Financial support to my wife's family in the Philippines

[Tahoma 2,291]

It's all about communication and education... A fool and his money are soon parted.

If it's a common thing for fillipinas to help their family out with money then the wife probably assumed that her USC husband knew about this and understood this before marriage. If it's so common then it's just one in a list of cultural differences that he should have educated himself on before marrying this foreigner. Or should she have given him a book "Phillipina culture for Dummies" or outright told him about what she expected from him beforehand? The jury is out on that one...

My point is, if it's such a common thing in the Phillipino culture to take care of your parents/family by sending money then this guy should have atleast stumbled across it on his research he hopefully did before marrying a Phillipina... and should not come on here acting all surprised that this has now transpired After the marriage...

This problem stems from a fundamental cultural difference. It's not a bad thing to take care of your parents by sending them money, don't take offense to this at all, I think it's wonderful if you are able to. Some cultures are just different though, in America it's more "each for their own" and the elderly are more than likely to spend the end of their days in retirement homes/hospices and not with family members, therefore Americans always put money away for retirement as soon as they can.

If these two got to know each other well beforehand and the OP had spent some time educated himself well on her culture and she on his then maybe this would not now become such a problem and the USC be so surprised at his new wive's demands... Before marrying anyone it's a good idea to get to know them well, but if you're going to be marrying someone from a completely different culture, age group, religion etc. you should do your research thoroughly on that culture so you won't be surprised to learn about such a seemingly common cultural trait after the marriage, and one that could potentially leave you heartbroken and broke...

When you are finished with your sermon, would you please show me where the original poster said he was unaware or surprised that many Filipinos send money to their families?

[TBoneTX 43,042]

When you are finished with your sermon, would you please show me where the original poster said he was unaware or surprised that many Filipinos send money to their families?

Si, man.

[Creel 0]

I find it funny how these posts always start to attack somebody or some culture. How many of you know American wives or husbands that credit card their American spouse to death. Differences in money management don't really have anything to do with what culture you are from. How many American/American marriages end in divorce because of money issues?

With regards to sending money home. It is not just an Asian thing. My spouse sent money home when he lived abroad to support his parents. It was a known thing going into the marriage that I would take up that responsibility until he could get a job here in the States. Age and sex don't have anything to do with the responsibility some feel to their family's. Would we live in a smaller house so my husband's family could eat three square meals a day? Yes. Would we do it so they could have a car? No. I don't provide my own parents money, but when they are too old to work they can come live with me. My husband's can't.

I think we need to each look at our own situation and review it with our spouses to come to a comfortable solution for all. I agree threatening the spouse seems extreme, but until we hear the other side of the story it is hard to have the whole picture.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

It's all about communication and education... A fool and his money are soon parted.

If it's a common thing for fillipinas to help their family out with money then the wife probably assumed that her USC husband knew about this and understood this before marriage. If it's so common then it's just one in a list of cultural differences that he should have educated himself on before marrying this foreigner. Or should she have given him a book "Phillipina culture for Dummies" or outright told him about what she expected from him beforehand? The jury is out on that one...

My point is, if it's such a common thing in the Phillipino culture to take care of your parents/family by sending money then this guy should have atleast stumbled across it on his research he hopefully did before marrying a Phillipina... and should not come on here acting all surprised that this has now transpired After the marriage...

This problem stems from a fundamental cultural difference. It's not a bad thing to take care of your parents by sending them money, don't take offense to this at all, I think it's wonderful if you are able to. Some cultures are just different though, in America it's more "each for their own" and the elderly are more than likely to spend the end of their days in retirement homes/hospices and not with family members, therefore Americans always put money away for retirement as soon as they can.

If these two got to know each other well beforehand and the OP had spent some time educated himself well on her culture and she on his then maybe this would not now become such a problem and the USC be so surprised at his new wive's demands... Before marrying anyone it's a good idea to get to know them well, but if you're going to be marrying someone from a completely different culture, age group, religion etc. you should do your research thoroughly on that culture so you won't be surprised to learn about such a seemingly common cultural trait after the marriage, and one that could potentially leave you heartbroken and broke...

