Condom broke we're pregnant with complications galore

[lyublyu Iru 1]

My Russian fiancee' is expecting (she is 7 weeks pregnant) she has a

child (12 years old) from a previous marriage. Her ex husband never

pays child support refuses to allow the child to leave Russia. He does

visit the child fairly regularly.

My fiancee' has a multi year multi entry US tourist visa. We have been in

court trying to get the ex husband assessed child support and eventually

getting his parental rights revoked. Of course we would forgive all child

support if he allowed the child to move to the USA and we would be happy

to arrange visitation during vacations. The ex husband won't negotiate

at this time. This might change once he is presented with a court order

to pay years of support.

We started court proceedings in January and It could take another two

months for this to wind it's way through the slow moving courts.

Does anyone have any advice as to the best method of achieving our

goal of all of us living together as husband, wife and child(ren)?

We aren't interested in illegal schemes, bribery or in those who might tell

me to wear two condoms next time.

Thank you for your advice

[belinda63 2,981]

Unless you can get the child's father to sign off on the child moving to the US looks like you better plan on moving to Russia.

Seriously, I don't know all the laws regarding child custody in Russia but I do know the US embassy wants to see either sole custody with rights to move out of the country or a legal document from the other parent giving permission before they will issue a visa.

[Mark88 183]

Unless you can get the child's father to sign off on the child moving to the US looks like you better plan on moving to Russia.

Seriously, I don't know all the laws regarding child custody in Russia but I do know the US embassy wants to see either sole custody with rights to move out of the country or a legal document from the other parent giving permission before they will issue a visa.

Belinda probaly saied everything here. If the father doesn't voluntarly sing off, you are probaly looking at months, if not years of a court battle gaining sole custody. And unless the father is a useless douchebag, the court won't let his son depart the country without him wanting to.

[novedsac 355]

Best to find out what the father's interests are.

Regardless of the child support, he still may very well want presence and influence in the child's life. Perhaps some sort of agreement whereby the child stays with you and your fiancé/wife during the school year and the summer with the dad? Finding a negotiated solution will be in the best interest of the child and likely more expedient then proceeding through the courts.

At what age can the child influence a decision or make the decision for themselves?

Of course, if he's just deciding to be a jerk towards his ex-wife, then you're probably in for a long and frustrating battle.

Edited July 2, 2014 by novedsac

[lyublyu Iru 1]

Belinda probaly saied everything here. If the father doesn't voluntarly sing off, you are probaly looking at months, if not years of a court battle gaining sole custody. And unless the father is a useless douchebag, the court won't let his son depart the country without him wanting to.

How do you define useless douche bag? A man who doesn't pay child support for 12 years

would meet most definitions.

[Mark88 183]

How do you define useless douche bag? A man who doesn't pay child support for 12 years

would meet most definitions.

You quoted he sees his child fairly often. That tells me, there must be some kind of son/father relationship going on.

[lyublyu Iru 1]

Best to find out what the father's interests are.

Regardless of the child support, he still may very well want presence and influence in the child's life. Perhaps some sort of agreement whereby the child stays with you and your fiancé/wife during the school year and the summer with the dad? Finding a negotiated solution will be in the best interest of the child and likely more expedient then proceeding through the courts.

At what age can the child influence a decision or make the decision for themselves?

Of course, if he's just deciding to be a jerk towards his ex-wife, then you're probably in for a long and frustrating battle.

Right this moment he doesn't think he should be required to pay any support at all

plus see her when ever he feels inspired to do so. However, once the court orders

him to pay, we will find out how flexible he is.

Of course we would be happy to agree to a negotiated solution. Right now he

wants it all.

I thought the age was 16 (for the child to make the decision) however, I am told that

it's not until age 18

Edited July 2, 2014 by lyublyu Iru

[lyublyu Iru 1]

You quoted he sees his child fairly often. That tells me, there must be some kind of son/father relationship going on.

There is a father/child relationship.

However no financial responsibility

[Neonred 3,444]

If the courts are taking too long or things don't go your way, you may want to try the bluff that some here have tried. Tell the ex-husband you and your lady are moving to the US and since her won't give permission for her to take the child out of Russia you will turn the child over to him to take care of. A lot of the men do not want that responsibility.

Certainly best to negotiate a reasonable compromise. It may cost you some money.

I believe my step daughter was 16 when she got the K-1 and there were no questions or documents required at the embassy.

[Boiler 43,362]

You moving seems the obvious solution.

[AmyWrites 593]

Move there or bribe, this is Russia after all. Or, can you arrange for the child to get multi-entry US visa, and visit each parent often?

No comment on paternity of second child.

Edited July 2, 2014 by AmyWrites

[Jawaree 717]

Y try to revoke his parental rights if he sees the child fairly often?

All kids deserve to know their parent and bond with them as long

as no abuse is involved.

I understand mom is the custodial parent but taking him to court

to win and take the child out of the country may take yrs,,He is

the biological father, my advise to you and fiancée is to play nice

with this man, U be a mediator, not an aggressor, U catch more flies

with honey than filth. Let him know he will continue to be in touch

with his child with new technology, and he is even invited to later

come to the USA to visit the child (this should be a honest statement)

Hope things goes well...remember the kid in all this

[canadian_wife 1,785]

How does the child feel? If she sees her father, like another poster said, there must be a relationship there. I'd hate for you to damage your relationship with the child because you didn't take his/her feelings into account

good luck

[Sweetcheeksss 91]

How do you define useless douche bag? A man who doesn't pay child support for 12 years

would meet most definitions.

I just want to share my experience about this - and keep in mind I'm from Canada so I'm sure things are different in Russia but my ex hadn't paid child support for SIXTEEN years and hadn't seen my son. Ever. And I still had to provide a court doc stating I had sole custody.

Good luck with everything.

[NikLR 13,220]

How does the child feel? If she sees her father, like another poster said, there must be a relationship there. I'd hate for you to damage your relationship with the child because you didn't take his/her feelings into account

good luck

I agree with this. Have you or your fiancee asked the child what she wants? Granted the tail doesn't wag the dog, but the child and father should be allowed to see each other regardless of the fact the mother is now seeing you and is pregnant again.

The most obvious solution is to have you move to Russia, if possible.