never felt compelled to drink just because of that..i actually haven't drank since 2015. It sounds your problems with alcohol and "having a good time" are your own issue, not a result of your "culture". My husband and I have been through some really hard times. Going through this process and adjusting to living together after a long-distance relationship is a lot to deal with at once. But there was love and commitment to our relationship on both sides, and we worked through it. Now almost 4 years married and our relationship is the best it has ever been!

 

This is just my opinion, but I don't think wanting to be with someone is a good enough reason to move to a new country, you have to want to actually live there for yourself as well. Maybe you should consider that this visa journey is just not for you...

 

 

 

Edited September 7, 2017 by jeffkadrliktorr

[shell20 746]

5 hours ago, Peter winfrey said:

Thanks for all the input. My marriage was never based on me wanting a green card or some kind of better life, I actually gave up a very well paid job, my drivers license, my heavy goods vehicle license, motorcycle license, sold everything I had and left my family to be with a woman whom I thought was the "one". I visited her 5 times in total, stayed out there for Christmas twice and she came over to England too, so it wasn't something we rushed in to. But when we lived together then the cracks started to appear and the clash of cultures were very strong. In England, any get together with families of celebrations are based around drinking. In America is based around food. But also, it's hard for a person to not miss home and yearn for what he knows best and where he feels the most comfortable. So the green card scam is out of the question and cannot be throw up for debate, because if my soul purpose of being with the woman was for immigration reasons, then why am I back home?. It's a question of having a little bit of turbulence during our marriage and me weighing up the options as to what we can potentially do to fix things. Thanks  for everyone's input, I appreciate the feedback

I totally get it. I have found it extremely difficult to adjust here. I thought it would be easy, but the cultural differences I have found quite profound. I have been here 3 and a half years ago and I still miss home.  Like you I left every thing behind, my job, my home, my car but most importantly my family, including my son and my cat.   I miss little things like walking on pavements/sidewalks to beans on toast.  My husband and I are complete opposites, he is a morning person, I a night owl. He is quiet and I am a sociable butterfly.  

 

You can work through those differences and compromise. If you decide to apply for a marriage visa, at least you will have the ability to work and have your own social circle and drive here.  It can be quite isolating if you don't have those things especially if you have no friends. Obviously it also depends on which area of the USA you live, if you live in the country side it can be quite isolating with no transportation. If you live in the city Im sure it can be filled with excitement and such. It will take time and effort to make it work, a lot of compromises too.  Another good thing is that if you go for the marriage visa, at least you will be able to leave the country and visit friends and family if you need to do so  Good luck with whatever decision you make.

[Peter winfrey 1]

1 hour ago, shell20 said:

I totally get it. I have found it extremely difficult to adjust here. I thought it would be easy, but the cultural differences I have found quite profound. I have been here 3 and a half years ago and I still miss home.  Like you I left every thing behind, my job, my home, my car but most importantly my family, including my son and my cat.   I miss little things like walking on pavements/sidewalks to beans on toast.  My husband and I are complete opposites, he is a morning person, I a night owl. He is quiet and I am a sociable butterfly.  

 

You can work through those differences and compromise. If you decide to apply for a marriage visa, at least you will have the ability to work and have your own social circle and drive here.  It can be quite isolating if you don't have those things especially if you have no friends. Obviously it also depends on which area of the USA you live, if you live in the country side it can be quite isolating with no transportation. If you live in the city Im sure it can be filled with excitement and such. It will take time and effort to make it work, a lot of compromises too.  Another good thing is that if you go for the marriage visa, at least you will be able to leave the country and visit friends and family if you need to do so  Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Shell you know exactly where I'm coming from. Although you live there you always feel like the guest or that weird guy/gal with the funny accent who is a bit strange and there's something not quite right about them. 

You talk about England, oh I remember this one time in England, then people cut you off and go Oh here he goes again, always talking about England. 

Then there the memories of your childhood, the people you've met and the places you've been, that time you went to your mates house and the best night ever. 

You feel misunderstood and always the foreigner who is on a long vacation and one day vows to return to that place where everything makes sense. 

When I got off the plane in England, the air felt so clean like I could breath again. There were no confusing instances in shops or stores, everybody could understand me and once again it felt like home. Yeah we don't have the Disney world and 85 lane highways, but do we really need that?. I know find myself walking to see my family and travelling no more than two miles to get to work. Then the cultural difference is something that no American will ever understand, you just feel accepted and normal amongst everyone you meet. Sure a Brit in America has a certain charm, but if your the brit then it soon gets tiring and you grow weary of talking in the "british" accent and explain the monarchy. After a while it feels more and more less like you belong there 

[shell20 746]

2 minutes ago, Peter winfrey said:

Shell you know exactly where I'm coming from. Although you live there you always feel like the guest or that weird guy/gal with the funny accent who is a bit strange and there's something not quite right about them. 

You talk about England, oh I remember this one time in England, then people cut you off and go Oh here he goes again, always talking about England. 

