I wouldn't post on here to save my life

[belinda63 2,981]

Problem I see is people try to read too much into the questions or try to find out too much. Sometimes information is needed to provide a correct answer....but.....sometimes people just go off in a way that is not related to the questions. For example, if a person asked how to obtain a divorce one should not respond with criticism of them divorcing or that they need to work on the marriage.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

Just as with anything in life, FB, Instagram, Twitter, etc...you can find drama and participate in it if you like that kind of thing. For myself, I have found an abundance of valuable information on this site, good friends I talk to outside of this site, and much needed support. I don't gossip or do drama. Those things can be easily avoided.

It's about personal choice. Some choose to ask relationship advice, others do not. I read that thread. What was said doesn't bother me, it's their personal choice not to post things of a personal nature on this site. The OP poster of that comment stated that he would only ask questions of a procedural nature. Totally their decision.

Edited May 26, 2015 by LionessDeon

[Villanelle 4,121]

Drama is not a violation I think.

eh, I dont know about that. Might depend on which way the wind is blowing. We all know the TOS well, it is what it is. If there was a way to make it better- it would be. So as it stands- you cant do anything to interfere with the enjoyment of others. Or something like that. This is a conundrum- because different people enjoy different things. Some love drama, some love the serious straight talk. When they mix in the same thread its like cats and dogs.

Personally I feel the official Mod response of- take the cue from the OP- being if they posted a personal filled drama post then by all means delve in and discuss personal issues. If they didnt they back the heck off and dont interrogate them about gritty details to get your daily dose of drama for the day. - well, I feel that that is acceptable and not acceptable.

Example (and Im going to be careful here because I want to keep this general and not make this about specific situations or refer to specific threads) Someone posts a personal drama type thread about relationship type issues and ends up traveling to the US a day before their 2 year anniversary causing them to get a conditional GC rather then a unconditional card. The marriage was clearly in shambles, yet no practical advice was given because the focus was on the drama/personal aspect. It was how the OP started it. Members dove into it, and no practical advice was given.

Following the format above by the Mod standard- it was all correct. Follow the OPs lead. That certainly doesnt seem right.. Does it? And for those that are inclined to agree and say- well then offer practical advice- it was attempted to be given and told not verbatium but shut up, practical advice wasnt asked for here, only answer with what the OP wanted.

Im sorry so we just sit back and watch people crash and burn now because they didnt specifically ask if they were driving towards a cliff, they only asked if they were going south, so just nod yup thats south, keep going and wave buh bye. I cant. Im sorry, I just cant.

Forget about the picking on the OP, what about the picking on each other? Your posts are too long. Im tired of reading the same things over and over again. Well, maybe the post isnt meant for you and your enjoyment but for the OP and most appreciate a thorough response. This isnt twitter with a 140 character count and Im sorry if thats your attention span limit. I get its frustrating to read the same things about roc and divorce and vawa again and again. Its frustrating to explain them again and again. Is the solution to harass the boring people to make it more interesting? Or harass each other?

Because God Forbid someone tries to speak up for someone anyone more - whether its the OP or a fellow member. It use to be there was a sense of right, a sense of community and abuse was not tolerated as a whole in these pages. Now its become an open season. One person makes a comment and everyone draws their fangs.

Ive never considered myself friends with anybody here- but ya-all were certainly not my enemies. Now I just dont know. Post something on here- wrong- youll get ripped to shreds.

-

ha ha, its kind of funny that Jerry Springer was mentioned, I dont know if I ever thought of it that way. Im not sure how I feel about that. Im going to have to think that over for a bit. Having an audience watch in amusement while we fight./ I dont know if I want to participate in that. To be someones daily amusement- hmmm/?

[Boiler 43,430]

Example (and Im going to be careful here because I want to keep this general and not make this about specific situations or refer to specific threads) Someone posts a personal drama type thread about relationship type issues and ends up traveling to the US a day before their 2 year anniversary causing them to get a conditional GC rather then a unconditional card. The marriage was clearly in shambles, yet no practical advice was given because the focus was on the drama/personal aspect. It was how the OP started it. Members dove into it, and no practical advice was given.

I remember raising that as an issue.

