How did you choose who would move?

[Pennycat 880]

One of thr greatest ironies of my life is that I had the intention to live and work abroad "someday". Pretty much anywhere in the world was (and still is) on the table. I first remember this choice at age 13 but it could be even younger. I had visions of working for the AP or Rueters, international development, midwifery (focused on poor or undeserved communities)....anything that could be done abroad.

I managed to snag an internship at the United Nations in NY at 17 (and was invited back for several following years). I spoke 3 languages by 20, working on a 4th (also ironically, none Spanish).

I tried to convince my patents for a "gap year " (reasoning: I graduated high school early). My first plan was to apply to only UK and French universities until my dad flat out said that I could go but he wouldn't pay (he still footed the bill for a US private tuition that was more than any of these would be....he just knew I'd never come back if he let me go). I used to take the Foreign Service exam yearly (until I decided I'd rather join it married than single). I travel as much and as far as I can. I am 34, and still have a roommate. ..but I've been to 5 continents and until I got into an international relationship, a very healthy "adventure fund" and never had to think twice about just picking up and going...

I have been dead serious about this for most of my life. And when I met Walter, I was working a job that I hated with as much passion of this "live and work abroad" thing. Unfortunately (fortunately ?), my *other* goal in life, which is what brought me to DC in the first place, was to get a job working for Congress. I'd had a few short term gigs over the years, a fellowship etc. But nothing long term permanent. Until 2 months before my and Walter's relationship took a turn for the serious.

So now, with the best reason in the world to pick up and move abroad as I'd always intended.....I'd have to give up something else I'd been working on for a decade. And financial security (I'm not that employable in Costa Rica because yay Spanish and he couldn't support us both ). I was looking for any reason in the world to quit that job (very large international professional services firm)....and it came 2 months too late.

[Unidentified 2,930]

It was easy, I didn't really have a job and he has a job he loves and he can't find anything similar in Sweden.

[courage87 10]

Easy, she told me: "No matter what I will never come to live to your country cause I would miss my family a lot".
Despite I had the chance to be a police agent and so to have a stable job, she forbidden me to accept cause she would never come to live with me, so I had to renounce and actually I'm in a kind of impotent situation cause in Italy is a disgrace to find a job, so basically I rarely find some little works to do and in the while I must wait the visa process... She doesn't have a great job in USA despite she works in her mother's school everyday and she doesn't get a cent despite her mother is rich... and then her mother just try to make issues and to make my girlfriend's life impossible to forbid us to get married.

So I definitely advise you and all people thinking about a decision concerning this argument, to go in the place you can have the best life, cause the thing that matters is that, to be with your spouse all the life, so if one of the 2 have a good job, then the other should move. In my situation I would prefer my girlfriend to come to live with me if I would get the police agent job, no matter if she missed her family, cause me also I'm going to renounce to everything for her, but I respected her decision and needs, so that's it.

[Project_Harajuku 28]

He's in the military so naturally service to his career and country comes first. His job comes with a lot of moving and travelling so hopefully later down the line we'll end up in Japan (again).

[mwah1 4]

In reply to the comment made about South Africa...me and my husband met in SA (Cape Town) - it's not my birth country but I lived there on and off since I was a university student (15 plus years)...I am in Zimbabwe currently where my whole family lives and although I look forward to joining my husband in the states I would definitely love to live in Zimbabwe with my husband. He has kids and a better job so financially it's not feasible for now but I know that I do not want to live in the US for the rest of my life - I am not planning on having children so family-wise the connection will always be in Zimbabwe plus no matter what the outside world thinks about 'third-world' and dictators we actually live quite well here - my family home is set in a large garden with a pool, the weather is amazing almost all year round, and I feel safe... When I read online news stories about road rage, terrorism, serial killers, drugs, gangs...I look at the 'first world' and I am pretty horrified - the people in the first world countries should have a good chuckle about that because we also feel sorry for you! I guess where-ever you are it depends on who you are and how blessed you are to be safe, to be healthy and to be surrounded by family, that's all that matters.

[diegoandtyler 3]

We decided that it would be easier for me to go because of a bunch of reasons:

I speak English and he doesn't speak portuguese; I will be done with school here in Brazil by the end of this semester, while he still has 2 years of Med school in America; the conditions here in Brazil are not as good as in America for education, health care and safety; job opportunity and salary are better in the US; and also because I really love to travel and I want to experience living in a different culture.

[Meggers 0]

Job opportunities, country stability and overall quality of life. Usa was a winner in all these categories compared to Venezuela. Also the fact that his country is going down the drain and safety is a big concern for me as a gringa. If the situation improves there in the future I would consider moving back.

[Operator 1,925]

We drew straws

[david'sgirl 134]

The plan was for me to relocate but decided to move here instead. My children were still at home. His son was living with his mum and is autistic so unable to fully understand the separation. He decided to move mostly due to the weather being better than Scotland. I would move there if he wanted to go back but he is not interested.

[londongal 17]

At first I was adamant about him moving here in the UK because I didn't want to leave my family, but the more we looked into things and spoke about it, it made sense for me to move to Texas. He has joint custody of his 10 year old son and it would be next to impossible to move him out of the country away from his mother. Also he has a great job out there,and my company have an office in his city so it would be easy to relocate. We would also get a house twice the size for the half the price! So off to Texas I go...!!

[Russ&Caro 1,548]

I have a trick answer to this question... we both moved. Granted, we settled on living in the US, but I struck out for a new place to live and I changed jobs in the process, but only after we reviewed a lot of different possible *new* home cities to live in. So now that she's joined me, there's a whole lot of new places and experiences to share here in New Mexico. The beauty of this arrangement is that we're both forced to stretch ourselves to find new friends, new groups, etc. Before moving here, my closest friend was 400 miles away and my closest direct family member was 1,000 miles away, so this was well outside of any comfort zone for me. And in a sense she has a certain co-ownership of where we live now since she was involved in the decision of where we would ultimately live.