Problems on marriage before removing the conditions

[Derrickrose1989 0]

I disagree with other posters. I think it would be wise to stay together until you get your green card.

Most I-751's are approved without an interview. USCIS is not going to come and see if you are sleeping in the same bed. It sounds like you have most of the usual evidence of a bona fide marriage, and you haven't separated your finances.

Why look for trouble if she's willing to stay together - although remember, the process could easily take another year. Why give USCIS a red flag, an excuse to probe deeper? You aren't required to write love letters to each other with your I-751 or to renew your marriage vows.

It's true that you can probably get approved with a divorce waiver, but it doesn't sound like either of you is making life particularly difficult for the other, except for the tragedy of a failed marriage. If you can both accept that the marriage is gone and live under the same roof without driving each other crazy, why not? Why take the chance?

You can apply for citizenship three years after receiving your green card if you are still "living in marital union" with the spouse who sponsored you. Otherwise 5 years. So it's possible you will have to delay citizenship but it's not a big deal. Once you get the 10-year green card you are pretty much safe, unless you do something to make yourself deportable like commit a crime or leave the USA for too long.

Thank you for all your replies and advices. I really appreciate that. I have no one to talk about my situation and im glad i posted my problem to this forum. My wife have been only person,friend and lover for me since i have been in US. It is really hard to finish everything and divorce for me. I still think there is a little risk if i ever file divorce waiver. Me and my wife have been close each other for a long time and we have always got our backs. So she dont want me to risk my GC and citizenship even though we have been havin some major problems. Just like tuckin14 said maybe i should just wait like four-five months and apply for ROC. We still stay together and everything even though they call us to the interview, i think we would be good. I was on F-1 visa student before marriage and i dont really want to risk anything. I am really scared of being deported. I still want to finish my school.

[NikLR 13,220]

There is very little risk with a divorce waiver. Personally I feel there is more risk from fraud because you're staying with someone for a green card. I don't advocate lying to government officials. Should you want to work on your marriage, that is different, but to just stay together for a green card? Up to you.

[Villanelle 4,121]

I agree with NLR.

Look you are going to get all kinds of opinions on a public forum. But theres a huge difference between opinion and policy. The policy is very clear on marriage fraud.

Whats not so clear is the interpretation of "bonafide marriage". They dont have a public print out check list or even standard definition of what that means. It makes perfect sense not to, because then anybody committing fraud could simply portray and fabricate arelationship meeting said checklist and get approved.

But lets be reasonable here-- we all know what bonafide relationship/marriage means. It means living together as man and wife. You are not doing such. To turn in paperwork evidence showing you have a marriage relationship when you truly are not living as man and wife is marriage fraud.

One can argue the fine points and say well technically we are married, we have proof of joint assets/banks/etc but technically you are not. You are living as roommates not a man and his wife so technically they can deny you. You do realize that if they suspect something is up they have the right to do a home visits? Coming to your home and finding a "roommate" situation rather then a married couple is sure to get you a denial.

I can understand being scared of a divorce waiver application, but honestly you should be more scared to file as a legitimate couple when you ARE NOT>

The divorce waiver is very common. More common then you realize. And honestly its your only path as you not a couple anymore. To file any other way (unless the relationship is back on) is very foolish.

[MacUK 983]

This is the deal breaker, I promise you she is spending time with her lover or lovers.

There's a big difference between someone going out and someone being unfaithful!

How do you know she has a lover, let alone multiple ones?

I've never really understood the American fear of drinking.

[Derrickrose1989 0]

There is very little risk with a divorce waiver. Personally I feel there is more risk from fraud because you're staying with someone for a green card. I don't advocate lying to government officials. Should you want to work on your marriage, that is different, but to just stay together for a green card? Up to you.