Or the guy from Fiji with the Father deportation issue where 90% of the comments were about his PTSD. Which was neither here nor their to the issue.

Edited May 26, 2015 by Boiler

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

eh, I dont know about that. Might depend on which way the wind is blowing. We all know the TOS well, it is what it is. If there was a way to make it better- it would be. So as it stands- you cant do anything to interfere with the enjoyment of others. Or something like that. This is a conundrum- because different people enjoy different things. Some love drama, some love the serious straight talk. When they mix in the same thread its like cats and dogs.

Personally I feel the official Mod response of- take the cue from the OP- being if they posted a personal filled drama post then by all means delve in and discuss personal issues. If they didnt they back the heck off and dont interrogate them about gritty details to get your daily dose of drama for the day. - well, I feel that that is acceptable and not acceptable.

Example (and Im going to be careful here because I want to keep this general and not make this about specific situations or refer to specific threads) Someone posts a personal drama type thread about relationship type issues and ends up traveling to the US a day before their 2 year anniversary causing them to get a conditional GC rather then a unconditional card. The marriage was clearly in shambles, yet no practical advice was given because the focus was on the drama/personal aspect. It was how the OP started it. Members dove into it, and no practical advice was given.

Following the format above by the Mod standard- it was all correct. Follow the OPs lead. That certainly doesnt seem right.. Does it? And for those that are inclined to agree and say- well then offer practical advice- it was attempted to be given and told not verbatium but shut up, practical advice wasnt asked for here, only answer with what the OP wanted.

Im sorry so we just sit back and watch people crash and burn now because they didnt specifically ask if they were driving towards a cliff, they only asked if they were going south, so just nod yup thats south, keep going and wave buh bye. I cant. Im sorry, I just cant.

Forget about the picking on the OP, what about the picking on each other? Your posts are too long. Im tired of reading the same things over and over again. Well, maybe the post isnt meant for you and your enjoyment but for the OP and most appreciate a thorough response. This isnt twitter with a 140 character count and Im sorry if thats your attention span limit. I get its frustrating to read the same things about roc and divorce and vawa again and again. Its frustrating to explain them again and again. Is the solution to harass the boring people to make it more interesting? Or harass each other?

Because God Forbid someone tries to speak up for someone anyone more - whether its the OP or a fellow member. It use to be there was a sense of right, a sense of community and abuse was not tolerated as a whole in these pages. Now its become an open season. One person makes a comment and everyone draws their fangs.

Ive never considered myself friends with anybody here- but ya-all were certainly not my enemies. Now I just dont know. Post something on here- wrong- youll get ripped to shreds.

-

ha ha, its kind of funny that Jerry Springer was mentioned, I dont know if I ever thought of it that way. Im not sure how I feel about that. Im going to have to think that over for a bit. Having an audience watch in amusement while we fight./ I dont know if I want to participate in that. To be someones daily amusement- hmmm/?

You have clearly done a lot of thinking on this, and maybe some overthinking too. Yes people can be nicer but if you start thinking about the possibility of making enemies then maybe you are taking it a little too seriously. I do see where you are coming from with some of your points here. Will be interesting to see what the general consensus is and whether people feel this is a major issue or just a typical internet forum and not anything worth worrying about.

[Boiler 43,430]

There have been some absolutely classic threads on VJ and a large percentage have been in this forum, and VJ would not be the same without them.

Now you are assuming all the stories are totally legit, maybe not balanced, who knows?

Certainly some of them I have wondered about, they seem beyond reality, and sometimes I ask a question just to see.

Did occur to me there could be a book or a film in this.

I have mentioned before that the VJ TOS is a living breathing document subject only to the interpretation of the mods. It is a catch all justification and could be condensed to one sentence.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I remember raising that as an issue.

Or the guy from Fiji with the Father deportation issue where 90% of the comments were about his PTSD. Which was neither here nor their to the issue.

You, Damara, Belinda63 old timers are the only ones with helpful comments in that thread.

Sad thing is many knowledgeable, sharp thinking VJ members have left this site.

[Jawaree 717]

It's also way too monitored, a forum should be open for discussion. This is a communistic forum, anyone coming online for information has to be aware of the source. Anyone that has done anything with the government or law knows there are a whole lot of grey areas. This site deals too much in black and white and because of that a lot of people will suffer.

