Falling out of love

[Arroyo77 2]

Hello guys,

I am not sure if this issue has been addressed in the past or if anyone has dared talk about, but I want to know what everyone thinks.

One of the main issues about being in a situation like this is the way it affects your relationship. For instance, what happens when you can´t see the person you love for more than 2-3 moths? Does it kill you inside? does it kill them inside?

There are things in life you can´t fight alone, and in a long distance relationship you should both work together, but what happens when one of the two is not fighting for the relationship anymore? Is it time to give up on that person? or it is time to try even harder?

One of the things that I can honestly tell you about my own experience is this, I love my fiancee with all my heart and I would do anything for her! Since the first time I decided to leave the US, she stuck with me through thick and thin and it seemed that our love couldn't get any stronger. We would be apart for 6 months and it would not matter because we were so in love.

Then, after time, my fiancee started college. Yes the prime of her youth! She joined lots of clubs and took many units to try and finish her school faster and she also joined a Sorority. I had no issues with it and I am very proud of her but slowly, little by litte, I noticed the change. She was different. It is true that as you get older, you mature and so should your relationship. Of course I knew our relationship could not be a cheesy high school thing and it would mature but to my surprise things drastically changed.

We would talk less and less everyday. She would go out with her friends, she had school and a job, while I´m stuck down here waiting on the approval of a waiver. Talking about marriage frustrates her now and although she says its because she doesn´t like getting her hopes up, I can just feel that she does not like talking about marriage and she doesn´t get as excited about it.

I feel as if I have to beg her to talk to me sometimes and it sucks because I am really all alone down here. Don´t get me wrong, I don´t seek attention but there are times where the only person that can make your day, just tells you she/he has not time and it sucks.

Anyway, my dilemma is this...she tells me that she loves yet, I don´t see it, and many people can say that it´s hard for her to show me love when we are not together but that was not an issue back then...I still love her very much and I would be willing to do anything for her. We have been approved out waiver and can now go back to Juarez to finish my process but I just don´t know if it will be worth it in the end. I come from a family where marriages have lasted decades and I look up to that, so it scares me to think that it may not work out.

Thank you for reading this....

[rlogan 2,036]

things drastically changed...

We would talk less and less everyday. She would go out with her friends, she had school and a job...

Talking about marriage frustrates her now and although she says its because she doesn´t like getting her hopes up, I can just feel that she does not like talking about marriage and she doesn´t get as excited about it.

I feel as if I have to beg her to talk to me sometimes...

she tells me that she loves yet, I don´t see it...

You are not imagining that she has fallen out of love.

[Jawaree 717]

Sometime the mind will play tricks especially when at the moment you are feeling

somewhat devalued in the relationship, so you sit & think ,& the devil got you conjuring up a

lot things in your head when she goes out (u feel she is having fun, without u) When she gets

silent during a phone chat its(because uscis does that to ppl the journey is no cake-walk)

especially waiting on a waiver which is so stressful & discretionary.

Careful: An idle mind is the devils play-ground.join th gym, get a hobby give you ore to

talk about

She probably tired of visa convo, so she cut phones talks shorter, maybe you sound depress which

depresses her, why continue to make plan she may think...why not wait for decision. Are you

sounding resentful when she tell you about her active life...Comon U as a man have to inject back

some excitement via the phone if she is saying she loves you ,she just don't want to talk immigration

all the time...Don't push her away...Try to play games on the phone pretend U are out together even

laying the park talking, get discription what she has on .....Think my brother...about the good ..not the bad.

misery loves company hope you get adjudicated soon...

[JoBri 545]

The same happened to some extent with us. Yet 7 and a half years after marriage things arent too bad.

Hello guys,

I am not sure if this issue has been addressed in the past or if anyone has dared talk about, but I want to know what everyone thinks.

One of the main issues about being in a situation like this is the way it affects your relationship. For instance, what happens when you can´t see the person you love for more than 2-3 moths? Does it kill you inside? does it kill them inside?

