Need your advice please

[IloveHim35 2]

Hi Vj'ers,

I am the USC that is trying to petition for my fiance who is in W. Africa. I have two children from different relationship which he accepts and has no problems with my children. When we met, things were great so we both decided to go ahead with the K1 visa. He introduced me to his family and everything was great between us. Well, when I came back to the U.S., he was supposed to send me the docs like the G325A, letter of intent, and some receipts that he is supposed to mail to me. We met November and I returned back to the U.S. beginning of December. Fiance has a full-time job which he is like the ceo for two companies that look up to him. Also, he attends school full time Mon-Friday.

Here is where I need your input. Since, November, he hasn't even tried to put together the documents. I sent him all the links and all he has to do is fill the forms, sign and mail it to me. He works around computers all day. I understand he is busy and so am I. But I have gathered all the docs that I will need on my part. The thing is, when I ask him, he tells me that he will mail them sooner. Other times he tells me he'll do it on weekends which he has been stuck on for nearly two months now. he said that he will0/ do it but he never touches the form. So I decided to call him and ask him specific question if he interested in coming to be with us at all. He sounded surprise that I even asked him such question. He was disappointed that I was thinking negative. So I said because he is taking longer to mail me the docs. Then last week, he told me that he will definitely put together the docs before the week ended. Now we are in a new week. So I called him up today again and asked him if will ever send me the docs. He said that I am being inconsiderate because he was sick for a week (week of New Years) and (2weeks ago) but he always went to work. So he said that today he promised to put together the docs but he never did send the docs today because he hasn't told me he sent them. I am growing tired of asking him if he wants us to do this or not. I have asked and he assured me he wants to be with me but not doing the things he out to do to be with us in the U.S.

Also, we are facing other problems. We don't communicate as often as we used to because he said our conversation is very long. I do most of the calling. When I ask him if he is seeing someone else, he was again disappointed that I am thinking negative. When he calls me, we only speak for 5 to ten minutes and mostly we communicate for 2mins (sad). We talk for FREE!!! He told my friend that he is so glad he met me and I am the best thing that could happen to him but he isn't making me happy. He is a great guy and I love him so very much. If I try to think negative and bring the negative thoughts out by telling him, he tells me I am making him feel like a failure. I don't know what else to do. He has not told me anything that he isn't interested in me because when I don't call him he gets concern. He is putting money together to send me to complete the filing. I am not sure it is because of the money issue or not. I have told him to just send me the docs and we can find the money after I have put together the petition.

He doesn't communicate about his day to me at all. I don't know anything about how he spends his day. He stays quiet on the phone and will talk about other non interested stuff about the news in America and stuff. He said he loves me very much. I admit he doesn't like talking alot on the phone even when I was there, he rarely spoke on the phone too long. We sometimes chat but only when he is in the mood. I am going to pray and hope God reveals if he is the one for me. I need your advice because of his delays on the docs not sure if he wants to come here or not. Or does it have to do with the money he is trying to find to send me? Please help! I have nowhere else to turn for advice.

Thanks much!

[TimeTravel 78]

You should look for professional licensed counselor to see if they can be helpful for you. None of us can help as we dont know his side story and what does he really want ultimately.

[Enigma11561 336]

There is an old expression " Actions speak louder than words". Please think about this.

[Cathi 5,609]

Why would you want to marry someone who shows no interest in coming, and total lack of effort on his part? Why are you asking our advice for questions you really know the answers to already? Is it worth being with him if everything is an argument and you don;t communicate? Honestly?

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Two things come to mind, African time and shopping for the best deal.

African time, the attitude that soon means this year and quickly can take weeks. Every time I visited the plans for the day were started the night before. So we would start the morning by doing X. However the next day would start with breakfast taking forever, then soeone would be dropping something by and they would always be stuck in traffic, then it would be lunch time and why eat on the road, and then .... so whatever X was, we would get there about 3 pm and all other activities would be added to the following days schedule.

Shopping for the best deal. Many people from 3rd world countries will make several contacts in an effort to immigrate to the US. They will then see which one pans out best or is the most attractive. Because immigration is a family matter the whole family will smile and greet each contestant with equal joy and the immigrant to be will decide ( usually in african time ) which one is best suited to be his stepping stone to the US.