I agree somewhat..my wife too hates this site after being the one that 1st intro me here,

I think at times ppl can be rude, even hateful, but there are in fact helpful ppl here,

One can be firm in an answer & not insult the OP...however there are Mods that seem

to favor some ppl or countries & will ban or pull posts at the drop of a hat, while some

just breeze by hurling insults .People from some countries get great help & info while

other ppl especially from MENA countries are always being fed a dose of negatives. it

takes not much to give a glimmer of hope with the encouragement to seek an atty.

If I have ever insulted anyone I apologise because I always strive to be helpful, I

come to VJ for the Game Thread (I like it)...at the same time if one is not calling

another out their name etc and its a vibrant conversation, I see no reason to lock a

topic...but hey the big uns feel they can do that! and frankly online behind a PC ppl

say all kinds of U know what.There are also the negative info thrown out by a poster

who knows absolutely nothing about a question, mistakes are expected , we post from

having read something, gone thru, or knows someone who went thru it too, a few of

us may know someone that works in an area of immigration

I must also say members tend to jump on the personal issue & Drama threads.What

the OP post can get many different answers, and basic questions at times there

are some that will grill the OP for unnecessary info

Lastly some behaves as if they want to come in, slam & lock the gate tight behind them

Peace out ppl

Edited May 26, 2015 by Jawaree

[Cody and Daisy 373]

There's a reason I put a statement in my signature.

I find people take things to heart too much.

I give blunt honest answers, I'm not a friend to them who has to make the truth seem pretty and nice and caring.

I don't know them.

Maybe that's my English nature, but sometimes people take things others say the wrong way a lot.

Not saying people aren't rude on here because some are, but I don't sugarcoat things.

[Mr&MrsJenkins 11]

This site is way too moderated, threads should be open to discussion. There are some threads that were obviously made by trolls. The trolls are the ones that should be banned and having their comments deleted, not members who call a spade a spade. Then there are the grey areas and loopholes in the immigration system. Since most members on this site came and stay in the US legally of course there will be intense emotions generated when a "grey area" thread pops up. Why aren't people allowed to discuss how unfair those loopholes are? People with an opinion are not welcome on this site. Not every argument means drama. There are "healthy arguments", threads where lively conversations take place. There is nothing wrong with that. I just don't get why some members try to defend every each OP so bad... often the OP brings the drama on themselves by trolling and/or being passive aggressive. There are a bunch of members who have been on this site for years and they tend be arrogant know-it-alls and talk down to new members or anyone they feel superior to. Those things never get moderated, since even moderators do that. Thank god for all the friendly, honest, sharp thinking members on this site who are not afraid to be HUMAN and to show emotions and even anger sometimes, instead of being dull, dry and robotic.

[SantyAndAllie 155]

Just my rant on this- Sometimes people are just plain nasty. There's no excuse for it, and it bothers me to see. No need to sugarcoat, but there's also no reason to be rude to people over the internet. That's what I find irritating about this site. Even when you're nice, you get people replying snidely to your comments. So I feel you! I was definitely more excited here until I noticed that people's tones starting changing. I get being angry about the waiting and the whole process, but don't take it out on other people. Otherwise, yes, there's good and bad to everything, of course.

I do very much appreciate the people who have been genuine and helpful (like a lot of people who posted on this thread!) I just hope anyone reading this thread will realize to not take their anger for the process out on other people (I know, easier said than done- I've taken it out on people I love a lot, so strangers are easier, I'm sure). Otherwise they need to take their judgments and arrogant remarks elsewhere!

Thanks for giving us a thread to let our thoughts out, LOL!

Edited May 27, 2015 by SantyAndAllie

[NikLR 13,220]

There's a reason I put a statement in my signature.

I find people take things to heart too much.

I give blunt honest answers, I'm not a friend to them who has to make the truth seem pretty and nice and caring.

I don't know them.

Maybe that's my English nature, but sometimes people take things others say the wrong way a lot.

Not saying people aren't rude on here because some are, but I don't sugarcoat things.

You mean the world isn't rainbows, butterflies, and pink fluffy bunnies?! WHAT!?!