Thank you for all of your advises. I even actully showed this forum to my wife. She wants to divorce eventually but she says she is not ready for it. Im her longest relationship and she is my longest relationship. We have done everything together so it is kind of hard to get divorce for both of us. She is really really upset because of the baby situation. We definitely don't want to do anything fraud. We dont have any agreement or anything about my gc situation. It is just hard to divorce right away. So we give ourselves like six months to see what is going to be. Right now we are in the same house like a roommates but we still talk each other and go out for dinner, grocery shopping. I think we will try to counseling again. Like i mention in my other posts i love her and it is really hard to leave her for me. So she have the same feelings still she is scared to divorce me. This confusion would create any bad suspicion if we ever get interviewed for roc ?

[Derrickrose1989 0]

There's a big difference between someone going out and someone being unfaithful!

How do you know she has a lover, let alone multiple ones?

I've never really understood the American fear of drinking.

Well i have no proof or anything about if she has a lover or not. Whenever she went out for drinking i always had to pick her up. She always drinks with her sisters and cousins so i am not really sure about lover thing. It is just uncomfortable to have a wife drinking daily basis. Thats why i have fear in me to have a baby with her. Since i told her that we have been having problems in our marriage.

[NikLR 13,220]

Thank you for all of your advises. I even actully showed this forum to my wife. She wants to divorce eventually but she says she is not ready for it. Im her longest relationship and she is my longest relationship. We have done everything together so it is kind of hard to get divorce for both of us. She is really really upset because of the baby situation. We definitely don't want to do anything fraud. We dont have any agreement or anything about my gc situation. It is just hard to divorce right away. So we give ourselves like six months to see what is going to be. Right now we are in the same house like a roommates but we still talk each other and go out for dinner, grocery shopping. I think we will try to counseling again. Like i mention in my other posts i love her and it is really hard to leave her for me. So she have the same feelings still she is scared to divorce me. This confusion would create any bad suspicion if we ever get interviewed for roc ?

Not if you're working on your marriage. Marriages take work, from both people. They take communication. They take compromise and collaboration. They take courtesy, respect, trust, and love.

If you want to work on your marriage then do it.

Is she getting drunk or just having a drink? Does she do it daily? If she's drunk daily, then she has an issue, but only she can fix it. You can help, but only if she wants to fix it.

[Derrickrose1989 0]

Not if you're working on your marriage. Marriages take work, from both people. They take communication. They take compromise and collaboration. They take courtesy, respect, trust, and love.

If you want to work on your marriage then do it.

Is she getting drunk or just having a drink? Does she do it daily? If she's drunk daily, then she has an issue, but only she can fix it. You can help, but only if she wants to fix it.

She wants to divorce because only reason i dont want to have a baby but when we talk about divorcing she says she is not ready for it. (Maybe she try to convince me to have a baby by bringing up divorcing) So that is why We will go to counselor and try to save our marriage again, i think. She has an alcoholic sister and cousin, she gets together with them to drink at least four days in a week. She gets drunk most of the time. Even Our marriage counselor said she has a drinking problem, my wife didnt accept that. She wanted to change the counselor because she thinks our counselor is always on my side.

[NikLR 13,220]

Well counselling must be done both together and alone. Find someone who she feels comfortable with. But as I mentioned, if she has a problem, she cannot and will not fix it until she acknowledges she has a problem AND wants to fix it.

[MacUK 983]

Well i have no proof or anything about if she has a lover or not. Whenever she went out for drinking i always had to pick her up. She always drinks with her sisters and cousins so i am not really sure about lover thing. It is just uncomfortable to have a wife drinking daily basis. Thats why i have fear in me to have a baby with her. Since i told her that we have been having problems in our marriage.

I don't want to belittle the troubles you are going through, I just come from a country where having a few drinks every day isn't a problem.

If she's getting absolutely legless on a daily basis or if she physically CAN'T go more than a few days without drinking, that's when it's a problem.

[alex06m 2]

She wants to divorce because only reason i dont want to have a baby but when we talk about divorcing she says she is not ready for it. (Maybe she try to convince me to have a baby by bringing up divorcing) So that is why We will go to counselor and try to save our marriage again, i think. She has an alcoholic sister and cousin, she gets together with them to drink at least four days in a week. She gets drunk most of the time. Even Our marriage counselor said she has a drinking problem, my wife didnt accept that. She wanted to change the counselor because she thinks our counselor is always on my side.

