Wife Been Arrested

[sparkles_ 456]

28 minutes ago, TheResistance said:

I mainly felt like getting the extended protection order to add weight to whatever she may try against me.

You would be correct, because if a judge granted it that means a judge felt she was a threat. It will hold weight in court, they don't give the real protective orders past 30 days unless it is justified.

Edited May 9, 2017 by sparkles_

[Boiler 43,430]

She entered on a K1 a long time ago, no adjustment has been filed for, she is not work authorised so presumably a Court which may normally expect a spouse to work to support themselves may take a different view.

[sparkles_ 456]

1 hour ago, Boiler said:

She entered on a K1 a long time ago, no adjustment has been filed for, she is not work authorised so presumably a Court which may normally expect a spouse to work to support themselves may take a different view.

In NC no, we run on the long term marriage law for alimony. Must be 5yr plus and the spouse must not have worked during that entire time and have no means to support themselves due to missed work and educational opportunities due to devoting their life to the home. Not because she has no work rights and therefore couldn't work, that's her personal issue. 

 

Been there, done that, had a right to alimony in NC. 

[Boiler 43,430]

I was thinking prior to divorce.

[sparkles_ 456]

7 hours ago, Boiler said:

I was thinking prior to divorce.

In NC unless it is put into the separation agreement willingly then no. One has to be legally separated for 13mo here to divorce as well. OP should remember this and file a legal separation asap. 

[TheResistance 6]

To update...

 

POLICE REPORT

I got a generic report, with just names and address. I wrote to them about the actual detailed version and they said I have to go get a court order for it. No idea if that is going to require more unpaid time off. Already in trouble at work as it is, and lost a lot of upcoming rent money.

 

TO VAWA OR NOT TO?

I spoke to InterAct today and they said even if my wife files for legal action, her arrest and protection order against her will show up. You all probably already knew this.

 

LAWYER INFO

I got this info from a site where some lawyers give a tiny bit of info. I explained my recent issue and this is what I got:

=======

It sounds like the June 1st court date is for the criminal charge against your wife. You are likely needed as the victim. If the police arrested her, then you are not the one that is pressing charges against her unless you went separately to the magistrate's office and asked to take out criminal charges against your wife. If you are not the complainant on the criminal warrant (i.e. because the police arrested and charged her), then you cannot decide to drop the charges against her.

 

Assuming the June 1st court date is a criminal court date and you do not go (and assuming you are the victim), then the district attorney (prosecutor), will likely not have enough evidence to convict your wife unless she pleads guilty on her own, and the charges would end up having to be dismissed. Even if charges are dismissed, they still show up on a person's criminal record.

 

Nothing about the separation and divorce will be addressed at a criminal court date. You cannot file for absolute divorce until you have been separated for one year. At that time you can file in the county that you reside and have your wife served with the complaint. But at any time, now that you are separated, you can file for equitable distribution (property settlement), post separation support, alimony, child custody and child support.

=======

 

Well, there is no property or child support with her. However the post separation support, even though she can not contact with me for six months, and the alimony are what still bothers me. Unless it does not apply in my case where she does not even have a SSN. In truth, this could be considered fraud, yes?

 

Of course I still miss her and care about her, but for the first time in a very long time, I feel free and not stressed as soon as I wake in the morning. My kids can be kids without being told they are being bad.

 

I still have some of her important paperwork here that sometime I have to find a friend of hers to give it to her. Kind of hard not to see them since one or two go to the same church I do.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

7 minutes ago, TheResistance said:

To update...

 

POLICE REPORT

I got a generic report, with just names and address. I wrote to them about the actual detailed version and they said I have to go get a court order for it. No idea if that is going to require more unpaid time off. Already in trouble at work as it is, and lost a lot of upcoming rent money.

 

TO VAWA OR NOT TO?

I spoke to InterAct today and they said even if my wife files for legal action, her arrest and protection order against her will show up. You all probably already knew this.

 

LAWYER INFO

I got this info from a site where some lawyers give a tiny bit of info. I explained my recent issue and this is what I got:

=======

It sounds like the June 1st court date is for the criminal charge against your wife. You are likely needed as the victim. If the police arrested her, then you are not the one that is pressing charges against her unless you went separately to the magistrate's office and asked to take out criminal charges against your wife. If you are not the complainant on the criminal warrant (i.e. because the police arrested and charged her), then you cannot decide to drop the charges against her.

 

Assuming the June 1st court date is a criminal court date and you do not go (and assuming you are the victim), then the district attorney (prosecutor), will likely not have enough evidence to convict your wife unless she pleads guilty on her own, and the charges would end up having to be dismissed. Even if charges are dismissed, they still show up on a person's criminal record.

