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Financial support to my wife's family in the Philippines

#1 Gilles

Gilles

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Posted 15 December 2009 - 06:51 PM

My wife arrived earlier this year from the Philippines and we've gladly sent some money to her family on a few occasions. Now she wants to send amounts that don't fit comfortably into our budget. If I give in, we'll be in financial ruins and if I don't, my wife raises a stink about it. I see this as a serious problem. Has anyone had similar issues - and perhaps some good resolutions?
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#2 Jasman0717

Jasman0717

    Iorek Byrnison



Posted 15 December 2009 - 07:14 PM

I have been dealing with this for almost five years now. Fortunately for me I have a business in the Philippines and my partner periodically gives them money that that is now coming to an end because she is moving to Colorado to get married.

I know it is very difficult to discuss this with your Filipina bride because, if she is like my wife, doesn't understand all the ramifications of budgets and bills, etc. The best I can suggest is that you just tell her that all you can afford is X-amount. Try not to get angry if she continues to pester you, it is just the Filipino way. If you can maintain a reliable assistance they should be able to adjust to it but make sure you don't put your own well-being into trouble to satisfy the in-laws.

Good luck good.gif
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United States & Republic of the Philippines


"Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid." John Wayne



#3 Jo-bel

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Posted 15 December 2009 - 07:19 PM

I am a teacher in the Phil and I gave monthly support to my family when I was in the Phil. My family are expecting me to give much money now since I am in US.

My husband knows that it's part of the deal, I was planning to get a job so I can give money to my family because I know they need it, but I am pregnant and my husband will not allow me to work. So I explained to my family that we have many expenses here in US and I can give only what fits to our budget. My husband said once we give more, they will expect more....


You and your wife can able to talk about the financial matter. My husband gave me the account password and I can check it online everyday what are the account activities so I understand more about our financial matter.

I hope everything will be fine.
  • 0
5-20-2013 USC

I-130 Petition for my Mom

5-20-2013 filled I-130
5-21-2013 USCIS received the packet/Priority Date
5-22-2013 NOA1
10-28-2013 Expedite Request Submitted with the help of a Senator
11-13-2013 Additional document submitted for expedite process
11-21-13 NOA2
11-25-13 NOA2 hardcopy received
12-19-13 Expedite request approved (forwarded 24 hrs from NVC to consulate) received case number and IIN
12-24-13 Ready for interview schedule
12-26-13 Set the interview schedule

**** She could have the interview as early as Jan 7th but decided not on the rush for medical and for me to have time to forward all the document in the Philippines since I didn't pay or submit anything at NVC

1-8-9-14 Medical
1-27-14 Interview (submitted AOS & Civil documents, paid Visa Fee)
1-30-14 Visa Received
1-31-14 Immigration Fee $165 paid

**** We need my mom urgently but due of the cold weather in Minnesota, we decided to wait for warmer weather. She could be here as early as Feb....

2-3-14 Booked ticket for March due of cold weather
3-21-14 CFO seminar
3-31-14 POE
4-7-14 received SSN #

#4 Gilles

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Posted 15 December 2009 - 07:50 PM

QUOTE (Jasman0717 @ Dec 15 2009, 08:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have been dealing with this for almost five years now. Fortunately for me I have a business in the Philippines and my partner periodically gives them money that that is now coming to an end because she is moving to Colorado to get married.

I know it is very difficult to discuss this with your Filipina bride because, if she is like my wife, doesn't understand all the ramifications of budgets and bills, etc. The best I can suggest is that you just tell her that all you can afford is X-amount. Try not to get angry if she continues to pester you, it is just the Filipino way. If you can maintain a reliable assistance they should be able to adjust to it but make sure you don't put your own well-being into trouble to satisfy the in-laws.

Good luck good.gif

Thanks for the feedback. I tell her the amount that is the most which can comfortably fit into the budget and she gets upset, telling me that I'm cheap. She goes on and on about how other Filipinas she knows here had husbands who sent several thousand dollars a year (some of them are now in financially bad shape) and that I should be as generous as them. But if I gave that much money, we would be in financial ruin. What's wrong with asking my wife to go to work if she wants to supplement what I'm sending? I've asked her to go to work, but she insists that there are no jobs out there.

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#5 Patrick808

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Posted 15 December 2009 - 09:51 PM

QUOTE (Gilles @ Dec 15 2009, 01:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My wife arrived earlier this year from the Philippines and we've gladly sent some money to her family on a few occasions. Now she wants to send amounts that don't fit comfortably into our budget. If I give in, we'll be in financial ruins and if I don't, my wife raises a stink about it. I see this as a serious problem. Has anyone had similar issues - and perhaps some good resolutions?


