My wife is being nuts again..

[Arrta 1]

So, my mom is dieing. Had a brain aneurysm rupture and the family is crying over her in the hospital. My wife is sitting in the corner scratching a scratch ticket... I look over and see her doing it, I'm sure everyone could hear her scratching, cause thats what prompted me to look over. I ask her what she is doing, and she puts it away..

We get home later and she tells me i was disrespectful to her. I should have gone over and quietly asked her to not do that... Ok, yeah, maybe that would have been nicer than asking what she is doing from my moms bedside.. But who was being more disrespectful?

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Sorry about your mom.

Judging from her behavior, your wife seems very disconnected from your family?

Edited September 1, 2014 by Merrytooth

[Jawaree 717]

Hope your mom recover, your wife was disrespectful

to your feelings and your mom well-being & if she don't

feel she did something wrong then that says a lot dude

[Glyn and Kathy 288]

SHE was being disrespectful...not you. Sorry you're mom is not well.

I looked at your timeline and you guys have been married since 2008, you would think she would have some kind of connection to your family. That she was sitting in the corner scratching off lottery tickets while your mother is there dying and the family is grieving says a lot. When my dad died in February, and we were standing in his hospital room as he took his last breaths, my husband stood near me, with his hand in mine, or with is hand on my back while I held my dad's hand. Think you need to talk with your wife.

Again...sorry about your mom.

[Darnell 8,478]

I read a lot,

and I not read of this behavior being culturally acceptable back in the PI. Sure, I'm not any expert, but I remember most of what I read.

I declare abnormality.

[CowBoE 429]

First, sorry to hear about your mom.

Second, definitely it was improper behavior (be it immature, disrespectful, spaced-out, etc.),

and sounds like she felt pretty embarrassed in front of your family.

So yes...she should have behaved better, but at the same time,

my philosophy in marriage is, once I'm married, my wife will come first before anyone

including parents, children, siblings, friends, etc.

So knowing that she screwed up, I would have just quietly sent a hand signal (not the middle finger )

or whisper to her gently to put that scratch ticket away without embarrassing her...

though I would have been bit upset inside.

If she is consistently showing this immature, spaced-out, or disrespectful behavior

in your marriage life, I would have a nice deep talk with her.

If this is a rare occurrence, then I would find ways to save her face with your family members

that witness this so that they don't hold grudges against your wife, and not let this

turn into a bigger problem in the marriage.

Remember, the goal in our life (especially in marriage) is to always find path to happiness

(or at least reduced stress path) even when life challenges us with unexpected surprises.

All the best...

[clairegie 265]

If she is consistently showing this immature, spaced-out, or disrespectful behavior

in your marriage life, I would have a nice deep talk with her.

If this is a rare occurrence, then I would find ways to save her face with your family members

that witness this so that they don't hold grudges against your wife, and not let this

turn into a bigger problem in the marriage.

Judging from the title of the thread, seems like it isn't a rare occurrence. Focus on your Mom first, then when everything is settled, time to sit the wife down and have a meaningful talk about what the real deal is.

Edited September 1, 2014 by iammrsregi

[KKJJ 16]

She is!

[Caryh 5,206]

When my mother was in the hospital my wife was right by my side offering me her support. My wife got along well with my mother, who has now passed on.

I'm not sure if your wife got along with your mother, but I have seen this type of behavior with other Filipinos when they did not get along with the family member who is ill of passed one. In fact I once watched a family member spend the entire anniversary celebration at the cemetery, playing games and texting on their phone. This continued all the way through the prayers. No one seemed to bat an eyelash at this behavior, as they all knew the relationship between the two of them was not good. I found it rather shocking myself, as this was someone I respect. I have since seen the same behavior in other situations. Apparently its just ignored by others in the Philippines.

I would have a talk with your wife though, as such behavior is not over looked or acceptable in the USA. But I'll also agree with the poster that it was not good to call your wife on it in front of other people. That is something best done when you're alone.

[Laser1 63]

Some people disengage as a response to emotionally heavy episodes like death. It just seems best to them to not get emotionally involved when others are grieving. I would try to look over this. If she does not insist on scratching tickets in the hospital, then that is not much of an issue.