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UK_Fan

a weird situation....

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Hi guys..

no, this is not another one of those threads where I'm asking for a "friend", when i'm really asking for myself to save the embarrassment. I really am asking for a friend.... so here is the story:

i have FINALLY met another russian person near me... turned out she had lived 5 mins away from me for a year... i haven't met a russian person in my area... oh well, let's just say NEVER! and here, by the grace of god, turned out that she was right next to me. Let me just point out that i'm very happy to have her around and we have become really good friends over the course of less than a month.

so.... here's the deal. she is out of status...which is not a big deal, i've been in her shoes, i know how to get that fixed, but there is a BIG problem.

she came here by work and travel program that is offered to a lot of college students, stayed, continued to work after her visa expired, lived a full life (which is more than i can say about myself when i was out of status). later on she married a guy, but he never filed her papers.

they split up eventually, cause he was a psycho and was mentally abusive, even broke into her house once, which she has the police reports of when she filed. anyways, she met another guy, they started living together, she got pregnant and now she has the cutest little girl ever. BUT, the big elegant in the room is that she can't do anything. she is still out of status, they can't get married cause her husband won't give her the divorce and the last time she heard from him, he was somewhere in Malaysia.

here she has this great life, with her child's father who supports her financially, and loves her, but they can't be a family, cause her husband won't divorce her and she knows that you can't be married to two people at a time. she drives without drivers license, doesn't have a state ID, doesn't have health insurance and can't be a fully functioning member of society. she volunteers at her church and does way more than i could have ever imagined to do when i was in her situation (i was afraid to leave the house, thinking i'd get deported hahah)

the question is, how can she get a divorce from her husband. i will walk her through the AOS and ROC and all that good stuff. i have thought that maybe she can file VAWA since she has proof that the husband was abusive and didn't file her papers. she had tried filing for a divorce with the papers that showed that the husband was absent, and the judge wouldn't even look at it. she lives in TN btw.

i really want to help her, i love her like a sister, because she is the sweetest person i've met and she deserves to live a full life with her family.

so please guys, all judgements aside, give me some idea on what to do next. a lady from her church contacted a PI to find her husband, but i'm sure there is an easier way to get a divorce from someone absent and out of the country.

Edited by UK_Fan

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Hi guys..

no, this is not another one of those threads where I'm asking for a "friend", when i'm really asking for myself to save the embarrassment. I really am asking for a friend.... so here is the story:

i have FINALLY met another russian person near me... turned out she had lived 5 mins away from me for a year... i haven't met a russian person in my area... oh well, let's just say NEVER! and here, by the grace of god, turned out that she was right next to me. Let me just point out that i'm very happy to have her around and we have become really good friends over the course of less than a month.

so.... here's the deal. she is out of status...which is not a big deal, i've been in her shoes, i know how to get that fixed, but there is a BIG problem.

she came here by work and travel program that is offered to a lot of college students, stayed, continued to work after her visa expired, lived a full life (which is more than i can say about myself when i was out of status). later on she married a guy, but he never filed her papers.

they split up eventually, cause he was a psycho and was mentally abusive, even broke into her house once, which she has the police reports of when she filed. anyways, she met another guy, they started living together, she got pregnant and now she has the cutest little girl ever. BUT, the big elegant in the room is that she can't do anything. she is still out of status, they can't get married cause her husband won't give her the divorce and the last time she heard from him, he was somewhere in Malaysia.

here she has this great life, with her child's father who supports her financially, and loves her, but they can't be a family, cause her husband won't divorce her and she knows that you can't be married to two people at a time. she drives without drivers license, doesn't have a state ID, doesn't have health insurance and can't be a fully functioning member of society. she volunteers at her church and does way more than i could have ever imagined to do when i was in her situation (i was afraid to leave the house, thinking i'd get deported hahah)

the question is, how can she get a divorce from her husband. i will walk her through the AOS and ROC and all that good stuff. i have thought that maybe she can file VAWA since she has proof that the husband was abusive and didn't file her papers. she had tried filing for a divorce with the papers that showed that the husband was absent, and the judge wouldn't even look at it. she lives in TN btw.

i really want to help her, i love her like a sister, because she is the sweetest person i've met and she deserves to live a full life with her family.

so please guys, all judgements aside, give me some idea on what to do next. a lady from her church contacted a PI to find her husband, but i'm sure there is an easier way to get a divorce from someone absent and out of the country.

Literally just file for divorce

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I've heard of this thing called "divorce by publication". Is it possible to to in your state?

like when you put an ad out in the paper and if he doesn't respond within a certain time, you can't a divorce?

if so, we have thought about that....


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The main thrust of your question seems to be divorce in TN and I have no idea how that works, surprised she can not get that information froma local divorce lawyer.

Immigration wise, a U visa?


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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The main thrust of your question seems to be divorce in TN and I have no idea how that works, surprised she can not get that information froma local divorce lawyer.

Immigration wise, a U visa?

she's been to an immigration lawyer and they said that there is nothing they could do if she doesn't get a divorce first.


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she's been to an immigration lawyer and they said that there is nothing they could do if she doesn't get a divorce first.

That is why I said Divorce Lawyer.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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As Boiler mentioned, she needs to see a divorce lawyer. Divorce lawyers don't know/care about immigration, and immigration lawyers don't know about divorce. Completely separate processes.

I'd google divorce laws in your area, but imagine she can do as mentioned above and list a divorce notice in the local paper/last known place of residence for her ex and then be granted the divorce. I know in Chicago, the divorce petitioner basically has to show good faith of trying to find the ex, but if unsuccessful/impossible, the divorce will be granted with only the petitioner present/aware.


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She will need a lawyer for a consult at minimum. She had a baby while married many states will consider it the be her husbands child, and it could be why the Judge did not grant the divorce the first time.


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She will need a lawyer for a consult at minimum. She had a baby while married many states will consider it the be her husbands child, and it could be why the Judge did not grant the divorce the first time.

oh no! i hope that's not the case.. God forbid..

she would be devastated


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here's the sticking point:

she had tried filing for a divorce with the papers that showed that the husband was absent, and the judge wouldn't even look at it. she lives in TN btw.

I suggest something was wrong with the divorce petition submitted. She should fix that, and file again.


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......and i think i just found where it said that the husband if legally considered the father in TN.... oh my god...

A DNA test will prove otherwise. Which will likely be required by the judge before a divorce is granted. So she should probably go ahead and have one of those done soon.


K1 Visa Process AOS Process

Mar 18 2013: I-129F mailed to CSC Nov 15 2013: I-485 with EAD/AP filed at Chicago Lockbox

Sept 19 2013: Interview - Approved!! Jan 25 2014: EAD/AP Card Received

Oct 6 2013: POE - Chicago O'Hare June 2 2014: Permanent Resident Card Received!

Oct 27 2013: Wedding!

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Look into the waiting/separation period in TN. maybe she tried to file too soon? (In IL, you must have been separated for at least 6 months to be granted the divorce)

Perhaps have her consult with a divorce attorney. Sounds like she may have a lot of moving pieces.


K1 Visa Process AOS Process

Mar 18 2013: I-129F mailed to CSC Nov 15 2013: I-485 with EAD/AP filed at Chicago Lockbox

Sept 19 2013: Interview - Approved!! Jan 25 2014: EAD/AP Card Received

Oct 6 2013: POE - Chicago O'Hare June 2 2014: Permanent Resident Card Received!

Oct 27 2013: Wedding!

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