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Venus

Abuse K1 Prior to AOS

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I am inquiring for my sister.

 

We both brought men here around the same time from Dominican Republic. I have had all very smooth Husbands pretty great he arrived in September. AOS seems to be on track I submitted all before AOS increase.

 

She on the other hand has had a harder time.  She brought her fiancée from Jarabacoa.  He has been here a month, he has had the police called on him twice and last night he destroyed her entire house.  He hit her destroyed her cell phone and hit her 16 yr old daughter trying to grab her cell as well.  The police took him into custody and told her deport him.  She hasn't married him or took out the license they were doing that this week.  He cut himself tried to claim abuse.  The police took him with 2 time the legal limit (he was Drunk).

 

hes in county lock up right now with keys to her house what can she do? He has no family. no one. she doesn't want him in her home. Is she obligated to give him shelter? money food ect?

 

 

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She hasn't married him so that is a good thing. It will be an easy seperation for her. She will not have any obligations. She just need to protect herself and her daughter. 

 

Since he was arrested for DV she can prevent him from returning to her home. Since they will not marry he has to return to the DR before the 90 days. If not he will be illegal. Unfortunately, your sister can't "deport"/ force him to leave the US. And by his actions it seems he will probably stay as an illegal.

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55 minutes ago, Ben&Zian said:

Have her change all her locks on her house.

 

Call and talk to the police and file restraining order.

 

If need be present a one way ticket for him to go away forever.

 

She has not signed anything legally making her responsible to support him yet, so tell her to get rid of him quickly.

thank you we were not certain.  she is at work I will let her know.

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49 minutes ago, NuestraUnion said:

She hasn't married him so that is a good thing. It will be an easy seperation for her. She will not have any obligations. She just need to protect herself and her daughter. 

 

Since he was arrested for DV she can prevent him from returning to her home. Since they will not marry he has to return to the DR before the 90 days. If not he will be illegal. Unfortunately, your sister can't "deport"/ force him to leave the US. And by his actions it seems he will probably stay as an illegal.

Ok thanks I don't think shes is as concerned with deporting him as to him making himself a presence in her home.  US having to support him since we brought im as he said. He spends all day drinking while shes at work.  He was very productive in DR but coming here nothing to do that is what he does.

 

my niece is very scared not to mention her father is upset.

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For the immediate term, she just needs to protect herself. Get a restraining order. Change locks. Do whatever is necessary to keep him away from her. She has no obligation to him.

 

Once his 90 days are up and he stays, it wouldn't hurt to give USCIS a heads up that he's still there, not married to your sister (a requirement of his K1 visa), and with a DV arrest. At that point, he's an issue for immigration and the police to handle.

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18 minutes ago, geowrian said:

For the immediate term, she just needs to protect herself. Get a restraining order. Change locks. Do whatever is necessary to keep him away from her. She has no obligation to him.

 

Once his 90 days are up and he stays, it wouldn't hurt to give USCIS a heads up that he's still there, not married to your sister (a requirement of his K1 visa), and with a DV arrest. At that point, he's an issue for immigration and the police to handle.

ok thanks his 90 days are up march 2, 2017 we printed his 194 yesterday to take to social security.

 

I will tell her I sont know if she is gonna forgive him since she bailed him out.

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12 hours ago, Transborderwife said:

She cannot deport him, but she can provide info to uscis and get a restraining order 

No but ICE can. 

 

https://www.ice.gov/about

 

To the OP, follow the advice by Ash.1011 above but also let ICE know about the situation. 

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She needs to keep him away. If she lets him back in the house she may lose custody of her child. Her ex already knows what happened, it would not take much for her to lose her daughter. No man is worth losing a child. 

Edited by Ontarkie

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Why on earth did she bail him out ?

What about him being a danger to her and her child ?

 

He is NOT going to change.

 

Change locks, file restraining order and move on is what she needs to do instead of settling to be his punching bag.
I just don't get why she bailed him out. That's crazy.

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30 minutes ago, Ebunoluwa said:

Why on earth did she bail him out ?

What about him being a danger to her and her child ?

 

He is NOT going to change.

 

Change locks, file restraining order and move on is what she needs to do instead of settling to be his punching bag.
I just don't get why she bailed him out. That's crazy.



Some people either think that they aren't good enough for a "good" man or woman and believe that the abuser is the best they can have, either because of poor self-esteem they had to begin with, or conditioning from the abuser to believe that. Some also believe that the abuser can be changed for the better and that they're the person to do it. The whole "But I've seen a different side to them!"

The problem is in both situations, either believing that the abuser is all they will get in life so they might as well settle, and the "I can change them! I know they can be great people!" type, is that usually both are being manipulated by the abuser and don't know it. 

In the first, the abuser just manipulates them to believe that he's all they can get, in the second, the abuser will show a sweet good side and tell them how they're not that awful person, or that they can be a great person with their significant other, or that they can help or the cliche "being with you makes me want to be a better person" thing.

There's other situations in which she could feel the need to bail him out, but for the most part it's something with her that she's not realizing or getting. Love blinds people and can allow others to do HORRIBLE things (like hit your kid in this case), and then just brush it off as a fit of anger or too much to drink. Until she sees AND accepts him for who he truly is (Someone that literally comes into her home and in less than a month is hitting her and her kid), she'll probably never give up that hope he can be the husband she pictured.

It sucks but there are really people who just don't get it. They just don't see why others would say "Why did you bail him out?" because they think it's what they were suppose to do, or that they were truly that lost feeling with them gone that they -needed- them. A dependency like that, they'll have a hell of a time seeing anything wrong with it.

With that said, I truly hope she realizes that her and her daughter are both worth way more than she may think they are at this moment and I hope she realizes that by keeping him around, she could lose her daughter. There's a lot more relationships at stake than just her and her fiance, she could lose everyone by staying with him, and potentially her life as he sounds like a loose cannon..

Edited by Ash.1101

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21 hours ago, Venus said:

I will tell her I sont know if she is gonna forgive him since she bailed him out.

For real? 

 

Please. For her own and her kid's safety, do not do anything to help him. It's one thing to hurt her, and another to hurt the kid. Either of the two is unacceptable. This guy is def bad news.

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