 

Nothing about the separation and divorce will be addressed at a criminal court date. You cannot file for absolute divorce until you have been separated for one year. At that time you can file in the county that you reside and have your wife served with the complaint. But at any time, now that you are separated, you can file for equitable distribution (property settlement), post separation support, alimony, child custody and child support.

=======

 

Well, there is no property or child support with her. However the post separation support, even though she can not contact with me for six months, and the alimony are what still bothers me. Unless it does not apply in my case where she does not even have a SSN. In truth, this could be considered fraud, yes?

 

Of course I still miss her and care about her, but for the first time in a very long time, I feel free and not stressed as soon as I wake in the morning. My kids can be kids without being told they are being bad.

 

I still have some of her important paperwork here that sometime I have to find a friend of hers to give it to her. Kind of hard not to see them since one or two go to the same church I do.

You do not have to ask for (and likely wouldn't receive) alimony.  It's just standard.  Ask for everything to give yourself some negotiating space.  It makes it look like you're willing to compromise more than you actually do.

[TheResistance 6]

No, I do not want it. Just do not want her trying to get it from me.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

6 minutes ago, TheResistance said:

No, I do not want it. Just do not want her trying to get it from me.

She likely won't.  I wouldn't worry 

[sparkles_ 456]

She has no grounds for alimony. You guys hadn't been married long enough, NC has no time frame but also doesn't entertain short term marriages either as you can only get alimony for half the length of at best so it is a waste of time (remember, she has a PD aka only her criminal stuff) unless its been a good number of years.

 

Even if she was able.....dude, she LEGALLY lost the right because she abused you. How so? Because you now have grounds for an at fault divorce in NC classed as marital misconduct, you would have never divorced her if she didn't abuse you. At fault divorce or even showing grounds for being able to file at fault means she can't get alimony. When you file sep. and divorce, don't list irreconcilable....you list marital misconduct/abuse....make a note of that when going forward, it will save you some worrying about all this. NC is a hybrid state and lets people divorce no fault or fault. 

 

That letter was just outlining the basics of what could happen for any divorcing couple, not specific to you guys, so it contains any/all things even those non applicable. Above all, be sure and go June 1.

 

You sounds like you got an arrest report with the basics, not the full police report. Go get a court order for a police report? I don't think this is correct....did they mean you must go to the court to pick it up? You want to use the basic one you have, find the name of the arresting officer and call he or she and speak to them about how to get the report, simply explain your work doesn't allow time off because you've used it all, how can I get the report with the least hassle. If the officer isn't there (they were 3 on, 4 off, 4 on, 3 off) leave a message and they will call you back I promise.

 

Keep focusing on your job in the meantime and your mental wellbeing too.

Edited May 16, 2017 by sparkles_

[TheResistance 6]

7 minutes ago, sparkles_ said:

She has no grounds for alimony. You guys hadn't been married long enough, NC has no time frame but also doesn't entertain short term marriages either as you can only get alimony for half the length of at best so it is a waste of time (remember, she has a PD aka only her criminal stuff) unless its been a good number of years.

 

Even if she was able.....dude, she LEGALLY lost the right because she abused you. How so? Because you now have grounds for an at fault divorce in NC classed as marital misconduct, you would have never divorced her if she didn't abuse you. At fault divorce or even showing grounds for being able to file at fault means she can't get alimony. When you file sep. and divorce, don't list irreconcilable....you list marital misconduct/abuse....make a note of that when going forward, it will save you some worrying about all this. NC is a hybrid state and lets people divorce no fault or fault. 

 

That letter was just outlining the basics of what could happen for any divorcing couple, not specific to you guys, so it contains any/all things even those non applicable. Above all, be sure and go June 1.

 

You sounds like you got an arrest report with the basics, not the full police report. Go get a court order for a police report? I don't think this is correct....did they mean you must go to the court to pick it up? You want to use the basic one you have, find the name of the arresting officer and call he or she and speak to them about how to get the report, simply explain your work doesn't allow time off because you've used it all, how can I get the report with the least hassle. If the officer isn't there (they were 3 on, 4 off, 4 on, 3 off) leave a message and they will call you back I promise.

 

You are all providing me with encouraging info, thank you everyone.

 

I will keep in mind about the divorce reason for sure. I have to wait a year still.

 

So you believe I should go. I feel like I should. One, she is my wife still. Two, it might be the only way I know what is going on with her after that day.

 

This is what they said when I asked for the detailed report: If you need the full report, you will have to get a court order signed by a North Carolina judge.

