i've had enough of this marriage. i'm slowly dying

[CANbirdUSman 11]

Everyone has given great advice. Most important thing is YOU and your SAFETY, well-being.

I agree with Tim/Mav.

You really need help immediately. Find a woman's shelter. They are trained to help women in these situation. Even if you just need someone to talk to. They will point you in the right direction.

'TOXIC' people don't get better. Staying doesn't make sense.

Make a call, make a plan, make it happen.

May the force be with you

Edited May 7, 2012 by CANbirdUSman

[lawren14 3]

i don't want to leave, i am always being humiliated, i am thinking about suicide all the time. i can't go home.

Sad to hear that, but I agree suicide is not the solution. BTW having suicide ideation is a ground for 5150 for being a danger to self (involuntary hold for 72 hours). I am no expert on immigration, if that will be an issue if you apply for your 10 year GC. just be safe and remember the power of prayer, we will be praying for you.

[JudyKCski 12]

Take it from someone who has been there and done that --- you can not change a leopards spots - he would have to change. Not all men are like your husband so it is not just a US male problem you fine them in all countries and walks of life. You need to get out now and away from him. Control freaks are unstable people so you need to leave. I am sure you probably do not have friends because of how he is. As mentioned in a previous message you need to find a womans shelter or get help from a church group. Just be sure when you do that you have what paperwork you need with you. YOU need to put yourself first!

[mrsbourffada 3]

I am so sorry for your suffering... sounds like you have all the advice you can handle from these nice people. Best of luck.

[ghanalover 7]

Sorry forthat I agree im american and some men r. Stupid I dont date them I only date foreigners well use to.but if u need a friend babyachiek@hotmail..com im here

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

honey i really hope you'll find the light and get out of the misery. i as well had emotional and physical abuse after i moved here, not from my husband but from his family. you can as well try doing what i did on trying to get out of the mess. i was do depressed and suicidal that i went to see a psychiatrist. they are wonderful people. they helped me and my husband. if youi find the right people they will help you with free transportation wherever you want to go and find you places to rent, like an apartment or a rent to own home. divorce that ####### as soon as possible if you care about yourself. always put your safety and sanity first.

[Matador777 0]

Suicide cures nothing. Success is the best revenge. There are lots of people and organizations in this country that can help you.Dont be afraid to ask.This is America

[Bule&Cantik 8]

Sorry to hear of troubles.

You need to plan exit strategy.

Prepare all your important documents for travel.

Pack small bag with essential clothes.

Gather funds (if any) in your name...do not leave in joint account where he can take away.

When he at work, you leave. Go to women shelter. Go to church. Go to police. Go somewhere. Do NOT go back.

Never agree to see him alone ever again. He will abuse again when alone.

Will pray for you.

Good luck.

[Mick & Anne 0]

Hi Kris,

A women's shelter has been mentioned by more than a few so I thought I'd link a place that would help you search for one near you.

Women's Shelters

Women's Shelters 2

You're doing the right thing by talking to people about your problems. Maybe one of those places can help you even more.

[Dennis & Jean 1]

hi everyone. i've never written anything on any kind of websites, but this time i just need at least someone to talk to otherwise i will go insane.

i am a conditional green card holder, i got it a month ago. i thought i would be the happiest person ever when i get the GC, but i was hysterically crying with this piece of plastic in my hand.

i got married to an USC last year. i was here on J1 visa and was getting ready to go home, when he proposed me and was begging me to marry him. he seemed so nice and so different, i felt very special so i agreed. and the nightmare began. HE forced me to stop talking to ALL the people i knew here, he made me do everything his way. i was doing EVERYTHING wrong, i talked, wrote, walked, dressed, slept, looked etc wrong. It is so hard to live under the pressure all the time, when u r scared of a smallest mistake! i was always at home by myself, he was at the bars getting wasted with some weird people. HE could leave in the middle of the night, then come back and yell at me if i asked where he went. I'm called HEY, thats my new name, he curses me out so bad if there is at least a small thing he doesn't like (but in front of the people he is so sweet, i want to scream PEople, he is killing me). He also went to jail several times. i am pretty sure he is cheating on me, but he always accused me of that. I never even leave the house. not long ago he told me that i have no right to express my opinion and that i just have to shut up or i will go home and he will divorce me. i don't want to leave, i am always being humiliated, i am thinking about suicide all the time. i can't go home. i have no money (he won't pay for the ticket) and my family will not accept the divorce, my old life is gone in my home country. why are American men such jerks? they marry foreigners because American women would never let them treat them this way. so with us they just do whatever they want. i know that not everyone is the same, but there is way too many stories like that out there. thanks for attention