Without number, (and, I'm not really asking,) there's no way to choose "sides" in this situation.
Since you already know and expect to support her family, the question is the amount.

This is what I did. During our engagement and Visa Journey, I matched her salary, and she doubled what she was already sending to her parents. Then after she arrived, we doubled again the monthly allowance to her family. However, I was no longer sending anything to my now wife, so it was a net gain. We also fund special projects in addition to the above. My wife works.

Good luck.
  • 0

K-1
08/00/04 - Introduction, 08/02/05 - First visit, 06/29/06 - Second visit, 07/10/06 - Engaged
08/10/06 - I-129F mailed USPS
08/18/06 - NOA1 approved, 10/18/06 - NOA2 approved
10/30/06 - NVC MNL# 2006800XXX

11/03/06 - NVC letter received, 11/14/06 - USE received, 12/08/06 - Pre-interview Letter
03/08/07 - Interview - APPROVED
05/19/07 - POE Honolulu
06/28/07 - Wedding

AOS
08/17/07 - AOS, AP & EAD filed
10/09/07 - Biometrics, 10/25/07 - RFE received, 11/05/07 - AP APPROVED, 11/13/07 - AP received
11/08/07 - EAD card in production, 11/16/07 - EAD received
01/24/08 - Interview - APPROVED

ROC
11/06/09 - I-751 mailed to California Service Center
11/09/09 - NOA1 Date, 11/13/09 - check cleared, 12/16/09 - Biometrics
12/28/09 - Card production ordered - received 01/04/10

Citizenship
03/22/11 - N-400 filed

03/25/11 - Item delivered AZ via USPS Priority Mail, 10:15 am
04/20/11 - Biometrics
06/14/11 - Interview -Approved
07/05/11 - Oath Ceremony

#6 CaNdiD wiTcH

CaNdiD wiTcH

    LoVe tO bE a wiTCh tHan To bE hYpoCriTe..Whihihihih!!



Posted 15 December 2009 - 10:00 PM

There is nothing wrong in sending money if it is something important or if it is an emergency. I do send money back home because my brother needs support for his quite expensive medications and laboratories. But, it is just temporary till my brother gets well. Everyone in the family gives contributions, not just me. I started applying for a part-time job a month after I arrived here in US. I know that my husband is willing to help if something comes up but I want to do it on my own.

Perhaps, your wife needs to open her eyes that life here in the US is not easy as she thinks. Make a monthly budget. Create a list of all your daily and monthly expenses/bills versus your salary, explain everything to her. If she really wants to help and support her family then it is high time to apply for a job. There are jobs in foodstore and places like Walmart.
  • 0
I promise to love you in good times and in bad, with all I have to give and all that I am, in the only way I know how -- completely and forever......

#7 Anh map

Anh map

    K1 > AOS > ROC > USC



Posted 15 December 2009 - 10:10 PM

Budgets can be a new thing for a lot of our spouses.

If what she's wanting to send would break the bank ask her what she's willing to trade out of your current household budget to send her desired amount to the family. Perhaps that would help her to to see that your combined resources aren't limitless.
  • 0

#8 ScottThuy

ScottThuy

    Tenured Member



Posted 15 December 2009 - 10:23 PM

QUOTE (Gilles @ Dec 15 2009, 07:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jasman0717 @ Dec 15 2009, 08:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have been dealing with this for almost five years now. Fortunately for me I have a business in the Philippines and my partner periodically gives them money that that is now coming to an end because she is moving to Colorado to get married.

I know it is very difficult to discuss this with your Filipina bride because, if she is like my wife, doesn't understand all the ramifications of budgets and bills, etc. The best I can suggest is that you just tell her that all you can afford is X-amount. Try not to get angry if she continues to pester you, it is just the Filipino way. If you can maintain a reliable assistance they should be able to adjust to it but make sure you don't put your own well-being into trouble to satisfy the in-laws.

Good luck good.gif

Thanks for the feedback. I tell her the amount that is the most which can comfortably fit into the budget and she gets upset, telling me that I'm cheap. She goes on and on about how other Filipinas she knows here had husbands who sent several thousand dollars a year (some of them are now in financially bad shape) and that I should be as generous as them. But if I gave that much money, we would be in financial ruin. What's wrong with asking my wife to go to work if she wants to supplement what I'm sending? I've asked her to go to work, but she insists that there are no jobs out there.

