To proceed or not? More questions than answers, more confusion than clarity. (Cultural knowledge of Uganda helpful)

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

i said she never has any even know i send her thousands, and tells me she never has money she doesnt directly ask

It is up to you to become more involved in how the money is spent. Thousands go very far there and I bet the family clan is enjoying a big share.

I would also question the "robbery", not unusual to claim that as a motive to expect another windfall, she could be telling the truth but be careful,

it has been posted about here in the sub saharan forum before.

She got along without your money before and she will continue to, so cut the funds back.

It is true that with a 4 year old she won't have as much time now but 5 min a day is shady and not good communication evidence for the

relationship proof you will be required to show the consulate. I hope you skype and have some chat logs accumulated.

There are just too many inconsistencies and if you can't steer this thing around it will just get out of control. Beware !

[General Buhari 46]

It is up to you to become more involved in how the money is spent. Thousands go very far there and I bet the family clan is enjoying a big share.

I would also question the "robbery", not unusual to claim that as a motive to expect another windfall, she could be telling the truth but be careful,

it has been posted about here in the sub saharan forum before.

She got along without your money before and she will continue to, so cut the funds back.

It is true that with a 4 year old she won't have as much time now but 5 min a day is shady and not good communication evidence for the

relationship proof you will be required to show the consulate. I hope you skype and have some chat logs accumulated.

There are just too many inconsistencies and if you can't steer this thing around it will just get out of control. Beware !

I wish many males will remember this during this process. I know it's natural to want to step in like a knight in shining armor and save the damsel but one must be reasonable.

[General Buhari 46]

OP, I don't know how to say what I want to say (ban you know) but I'll posse a question to you instead.

Would you be doing all of this if you had met a girl down the street here in the USA? If yes, then carry on, if not, then why are you doing and agreeing to all of these nonsense?

Good luck.

[Mike-eeh and Odie 192]

thanks everyone the thing is she never does ask for money, but my parents say thats because she knows ill automatically send.

i have not yet paid dowry due to fearing visa fraud

Your parents are right.

You are being scammed.

Stop sending money and watch her love for you diminish. Trust me.

[LoveinUganda 20]

you guys are a'll very imformative, if this were a girl next door no i wouldnt put up woth it. as for listening to my parents thryaretrying to do their best in not having me go even see her in august fearing ill be set upnand killdd but that sounds rediculous

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Yes it does sound ridiculous because you are far more worth to her as a way out to a GC. Still...stay away from cheap hotels out of town due to "robberies".

[LoveinUganda 20]

lol... we are staying at five star world class property

[sexymackeral 14]

Op there's so many alarming things about her behavior in your post. I would be very careful with her going forward. I don't have cultural knowledge of Uganda but have lived in another part of East Africa (Kenya) for a few years. I would be really weary of her true interest in you. I don't know her, so I really can't say for sure but it seems to me that she's only interested in money. And getting as much of it as she can! Thousands of US dollars goes really far...and paying her bishop $100-200 USD is crazy to me!

-I would question her opting for you to go back to the US when you outlined you could easily live well in Uganda.

-I would question her lack of contact or only reaching out when she needs money now.

-I would question their objection to having an elder you know attend this upcoming family meeting- in Kenya this would be the opposite- they'd want to have someone from your family or close friend to also speak with to make sure you're a good man for their daughter.

-I would question her not protecting you from the onslaught of money requests from everyone (someone who really cares about you doesn't want you to be taken advantage of. Yes dowry is a part of the culture but paying so much to so many people right away and making you feel pressured to do so???).

Be careful with your heart and your wallet! Wish you all the best and hope that everything works out for you.

[hayesj6 1]

I know a beautiful girl right here in the states I can introduce you to. You sound like a nice young man. Don't be fooled....run fast & run far.

