Dilemma - I need a solution, Please

[sfombin 0]

I filed i-130 and sponsored my spouse to the United States from Ghana. Ever since she arrived 14 months ago, we have had about two months of good time with no quarrels. 12 of the 14 months have been hell. I have over $170K in my 401K and decided to change my beneficiary because I do not want her to get the money in case anything happens to me; but she refused to sign the change of beneficiary form.

When I send money to my family in Ghana, she is not too happy about it; but she works and send her money to her family without consulting with me. She does not support me in anyway. I invested about $40K for our wedding and to get her to the U.S. Now I am regretting I ever brought her here.

Recently, I came across some searches she made on her phone. Just to name a few of those searches, she was googling the following: how do i know my boss is in love with me? how do i know when it's right to get a divorce?...

I am beginning to feel she married me just to come to the U.S, use and dump me. Why would she refuse to sign the 401K change in beneficiary and do all the negative things she does?

Her conditional green card expires in 10 months. I know I will nott assist her in removing the conditions. I want her to go back to Ghana before her card expires, without any possibility of coming back to the U.S. My question is how do I do that?

If she is in Ghana at the time her card expires, she will not be able to remove the conditions by herself from there; but if she is here even after the card expires, she can still remove the condition.

I want her and me to take a trip to Ghana, destroy her green card upon arrival and contact the US consulate not to grant her a visa to return to the U.S. Is this possible?

I wish I had stayed single; better still married someone from the U.S.

Thanks for your help.

[Ryan H 3,790]

Moved from IR-1/CR-1 Process & Procedures to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits forum.

[onye uwaoma 131]

Being vindictive will cost you more pain than you are feeling... Your ououtburst portrays you as the guilty party... There's need to restrain yourself from further damage and redeem your relationship than focusing on her status. Immigrants are human beings and marriage dilemma should not always be tied to green card.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

You may not be getting along but you did marry her and bring her here. You can divorce her at any time, walk away from the mess and start again. It will leave you in a much better place than stewing over revenge. Look for a good divorce lawyer, depending on the laws in your state you may or may not have to split property with her. The longer you stay married the bigger her share grows.

[sfombin 0]

Being vindictive will cost you more pain than you are feeling... Your ououtburst portrays you as the guilty party... There's need to restrain yourself from further damage and redeem your relationship than focusing on her status. Immigrants are human beings and marriage dilemma should not always be tied to green card.

I understand immigrants are humans and I am not trying to tie my marriage dilemma to green card. When things don't feel right, they simply don't. I cannot salvage this marriage when I now know she got married to me just to make it here. Isn't that considered fraud?

You may not be getting along but you did marry her and bring her here. You can divorce her at any time, walk away from the mess and start again. It will leave you in a much better place than stewing over revenge. Look for a good divorce lawyer, depending on the laws in your state you may or may not have to split property with her. The longer you stay married the bigger her share grows.

Thanks

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

Sorry for your pain..looks like you should be talking to a lawyer.

[belinda63 2,981]

Destroying her green card would be a crime. You can't tell an airport, embassy, customs, etc. to not let a person in the U.S. You can't have her deported.

If you have evidence she married you for a green card you can report it. Other than that divorce and let it go.

[VOL 425]

I understand immigrants are humans and I am not trying to tie my marriage dilemma to green card. When things don't feel right, they simply don't. I cannot salvage this marriage when I now know she got married to me just to make it here. Isn't that considered fraud?

Thanks

Fraud?

It might be, it could be. From what I have read on VJ proving she committed fraud is almost a lost cause. Time to cut ties and secure your personal property.

[tuckin14 58]

This board seems to be populated with two types of threads, "My USC spouse is holding my immigration hostage because the marriage isn't working" and "How do I hold my LPR's immigration hostage because the marriage isn't working?"

The USC spouse has no real "rights" here. It is the LPR's immigration, not yours. You do not have a legal right or cause of action in immigration. (Divorce is another matter.)

The LPR is entitled to show that they married in good faith, in which case they can get removal of conditions. The USC cannot deny them the right to try to prove that. The LPR has to prove it, however.