Hopefully it is just a bad case of african time.

[d and c 2]

Two things come to mind, African time and shopping for the best deal.

African time, the attitude that soon means this year and quickly can take weeks. Every time I visited the plans for the day were started the night before. So we would start the morning by doing X. However the next day would start with breakfast taking forever, then soeone would be dropping something by and they would always be stuck in traffic, then it would be lunch time and why eat on the road, and then .... so whatever X was, we would get there about 3 pm and all other activities would be added to the following days schedule.

Shopping for the best deal. Many people from 3rd world countries will make several contacts in an effort to immigrate to the US. They will then see which one pans out best or is the most attractive. Because immigration is a family matter the whole family will smile and greet each contestant with equal joy and the immigrant to be will decide ( usually in african time ) which one is best suited to be his stepping stone to the US.

Hopefully it is just a bad case of african time.

Thanks, you're right about the African time. hopefully things will get better between them stay positive

Edited January 22, 2013 by d and c

[Tonio'sWife 3]

Two things come to mind, African time and shopping for the best deal.

African time, the attitude that soon means this year and quickly can take weeks. Every time I visited the plans for the day were started the night before. So we would start the morning by doing X. However the next day would start with breakfast taking forever, then soeone would be dropping something by and they would always be stuck in traffic, then it would be lunch time and why eat on the road, and then .... so whatever X was, we would get there about 3 pm and all other activities would be added to the following days schedule.

Shopping for the best deal. Many people from 3rd world countries will make several contacts in an effort to immigrate to the US. They will then see which one pans out best or is the most attractive. Because immigration is a family matter the whole family will smile and greet each contestant with equal joy and the immigrant to be will decide ( usually in african time ) which one is best suited to be his stepping stone to the US.

Hopefully it is just a bad case of african time.

I find your generalization pretty offensive. Maybe your husband was "shopping for the best deal" when he married you but that's not the case for every African. Beside not everybody sees the USA as paradise on earth and in some cases the USC are the ones who are not ready to move. Also immigration is not a "family matter" in my case. My family financed my education here without any issue so they sure as hell are not waiting for my husband to come and saved them. Makes me wonder what type of family you got married into sheesh

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I find your generalization pretty offensive. Maybe your husband was "shopping for the best deal" when he married you but that's not the case for every African. Beside not everybody sees the USA as paradise on earth and in some cases the USC are the ones who are not ready to move. Also immigration is not a "family matter" in my case. My family financed my education here without any issue so they sure as hell are not waiting for my husband to come and saved them. Makes me wonder what type of family you got married into sheesh

I have eyes and have seen this happening and I am not the type to lie about it. I said many because it happens more than it should, which is why all of us have such an uphill battle to prove legitimate relationship. Every time I mention fraud in west african relationships I get those that are offended, some of which amuse me because the fraudsters fuss the loudest.

[candy35 4]

what i would do is not asked him again and if he wants to send them then he will... but keep your eyes open sounds like hes not intrested drop him like hot water

[Tonio'sWife 3]

I have eyes and have seen this happening and I am not the type to lie about it. I said many because it happens more than it should, which is why all of us have such an uphill battle to prove legitimate relationship. Every time I mention fraud in west african relationships I get those that are offended, some of which amuse me because the fraudsters fuss the loudest.

lol. Never called you a liar and I know fraud exist. I said the generalization was uncalled for but you can think whatever you want. Next

[Holman come down 10]

Hi Vj'ers,

I am the USC that is trying to petition for my fiance who is in W. Africa. I have two children from different relationship which he accepts and has no problems with my children. When we met, things were great so we both decided to go ahead with the K1 visa. He introduced me to his family and everything was great between us. Well, when I came back to the U.S., he was supposed to send me the docs like the G325A, letter of intent, and some receipts that he is supposed to mail to me. We met November and I returned back to the U.S. beginning of December. Fiance has a full-time job which he is like the ceo for two companies that look up to him. Also, he attends school full time Mon-Friday.