My daughter wrote an "award" to me one day for excellence in being a mom. She decided I was a great mom because I helped her with homework and really listened to her issues. But overall the deciding factor was that I taught her about the world and that it wasn't those things.

People need to pay attention to what they're posting. It's forums 101. The more information you share, it's possible the better help you may have, but it also may swing in a widely variant way in which you never intended. Thankfully no one is forced into sharing anything. So if you decide from reading a few posts, particularly in THIS section, that you'd rather give up your first born than share here, you're in luck because you won't have to make that choice!

[Villanelle 4,121]

Pssht- the line about enemies; if you read my stuff you'll see I often use extreme over exaggerations. While I am more on the paranoid side of the realm, if I did suspect some on an VJ of being sincerely out to get me, Id be the first one to call the men in white coats.

--

Again I really dont want to make this into a specific look at this thread and what happened or who said what at what time or who behaves better then whom type of situation, or who thinks who gives out better advice- because everyone at some point has put their foot in their mouth and everyone has contributed in a helpful manner.

This is more about looking at this specific section of the forums as a collective group of people that frequent it and reflect on how we have been treating each other lately and how we come off to others. And then say hey! Are we all generally happy like this? Does anyone want to make a change or are we happy with the status quo?

I am not. I think it has been better in the past and can be again in the future.

--

So for anyone that wants a change- Keeping in mind the TOS (being respectful to others etc etc) Is there any specific suggestions that we may be able to self implement? I know this is a huge question to pose with out an easy answer. But this is a brainstorming thread- nothing more.

For example sometimes with little kids or teens or someone you need to set boundaries with- you make a boundaries statement; similar to when someone totes out the vague TOS of- this is not allowed here.

A snide remark is made- copy and paste the official 'unofficial' we dont like that here. Subtle bullying- same thing. Going off topic. Same thing.

I know it sounds like- well why dont you just use the TOS dum dum? Well because the TOS is vague and as others have pointed out- its enforced differently by different people. Im talking about self policing I suppose. A neighborhood watch? I dont know. I just hate to see the forum being over run with so much negativity.

[Morningmist 76]

I agree with Jawaree about the whole bias thing. I've seen people helping some from European countries circumvent the immigration wait time by coming over on the visa waiver and no one went all " It's ILLEGAL BLAH BLAH" but someone asking something fairly legal from a South Asian country, people were all like " IT'S ILLEGAL BLAH BLAH". Seriously? And the moderators did nothing.

Also, information isn't all that "accurate". I was given a nasty reply about some A number issue from a so called "old timer" but all she did was repeat what was fed to her on this site over and over again and not that she actually "KNEW" from experience or knowledge that what she said was true. She routinely would attack people from South Asia and give them wrong information and turn around and say something completely different on another thread.

That should make people wary because people come on here to either a) vent or b) actually ask for legitimate immigration questions. Thanks to that VJ person, I who was pregnant and vomiting, was even more stressed out. Thanks for nothing. It all worked out but whatever.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I agree with Jawaree about the whole bias thing. I've seen people helping some from European countries circumvent the immigration wait time by coming over on the visa waiver and no one went all " It's ILLEGAL BLAH BLAH" but someone asking something fairly legal from a South Asian country, people were all like " IT'S ILLEGAL BLAH BLAH". Seriously? And the moderators did nothing.

Also, information isn't all that "accurate". I was given a nasty reply about some A number issue from a so called "old timer" but all she did was repeat what was fed to her on this site over and over again and not that she actually "KNEW" from experience or knowledge that what she said was true. She routinely would attack people from South Asia and give them wrong information and turn around and say something completely different on another thread.

That should make people wary because people come on here to either a) vent or b) actually ask for legitimate immigration questions. Thanks to that VJ person, I who was pregnant and vomiting, was even more stressed out. Thanks for nothing. It all worked out but whatever.

Could you post an example of a thread that encourage Europeans to circumvent the immigration waiting time by coming over on VWP? It is a violation of TOS to do so.

Normally when there is post about AOS from VWP, the thread would get derailed and shut down pretty quickly.

Also there are plenty of threads about parents from South Asian countries coming to US on tourist visa and then AOS.

So there are guilty parties on both sides?