Wife has maintained relationship with P.I. boyfriend, what can I do?

[Mike-eeh and Odie 192]

Do you...??? Intentionally abandoning another human being and leaving them in a place of harm is not only immoral it is criminal.

Intentionally tricking a person into a situation they don't want to be in is called Human Trafficking and can have you put in prison for life.

First off, she abandoned him first.

Second, she committed visa fraud.

Third, you need to get a better understanding of Human Trafficking. Human trafficking is the trade of humans, most commonly for the purpose of sexual slavery, forced labor or commercial sexual exploitation for the trafficker or others. Ditching someone in a place they are unfamiliar is simply that, and is not a crime. If it were, millions of people would be in jail before they turned 25.

[Thomas&Cleofe 358]

First off, she abandoned him first.

Second, she committed visa fraud.

Third, you need to get a better understanding of Human Trafficking. Human trafficking is the trade of humans, most commonly for the purpose of sexual slavery, forced labor or commercial sexual exploitation for the trafficker or others. Ditching someone in a place they are unfamiliar is simply that, and is not a crime. If it were, millions of people would be in jail before they turned 25.

This is NOT ditching someone at the grocery store

This is moving a human being internationally by means of deception for another's immediate benefit.

Get off your moral high ground.

If someone took an unwanted puppy down to the river and threw them off a bridge into the raging rapids, you would be pissed.

But take an unwanted person across international borders into a dangerous environment and throw them away........Well, I guess that would be alright.

[tuck4x4 19]

Alright folks. I am not dumb enough to believe that dumping my wife off in another country is a good idea and I did take those suggestions as they were intended when first written... as jokes. However, you are now hijacking this thread with infighting and I don't appreciate that.

As for the dogs, I would, at the very least, find good homes for them. But I will not pay to ship them back with her.

Now if someone could please spell out for me what it would mean to stop the I864 and AOS process. I've seen people mention here that if I back out of the I864 then I no longer need to support her while she is here?

To the OP: as hard as it is, you need to withdraw your I-864 immediately and file for divorce. After the divorce is filed, either kick her out of your house or you move out. Either way stay away from her and don't let her have an opportunity to claim abuse against you.

I believe that the quickest way to get her home is to get her Aunt in Japan involved. If I can put my wife in a position of needing help then her aunt will have to step in and will pay her ticket. She may also pay for the dogs, which would really make me feel better. My understanding was that I was financially responsible for her until she leaves the country and there is no way out of that short of me dying. If I was not legally responsible anymore for paying her rent, I'm positive her friend would make room for her to stay there until she could find a way to leave, but she will not leave my house as long as she believes I have to pay for her.

This is so different then being in a relationship with someone who is working and a citizen. It would be easy to separate and just work at moving on. My difficulty now is in coming home every night and seeing her in my living room. Or spending my days off in the bedroom because I do not want to be around her.

Hell, she can't even cook, so I'm still doing that.

Edited March 12, 2015 by tuck4x4

[Sandra G. 5,016]

Hari29 what you suggested is ILLEGAL,you can't take someone's documents and run away.

[Cathi 5,610]

Do you...??? Intentionally abandoning another human being and leaving them in a place of harm is not only immoral it is criminal.

Intentionally tricking a person into a situation they don't want to be in is called Human Trafficking and can have you put in prison for life.

and you don't believe that she "tricked" him into marriage?????

[Boiler 43,430]

Getting her out of the country would be nice but maybe not practical.

It has been done before.

Morality well not sure that comes into it, is VAWA in this case morale?

Plenty of exampled of people being taken to the cleaners, if the OP is not very careful he will be next.

[Cathi 5,610]

Alright folks. I am not dumb enough to believe that dumping my wife off in another country is a good idea and I did take those suggestions as they were intended when first written... as jokes. However, you are now hijacking this thread with infighting and I don't appreciate that.

As for the dogs, I would, at the very least, find good homes for them. But I will not pay to ship them back with her.

Now if someone could please spell out for me what it would mean to stop the I864 and AOS process. I've seen people mention here that if I back out of the I864 then I no longer need to support her while she is here?

I believe that the quickest way to get her home is to get her Aunt in Japan involved. If I can put my wife in a position of needing help then her aunt will have to step in and will pay her ticket. She may also pay for the dogs, which would really make me feel better. My understanding was that I was financially responsible for her until she leaves the country and there is no way out of that short of me dying. If I was not legally responsible anymore for paying her rent, I'm positive her friend would make room for her to stay there until she could find a way to leave, but she will not leave my house as long as she believes I have to pay for her.