Here is where I need your input. Since, November, he hasn't even tried to put together the documents. I sent him all the links and all he has to do is fill the forms, sign and mail it to me. He works around computers all day. I understand he is busy and so am I. But I have gathered all the docs that I will need on my part. The thing is, when I ask him, he tells me that he will mail them sooner. Other times he tells me he'll do it on weekends which he has been stuck on for nearly two months now. he said that he will0/ do it but he never touches the form. So I decided to call him and ask him specific question if he interested in coming to be with us at all. He sounded surprise that I even asked him such question. He was disappointed that I was thinking negative. So I said because he is taking longer to mail me the docs. Then last week, he told me that he will definitely put together the docs before the week ended. Now we are in a new week. So I called him up today again and asked him if will ever send me the docs. He said that I am being inconsiderate because he was sick for a week (week of New Years) and (2weeks ago) but he always went to work. So he said that today he promised to put together the docs but he never did send the docs today because he hasn't told me he sent them. I am growing tired of asking him if he wants us to do this or not. I have asked and he assured me he wants to be with me but not doing the things he out to do to be with us in the U.S.

Also, we are facing other problems. We don't communicate as often as we used to because he said our conversation is very long. I do most of the calling. When I ask him if he is seeing someone else, he was again disappointed that I am thinking negative. When he calls me, we only speak for 5 to ten minutes and mostly we communicate for 2mins (sad). We talk for FREE!!! He told my friend that he is so glad he met me and I am the best thing that could happen to him but he isn't making me happy. He is a great guy and I love him so very much. If I try to think negative and bring the negative thoughts out by telling him, he tells me I am making him feel like a failure. I don't know what else to do. He has not told me anything that he isn't interested in me because when I don't call him he gets concern. He is putting money together to send me to complete the filing. I am not sure it is because of the money issue or not. I have told him to just send me the docs and we can find the money after I have put together the petition.

He doesn't communicate about his day to me at all. I don't know anything about how he spends his day. He stays quiet on the phone and will talk about other non interested stuff about the news in America and stuff. He said he loves me very much. I admit he doesn't like talking alot on the phone even when I was there, he rarely spoke on the phone too long. We sometimes chat but only when he is in the mood. I am going to pray and hope God reveals if he is the one for me. I need your advice because of his delays on the docs not sure if he wants to come here or not. Or does it have to do with the money he is trying to find to send me? Please help! I have nowhere else to turn for advice.

Thanks much!

When I sent my fiance a list of the documents I needed from her, I got them back in about 12 hours. She doesn't even have a printer or scanner in her house. If you want my opinion, I'd say he is lying to you. Stalling since November is not procrastination or "Africa time," it's "I don't actually care about you." He has another woman, I'd bet $100 on it. Why would you want to marry someone you have so many doubts about anyway? We all have some little minor doubts or worries, but your situation is pretty bad, IMO.

[IloveHim35 2]

When I sent my fiance a list of the documents I needed from her, I got them back in about 12 hours. She doesn't even have a printer or scanner in her house. If you want my opinion, I'd say he is lying to you. Stalling since November is not procrastination or "Africa time," it's "I don't actually care about you." He has another woman, I'd bet $100 on it. Why would you want to marry someone you have so many doubts about anyway? We all have some little minor doubts or worries, but your situation is pretty bad, IMO.

Thanks I will take this to heart and yes you are right. It is just hard to believe anyways thanks again and good luck to you and your other half on your visa journey.

[Holman come down 10]

Thanks I will take this to heart and yes you are right. It is just hard to believe anyways thanks again and good luck to you and your other half on your visa journey.

Yeah, sorry I don't want to sound rough or rude, but I just wanted to be honest with my view on the matter. Most people on here are excited and counting the days for their NOA2 to come. He can't even be bothered to give you a couple required documents to do the initial filing. But I wish good luck to you and love with someone who will love you back the same.

[Villanelle 4,121]

There is only one line in your whole post that matters.

"He told my friend that he is so glad he met me and I am the best thing that could happen to him but he isn't making me happy".

Now be honest...do you really need advice? Or are you just afraid to say that out loud?

Edited January 22, 2013 by capri

[patou70 6]

He is seeing someone else trust me...