Immigration is not an adversarial process where you can go and cross-examine your spouse and present your own affirmative case. In practice, it is ultimately a gray area.

Consider this: Say that the USC says "My wife never really intended to be married. She dragged her feet as long as possible on moving in together, on our wedding night she said 'I want a divorce,' she wouldn't even let a passerby snap a cellphone photo of us together on our wedding day at the courthouse." (Those things are in fact all true of my LPR wife.) The LPR spouse says "Nope, my spouse is just vindictive and making things up because he's hurt that I wasn't happy with him."

From what I can tell, USCIS has great discretion and goes a lot on gut feel. Most questionable marriages lack evidence. Say all the above was true, plus more, but my wife did in fact move in with me as soon as possible, combined our finances, went to family functions, etc. If she did all the "right" things, USCIS will probably approve ROC. They will probably not pay much attention to things like your claims of cached internet searches. (In my case, my wife joined three dating sites within months of our being married.)

On the other hand, say this evidence is lacking. But say that on gut feel, USCIS senses that I'm just being vindictive and making up stories. They think my wife really loved me and wanted a bona fide marriage. They can approve her ROC and I have no legal right to appeal, and she certainly won't appeal. But say they deny on the grounds that she did not provide evidence of bona fide marriage. She cannot go before an immigration judge and say that USCIS erred. USCIS will say, correctly, that she showed inadequate evidence of marital bona fides, and that while there is proof we saw each other every weekend while living apart, it is not enough to overcome the lack of cohabitation and financial comingling. A judge will not say that USCIS abused their discretion, and my wife will not be able to cite other cases where USCIS approved ROC on a similar fact pattern and say she is therefore entitled.

You cannot revoke her GC, nor prevent her from applying for ROC. Here is what you can do:

a) You can really do nothing for the next 10 months, except file for divorce, which may actually help her immigration situation.

b) You can refuse to petition jointly for ROC. In that case, she can only apply with a divorce waiver. It will require her to file for divorce or to be legally separated, but you cannot prevent her from doing it.

c) You can inform USCIS of the facts as you know them, which will be made a part of her file. USCIS will give them such credibility as they deem appropriate. Those facts which are verifiable will carry much greater weight. For example, claiming you saw searches on her phone will probably not mean much. Her refusal to waive spousal rights in your workplace retirement plan will mean nothing at all - why should she waive them? In my case, I pointed out to USCIS that my wife made no attempt to move to the USA or to secure professional licensing here until I made plans to relocate outside the USA, and also that while maybe it would have been difficult to have joint bank accounts while living in different countries, that she made a point of establishing a separate USA account for direct deposit of her paycheck when she got a job here. These facts are more persuasive because they are verifiable.

She may get ROC despite the fact that you feel abused and aggrieved. There are (at least) two sides to every story. You may never have the satisfaction of confronting her and getting her to answer uncomfortable questions.

But nothing you do can prevent her from applying (possibly with a divorce waiver) and being allowed to present her case to USCIS, and you shouldn't try.

[onye uwaoma 131]

I understand immigrants are humans and I am not trying to tie my marriage dilemma to green card. When things don't feel right, they simply don't. I cannot salvage this marriage when I now know she got married to me just to make it here. Isn't that considered fraud?

Thanks

Do you have any tangible proof that she married you just to make it here other than mere sentiments? From your own story it did seem like a real marriage that's failing... you stated that you argued for two months and for whatever the argument, the marriage has just been impacted. marriage is tough bro and take it easy less you hurt yourself worse than it already is.

[onye uwaoma 131]

This board seems to be populated with two types of threads, "My USC spouse is holding my immigration hostage because the marriage isn't working" and "How do I hold my LPR's immigration hostage because the marriage isn't working?"

The USC spouse has no real "rights" here. It is the LPR's immigration, not yours. You do not have a legal right or cause of action in immigration. (Divorce is another matter.)

The LPR is entitled to show that they married in good faith, in which case they can get removal of conditions. The USC cannot deny them the right to try to prove that. The LPR has to prove it, however.