There are things in life you can´t fight alone, and in a long distance relationship you should both work together, but what happens when one of the two is not fighting for the relationship anymore? Is it time to give up on that person? or it is time to try even harder?

One of the things that I can honestly tell you about my own experience is this, I love my fiancee with all my heart and I would do anything for her! Since the first time I decided to leave the US, she stuck with me through thick and thin and it seemed that our love couldn't get any stronger. We would be apart for 6 months and it would not matter because we were so in love.

Then, after time, my fiancee started college. Yes the prime of her youth! She joined lots of clubs and took many units to try and finish her school faster and she also joined a Sorority. I had no issues with it and I am very proud of her but slowly, little by litte, I noticed the change. She was different. It is true that as you get older, you mature and so should your relationship. Of course I knew our relationship could not be a cheesy high school thing and it would mature but to my surprise things drastically changed.

We would talk less and less everyday. She would go out with her friends, she had school and a job, while I´m stuck down here waiting on the approval of a waiver. Talking about marriage frustrates her now and although she says its because she doesn´t like getting her hopes up, I can just feel that she does not like talking about marriage and she doesn´t get as excited about it.

I feel as if I have to beg her to talk to me sometimes and it sucks because I am really all alone down here. Don´t get me wrong, I don´t seek attention but there are times where the only person that can make your day, just tells you she/he has not time and it sucks.

Anyway, my dilemma is this...she tells me that she loves yet, I don´t see it, and many people can say that it´s hard for her to show me love when we are not together but that was not an issue back then...I still love her very much and I would be willing to do anything for her. We have been approved out waiver and can now go back to Juarez to finish my process but I just don´t know if it will be worth it in the end. I come from a family where marriages have lasted decades and I look up to that, so it scares me to think that it may not work out.

Thank you for reading this....

[Darnell 8,478]

well, since it's in the OT section,

I'll suggest this -

if'n she's not sending you 2 pairs of her used underbritches each week, something is drastically wrong.

[Unidentified 2,930]

Have you tried avoiding talking about the visa for a while? This process effects us in different ways and we deal with things differently. We got very frustrated with the waiting and my way of handling it was talking about it but my fiance's way of handling it was to not talk about it. Me wanting to talk about it led to him withdrawing a bit. So maybe try to avoid talking about it for a while.

Also you might want to just ask her if she still want to be with you. Don't mention visa or marriage or love, just ask her if she still wants to be with you. Tell her how you feel: that you feel she is pushing you away.

[shellymarie 24]

Also you might want to just ask her if she still want to be with you. Don't mention visa or marriage or love, just ask her if she still wants to be with you. Tell her how you feel: that you feel she is pushing you away.

I agree with this...I think in this situation sometimes we avoid asking the dreaded "is this still what you want" question because we fear that we will hear the words we don't want to hear. But you never know...you may be pleasantly surprised and she may tell you "of course this is what I want!" or...of course there's the other possibility where she may tell you this isn't what she wants anymore (which would be terrible). but I think it would be better to know for sure, as opposed to tearing yourself up (possibly over nothing) with wondering and doubting. If she has decided this isn't what she wants anymore, then it's better to find that out now before you go through with the whole process and then find out later (especially since you mentioned how you look up the the long marriages in your family).

I know this situation isn't easy. All I can tell you is that...when both people are invested in it 100% there shouldn't be any question of the other person's feelings (granted...yes everyone is different. everyone handles things differently) but you both have to be 100% invested, or it's not gonna work. This whole process kills me inside...but there's not one day that goes by that I don't let my fiancee know how much I love him and how badly I want this, and he does the same for me. Every single day. We have our good days and bad days of course, and yes we get annoyed with each other, we argue and get angry with each other (just as we would if we were together) but none of that changes anything. We are both very busy (I work days, he works nights) but we don't miss an opportunity to chat or talk, even if it's only for a few minutes.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. But...just talk to her I wish you the best of luck!!

Edited June 10, 2015 by shellymarie