[LoveinUganda 20]

when it all comes down to it i feel leaving her will ruin her childs life and that concerns me a great deal. when i have tried calling it off she gets upset saying we cant due to already presenting me to her bishop and her people as she refers to them. my biggest concern is her child and i dont want to hurt anyone or ruin lives

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

when it all comes down to it i feel leaving her will ruin her childs life and that concerns me a great deal. when i have tried calling it off she gets upset saying we cant due to already presenting me to her bishop and her people as she refers to them. my biggest concern is her child and i dont want to hurt anyone or ruin lives

It will not ruin the child's life, she will have less opportunities but she was fine before you and will be fine without you.

A marriage shouldn't be build on irrational fears to ruin anyone's life but on true love, emotional stability and shared values.

It would be a big shame for her if the wedding would be called off but it would hurt YOU if this ends up in divorce down the road.

They already told you they don't want the child to come to the USA because they are afraid you will traffic her, so she may remain

with the father, whoever he is and how he fits into the picture.

Your fiance is manipulated way too much ( by choice) within this family clan, they are calling the shots and you end up marrying

into this.

I want to let you know that they expect to ALL be supported by you in the future. This is reality. Someone travels abroad they are

expected to send support to those left behind and there will be arguments if you don't. If you don't get that and don't have a handle

on it now then you will regret it later. You aren't assertive enough and too much of a Mr. Nice Guy seems like and you must take control

of this and don't make excuses for CULTURAL nonsense, YOUR own western culture counts too. It's a blending and compromising not an exotic

"dang I have to give 10 cows and 9 goats" dilemma. You are too much over the edge with it all. Step back into your culture and bring her along

into your ways, this is where she would have to integrate and live so if she wants to then it has to be much more of your ways than hers.

If not then adios amigo. Even in her culture the man of the house has a lot more say and they are bamboozling you. Act like you are leading,

firmly with all this drama.

[General Buhari 46]

It will not ruin the child's life, she will have less opportunities but she was fine before you and will be fine without you.

A marriage shouldn't be build on irrational fears to ruin anyone's life but on true love, emotional stability and shared values.

It would be a big shame for her if the wedding would be called off but it would hurt YOU if this ends up in divorce down the road.

They already told you they don't want the child to come to the USA because they are afraid you will traffic her, so she may remain

with the father, whoever he is and how he fits into the picture.

Your fiance is manipulated way too much ( by choice) within this family clan, they are calling the shots and you end up marrying

into this.

I want to let you know that they expect to ALL be supported by you in the future. This is reality. Someone travels abroad they are

expected to send support to those left behind and there will be arguments if you don't. If you don't get that and don't have a handle

on it now then you will regret it later. You aren't assertive enough and too much of a Mr. Nice Guy seems like and you must take control

of this and don't make excuses for CULTURAL nonsense, YOUR own western culture counts too. It's a blending and compromising not an exotic

"dang I have to give 10 cows and 9 goats" dilemma. You are too much over the edge with it all. Step back into your culture and bring her along

into your ways, this is where she would have to integrate and live so if she wants to then it has to be much more of your ways than hers.

If not then adios amigo. Even in her culture the man of the house has a lot more say and they are bamboozling you. Act like you are leading,

firmly with all this drama.

OP, please read this as many times possible and completely understand it. It will save you anguish in the future.

[LoveinUganda 20]

if i withdrew our k1 and down the road met someone else would i have to wait two years before applying for them to come to the usa on k1?

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

if i withdrew our k1 and down the road met someone else would i have to wait two years before applying for them to come to the usa on k1?

No you wouldn't have to wait 2 years, you include an IMBRA multiple filing request in your petition. It is just a simple waiver request that

you write in a letter, no big deal.

[LoveinUganda 20]

I guess I'm just so emotional over this whole ordeal. I feel like if I do what's best for me an innocent child has no chance at a healthy good life. She's gotten to know me as daddy nick and comes running when she hears I'm talking to her mom on the phone. I also feel like invested over a year into this and don't want to hurt anyone. I can only imagine what my fiancé would feel havig to be questioned by her church family and friends. I feel like a horrible person just because I want to do what's best for me. I feel like a selfish #######