Husband charged with domestic abuse breaks restraining order

[Xosorry 2]

Hi. Hoping I can get help. This may even be in the wrong area, forgive me if it is. 

 

My husband is from U.K and on a conditional green card. He came here after 2 times visiting, we married in April 2016, had a baby, and he never went home. Last week, he was arrested and charged with a misdemeanor of domestic abuse. He plead guilty. I did not have to show up to court, not that I even wanted to. We are separated at this point, I've filed for divorce. I filed a temporary restraining order (2nd time in 2 months) and was ordered a court date in the near future. My husband stayed in jail for a week. He was released yesterday. He broke the restraining order 8 hours later and showed up at the house and turned himself in. At this point, what is even going to happen? Deportation proceedings?  How long do those usually take? Also, does anyone have advice on how to not hurt so badly over the thought that the person they fought so hard to help make a citizen just threw everything away instead of changing his abusive ways, and therefore, you and his child will ever see him again? Because I'm having a really hard time. 

Edited May 22, 2017 by Xosorry

[NikLR 13,220]

~~moved to effects of major family changes from K3 process and procedures.  OP is not on the K3 visa path and is asking about potential immigration procedures during a divorce with issues~~

[Boiler 43,433]

The issues are State based and you show your location as LA which is a sanctuary city so Immigration may not be an issue.

[Xosorry 2]

3 minutes ago, Dee elle said:

There is no easy way...  but there are ways of ensuring you are best supported during this time and that you are safe, cared for and able to begin to make choices towards a bettter future.

 

Give yourself the right to feel angry, sad, despair, angry, mad, frustrated, angry, shut down,....

Get in touch with a few people who really support you, not just tell you what to do

Realize it will take longer than you want it to to feel better

Focus on what you can do, especially on providing a safe environment for your beautiful child

Give yourself the right to feel angry, sad......

Know that you DO deserve better

Dont feel that everyone who asks needs to be told what's happening... be as closed to the ones who arent helpful as you need to be in order to be in safe and not hurt more.

Realize it will take longer than you want it too

Give yourself the right to feel angry, sad, frustrated....

When its the right time, think about getting some professional counselling to walk the healing journey with you....

Give yourself the right to feel angry , sad, disappointed, ....

Know it will take time

Know you deserve better

 

Repetition on purpose 😎

 

I wish you well.... 

I'm sobbing reading this. I'm so heartbroken. My daughter looks just like him. I loved him so much. I tried so hard to help him, I know he wanted to be a good dad and husband but it's like he can't help but destroy everything he touches and it's so hard to watch someone you love ruin their life when they don't even intend to. He obviously needed some mental health help but it's like he couldn't stick to it every day. But thank you. I know this site isn't to discuss divorce emotional issues, but this isn't a normal divorce. I may never see this man again. And that was one of the lasts texts he sent last night. I am consumed in pain. 

[Xosorry 2]

Just now, Boiler said:

The issues are State based and you show your location as LA which is a sanctuary city so Immigration may not be an issue.

Interesting. I'm in Orange County. 

[Xosorry 2]

1 minute ago, Xosorry said:

Interesting. I'm in Orange County. 

Additionally, at the heading for DV, the public defender told him if he broke the restraining order, he would be put in removal proceedings. He broke the order in Orange County. 

[Boiler 43,433]

http://cis.org/Sanctuary-Cities-Map

 

Perhaps he was just trying to scare him, seems OC is a Sanctuary area.

[Xosorry 2]

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

http://cis.org/Sanctuary-Cities-Map

 

Perhaps he was just trying to scare him, seems OC is a Sanctuary area.

So he won't be deported at all? What about when the divorce is finalized? He did not respond to the petition, so that should be over fairly quickly. Will he be able to renew his residency once he has a misdemeanor DV and broke a restraining order? 

[ShanghaiSurfer 135]

1 hour ago, Boiler said:

The issues are State based and you show your location as LA which is a sanctuary city so Immigration may not be an issue.

LA has never declared being a sanctuary city. You are thinking of cities up north like San Francisco. However just because they don't declare it does not mean they are not in effect a sanctuary city. Many articles about ICE doing raids in LA without cooperation from LA government or its many different police forces.

[Patient 57]

3 hours ago, Xosorry said:

Hi. Hoping I can get help. This may even be in the wrong area, forgive me if it is. 

 

My husband is from U.K and on a conditional green card. He came here after 2 times visiting, we married in April 2016, had a baby, and he never went home. Last week, he was arrested and charged with a misdemeanor of domestic abuse. He plead guilty. I did not have to show up to court, not that I even wanted to. We are separated at this point, I've filed for divorce. I filed a temporary restraining order (2nd time in 2 months) and was ordered a court date in the near future. My husband stayed in jail for a week. He was released yesterday. He broke the restraining order 8 hours later and showed up at the house and turned himself in. At this point, what is even going to happen? Deportation proceedings?  How long do those usually take? Also, does anyone have advice on how to not hurt so badly over the thought that the person they fought so hard to help make a citizen just threw everything away instead of changing his abusive ways, and therefore, you and his child will ever see him again? Because I'm having a really hard time. 