I stumbled on this thread out of boredom, and after reading your post on here I find you a rude individual who most likely hates their life.

If you didn't waste so much time flaming the OP and making yourself look like a rude miserable individual you would have noticed that the OP doesn't mind sending money back to his in-laws' it's just that atm it is inconvenient to send enormous sums due to financial strains.

[FortLaudy 10]

Wow, I guess I hit a raw nerve with some of you... sorry for going a little off topic, sheeezz, it was in response to responses I guess and strayed off the OP's question... Mine wasn't the only reply that did btw! I still hope my messages will be meaningful/helpful to someone thinking about marrying a foreigner...

I'm extremely happy thank you very much mr. shrink, and very greatful for my blessed life... sure right now it kinda sucks waiting for everything in this process and I might have a little time too much time on my hands and I've realized I spend too much time on VJ these days, and sure I am quite opinionated and have a little different view on things and don't care to speak my mind, but my life is definetely super duper and Fantastic, lol !!!

I have learned something though, it's best sometimes to just say nothing and keep my thoughts to myself, some people on VJ just don't really want to hear an honest or different opinion, or perhaps even the truth. I'm not a mean person, but I'll be honest, I have definetely always found the "really old man/young asian girl" relationships disgusting and also thought it was weird to meet someone online, jump on a plane and bring a stranger over to marry within 90 days, so it was interesting to learn about some of the dynamics behind these relationships... Just because I find these relationships strange and wanted to learn a little more and give my honest opinion and had the extra time on my hands to do so, does not mean I have a miserable life, lol !!!! I'm sure there are many people who think like me, but they just don't write it down... I really don't care and speak my mind and I thought that VJ was the platform to do so... I guess not!

But I'm done with this discussion and will say no more, I've realized that some people are so desperate for love that they will go to extremes to find it and it's not nice to make fun of them, analyze their behaviour, or to look down on them for making stupid decisions, each for their own..

And besides I've realized it's a topic that's been discussed here on VJ ad nauseum anyhow, so I have nothing more to say on this... Good luck to all of you on your journeys!!

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=229124

[Leah 1]

I only support my dog I left in the Philippines. Not my family, my dad, my brothers.. etc.. etc.. even though I send the money to my dad. It is not for him. It is for my dog. Because the dog is my responsibility. My dog can't work. My family can!

Wow, this is the first time I've ever heard. So are you married to the dog? So, your dog is more important than your family, or you are just making a big bad joke trying to impressed everyone here. And please don't tell us that your family does not need your financial help, because if they can, why can't they support your dog. Don't try to be a hypocrite.

[TBoneTX 43,042]

(1) I am quite opinionated [...] (2) it's best sometimes to just say nothing and keep my thoughts to myself. (3) I have definetely always found the "really old man/young asian girl" relationships disgusting and (4) also thought it was weird to meet someone online, jump on a plane and bring a stranger over to marry within 90 days [...] (5) I find these relationships strange [...] (6) I'm sure there are many people who think like me

(1) Si, man. (2) Arguably si, man. (3) This is keeping your thoughts to yourself? (4) Were you truly familiar with the process, it would be clearer that events are rarely (if ever) this speedy or simple. (5) This, again, is saying nothing and keeping your thoughts to yourself? (6) Who thinks like you do? You're just about the first whom I've encountered since I joined.

I really don't care

Your own words!

I thought that VJ was the platform to do so... I guess not!

Not if you want to win friends and influence people.

But I'm done with this discussion and will say no more

(Bets, anyone?)

some people are so desperate for love that they will go to extremes to find it

We win; you lose... si man, that was fast!

and it's not nice to make fun of them, analyze their behaviour

It's not nice, and not appropriate until & unless you know every variable involved with a particular relationship and have the professional training necessary to interpret it accurately.

or to look down on them for making stupid decisions

Talk about a self-fulfilling statement, along with losing the bet for a second time in short order.

Some people who also shop regularly at Goodwill actually read & comprehend what an OP writes, and can refrain from snooty preaching and tossing out glib generalizations without regard. Good luck to those who wish to attain this higher status.

