i would actually love to talk to her because in your behaviour i see a bit of arrogance. you cant say she doesnt want to adjust, you have no idea how hard is to adjust. is a horrible feeling of loneliness even if she makes new friends. the anger and the fights are impossible to avoid sometimes, i know because ive been there countless times over these months since i moved here. i cried and fought with my husband when he spent money to take me to the doctor because i couldnt stand it but i did accept the gifts he bought me from time to time. i see a similar pattern in you wife's behaviour and i really think is cultural shock and you should try marriage therapy. if i didnt know how messed up i am since i moved here i wouldnt talk. i feel horrible for everytime i shouted at my husband and made a scandal because my mind is messed up.
a wife is not a ball to bounce from usa to china and from china to usa. she has mixed up feelings and it can take 2-3-4 years for her to adjust and come to an agreement with her own person and feelings. patience is the only thing that would resolve it in this case. the change of scenery and culture might be dramatic for some people believe it or not
Listen, she has been here for over a year. Myself and my entire family have bent over backwards to help her. She thinks she knows everything. She does not listen when you tell her something for her own good. PERFECT EXAMPLE: She wanted to go to school, so i found an ESL class, but it was in a very bad area. I told her to wait inside the school and i would pick her up. i told her this many times, but she still wanders far away from where the school is. I told her many times about the danger, but she does not listen. That's not cultural adjusting honey, that's common sense no matter where you live. i would love for you to talk to her and you will see how much of a PITA she is. She is adjusted here, she is just a spoiled brat.
I am not arrogant, i am honest. it may come across like i am, but i assure i am not. Our fights are over her not getting what she wants. We fought over when to get married. i wanted to have a wedding in a church, reception with my family, her family. she wanted to rush down to the court house. had to be fast. then the green card, every day having me call for status after being told by them it takes 4-6 weeks. My family is trying to protect me, they think she used me, but i always defend her. tell them she is not like that, but her actions speak louder than words. when she does not get what she wants (money usually) she gets very upset. I give her a quarter of my paycheck every week. i pay all the bills. if i can't give her money one week she says i owe her the money. The money is for her to buy her makeup and other crap she does not necessarily need. I pay for everything. And when she does finally get a job, do you think she will help with the bills? I guarantee she won't. the money will be her's and she will STILL expect me to Pay her every week. This isn't a normal marriage.
I'm chinese (but born and raised in Singapore) and I've got to agree that comparing mainland chinese to american born chinese to chinese born elsewhere is like comparing apples to oranges to strawberries. Then again, even though there may be some patterns in each geographical demographic, you also get quite a bit of variation in any racial group even if they are born and raised in the same place.
No opinions about whether or not to divorce, since that wasn't your question anyway.. but Khomer1964, you really shouldn't expect your wife to be anything like your chinese friends in the USA.
My friends are married to these Chinese women, so why shouldn't I?