My husband is from U.K and on a conditional green card. He came here after 2 times visiting, we married in April 2016, had a baby, and he never went home. -   You knew him well? 2 visits and then a child - added financial pressure to any move.

 

Last week, he was arrested and charged with a misdemeanor of domestic abuse. He plead guilty. - He did the right thing, but is stuck, no home, no wife, no child and all support network in the UK not USA. I guess he has no money either to pay a fine so will have to go to jail. The fact you are in California means he was charged on the lesser legal charge of a misdemeanor - no physical abuse, verbal and anger related. When did he last speak to his family and especially his mother? When did you? ( i.e. support network for him and a clue for you as to behaviour from the past which is evident today)

 

Not hurt so badly over the thought that the person they fought so hard to help make a citizen - he is not a citizen yet and if you filed I-864 you signed certain undertakings which may need checking. 

 

Never see child again - that is up to you and if he returns back to the UK - will there be a contact plan.

 

Because I'm having a really hard time - where is your family? friends? far better than a keyboard and online help.  

 

Advice to you - get legal help and get in contact with a good friend or family and for him as well - it is not over and may get worse emotionally for you both.

 

Edited May 22, 2017 by Patient

[nightingalejules 678]

Sanctuary city doesn't necessarily apply here.

A city being a sanctuary city doesn't mean that people under deportation proceedings will not be deported, it just means (usually) that city/state police will not detain a person if the only reason to hold them is that Immigration wants them.

This is not the case here. OP's hopefully soon to be ex-husband has committed arrestable offences, and is detainable because of them. Besides, violent offences have always been reason for deportation - one of the reasons for deportation, frankly, that pretty much everybody agrees with.

 

As for your heartache, Xosorry, I feel for you. It is hard to come to terms with the fact that you were fooled by an abuser. It makes a person feel like they've been stupid and it makes them feel ashamed and weak, or like you've failed. You haven't. You're not a therapist or a psychiatrist or a miracle worker, and you can't fix him. You can only save yourself.

You are not weak, and you haven't failed. You are one of the strong ones who has stood up for yourself and your child's safety and emotional health. Many don't, and the abuse continues and often escalates. You are saving your child from growing up in a home where her dad abuses her mom, and/or abuses her. You were strong enough to prove that you (her model for the kind of relationship women deserve) deserve better. You need to be proud of that strength. You aren't your husband's caregiver or his savior. You are being those things for your daughter.

 

[Scandi 3,970]

I hear on the radio at least once a week how LA is doing everything it can to "save" criminals from being deported. Insanity, but that's LA for you. Doesn't seem to matter what kind of crime they committed either, it's anything from robbery to rape.

[Unlockable 7,306]

Sorry to hear about your plight.

 

Some advice I heard a very long time ago.... Sometimes it is better to embrace the emotions rather than fight them. You are sad so give yourself time to grieve. It can be therapeutic.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

If this is his only charge in the United States, chances are he could get a petty exemption and roc with a divorce waiver if the two of you separate.  Deportation is not immediate

[JFH 12,189]

1 hour ago, Transborderwife said:

If this is his only charge in the United States, chances are he could get a petty exemption and roc with a divorce waiver if the two of you separate.  Deportation is not immediate

I'm thinking the same thing. Also for a misdemeanor domestic battery in California (I think that's what the OP means by domestic abuse) there doesn't even need to be an injury. It could be just using the palm of your hand to push someone away during an argument. You don't even need to touch their skin for a misdemeanor battery charge - it can be their clothes. I am in no way excusing or condoning his behavior but it does seem it may not be serious enough for deportation. If that's the case I'm wondering if there's any chance OP and her husband can work things out for the sake of the child? At least put something in place that will enable the child to have her father in her life. 

 

One thing that struck me in all this - and I see similar phrases and sentiments in many threads on this subject - is how the USC often feels because they went through a lot of paperwork and expense to bring a spouse into the country that the marriage should be a success - even to the point where some of them feel that the alien spouse is in some way indebted to them and the marriage is not allowed to fail. 50% of all marriages fail these days. Immigrants don't come with a guarantee of any kind - we are just as human as USCs. The embassies don't test us on our suitability to be lifelong marriage partners. Marrying anyone - from the boy next door to someone from thousands of miles away - always carries a risk of failure. Especially when you marry someone you barely know. 

Edited May 22, 2017 by JFH