[Tahoma 2,291]

Wow, I guess I hit a raw nerve with some of you... sorry for going a little off topic, sheeezz, it was in response to responses I guess and strayed off the OP's question... Mine wasn't the only reply that did btw! I still hope my messages will be meaningful/helpful to someone thinking about marrying a foreigner...

I'm extremely happy thank you very much mr. shrink, and very greatful for my blessed life... sure right now it kinda sucks waiting for everything in this process and I might have a little time too much time on my hands and I've realized I spend too much time on VJ these days, and sure I am quite opinionated and have a little different view on things and don't care to speak my mind, but my life is definetely super duper and Fantastic, lol !!!

I have learned something though, it's best sometimes to just say nothing and keep my thoughts to myself, some people on VJ just don't really want to hear an honest or different opinion, or perhaps even the truth. I'm not a mean person, but I'll be honest, I have definetely always found the "really old man/young asian girl" relationships disgusting and also thought it was weird to meet someone online, jump on a plane and bring a stranger over to marry within 90 days, so it was interesting to learn about some of the dynamics behind these relationships... Just because I find these relationships strange and wanted to learn a little more and give my honest opinion and had the extra time on my hands to do so, does not mean I have a miserable life, lol !!!! I'm sure there are many people who think like me, but they just don't write it down... I really don't care and speak my mind and I thought that VJ was the platform to do so... I guess not!

But I'm done with this discussion and will say no more, I've realized that some people are so desperate for love that they will go to extremes to find it and it's not nice to make fun of them, analyze their behaviour, or to look down on them for making stupid decisions, each for their own..

And besides I've realized it's a topic that's been discussed here on VJ ad nauseum anyhow, so I have nothing more to say on this... Good luck to all of you on your journeys!!

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=229124

[Tahoma 2,291]

^^^Umm...all I asked you was a simple question. Is your answer hidden somewhere in this assumption-riddled, stereotype-filled, off-topic diatribe?

[TBoneTX 43,042]

^^^Umm...all I asked you was a simple question. Is your answer hidden somewhere in this assumption-riddled, stereotype-filled, off-topic diatribe?

She's now spewing the same in the Off-Topic forum, in the "are you high-maintenance" thread.

[Tahoma 2,291]

She's now spewing the same in the Off-Topic forum, in the "are you high-maintenance" thread.

Thanks TBone. I'll go over and have a look.

"Off Topic" would seem to be the appropriate forum for Shani.

I wonder how the OP's wife is doing with her money management lessons.

[FortLaudy 10]

"Off Topic" would seem to be the appropriate forum for Shani.

I should have discovered it way sooner

[Tahoma 2,291]

I find it funny how these posts always start to attack somebody or some culture. How many of you know American wives or husbands that credit card their American spouse to death. Differences in money management don't really have anything to do with what culture you are from. How many American/American marriages end in divorce because of money issues?

With regards to sending money home. It is not just an Asian thing. My spouse sent money home when he lived abroad to support his parents. It was a known thing going into the marriage that I would take up that responsibility until he could get a job here in the States. Age and sex don't have anything to do with the responsibility some feel to their family's. Would we live in a smaller house so my husband's family could eat three square meals a day? Yes. Would we do it so they could have a car? No. I don't provide my own parents money, but when they are too old to work they can come live with me. My husband's can't.

I think we need to each look at our own situation and review it with our spouses to come to a comfortable solution for all. I agree threatening the spouse seems extreme, but until we hear the other side of the story it is hard to have the whole picture.

Well said.

[proud1234567890 0]

My wife arrived earlier this year from the Philippines and we've gladly sent some money to her family on a few occasions. Now she wants to send amounts that don't fit comfortably into our budget. If I give in, we'll be in financial ruins and if I don't, my wife raises a stink about it. I see this as a serious problem. Has anyone had similar issues - and perhaps some good resolutions?

Tell your wife to work! If her salary is not enough, tell her to find a second job.

[ChristophandEvan 0]

I am working and i can send money in the Phils. as much as i want to:).My husband can't dictate me how much money should i send:).I can do shopping what i want,I pay my car and some bills so he should be happy that i am helping,anyways each one is different:).Happy New Year Everyone:)