Immigration is not an adversarial process where you can go and cross-examine your spouse and present your own affirmative case. In practice, it is ultimately a gray area.

Consider this: Say that the USC says "My wife never really intended to be married. She dragged her feet as long as possible on moving in together, on our wedding night she said 'I want a divorce,' she wouldn't even let a passerby snap a cellphone photo of us together on our wedding day at the courthouse." (Those things are in fact all true of my LPR wife.) The LPR spouse says "Nope, my spouse is just vindictive and making things up because he's hurt that I wasn't happy with him."

From what I can tell, USCIS has great discretion and goes a lot on gut feel. Most questionable marriages lack evidence. Say all the above was true, plus more, but my wife did in fact move in with me as soon as possible, combined our finances, went to family functions, etc. If she did all the "right" things, USCIS will probably approve ROC. They will probably not pay much attention to things like your claims of cached internet searches. (In my case, my wife joined three dating sites within months of our being married.)

On the other hand, say this evidence is lacking. But say that on gut feel, USCIS senses that I'm just being vindictive and making up stories. They think my wife really loved me and wanted a bona fide marriage. They can approve her ROC and I have no legal right to appeal, and she certainly won't appeal. But say they deny on the grounds that she did not provide evidence of bona fide marriage. She cannot go before an immigration judge and say that USCIS erred. USCIS will say, correctly, that she showed inadequate evidence of marital bona fides, and that while there is proof we saw each other every weekend while living apart, it is not enough to overcome the lack of cohabitation and financial comingling. A judge will not say that USCIS abused their discretion, and my wife will not be able to cite other cases where USCIS approved ROC on a similar fact pattern and say she is therefore entitled.

You cannot revoke her GC, nor prevent her from applying for ROC. Here is what you can do:

a) You can really do nothing for the next 10 months, except file for divorce, which may actually help her immigration situation.

b) You can refuse to petition jointly for ROC. In that case, she can only apply with a divorce waiver. It will require her to file for divorce or to be legally separated, but you cannot prevent her from doing it.

c) You can inform USCIS of the facts as you know them, which will be made a part of her file. USCIS will give them such credibility as they deem appropriate. Those facts which are verifiable will carry much greater weight. For example, claiming you saw searches on her phone will probably not mean much. Her refusal to waive spousal rights in your workplace retirement plan will mean nothing at all - why should she waive them? In my case, I pointed out to USCIS that my wife made no attempt to move to the USA or to secure professional licensing here until I made plans to relocate outside the USA, and also that while maybe it would have been difficult to have joint bank accounts while living in different countries, that she made a point of establishing a separate USA account for direct deposit of her paycheck when she got a job here. These facts are more persuasive because they are verifiable.

She may get ROC despite the fact that you feel abused and aggrieved. There are (at least) two sides to every story. You may never have the satisfaction of confronting her and getting her to answer uncomfortable questions.

But nothing you do can prevent her from applying (possibly with a divorce waiver) and being allowed to present her case to USCIS, and you shouldn't try.

It feels like the op thinks he could force the wife to accept every decision he made wether it's beneficial to her or not, simply because of green card. well stucking her phone is an abuse and trying to control her is an abuse. because she doesn't want to give up her rights and declined canceling of the 401k doesn't mean immigration fraud for whatever it is. threatening to deport her is an abuse. i only responded to what the op himself asserted here...

[madtownguy 164]

I filed i-130 and sponsored my spouse to the United States from Ghana. Ever since she arrived 14 months ago, we have had about two months of good time with no quarrels. 12 of the 14 months have been hell. I have over $170K in my 401K and decided to change my beneficiary because I do not want her to get the money in case anything happens to me; but she refused to sign the change of beneficiary form.

When I send money to my family in Ghana, she is not too happy about it; but she works and send her money to her family without consulting with me. She does not support me in anyway. I invested about $40K for our wedding and to get her to the U.S. Now I am regretting I ever brought her here.

