My USC Husband Does Not Want to Sign I-864

[lost_at_sea 995]

About the IR1, i told him about it just so that he can think things over and see what really bothers him and then decide if he would petition us again or finally divorce me.

He doesn't like it because he would be liable to support me anyway and then I would be sobfar from him to be a wife to him. He wouldn't go with me in the Philippines too.

So in all the feedback that I got the best solution seems to be the divorce then going home. It's heartbreaking but with his reasons I have very little options. There are people we know who even take his side, telling me that I should just wait and questioning my love for him. It's so hard.

I am thinking that they just don't understand my situation. They are all USC. It's just so hard for me.

No matter how much it hurts, i think that you are right.

Well, that's terrible that people side with him and are agreeing that you should risk life here out of status. You're best off without him and his friends and going home. Good luck!

[Ontarkie 13,911]

From everything you have said, i think he is looking for a way out and doesn't want to be the one that says it's over. He is making you do it. Go home, you did all you could do, even the consults he had with the lawyers didn't help because he has made up his mind.

[Mountain Climber 186]

From everything you have said, i think he is looking for a way out and doesn't want to be the one that says it's over. He is making you do it. Go home, you did all you could do, even the consults he had with the lawyers didn't help because he has made up his mind.

I agree with Ontarkie about your husband wanting out of the marriage. Since you have not been able to convince

him do do the right thing after 8 months, chances are slim he will be willing to sign in 1-2 years. He is displaying

passive-agressive behavior.

Edited April 17, 2015 by Mountain Climber

[novedsac 355]

The affidavit can, and has been, used to extract alimony from the US citizen spouse after a divorce. That's likely one of his fears, and it's a legitimate one.

This is true. However, in the cases I have read about, perhaps 25 or so, there was either a strong basis for spousal support even without the I864 in play, or no support was awarded at all. I haven't seen an instance where the majority basis of an award of spousal support rested on the I864. I think there are greater risks in divorce than the I864 and this is why I think people put too much concern behind it.

[novedsac 355]

I agree with Ontarkie about your husband wanting out of the marriage. Since you have not been able to convince

him do do the right thing after 8 months, chances are slim he will be willing to sign in 1-2 years. He is displaying

passive-agressive behavior.

I agree with both. The danger of compounding legal issues by waiting 1-2 years outweigh the chance hubby will see the light and change his mind and far outweigh the chance of a suitable amnesty program

If OP desires to maximize the options for both her and her son in the future, then she should act quickly to:

1) Leave the US prior to May. I didn't see how old the OPs son is, but finishing the school year should not take priority over exiting prior to accumulating a ban (however, if he's old enough to stay with a trusted friend or relative, then he could potentially follow the OP after school has finished).

2) Convince hubby to the the right thing and become the plaintiff in the divorce (i.e., he files the divorce action and serves it upon the OP). OP doesn't need to be present at any time. OP doesn't even need to cooperate. But as long as the US husband files the divorce, she will be considered unmarried in PI (there is some additional bureaucracy to go through, but details can be found in the PI forum here on VJ).

This keeps nearly all of her options for the future open and intact.

[Boiler 43,419]

Does anyone know when the Philippines school year starts? Strikes me as being an important consideration.

[VOL 425]

Does anyone know when the Philippines school year starts? Strikes me as being an important consideration.

April and May is Summer there and no school........

[doug/sherry 26]

Seems like since you arrived on a k1 and you're married, he's already on the hook for the support affadavit he had to sign as a part of the K1 visa process... No? the I-134? Therefore, his logic is bad, and this is not a valid reason to not go forward... because he ALREADY has this problem

The I 134 is un enforceble.....

[doug/sherry 26]

I am in a very difficult situation. I arrived in the USA on August 7, 2014 and got married after 10 days. I arrived with my son on K1 and K2 Visas. Our AOS has been delayed initially because of its cost but when we an already afford it February 2015, my husband read about the I-864 and would not want to sign it because of it's legal binding even if we would get divorced.