If you send all of your money to them.. and something happens here that requires you to come up with some amount of money. will they send money your way to help you out? You need to be sure that you are there for them long term... set the amount... and dont set it so high that it breaks you guys.. if she wants more sent, then she needs to make up the difference.. no job.. no extra $...
  • 0
"Every one of us bears within himself the possibilty of all passions, all destinies of life in all its forms. Nothing human is foreign to us" - Edward G. Robinson.

#9 wizardfitz

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Posted 16 December 2009 - 02:31 PM

*
POPULAR

I am sorry but I know I may sound harsh, here goes:

Smack her upside her head, did she marry you for you or for your money so she can support her family? Just so everyone knows, I am the Filipina wife here. I do not and never expect my husband to send them money or anything else even though as everyone says its the Filipino way. I will not burden or obligate my husband in such a manner. My husband is the one who initiates sending gifts etc to my family, I would be the sensible one telling him our budget is tight right now, etc etc.

By all means, tell her to work if she wants to send more! When my husband and I were courting, he was telling me about his friends who also married Filipinas and how they expect and know they are supposed to send money home to support/help the family. I told him no! That is not how I operate, I do not and never will expect him to do that, and to this day, I have never asked him to send them money or gifts. I do not think it is right, everyone thinks once you marry an American that the money just drops out of the sky.

Sorry for the vent but I am outraged that your wife would FORCE you to do this and throw a fit when you are incapable of agreeing to her demands.
  • 7

June 2006 Met on Myspace
Sep 21 2007 Proposed and she accepted
Dec 9 2007 Arrived in Manila
Dec 15 2007 Returned home, very sad day
Dec 21 2007 Sent Form I-129F to CSC
Dec 24 2007 Packet received at CSC
Dec 31 2007 NOA 1 received
Jan 02 2008 Check cashed
May 05 2008 NOA2
May 12 2008 Received letter from NVC MNL2008xxxxxx
May 19 2008 Paid Delbros fee at Metrobank
May 20 2008 First day of medical
May 21 2008 Told to return for sputum test
May 21 2008 Delbros confirmed receiving payment
May 27 2008 Delbros sent proof of payment to USEM
May 27,28,29 2008 Sputum test done
June 6 2008 Delbros sent doc ver request to the NSO
June 27 2008 NSO doc ver completed, to be picked up by USEM
July 1, 2008 Called USEM, doc ver is at the embassy
July 30, 2008 Passed the sputum test and finished the physical
Aug 5, 2008 Interview, PASSED received PINK SLIP
Aug 12 2008 VISA IN HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you God
Aug 16,2008 Flight to US. Manila to Narita, to Chicago
Sept 8, 2008 Civil wedding
Feb 14, 2009 Big fancy wedding
groupresized.jpg


#10 TBoneTX

TBoneTX

    Among the 99.44% HOSED at the Guayaquil consulate



Posted 16 December 2009 - 02:51 PM

QUOTE (wizardfitz @ Dec 16 2009, 01:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry for the vent but I am outraged that your wife would FORCE you to do this and throw a fit when you are incapable of agreeing to her demands.
Bravo, si man! good.gif
  • 0
06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.
06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).
07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?
09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).
09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).
10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."
12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.
12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.
12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.
01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.
01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.
04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").
05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.
05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).
06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."
07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.
08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).
08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

#11 George&Hazel

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Posted 16 December 2009 - 02:51 PM

Just be straight with her. Honesty is the best policy. If the family did not need that much money before. Then you can bet they are out wasting the money you are working for. You need to help your wife understand that as firmly and nicely as possible. Helping is one thing. Leaching money to be top 15% does no one any good.



  • 1
Service Center : Vermont Service Center
Consulate : Manilla, Philipines
I-129F Sent : 2009-09-02
I-129F NOA1 : 2009-09-04
I-129F RFE(s) : 2009-10-19
RFE Reply(s) : 2009-10-28
I-129F NOA2 : 2009-11-18
NVC Received : 2009-11-20
NVC Left : 2009-11-24
Consulate Received : 2009-12-04
Packet 3 Received :
Packet 3 Sent :
Packet 4 Received : 2009-12-05
Interview Date : 2010-01-04 Approved.
Planned POE: 2010-01-08

#12 lbounds

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Posted 16 December 2009 - 03:33 PM

