AOS not started/WIfe wants to go back Home

[JANETandLYLE 11]

Harmonia, you are correct. I guess i got wrapped up in my work, and never really saw it that way before many have mentioned it. I guess I saw my Wife as more of a homemaker, as many American Wives here, are. I hate to admit it, but I never saw the other side of it as clearly as I should have. Now that it is too late, I understand it, more. I was contact by the Philippines Consulate today, and they are being very helpful. They said she can apply for travel documents, which is a one way plane ticket home. We still need paperwork, so I am headed to immigration with her on Tuesday to see what we can request there. I also ordered a birth certificate at the website suggested by the Consulate. The Consulate feels she will be granted the papers. I promised her to make this happen as fast as possible. We are being civil to each other, so this can go as fast as possible. She did ask me again If I wanted to go back to the Philippines with her. Forgiveness has to be given on both sides. I have no anger over this, and told her I am not angry with her. I just want her to be happy, and did not do what I needed to to make her happy, here. I admit, I dropped the ball. I only wish we would have had better communication skills on both sides. She is just quiet and doesn't say much. She feels even discussing is arguing, although in our whole time, we had that happen maybe twice, and those were brief. She is a sweet Lady, and I feel guilty as can be. Hopefully one day she can forgive me, and I can forgive myself. 

[JANETandLYLE 11]

The Consulate did ask where she would go in the Philippines, and I mentioned her Aunt's house (From what she told me). I told her she may have to provide the Aunt's information such as name, address, and phone number. I asked her if she had those, or could get them online. She then said, I will go to my Sister's home, instead (which is on a different island). I tried to ask her how she would take care of herself, and she said she will be fine. She mentioned the Consulate doesn't need to know all this info. I told her they are only trying to take care of her, and make sure she has somewhere safe to go. We are working together to make this happen. She didn't want to work together to do the AOS. She has been wanting to go home for a long time, I believe. She just never told me that. I am sad about all this, but finally glad we can see that we can move on with our separate lives, and hopefully find some happiness, someday. I wish nothing but the best for her, and I did tell her that I was sorry for how everything turned out, but that was never my intentions for either of us. All I can now do is get her home, and I told her it will happen as soon as possible. I appreciate all of the responses. I know this has been a dang roller coaster, but it is my reality as of late. I also realize much of this was brought on because of my non-actions. A lifelong lesson, for sure. 

[caliliving 606]

On 1/13/2017 at 10:18 AM, Harmonia said:

Yes, she was "illegal". For 7 years, after her I-94 ran out. Maybe you are unaware, but 40% of the undocumented population arrived legally on some type of visa and never left. Your wife has been deportable for 7 years. 

 

I don't understand how you faced financial challenges, yet it never occurred to you to AOS so that your wife could work. She's been here 7 years and wants to return because she literally has no support system and has been stuck in a house, unable to drive, unable to work, unable to attend school, and completely dependent for income and survival on you, someone who kept promising to AOS and never did it. 

 

 

 

++++1

 

 i lost my passport before. i wanted to go to europe. i could not.  (canadian citizen) the embassay told me i could get a 1 time travel document that would allow me to enter canada on a plane.  that is what you will need.  

-oh, and how i figured this out? i googled the embassay and picked up the phone and called. 

 

 

throughout your posts you seem to have alot of excuses for this AOS. no one is giving you sympathy. if your wife has her legal permanant us resident she could visit her family back home, get a job, work, make friends and life like a normal person.  yes, you brought her here LEGALLY but u did not follow through and allowed her to live illegally.

 

 if i was in your situation, i would apply asap for her to AOS. and get her a greencard and have her go home and visit. maybe that is all she needs.. once she LEAVES without her greencard she will incur a 10yr (which is really a lifetime ban) to the USA. also, having a US overstay on her passport will not allow her to travel to many places. i know she will never be able to go to canada and other places as well.. what if she leaves and then wants to come back??? she wont be able to (or maybe she will after a 20k waiver) 

i really encourage you to apply for her GC, and then have her go home and visit and see what happen s after that.  its not like u were married 6 months... you were married 7 years. 