Then told me to call the clerk office.

It does have the last name of the person who filled it out. I can try calling the local station then. Well, at least one of them and maybe someone can tell me which they are posted at.

[TheResistance 6]

I stayed in the DA's area all morning. I did not want to see her in court.
She accepted their offer of the deferment to attend a year's worth of abuse and anger classes. After to which if she completes, she will have her charges expunged because they will follow her to the Philippines if she goes back. This was the agreement made between NC and the defense attorney. The DA came to me and told me what is going on. I agreed to it as long as she leaves me alone. Therefore, she has also in part of that agreement which starts today, a year of no contact with me (I do not have a copy of this and have to yet again go down to the courthouse to obtain one). Along with the protection order. I do not know if I have to then renew that in six months. I will need to try and get a copy of this deferment agreement first.

She may never know what I did to keep her out of jail this time around, or having her life ruined of criminal charges following her. They will for the next year, however, pending her review of the course completion. I felt her having it will protect me, but once divorce is done, then it may no longer matter, right? I am not a cruel person and I do not believe Jesus wanted me to punish her.

I have to still go by all her threats at this point and move forward with still trying to protect myself financially. As far as I know, she hates me and feels abandoned by me and wants nothing to do with me and the kids. This is what I am going to remind myself everyday. Move on I guess right now? Just do what I need to for work and kids and such.

Guess my time in these boards coming to an end soon.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

1 minute ago, TheResistance said:

I stayed in the DA's area all morning. I did not want to see her in court.
She accepted their offer of the deferment to attend a year's worth of abuse and anger classes. After to which if she completes, she will have her charges expunged because they will follow her to the Philippines if she goes back. This was the agreement made between NC and the defense attorney. The DA came to me and told me what is going on. I agreed to it as long as she leaves me alone. Therefore, she has also in part of that agreement which starts today, a year of no contact with me (I do not have a copy of this and have to yet again go down to the courthouse to obtain one). Along with the protection order. I do not know if I have to then renew that in six months. I will need to try and get a copy of this deferment agreement first.

She may never know what I did to keep her out of jail this time around, or having her life ruined of criminal charges following her. They will for the next year, however, pending her review of the course completion. I felt her having it will protect me, but once divorce is done, then it may no longer matter, right? I am not a cruel person and I do not believe Jesus wanted me to punish her.

I have to still go by all her threats at this point and move forward with still trying to protect myself financially. As far as I know, she hates me and feels abandoned by me and wants nothing to do with me and the kids. This is what I am going to remind myself everyday. Move on I guess right now? Just do what I need to for work and kids and such.

Guess my time in these boards coming to an end soon.

Was thinking about what was going on with you just the other day.  Please do some self care.  Look after yourself and your children.  Don't associate with her or help her.  I believe you're doing the best that you can.  God will bless you for it

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

18 hours ago, TheResistance said:

I stayed in the DA's area all morning. I did not want to see her in court.
She accepted their offer of the deferment to attend a year's worth of abuse and anger classes. After to which if she completes, she will have her charges expunged because they will follow her to the Philippines if she goes back. This was the agreement made between NC and the defense attorney. The DA came to me and told me what is going on. I agreed to it as long as she leaves me alone. Therefore, she has also in part of that agreement which starts today, a year of no contact with me (I do not have a copy of this and have to yet again go down to the courthouse to obtain one). Along with the protection order. I do not know if I have to then renew that in six months. I will need to try and get a copy of this deferment agreement first.

She may never know what I did to keep her out of jail this time around, or having her life ruined of criminal charges following her. They will for the next year, however, pending her review of the course completion. I felt her having it will protect me, but once divorce is done, then it may no longer matter, right? I am not a cruel person and I do not believe Jesus wanted me to punish her.

I have to still go by all her threats at this point and move forward with still trying to protect myself financially. As far as I know, she hates me and feels abandoned by me and wants nothing to do with me and the kids. This is what I am going to remind myself everyday. Move on I guess right now? Just do what I need to for work and kids and such.

Guess my time in these boards coming to an end soon.

I have got to say that you are a far better man than I am. I do hold a grudge when it comes to my x-wife and what all she put me through. The only consolidation that I get out of it is karma, I told her if she kept following down the path that she was going then it would not be good. She kept following down that path and we got divorced, later on she actually got arrested for drug use and robbery. So it is what it is. 

 

The good thing is now you look forward and plan ahead with your life. Make sure that you count down the days until the 1 year separation is up and then file a Absolute Divorce, it is very simple to do in NC trust I did it.