It is kind of weird giving an advise in this situation, but do not divorce just because not having sex with your wife could sound odd to USCIS. All couples have some problems, you can talk about divorcing for years and never do it, or decide to divorce out of the blue and live happily ever after without each other. She says that she can wait and all this talk is about having a baby... So it is just your family matter, just wait, file for ROC and see what is going on with you marriage. Maybe in one year you pregnant wife would abandon her habit and you would be complaining that she is spending too much buying kid's stuff and forcing you to move to a larger home with better schools around. Or maybe you with would figure out that the divorce is the only option. Even if you do not sex, you are still a couple finding the way to keep your marriage.

good luck to you both.

[Derrickrose1989 0]

I don't want to belittle the troubles you are going through, I just come from a country where having a few drinks every day isn't a problem.

If she's getting absolutely legless on a daily basis or if she physically CAN'T go more than a few days without drinking, that's when it's a problem.

She gets together with her cousins and her sister three four times in a week. They have alcohol problems, her sister have been dealing with alcoholism for a while and my wife just drinks with them and get drunk all the time. My wife doesnt have any friends and thats why she always get together with them and she put them over our mariage and me sometimes. Thats where all the problems start. When she is not around them she dont drink. She even came to me with idea to live somewhere out of her family. But i have my job and school here i cannot just take a shot and move to somewhere else. Because i cannot trust her about her drinking habit.

[Derrickrose1989 0]

It is kind of weird giving an advise in this situation, but do not divorce just because not having sex with your wife could sound odd to USCIS. All couples have some problems, you can talk about divorcing for years and never do it, or decide to divorce out of the blue and live happily ever after without each other. She says that she can wait and all this talk is about having a baby... So it is just your family matter, just wait, file for ROC and see what is going on with you marriage. Maybe in one year you pregnant wife would abandon her habit and you would be complaining that she is spending too much buying kid's stuff and forcing you to move to a larger home with better schools around. Or maybe you with would figure out that the divorce is the only option. Even if you do not sex, you are still a couple finding the way to keep your marriage.

good luck to you both.

Thank you very much for your opinions. We have been having major problems and we have been seperated but still living like a married couple. We still have feelings for each other and just cannot leave each other easily. I guess we will just take our times and by the time i will file my roc rather than divorce waiver.

[MacUK 983]

She gets together with her cousins and her sister three four times in a week. They have alcohol problems, her sister have been dealing with alcoholism for a while and my wife just drinks with them and get drunk all the time. My wife doesnt have any friends and thats why she always get together with them and she put them over our mariage and me sometimes. Thats where all the problems start. When she is not around them she dont drink. She even came to me with idea to live somewhere out of her family. But i have my job and school here i cannot just take a shot and move to somewhere else. Because i cannot trust her about her drinking habit.

Sounds to me like her family are the problem and getting away from them could be your best option.

Only going from what you said.

Your wife doesn't have many friends so socialises with her family members.

They're the ones who have the problems with alcoholism so naturally while your wife is with them she drinks too.

Getting away from those family members and maybe you and your wife developing a social life yourselves could be what's needed to save your marriage.

[eieio 1,594]

Thank you very much for your opinions. We have been having major problems and we have been seperated but still living like a married couple. We still have feelings for each other and just cannot leave each other easily. I guess we will just take our times and by the time i will file my roc rather than divorce waiver.

Your wife is an alcoholic. It is what it is. She will not admit it so for now it looks like it will always be a problem. It is not the fault of her family. They may enable her, but moving away will not change the problem.

That said….I think she has a good heart and does not want to cause you extra pain. My advice would be to focus on school and make friends. Learn as much as you can so when both of you decide it is time for a divorce…..you will feel secure in your immigration status.