Our prayers and hearts go out to you. Please take a look at the definition of spousal abuse from institutions like the US Department of Justice, Harvard, and Stanford.

Please see HTTP://WWW.LIVESTRONG.COM/ARTICLE/143531-CHARACTERISTICS-ABUSIVE-HUSBAND/

They use the words, Isolation, control, coercion, treats, and intimidation. If this article fits like a shoe then run barefooted.

[kittens_0117 5]

It's easy for me to say, but reality check -- get your life together!

While he's gone, you have a lot of time to formulate a plan of action. Other people, even strangers, as shown on this forum cares about you, so you are definitely not alone. Find a shelter, a church, someone who can help you through this. First thing is to get out of that horrid place you're calling home now. Then you can start picking up the pieces of your life together. Fear is one thing that is keeping you from running away from him, so it's time to stop being scared of him. Your fear is what makes him stronger, because he knows he can control you. Make him less of a man by proving him wrong.

I understand that you are in emotional stress. Not all American guys are like your husband. Once you get your life together, it'll take time to heal, but you might probably meet someone and I hope that what you've experienced in the past will not make you push others away. I have been in bad relationships (not like yours, but still) where the guy tells me what to do and what not to, and as hard and scary as it was, I took matters into my own hands and ended the relationship. Granted, the consequences were a bit messy, but I never looked back and regretted the decision.

Take care. You have people in this forum you may never have met, but a lot have offered help. You are worth more than this -- keep telling yourself that. Scary as it may seem to be out there by yourself, things are going to get better. But nothing's going to change until you start taking the first step.

We are hoping and cheering for you, that sometime soon you will come back here as a new person, with a new life, and much, much happier. Take care, and be safe. Smile and face the world!

hi everyone. i've never written anything on any kind of websites, but this time i just need at least someone to talk to otherwise i will go insane.

i am a conditional green card holder, i got it a month ago. i thought i would be the happiest person ever when i get the GC, but i was hysterically crying with this piece of plastic in my hand.

i got married to an USC last year. i was here on J1 visa and was getting ready to go home, when he proposed me and was begging me to marry him. he seemed so nice and so different, i felt very special so i agreed. and the nightmare began. HE forced me to stop talking to ALL the people i knew here, he made me do everything his way. i was doing EVERYTHING wrong, i talked, wrote, walked, dressed, slept, looked etc wrong. It is so hard to live under the pressure all the time, when u r scared of a smallest mistake! i was always at home by myself, he was at the bars getting wasted with some weird people. HE could leave in the middle of the night, then come back and yell at me if i asked where he went. I'm called HEY, thats my new name, he curses me out so bad if there is at least a small thing he doesn't like (but in front of the people he is so sweet, i want to scream PEople, he is killing me). He also went to jail several times. i am pretty sure he is cheating on me, but he always accused me of that. I never even leave the house. not long ago he told me that i have no right to express my opinion and that i just have to shut up or i will go home and he will divorce me. i don't want to leave, i am always being humiliated, i am thinking about suicide all the time. i can't go home. i have no money (he won't pay for the ticket) and my family will not accept the divorce, my old life is gone in my home country. why are American men such jerks? they marry foreigners because American women would never let them treat them this way. so with us they just do whatever they want. i know that not everyone is the same, but there is way too many stories like that out there. thanks for attention

Edited May 8, 2012 by kittens_0117

[jameugiekaxavilon 25]

SO sorry this things happened to you. Not all americans are like that, there are just people like that, its in every country and races. I hope things will be settled for you. Maybe look for a shelter for women near your place.