Recently, I came across some searches she made on her phone. Just to name a few of those searches, she was googling the following: how do i know my boss is in love with me? how do i know when it's right to get a divorce?...

I am beginning to feel she married me just to come to the U.S, use and dump me. Why would she refuse to sign the 401K change in beneficiary and do all the negative things she does?

Her conditional green card expires in 10 months. I know I will nott assist her in removing the conditions. I want her to go back to Ghana before her card expires, without any possibility of coming back to the U.S. My question is how do I do that?

If she is in Ghana at the time her card expires, she will not be able to remove the conditions by herself from there; but if she is here even after the card expires, she can still remove the condition.

I want her and me to take a trip to Ghana, destroy her green card upon arrival and contact the US consulate not to grant her a visa to return to the U.S. Is this possible?

I wish I had stayed single; better still married someone from the U.S.

Thanks for your help.

Yikes, thinking like that is one thing. A lot of people have bad thoughts about people, but writing them on a forum is another. What do you care if she stays in the U.S. or not, it shouldn't affect your life at all. If you don't want her anymore just leave her. Doing something negative against someone you use to love will only make your life worse in the long run. It's not the end of the world, in the end you will probably think it was for the best when you get in a new relationship with a wonderful new person.

[Teddy B 17,251]

I filed i-130 and sponsored my spouse to the United States from Ghana. Ever since she arrived 14 months ago, we have had about two months of good time with no quarrels. 12 of the 14 months have been hell. I have over $170K in my 401K and decided to change my beneficiary because I do not want her to get the money in case anything happens to me; but she refused to sign the change of beneficiary form.

When I send money to my family in Ghana, she is not too happy about it; but she works and send her money to her family without consulting with me. She does not support me in anyway. I invested about $40K for our wedding and to get her to the U.S. Now I am regretting I ever brought her here.

Recently, I came across some searches she made on her phone. Just to name a few of those searches, she was googling the following: how do i know my boss is in love with me? how do i know when it's right to get a divorce?...

I am beginning to feel she married me just to come to the U.S, use and dump me. Why would she refuse to sign the 401K change in beneficiary and do all the negative things she does?

Her conditional green card expires in 10 months. I know I will nott assist her in removing the conditions. I want her to go back to Ghana before her card expires, without any possibility of coming back to the U.S. My question is how do I do that?

If she is in Ghana at the time her card expires, she will not be able to remove the conditions by herself from there; but if she is here even after the card expires, she can still remove the condition.

I want her and me to take a trip to Ghana, destroy her green card upon arrival and contact the US consulate not to grant her a visa to return to the U.S. Is this possible?

I wish I had stayed single; better still married someone from the U.S.

Thanks for your help.

Sure it's possible that you could take her to Ghana, destroy her greencard and contact the consulate. If the consulate finds out what you did, which your wife will more than likely explain to them, you will probably end up with a decent legal battle on your hands and potentially a criminal record.

It really matters not whether your wife is from the US or Mars, she's still your wife. Outside of the immigration fees to bring her here, you really aren't in any worse shape than if you married a USC. If you had married a USC there would be no guarantees that the same thing wouldn't happen. She might be thinking she should have stayed in Ghana.

Look, bottom line is you married her and she is here legally, there really is nothing you can do about it. She is entitled to 1/2 of the assetts you have accrued since you got married including the money in your 401K, that's just the way it goes. I've been down this road, believe me the easiest way out is to just divorce her. Give her what she is entitled to by law and get on with your life. Plotting revenge and being vindictive will do nothing but cause you further problems.

[onye uwaoma 131]

Who knows what the other party has been through in this marriage?

[uniquelyJo 34]

Who knows what the other party has been through in this marriage?

^^^ Exactly, there are always 2 sides to a story and then the truth in the middle. I think wanting to take her back overseas and then destroying her GC while there, is pretty darn crappy. I understand you are probably talking out of emotion but being mature about it and doing things the right way is taking the high road and being mature. No matter how hurt you are, don't act on emotion because it only ends up hurting you more in the long run.

Edited April 29, 2015 by uniquelyJo