This is so different then being in a relationship with someone who is working and a citizen. It would be easy to separate and just work at moving on. My difficulty now is in coming home every night and seeing her in my living room. Or spending my days off in the bedroom because I do not want to be around her.

Hell, she can't even cook, so I'm still doing that.

Compose a letter stating that you want to withdraw the I 864, make an appointment at your local USCIS office and hand them the letter. Make sure to write her name, her alien number in the letter together with the I-485 case number. Sign it, date it, have your name, address and contact info at the top. Good luck!!!

[novedsac 355]

Alright folks. I am not dumb enough to believe that dumping my wife off in another country is a good idea and I did take those suggestions as they were intended when first written... as jokes. However, you are now hijacking this thread with infighting and I don't appreciate that.

As for the dogs, I would, at the very least, find good homes for them. But I will not pay to ship them back with her.

Now if someone could please spell out for me what it would mean to stop the I864 and AOS process. I've seen people mention here that if I back out of the I864 then I no longer need to support her while she is here?

I believe that the quickest way to get her home is to get her Aunt in Japan involved. If I can put my wife in a position of needing help then her aunt will have to step in and will pay her ticket. She may also pay for the dogs, which would really make me feel better. My understanding was that I was financially responsible for her until she leaves the country and there is no way out of that short of me dying. If I was not legally responsible anymore for paying her rent, I'm positive her friend would make room for her to stay there until she could find a way to leave, but she will not leave my house as long as she believes I have to pay for her.

This is so different then being in a relationship with someone who is working and a citizen. It would be easy to separate and just work at moving on. My difficulty now is in coming home every night and seeing her in my living room. Or spending my days off in the bedroom because I do not want to be around her.

Hell, she can't even cook, so I'm still doing that.

No, the I864 does not make you financially responsible for paying for her expenses.

It is a contract between you and the US government which gives government agencies, both federal and state, the ability to sue you for reimbursement of any means-tested benefits provided to the immigrant. She has to be eligible for these means-tested benefits in the first place, a government agency has to issue them and then start the ball rolling to collect reimbursement from you.

There has been some documented use of an I864 for securing support in the context of a divorce, with very limited success. I've seen it used as more of a scare tactic during negotiations. The duration of your marriage has been short enough and, presumably, with evidence of her having an affair, that the risk of you having to pay any significant support is quite low. You have a bigger risk of paying temporary support during the divorce proceedings.

It's still a very good idea to pull the I864 if you have the chance, but I wouldn't get to stressed over if if she gets her green card and the I864 is in play.

As long as the Lawful Permanent Resident Status (green card) has not been approved ... you may withdraw the I864 by requesting said withdrawal of support in writing and submitting to an immigration officer or judge. This notarized letter should clearly state you are withdrawing the affidavit and explain why the affidavit is withdrawn wish as much information on the immigration as possible. Send notarized letters to the address where the i485 was filed (note receipt address on the I485 receipt notice). It's also recommended to make an InfoPass appointment as soon as possible for delivering a notarized letter directly to USCIS as well. This all has to be done immediately for any chance of it being effective.

"This is so different then being in a relationship with someone who is working and a citizen. It would be easy to separate and just work at moving on. My difficulty now is in coming home every night and seeing her in my living room. Or spending my days off in the bedroom because I do not want to be around her."

Not really. Get the divorce. What she does with her life, where she goes, what opportunities exist for her, etc. after the divorce are her concerns and none of your business. You are free to move on. Even now, if you don't want to cook for her then don't. She may not like it, but so what. I would advise a separation agreement at the outset of divorce proceedings ... that will detail your obligations concerning temporary support, living arrangements, who cooks dinner, etc.

[novedsac 355]

The definition of exploitation is to use someone or something for personal gain. I'd say that fits to to a tee, no?

No, not in the context of human trafficking. Material gain, sure. Personal gain, that is too ambiguous to be very useful in this context.

According to your definition, then every marriage is a form of exploitation ... we all, or most of us, achieve some personal gain when we get married ... children, happiness, lower tax bracket, inlaws, companionship, etc.

People separate ways all the time, temporarily and permanently, domestically and internationally. Keeping/hiding/destroying/stealing her travel documents would be illegal; but he would be free to come home without her if he wished. She's responsible for ensuring she has adequate documents/permission for crossing borders as well as understanding the consequences of crossing those borders, not the him.

Anyway, the OP clearly has better sense than to be bothered with such a childhish idea. He's got effective remedies at hand to separate from her and move on with his life without having to worry about getting her out of the country.