 

[javadown2 308]

Like others have suggested, why not go with her to the Philippines especially if she keeps asking you .....go there and take care of her, it's the least you can do after 7 years of marriage. I just don't understand how you keep saying it's best so you can move on with your lives and she asked you again to go with her....a divorce is terrible for her in the Philippines and honestly how will she support herself...really you need to do something better then just saying now we can move on with our lives. I guess I just can't wrap my head around your whole scenario and apparent non issue with just sending her on her merry way back to the Philippines.

Edited January 14, 2017 by javadown2

[javadown2 308]

On ‎1‎/‎13‎/‎2017 at 6:02 AM, JANETandLYLE said:

Actually my soon to be ex-wife has excellent English speaking and writing skills. Also, since you don't me, I don't know how you can throw out so many judgments. I am not a controlling type of person, and that was never the attempt. I never interned to create the issue we now have. I do agree, there should be a time table on the AOS. We had other issues out of my control during our time together. Just to name a couple, besides the mental issue (which I made sure my wife was given the best possible care at 48k), included a skin issue we both acquired back in 2012, due to dragging home some clothing articles from a Goodwill store. That alone cost me thousands of dollars with Dermatologist's trying to figure out what the heck it I admit it through a monkey wrench into things for us at that point. Being self employed ( I have had a auto repair shop since 1985) I also faced financial issues with my business, during the slump of the years around 2009-2012. I should have switched careers at that point, looking back now. There was several variables here, that did not allow me to do what I had intended to do, so not one bit of this was handled in a negative aspect, purposely. I admit, I dropped the ball on the most important part, unintentionally. I don't mind the feedback, regardless if it's negative. I have some self reflecting to do through all of this, and if nothing else, let this be a good lesson for others. I have spilled my guts out in this forum, and I hope others can learn from my big mistake. I am an honest, and well liked man in my area (by most people), and I try to show integrity in all that I do.

Unfortunately, I did not follow through in this area of my life, and I have beat myself up over it, terribly. I love my now Wife with all my heart, but I just couldn't see my way through to getting it done. 

If you love here....take care of her...even if it's in the Philippines, do what is in your heart or you will never get over this.

[Lemonslice 4,553]

3 hours ago, caliliving said:

 

++++1

 

 i lost my passport before. i wanted to go to europe. i could not.  (canadian citizen) the embassay told me i could get a 1 time travel document that would allow me to enter canada on a plane.  that is what you will need.  

-oh, and how i figured this out? i googled the embassay and picked up the phone and called. 

 

 

throughout your posts you seem to have alot of excuses for this AOS. no one is giving you sympathy. if your wife has her legal permanant us resident she could visit her family back home, get a job, work, make friends and life like a normal person.  yes, you brought her here LEGALLY but u did not follow through and allowed her to live illegally.

 

 if i was in your situation, i would apply asap for her to AOS. and get her a greencard and have her go home and visit. maybe that is all she needs.. once she LEAVES without her greencard she will incur a 10yr (which is really a lifetime ban) to the USA. also, having a US overstay on her passport will not allow her to travel to many places. i know she will never be able to go to canada and other places as well.. what if she leaves and then wants to come back??? she wont be able to (or maybe she will after a 20k waiver) 

i really encourage you to apply for her GC, and then have her go home and visit and see what happen s after that.  its not like u were married 6 months... you were married 7 years. 

 

Just a few things. Travel letter from a Canadian diplomatic mission let's you travel to other countries, not only to Canada.   That's how it is for most countries, since citizens do not necessarily reside in their country of citizenship. You can visit Canada after an overstay in another country, getting a visa might be slightly more difficult, or have no bearing at all, depending on the situation.  OP's situation is bad enough, no need to add false/hypothetical problems.