This hurts a lot and to him I do not need a green card to live here as there are many illegal immigrants here who do not get into trouble anyway. I wish to know what I can do. It is hard to be in a foreign country with nobody to run to or turn to. I got some friends but it is not as easy. My son is studying in a public school now.

Any information that may help is appreciated. Thank you.

go to an immigration attorney....

[Boiler 43,419]

go to an immigration attorney....

They did.

[Shauneg 762]

Hi sis. You seem to be an educated woman and you already know the answer to this. My fair advice is give it some more time for you to gain his trust. I cant blame him as there are many cases where in men were used as "ticket" to enter the US. If after sometime you don't have "luck," then go back home. Life is short. Live it with someone you can be happy with.

Now is not the time to gain his trust, and yes we can all blame him. The time of dating/courtship is when this should have all been figured out in his head and heart. Although many people do it, the K-1 is not meant to be a test drive service that you can return. Plus in their case it's been 8 months, how long is enough?

From the story told, guy sounds like a wiener, but it is only one side of the story.

[Dave&Roza 748]

I suggest you go back to the PI before you reach the 3 year ban point--before May 1 would be best. Purchase the ticket for your son and yourself. Inform your "husband" that you are leaving. Once you do leave he will have to 1)file for divorce, 2) submit a spousal visa for your return when he is ready to sign the I-864--at least that has to be done before you get the interview for the visa. See what he decides. If he does not divorce you right a way, you can always refuse to sign the divorce papers for a while just so he can see what it is like when someone screws with your life by not signing a piece of paper and see how he likes it .

Time for you to do what is best for yourself and your son.

I wish you the best,

Dave

[Jawaree 717]

OP don't take this hard but as a male I think this guy

mind is made up, he probably was wavering B4 &

this I 864 just gave him the reason to pull the plug,

many here says families back home looks for money

to be sent back, you arrived with a kid, and the affidavit

was the nail...clearly he don't want the responsibilities

looking at the situation long-term. You say he is a nice

guy so I think he is covering himself financially & it also

shows he is not madly in love...sorry...wishing you the best

[novedsac 355]

I suggest you go back to the PI before you reach the 3 year ban point--before May 1 would be best. Purchase the ticket for your son and yourself. Inform your "husband" that you are leaving. Once you do leave he will have to 1)file for divorce, 2) submit a spousal visa for your return when he is ready to sign the I-864--at least that has to be done before you get the interview for the visa. See what he decides. If he does not divorce you right a way, you can always refuse to sign the divorce papers for a while just so he can see what it is like when someone screws with your life by not signing a piece of paper and see how he likes it .

Time for you to do what is best for yourself and your son.

I wish you the best,

Dave

Or, 3) he just does nothing. Unless he plans to get married or worries about her interfering with his estate when he dies, there's no harm in him just being married with a wife in absentia - that would be the really passive aggressive thing to do.

Incidentally, her refusing to sign divorce papers doesn't really cause much trouble … he can get the divorce whether she signs the papers or not … it just takes a little longer. That is why I said earlier she does not even need to be here during any part of the divorce proceedings nor does she have to cooperate if she does not want to. The important thing for her is that HE files the divorce. After it has been granted, she could get a copy of the divorce decree on her own from the county court (OP: Best to gather contact information for this prior to your departure, should that be the route you choose).

[Daveadams903 19]

I'm so sorry to hear what you going thru it must be stressful and sad for you and your kids. At this point I agree with someone that said he is looking for a way out and doesn't want to be the one that says it's over. When you truly love someone you will do EVERYTHING you possible can to keep them by your side and make them happy. If he still does not want to sign the I-864 after you consulted with the atty, give him a little time, have a serious talk with him and explain him what would happen and how would this affect you and your family, and if he stills says no I advise to file for divorce and move back to your country, it will be hard for you and your kids to make a life in the states if you stay illegally but I really hope everything works out for you and your family.