[Teddy B 17,251]

No, not in the context of human trafficking. Material gain, sure. Personal gain, that is too ambiguous to be very useful in this context.

According to your definition, then every marriage is a form of exploitation ... we all, or most of us, achieve some personal gain when we get married ... children, happiness, lower tax bracket, inlaws, companionship, etc.

People separate ways all the time, temporarily and permanently, domestically and internationally. Keeping/hiding/destroying/stealing her travel documents would be illegal; but he would be free to come home without her if he wished. She's responsible for ensuring she has adequate documents/permission for crossing borders as well as understanding the consequences of crossing those borders, not the him.

Anyway, the OP clearly has better sense than to be bothered with such a childhish idea. He's got effective remedies at hand to separate from her and move on with his life without having to worry about getting her out of the country.

Yes all marriages are in a way a form of exploitation. everyday life is a form of exploitation. Exploitation does not always equate to a negative. But when someone is tricked and coerced into exploiting themselves as is with the suggested remedy in this thread, then it becomes a negative as well as illegal.

[Thomas&Cleofe 358]

and you don't believe that she "tricked" him into marriage?????

"Tricked"?.....not really. He openly admitted he knew about the ongoing relationship before he wed his wife. Both parties told him about the continuing contact.

He also admitted he did NOT trust her before they were married, but decided to proceed because he had already paid for her visa process and plane tickets.

Tricked? Nope....he knew what was going on and proceeded anyway.

This is the reason MANY people believe that the k-1 visa should be abolished, or at the very least reformed.

It is basically an open visa for illegal immigration for those who wish to use it that way.

The design of the NON immigrant visa is for 2 people to get to know eachother and if things don't work out the intending immigrant can and should leave.

But, the NON immigrant visa provides for a path for illegal entry into the US for those who wish.

[Cathi 5,610]

"Tricked"?.....not really. He openly admitted he knew about the ongoing relationship before he wed his wife. Both parties told him about the continuing contact.

He also admitted he did NOT trust her before they were married, but decided to proceed because he had already paid for her visa process and plane tickets.

Tricked? Nope....he knew what was going on and proceeded anyway.

This is the reason MANY people believe that the k-1 visa should be abolished, or at the very least reformed.

It is basically an open visa for illegal immigration for those who wish to use it that way.

The design of the NON immigrant visa is for 2 people to get to know eachother and if things don't work out the intending immigrant can and should leave.

But, the NON immigrant visa provides for a path for illegal entry into the US for those who wish.

lying to him about her relationship with another man isn't "tricking"? I would say it is, he chose to believe her, but that doesn't mean that she didn't lie. This woman was clearly looking for a ticket to the US, she lied and cheated in order to get what she wanted. Every day people put trust in their significant others, it's what relationships are based upon. She chose to pathologically lie from day one. You keep going off topic, arguing where there is no argument. The OP asked for help in figuring out how to pull his I-864, his question was answered.

[jentus 2]

The definition of exploitation is to use someone or something for personal gain. I'd say that fits to to a tee, no?

Yes and that's exactly what she did to him, she used him for personal gain.

[Teddy B 17,251]

lying to him about her relationship with another man isn't "tricking"? I would say it is, he chose to believe her, but that doesn't mean that she didn't lie. This woman was clearly looking for a ticket to the US, she lied and cheated in order to get what she wanted. Every day people put trust in their significant others, it's what relationships are based upon. She chose to pathologically lie from day one. You keep going off topic, arguing where there is no argument. The OP asked for help in figuring out how to pull his I-864, his question was answered.

I'm not so sure Mimo. He was well aware of what was taking place before she even stepped foot on the plane. I'd say there's plenty of blame to go around in this case.

Where this thread flew off topic was the ridiculous suggestion that the op take his wife to another country under fraudulent pretenses and dump her there with nothing but the clothes on her back, (and it wasn't a joke like some would like to claim). How that suggestion can be not only applauded by other posters, but reinforced by a mod on this board is completely absurd.

[fbragasilva88 17]

lying to him about her relationship with another man isn't "tricking"? I would say it is, he chose to believe her, but that doesn't mean that she didn't lie. This woman was clearly looking for a ticket to the US, she lied and cheated in order to get what she wanted. Every day people put trust in their significant others, it's what relationships are based upon. She chose to pathologically lie from day one. You keep going off topic, arguing where there is no argument. The OP asked for help in figuring out how to pull his I-864, his question was answered.

I can only believe that people who is getting so butthurt and trying to find absurd excuses for what OP's wife did to him, have done something similar to their significant other ... they can't be THAT blind.