[USC1961 251]

On 1/14/2017 at 0:22 AM, JANETandLYLE said:

Harmonia, you are correct. I guess i got wrapped up in my work, and never really saw it that way before many have mentioned it. I guess I saw my Wife as more of a homemaker, as many American Wives here, are. I hate to admit it, but I never saw the other side of it as clearly as I should have. Now that it is too late, I understand it, more. I was contact by the Philippines Consulate today, and they are being very helpful. They said she can apply for travel documents, which is a one way plane ticket home. We still need paperwork, so I am headed to immigration with her on Tuesday to see what we can request there. I also ordered a birth certificate at the website suggested by the Consulate. The Consulate feels she will be granted the papers. I promised her to make this happen as fast as possible. We are being civil to each other, so this can go as fast as possible. She did ask me again If I wanted to go back to the Philippines with her. Forgiveness has to be given on both sides. I have no anger over this, and told her I am not angry with her. I just want her to be happy, and did not do what I needed to to make her happy, here. I admit, I dropped the ball. I only wish we would have had better communication skills on both sides. She is just quiet and doesn't say much. She feels even discussing is arguing, although in our whole time, we had that happen maybe twice, and those were brief. She is a sweet Lady, and I feel guilty as can be. Hopefully one day she can forgive me, and I can forgive myself. 

I'm glad you have realized that you made many mistakes.  The big flaw in your logic concerning being a "housewife" is people that have lived and grew up in the USA, already have a support system in place.  It's unrealistic to believe that someone can just move here, stay at home by themselves and be mentally healthy.  They need to quickly build a support system and make friends.

 

 And contrary to what others in this thread have suggested, it is a very SMART decision NOT TO GO BACK with her to the Philippines.  Because you would be the one sitting at home without a way to support her or yourself.  That would indeed be disaster, especially after the extreme hardship you both have been through.  To be frank, her offer for you to return with her is a token gesture of goodwill to avoid conflict.  You both need individual counseling and time on your own.  I am sorry for what has occurred.  I wish you the best.   

[JANETandLYLE 11]

Once Again everyone, thanks for the feedback. I am not looking for any sympathy. We are still trying to work all this out. She has told me last night she is just feeling confused. Hoping to do some counseling and give her time to see if we can work through all this. Yes, if she is receptive to doing paperwork, it will be done immediately (as fast as I can get it done). I also agree, the little vacation home might be enough to help. I am now doing all I can. 

[caliliving 606]

5 hours ago, JANETandLYLE said:

Once Again everyone, thanks for the feedback. I am not looking for any sympathy. We are still trying to work all this out. She has told me last night she is just feeling confused. Hoping to do some counseling and give her time to see if we can work through all this. Yes, if she is receptive to doing paperwork, it will be done immediately (as fast as I can get it done). I also agree, the little vacation home might be enough to help. I am now doing all I can. 

sounds like your first course of action is to get her AOS paperwork in ASAP!! like, by the end of the week.. that will make BOTH your lives MUCH better, happier and healthier!!! 

 

 

[TBoneTX 43,043]

An abusive post has been removed and administrative action applied.  Further judgmental posts against the OP will not be tolerated.

 

TBoneTX

VJ Moderation

[Mountain Climber 186]

On 1/14/2017 at 10:25 AM, caliliving said:

 

++++1

 

 i lost my passport before. i wanted to go to europe. i could not.  (canadian citizen) the embassay told me i could get a 1 time travel document that would allow me to enter canada on a plane.  that is what you will need.  

-oh, and how i figured this out? i googled the embassay and picked up the phone and called. 

 

 

throughout your posts you seem to have alot of excuses for this AOS. no one is giving you sympathy. if your wife has her legal permanant us resident she could visit her family back home, get a job, work, make friends and life like a normal person.  yes, you brought her here LEGALLY but u did not follow through and allowed her to live illegally.

 

 if i was in your situation, i would apply asap for her to AOS. and get her a greencard and have her go home and visit. maybe that is all she needs.. once she LEAVES without her greencard she will incur a 10yr (which is really a lifetime ban) to the USA. also, having a US overstay on her passport will not allow her to travel to many places. i know she will never be able to go to canada and other places as well.. what if she leaves and then wants to come back??? she wont be able to (or maybe she will after a 20k waiver) 

i really encourage you to apply for her GC, and then have her go home and visit and see what happen s after that.  its not like u were married 6 months... you were married 7 years. 

 

+1   Good luck!

Edited January 17, 2017 by Mountain Climber