Husband's family making our lives a hell

[Buia 1]

I know that there are a lot of worse situations out there.

We have been facing some serious hardship, financially, for reasons that I prefer not to discuss here, but they were not our fault.

We had to move to his parents house, and things are getting bad.

They yell at my husband for anything, even for eating. Tell us what time to go to bed and what time to get a shower. Now they are saying that we need to have a shower every other day, because of the bills. But they are always traveling, and his mom buying new clothes every week.

I have lived with that kind of rules, when I was a child, and even so, my mother did never talk to me like this one does to my husband.

Nobody yells at me, only to him, but is always "you guys this or that".

I am always cleaning the house and doing the dishes for everybody, no sign of appreciation of any sort. Even with all this treatment, I still do, to help, because I was raised like that.

My husband is religious and I am not, we talked and made decisions before we got married. We decided to no interfere in each other believes. And so far we did pretty well, we can both talk without arguing.

But now, his parents tell us to go to church 3 times a week (I don't do church, and my husband is not a fanatic), if not we better start packing and leaving the house. My husband does not stay quiet, he defends us and try to put some reasoning in their minds, for an example that we are married, and our decisions are ours only, but they do not listen, everything they say is " it does not matter, is not your house". It's like they help in a very hard situation, but always throwing in my husband's face all his mistakes since he was 3 years old. They terrible things to him like they got the wrong baby at the hospital, just because he did not get a house yet, or finished college. Funny thing is that, his younger brother lives here too, and is treated like a prince, does not have a job, and nobody is giving him any rough speech. I am mad and upset for all of this, even more so because of my husband, he does not deserve this, I try to be careful, because I do not want to get things worse, but I have to hold on inside to not yell and say pretty bad things to these people.

I am in the AOS process, did not receive the EAD yet, my husband is searching for jobs so we can get out of here.

I did not come here to make fuss or be polemic, but sometimes when we see similar situations, is easier to keep going.

So, did anyone experience anything similar to this?

[VOL 425]

Very messed up story there.

What you are experiencing is abnormal, Sounds like a very dysfunctional messed up Family.

Who would tell someone to only shower every other day, Pretty bad deal there.

Your husband needs to buck up and tell his Parents to F Off and get on his own.......

[Buia 1]

I know, it is indeed messed up, and I thought my family back home got issues...

W are trying together to raise money to get out of here. For now, I am trying to be patient for my husband, because if I lose my mind, he will be lost as well. We both try to support each other, no matter what to be able to survive this. Like he said to me, I am the only thing holding him up.

Often during the day I just want to scream f**k this sh** and run.

[yenni87 3]

Oh my god, it is so sad to read this dont listen to them and tell your hubby to do that too, they dont know what u guys are goin thru is hard to live with ur husband family but right now is the only option u have, as soon as get ur EAD find a job and help him to get out of that house far away from them, thats no good for ur marrige .....and pray for that to be over, everything is goin to be just fine anytime soon

[Mrs O. 29]

Wow, tough situation there. Shish...just amazes me when I hear of parents like these. I can't imagine myself in a million years treating one of my kids like that...no matter what! Were the parents against your marriage in the first-place?

I applaud your self-restraint. I know it's hard to hold your tongue and keep a positive attitude in this kind of situation but just hang in there since you have nowhere else to go for now. For God's sake, once you are in a position to get out, please do. Dont wait to afford anything fancy, just somewhere to lay your head IN PEACE. Things will get better.

[Buia 1]

Wow, tough situation there. Shish...just amazes me when I hear of parents like these. I can't imagine myself in a million years treating one of my kids like that...no matter what! Were the parents against your marriage in the first-place?

I applaud your self-restraint. I know it's hard to hold your tongue and keep a positive attitude in this kind of situation but just hang in there since you have nowhere else to go for now. For God's sake, once you are in a position to get out, please do. Dont wait to afford anything fancy, just somewhere to lay your head IN PEACE. Things will get better.

Thank you Mrs. O.

No, they were not against the marriage. But given what I heard from my husband they are rough people, and always has been like that. Apparently is getting worse with time and age.

I think a situation like this would more bearable if I had my mother and relatives around, but again coming here as a foreign fiancee, requires time to adjust to this different life now. So in the middle of adjusting myself in here, mentally, emotionally, this situation is crushing.

I already told my husband, that I do not want revenge of any sort, or wish them no harm (though I want them to come to point where they know what they did, and how much they hurt us), all I want once we get out of here is distance. I do not care about a "relationship of appearances", so they won't get nothing more than me being cordial. I do not intent to open big smiles or come for holidays. And all of this like I said, no revenge, just protection for myself, I already had enough of stress in my entire life.

Thanks again.

Some people may not understand why posting this here, but well, I got no friends besides my husband, and he is not a foreign citizen.

