14 months later....

[yecatsoya 2]

Hi VJ !! I wanted to just give a summary of our journey a year after my husband arrived in the States. 

 

Let me start by saying this....11 years ago I met a guy online from Nigeria. I went to Nigeria for 2 weeks, then came back and petitioned for him to come as my fiancé.  He did, and we got married soon after arriving.  We were married for 6 months and the guy ran away, never to be seen again.  He filed that VAWA thing or whatever it was against me with a bunch of lies, all the while being coached by a group of Nigerians he knew here in the States.  I had no say in any of it. I couldn't even tell them it was all lies. They just took his word for it and let him stay without being with me. My heart was broken. The whole ordeal had drained me financially and emotionally.  Ok, fast forward 2 years, I met another guy online. I thought I was crazy for giving anyone a chance...but  this guy was amazing! I had to get to know him. Some months later, I flew to where he was living in Ghana.  Yes, he was Nigerian but had been living in Ghana a few years.  We spent a few weeks together and I went home. There was no talk of getting married, or filing for visa's or anything. Around 6 months later I went back. This time I stayed 2 months.  Went home again for a few months, then back to Ghana.  This went on until I eventually started spending most of the year in Ghana and only coming home for about a month or two per year...and did this for 6 years!!!!  We got married about 3 years into the relationship.  We lived like every other married couple, only we were in Ghana!! I cant tell you how important it is to get to know someone over a long period of time.  If there are any red flags, surely you are going to see them if you spend years with the person.  I know this is not possible for most people, but that doesn't mean you have to run and get married after spending 2 weeks with someone.  My husband and I learned all we could ever know about each other.  There was no "practicing for the interview day", no list of questions we went over about each other...I mean, geez after 6 years there is no need for any of that.  My biggest fear facing immigration was that my past relationship was going to come back to haunt us.  I didn't know how they would view me having already petitioned for someone to come to the States and then I was sure there was a record somewhere of him leaving and that whole VAWA BS.  Secondly, like some of you on here, I was worried that our age difference was going to have a negative impact. I mean, we're no J-lo and Drake...but I definitely am older than my husband.  And lastly, I was worried about my income. Since I had been living in Ghana so much, most of my income was coming from self employment. I submitted my tax returns, but also got a joint sponsor just in case.  So ok, day of interview, my husband had gone to Nigeria and I was back in Ghana waiting.  He said it was the quickest interview ever! She asked a few questions, which he answered...then asked him how long I have been with him in Ghana and when he said 6 years...she said 6 YEARS??  Then told him to wait a min...she came back and gave him the approval.  She didn't ask for ANY additional info that he had brought that day, nothing! He lugged all that stuff to Nigeria for nothing. lol. He came back to Ghana and we started selling or giving away 6 years of accumulated stuff in our house.  We fit 6 years of our life into 4 suitcases and headed to the US. Because we had been together for so long, they gave him an automatic 10 year green card and he was authorized to work as soon as he arrived.  Of course in the back of my head, even though I had lived day in and day out with him...I still feared the worst. But day by day, week by week, month by month, my husband has made that fear disappear. We have now been back in the States for approximately one year and 2 months. Of course everyday is not rainbows and sunshine...after all these years, it still requires work  when you both have been raised with different mindsets and my husband can be ONE STUBBORN MAN at times.  But I don't take it personally, I know this is just him and his beliefs and I respect that. But through it all, he's never walked out on me...he's never disappeared or ran off.  He came here and hit the ground running...got a job right away and takes pride in being an equal provider in our home.  I also think that the two of us spending so much time together, it helped him be more adjusted when he got here. He already had experienced all the kinds of food that we eat here, because it is mostly what I cooked in Ghana. My family members at different times came to Ghana to stay with us and so he was used to being around us and therefore had familiar faces when he arrived.  We spent 6 years telling stories and he had a good idea of how things were here before he even got here. He did not seem like a fish out of water at all. He, himself, brags about how well he is adjusted.  He got his license soon after coming here, bank account, credit cards, his own car...he's so well adjusted...far more than I was going to live in Ghana. I guess the moral of my story is.....get to know your partner.  Time spent together trumps any age difference, cultural differences, past marriages...everything! And doing so is not just for the sake of the embassy. Because at the end of the day, the Embassy can approve him but then you can be blindsided when he disappears on you because you didn't take the time to get to know him.  A Nigerian/American marriage can truly exist...and its a beautiful thing!!! 

[Unlockable 7,306]

Good story!

 

Hope it continues to work out for you.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Great post and I wholeheartedly agree with you. Thanks for sharing.

[Everlast 49]

Beautiful read. Rekindles our faith in humanity! 

[LionessDeon 2,060]

Thank you for sharing!  It is so good to hear a happy story!

[dwheels76 5,459]

So true. Great story. Beauty out of the ashes. I know I am proof of that also.

[MrsJacob 7]

Wow that is AWESOME!

I was married to Ghanaian and we separated (04/2014) and recently filed for divorce. Divorce will be final on 3-1-17 ---

I met another Ghanaian by chance online last year in April 2016 and we have blossomed into a relationship and I will go see him soon. We will marry this year (on our first meeting) and file for CR1.

I am giving it to GOD bcz we are not doing anything wrong bcz our like developed to love.

I have mail showing where my EX changed his mailing address from our home to his new place in 2014. I met my new guy 2016 (what was I suppose to do shrivel up and die?)