I think your wife needs a job if she doesn't already have one. If she wants to spend more than the budget and she's serious about needing to send to her family she will roll up her sleeves and do some work. smile.gif
  • 0
K1 timeline :
1/11/10 - I-129F sent to California Service Center
1/19/10 - NOA1
2/18/10 - moved and changed address on USCIS site
2/19/10 - touched
3/10/10 - touched
3/10/10 - NOA2, hardcopy recieved 3/12
3/16/10 - Left NVC, recieved MNL case #
3/22/10 - USEM recieved
4/19/10 - Passed Medical
4/28/10 - Interview - Approved
4/30/10 - Picked up Visa and completed CFO
5/5/10 - POE - Honolulu, Hawaii
5/6/10 - married in Hawaii

AOS timeline:
7/8/10 - received SSN Card
7/16/10 - reported US marriage for RP records
10/18/10 - AOS delivered in Chicago
10/25/10 - NOA1
11/04/10 - Biometrics Letter Received
11/23/10 - Biometrics Completed
11/24/10 - touched
11/26/10 - touched
02/14/11 - AOS approved at Interview, GC ordered
02/22/11 - GC arrives in mail

ROC Timeline:
12/17/12 - I-751 sent to California Service Center
12/20/12 - NOA1 arrives in mail
1/14/13 - Biometrics appointment
4/11/13 - RC Approved at Interview
4/22/13 - 10 Year Green Card arrived in mail


Posted Image

Always Thankful for God's blessings on our lives..

#13 NCWife

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Posted 16 December 2009 - 03:34 PM

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you both been married and if she works? Is she aware of the bills (the amount) that you have to pay each month?

Well, you will need to explain to her about the amount of money you make and the amount you have to pay each month just to make sure you get electricity, food, gas... etc! She needs to sit down with you when you write checks to pay all those and make her see that if you send money (whatever amount she asks for) some things need to be sacrificed.

Before I came to the US, I gave money to my mother every month. So, when I moved here, I explained to my mom that I won't be able to send money home until I get a job. She understands and I also explained to my husband that whatever I make, small part of it will be sent home. But of course, I put my family here in the US as my priority.

I hope you will work this issue out with your wife.

Cheers..
  • 0
You need to be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts, acknowledge their successes, and encourage them in their pursuits. When we all help one another, everybody wins. - Jim Stovall -


Our Journey

2008-08-15 .......... Married on K-1!!!!

2009-08-28 .......... Sent AOS (I-485 and I-765) Application to Chicago
2009-09-11 .......... NOA 1 for I-485 and I-765
2009-09-25 .......... Biometrics Appointment in Charlotte, NC (walk-in)
2009-10-08 .......... EAD Approved (CRIS update)
2009-10-08 .......... I-485 Touched, I-485 Case transferred to CSC (CRIS update)
2009-10-09 .......... Biometrics Appointment #2 in Charlotte, NC (walk-in)
2009-10-15 .......... I-485 Case transferred to USCIS office
2009-10-16 .......... I-485 Touched, EAD card arrived in the mail
2009-10-19 .......... I-485 Touched
2009-11-04 .......... I-485 Touched
2009-11-05 .......... I-485 RFE (CRIS update)
2009-11-06 .......... I-485 Touched
2009-11-10 .......... RFE arrived in the mail
2009-11-12 .......... RFE response sent back to CSC
2009-11-17 .......... RFE Received at CSC (CRIS update)
2009-11-18 .......... I-485 Touched
2009-11-23 .......... I-485 Notice that new permanent resident status has been registered
2009-11-24 .......... I-485 Card production ordered
2009-11-25 .......... I-485 Touched
2009-11-30 .......... I-485 Approval Notice sent, Permanent Resident Card in the mail!!!


#14 Dakine

Dakine

    BIG crab/Anaka



Posted 16 December 2009 - 04:05 PM

Luckily I worked hard all my life and have enough income to take care of my MIL and FIL. They don't have a pot to piss in. It's mine! I bought them a "house" and we pay for EVERYTHING.
Sh!t could "hit the fan" tho if their medical problems increase. I adopted their granddaughter and she is numero uno when it comes to money priorities.
I don't know what's going to happen when they go thru the dieing process. As we all do! Hopefully it's short and sweet and not costly.
  • 0
K1 denied, K3/K4, CR-1/CR-2, AOS, ROC, Adoption, US citizenship and dual citizenship
!! ALL PAU!

#15 Jasman0717

Jasman0717

    Iorek Byrnison



Posted 16 December 2009 - 05:26 PM

We got a phone call at 12:30am this morning crying for money. I transferred money to their ATM account so they could pay the electric bill. I just wish they wouldn't call at such hours, it took me two hours to get back to sleep and I had to get up for work at 6. Ugh, I am tired and sleepy unsure.gif
  • 0
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United States & Republic of the Philippines


"Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid." John Wayne





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