[PerditaD 35]

So sorry you are going through that If at the moment you two have no other choice then try to play by their rules since that seems to be the only way they would give you a break. It seems that trying to reason with them isn't really an option. Also, be there for your husband, it must be very tough for him to have parents like that and to have you witness all that. Also, maybe help him search job ads, search the papers, search online.

Be strong, I know it must feel like hell but it's only temporary. Hopefully your husband will find a job soon and you'll get your EAD soon so you can move out and let your fairy tale finally begin.

Wish you all the best.

PS - Keep posting here, it helps to be able to talk to someone. There are plenty of people who are happy to listen and help as much as they can, me included.

Take care!

[Buia 1]

So sorry you are going through that If at the moment you two have no other choice then try to play by their rules since that seems to be the only way they would give you a break. It seems that trying to reason with them isn't really an option. Also, be there for your husband, it must be very tough for him to have parents like that and to have you witness all that. Also, maybe help him search job ads, search the papers, search online.

Be strong, I know it must feel like hell but it's only temporary. Hopefully your husband will find a job soon and you'll get your EAD soon so you can move out and let your fairy tale finally begin.

Wish you all the best.

PS - Keep posting here, it helps to be able to talk to someone. There are plenty of people who are happy to listen and help as much as they can, me included.

Take care!

Thank you PerditaD. Reading your words of support, even not knowing each other, is very helpful. In time of crises, I think everybody needs people who are there to listen.

Wish you all the best too.

[d3adc0d3 186]

A quick tip for job searching. The unemployment office will most likely be able to help him find a job. They have a lot of resources, and it's not just for people who are collect Unemployment Insurance. Also look up job core.

For cheap apartments, check out craigslist. If it's just you two, you can look up an efficiency, or even a trailer. They're usually much less expensive and it's better than living in a toxic environment.

Do your best and try to remember that it's not you, it's them. They have their own problems and issues and you're both just the 'whipping boy', so to speak.

Your husband can collect state/federal benefits for just himself (like food stamps), if I am not mistaken, but he cannot for you. So there's another option as well. Every little bit helps.

Edited September 18, 2014 by d3adc0d3

[Buia 1]

A quick tip for job searching. The unemployment office will most likely be able to help him find a job. They have a lot of resources, and it's not just for people who are collect Unemployment Insurance. Also look up job core.

For cheap apartments, check out craigslist. If it's just you two, you can look up an efficiency, or even a trailer. They're usually much less expensive and it's better than living in a toxic environment.

Do your best and try to remember that it's not you, it's them. They have their own problems and issues and you're both just the 'whipping boy', so to speak.

Your husband can collect state/federal benefits for just himself (like food stamps), if I am not mistaken, but he cannot for you. So there's another option as well. Every little bit helps.

Thank you

d3adc0d3

It is nice to have words of support.

[jbanya 19]

Why his parent go to church yet they don't know about "LOVE"? Just tell them GOD have His plan if both of you meant to be in Church.

[Cielle.Cielle 4]

I'm a bit late but I will be thinking about you and hoping that things have gotten better since you wrote this post. It's hard enough coming to a new country and making a new life here without the added stresses your husband's parents are causing.

Hang in there, keep posting/talking to us here and let us know if there's anything we can do to help.

[Tina and Johan 206]

oh man... I so feel your pain because I have been there, done that!! My former in-laws were the same way. My first husband was American, but from a different part of the country, and there was certainly a difference in culture! We lived with them the first 4 months of our marriage, and it was Hell. The best advice I can give to you is to get out of that house as soon as humanly possible, and then, as you described, distance, distance, distance!!

[Buia 1]

oh man... I so feel your pain because I have been there, done that!! My former in-laws were the same way. My first husband was American, but from a different part of the country, and there was certainly a difference in culture! We lived with them the first 4 months of our marriage, and it was Hell. The best advice I can give to you is to get out of that house as soon as humanly possible, and then, as you described, distance, distance, distance!!

Thank you for the encouraging words.We are in a surviving mode, we give strength to each other. I believe I would not endure it, if my husband would defend them. Thankfully is not like that.

I am glad that you are not in this kind of situation anymore.

My best wishes!

Edited October 23, 2014 by Buia

[Buia 1]

I'm a bit late but I will be thinking about you and hoping that things have gotten better since you wrote this post. It's hard enough coming to a new country and making a new life here without the added stresses your husband's parents are causing.

Hang in there, keep posting/talking to us here and let us know if there's anything we can do to help.

Thanks Cielle! It is indeed hard. These people have no clue of what I am going through or they do not care. Most likely both.

My husband is still trying to find a job, and I do not have money to pay for my AOS, we are very stuck.

But I appreciate any friendly words, thank you.