Then there the memories of your childhood, the people you've met and the places you've been, that time you went to your mates house and the best night ever. 

You feel misunderstood and always the foreigner who is on a long vacation and one day vows to return to that place where everything makes sense. 

When I got off the plane in England, the air felt so clean like I could breath again. There were no confusing instances in shops or stores, everybody could understand me and once again it felt like home. Yeah we don't have the Disney world and 85 lane highways, but do we really need that?. I know find myself walking to see my family and travelling no more than two miles to get to work. Then the cultural difference is something that no American will ever understand, you just feel accepted and normal amongst everyone you meet. Sure a Brit in America has a certain charm, but if your the brit then it soon gets tiring and you grow weary of talking in the "british" accent and explain the monarchy. After a while it feels more and more less like you belong there 

I totally understand what you mean. I never thought it would be such a vast difference. I often see my friends online from England and they have had a good night out and I miss that. I do go home often to curb that home sickness and I am due to be meeting my friend from England in NYC and the first thing they said to me when they booked it was lets hit the bars!     

 

I don't know what to say, I came here as my husband had children still at school and my son was grown up. WE have discussed moving to England, although being older it might be harder for us to settle and I am hesitant if my husband will even like it over there, as its such a different way of life.  I guess its something you need to discuss with your wife and see if you can both find a solution. I have often spoken to my husband about moving state and jobs as we are in the country and I am more a city girl, but unfortunately the job opportunities over here have not been forthcoming.  So which ever way we turn its hard, but its made us stronger as a couple. 

[Peter winfrey 1]

Just now, shell20 said:

I totally understand what you mean. I never thought it would be such a vast difference. I often see my friends online from England and they have had a good night out and I miss that. I do go home often to curb that home sickness and I am due to be meeting my friend from England in NYC and the first thing they said to me when they booked it was lets hit the bars!     

 

I don't know what to say, I came here as my husband had children still at school and my son was grown up. WE have discussed moving to England, although being older it might be harder for us to settle and I am hesitant if my husband will even like it over there, as its such a different way of life.  I guess its something you need to discuss with your wife and see if you can both find a solution. I have often spoken to my husband about moving state and jobs as we are in the country and I am more a city girl, but unfortunately the job opportunities over here have not been forthcoming.  So which ever way we turn its hard, but its made us stronger as a couple. 

They say that brits will assimilate into the USA quite easily, but the opposite is doesn't really work. I think that Americans have the best standard of living and it is definitely a better country, but at the same time it's not home. Home is where your people are, the people who are like you. It's really hard to wrap your head around. After speaking to my mum on the phone from America, it was as though there was finally one person in the world I could relate to. Sure Americans are nice people, smart, educated and friendly, but there is always that ONE thing that you miss and it's cultural. You can never feel at home until maybe you've been there for 10 years and you've become an "american" 

[shell20 746]

4 minutes ago, Peter winfrey said:

They say that brits will assimilate into the USA quite easily, but the opposite is doesn't really work. I think that Americans have the best standard of living and it is definitely a better country, but at the same time it's not home. Home is where your people are, the people who are like you. It's really hard to wrap your head around. After speaking to my mum on the phone from America, it was as though there was finally one person in the world I could relate to. Sure Americans are nice people, smart, educated and friendly, but there is always that ONE thing that you miss and it's cultural. You can never feel at home until maybe you've been there for 10 years and you've become an "american" 

I honestly believe its where you are in the USA and who you know.   You're right the lifestyle is vastly different. I am not sure its a better standard of living, just a different standard of living, bigger houses for sure. (Gosh I sounded American). Different way of doing things too I do believe that food is probably more sociable here whereas in England as we both well know as soon as the sun is out, which is rare we all have a barbecue with beer or go to the pub for a drink in the beer garden I don't do that personally as I'm not a day time drinker.  We adore our weekends where we go to restaurants and pubs. We tend not to go to restaurants as much during the week as its far too expensive unless you're rich. Here I'v found that we tend to dine out far more and think nothing of it.  

 

I think you need to have a long hard think about moving over here to be with your wife and weigh up your options whether or not it would be better if she came over to England instead, the only trouble I conceive with that is she may have a big culture shock too. My husband and I are still thinking about going to England, its a HUGE move for him at his age and an even bigger gamble, so we won't rush into any immediate decision as I hope you and your wife dont.

[trudi 1,317]

I'm from England & have not had the problem you experienced, this may be because my husband and I are similar in most ways, both drink only occasionally, happy to have a houseful of people to feed and equally happy to have time on our own. We share interests (not all) and I can honestly say that no one has had a problem with my accent, every one I have met has been friendly, interested in life in England and helpful.

 

We had some rough times in the first few months and of course I miss my friends and family and just things from home but I get a regular care package sent out, speak to my family daily and they come to visit.

 

Life here is different yes but like life anywhere it's what you make it.

 

I wish you happiness wherever life takes you

[MacUK 983]

23 hours ago, NigeriaorBust said:

Sounds like a couple of AA meetings might help.

Why?

I see nothing that indicates alcohol addiction.