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Financial support to my wife's family in the Philippines

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I am glad my hubbys family doesnt ask us for dough.....just designer perfumes..........LOL!

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Filed: Timeline
####### do you have against Asian women marrying White Guys?

I don't ! I do have a problem with people only blaming one party when things go wrong in these types of relationships though... As it's very obvious to me that a real old man and young girl marry for a helluva more than just pure "love"...

Where in my post did I say she had to ask for anything? :

I said she asked and I replied to get a large multi pack, there is a big difference.

Why do you want to make it sound like she's subserviant to me? I think most people would have understood (especially in the context of a thread on sending money to support the filipino wife's family) that the point was my filipino wife makes no such demands of me and in fact asks before spending money on the family back home.

That's not how I understood it... sorry!

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Philippines
Timeline

Why do you have to send money to her family? I am just wondering.

In my opinion, I don't think you have to send your wife's family a monthly allowance if i may say so. You married your wife and not her family.Talk to your wife and tell her the situation, that you can not send that much for them. Life in America is not that easy especially at this time so I understand what you mean. Be honest to her and make sure she is aware of all your daily expenses.

My wife arrived earlier this year from the Philippines and we've gladly sent some money to her family on a few occasions. Now she wants to send amounts that don't fit comfortably into our budget. If I give in, we'll be in financial ruins and if I don't, my wife raises a stink about it. I see this as a serious problem. Has anyone had similar issues - and perhaps some good resolutions?
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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Philippines
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Thanks for the feedback. I tell her the amount that is the most which can comfortably fit into the budget and she gets upset, telling me that I'm cheap. She goes on and on about how other Filipinas she knows here had husbands who sent several thousand dollars a year (some of them are now in financially bad shape) and that I should be as generous as them. But if I gave that much money, we would be in financial ruin. What's wrong with asking my wife to go to work if she wants to supplement what I'm sending? I've asked her to go to work, but she insists that there are no jobs out there.

I feel sorry to say this but it looks like your wife is taking advantage of the fact that you always give in to her requests. I have been reading posts here in VJ and most of the girls that americans married are poor. No wonder why their families expect so much from the American. I hear you. I believe it is LOVE that should bind two people together and not money. I hope your problem will be solved. Where is your wife from?

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Filed: Country: Philippines
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I have heard million and one stories about pinays and sending money back home. I personally know so many pinays around me that would spend their husband's hard earned money to send it to their family back home who in turn spends the money like it grows in a tree that anytime they need something all they have to do is call their pinay relatives in the US ask for exorbitant amount of money. I know there's a place somewhere in the Visayas (no offense meant to fellow pinays who are Bisayas) with most filipinas marrying foreigners and the whole neighborhood is trying to outdo each other with how much money and what the pinays abroad is sending the family.

I also know a friend who works and sends all her money back home and almost everyweek something will come up that will need her to send money. She sends siblings to college and yet one didn't finish got knocked up and she still has to support them. She made them all parasites now she lost her job and family is mad at her calls her everytime asking for money and the poor girl don't know where to get the money....It's ridiculous I get so mad I want to strangle each of her family members.

Filipinas please tell your family back home to get a life and stop pestering you with money..... Grrrr

I feel sorry to say this but it looks like your wife is taking advantage of the fact that you always give in to her requests. I have been reading posts here in VJ and most of the girls that americans married are poor. No wonder why their families expect so much from the American. I hear you. I believe it is LOVE that should bind two people together and not money. I hope your problem will be solved. Where is your wife from?

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Malditang Pinay

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Syria
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I am sorry but I know I may sound harsh, here goes:

Smack her upside her head, did she marry you for you or for your money so she can support her family? Just so everyone knows, I am the Filipina wife here. I do not and never expect my husband to send them money or anything else even though as everyone says its the Filipino way. I will not burden or obligate my husband in such a manner. My husband is the one who initiates sending gifts etc to my family, I would be the sensible one telling him our budget is tight right now, etc etc.

By all means, tell her to work if she wants to send more! When my husband and I were courting, he was telling me about his friends who also married Filipinas and how they expect and know they are supposed to send money home to support/help the family. I told him no! That is not how I operate, I do not and never will expect him to do that, and to this day, I have never asked him to send them money or gifts. I do not think it is right, everyone thinks once you marry an American that the money just drops out of the sky.

Sorry for the vent but I am outraged that your wife would FORCE you to do this and throw a fit when you are incapable of agreeing to her demands.

:thumbs::thumbs::thumbs: i agree completely, you are not an ATM. she needs to chill and get a job to support them, or agree to the amount that you want to send and that's it...it's totally unfair for her to expect you to support her family. you married her....for her, not to be a piggy bank for her fam. not cool dude...hope you get it sorted out.

Timeline:

Sent in I-130 form: 01/29/09

Interview Date: 11/08/09 (APPROVED!)

Visa in Hand: 11/12/09

POE: 01/30/10 (!!!!) at JFK Airport in NYC... can't wait!

Got the green card maybe 8 weeks after 01/30/10...

TBC....

======================================================================

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Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Philippines
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My wife arrived earlier this year from the Philippines and we've gladly sent some money to her family on a few occasions. Now she wants to send amounts that don't fit comfortably into our budget. If I give in, we'll be in financial ruins and if I don't, my wife raises a stink about it. I see this as a serious problem. Has anyone had similar issues - and perhaps some good resolutions?

For Filipinos, it's our nature to want to take care of our parents/family, regardless of the distance. Since we're too far to do that, we try to compensate with that by wanting to at least make sure that their basic needs are met and that they are ok financially. That's something every foreigner who is married to a filipina/filipino has to understand. If your spouse came from a well to do family, that's something you don't have to worry about. Unfortunately, not all filipinos abroad are like that, that's why they send money back home. That's the reason why remittance business is such a hit in the Philippines.

Anyways, there's nothing wrong with that but there should be limitations. In your case I think you should make your wife understand that money doesn't grow on trees and that the supply is not unlimited. It might help if you will include her in budgeting decisions so she would have a better grasp of your current financial status. Also, if she really wants to help her family back home, she should consider working so she wouldn't have to ask you for money to send her family.

Edited by loveaboo
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Filed: Lift. Cond. (apr) Country: India
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Any luck with the wife, OP?

03/27/2009: Engaged in Ithaca, New York.
08/17/2009: Wedding in Calcutta, India.
09/29/2009: I-130 NOA1
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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Philippines
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I only support my dog I left in the Philippines. Not my family, my dad, my brothers.. etc.. etc.. even though I send the money to my dad. It is not for him. It is for my dog. Because the dog is my responsibility. My dog can't work. My family can!

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I only support my dog I left in the Philippines. Not my family, my dad, my brothers.. etc.. etc.. even though I send the money to my dad. It is not for him. It is for my dog. Because the dog is my responsibility. My dog can't work. My family can!

Don't let them get your dog to fat.

Masarap adobo!

K1 denied, K3/K4, CR-1/CR-2, AOS, ROC, Adoption, US citizenship and dual citizenship

!! ALL PAU!

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Philippines
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I only support my dog I left in the Philippines. Not my family, my dad, my brothers.. etc.. etc.. even though I send the money to my dad. It is not for him. It is for my dog. Because the dog is my responsibility. My dog can't work. My family can!

" my dog can't work. My family can" ---- VERY WELL SAID. :thumbs:

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Philippines
Timeline

I am aware of this too Fish. I have heard lot of stories from Visayas part of the Philippines. Actually most of them met on dating website which means there is really the INTENTION of hooking up on someone for the milk and honey which is no good.

I have heard million and one stories about pinays and sending money back home. I personally know so many pinays around me that would spend their husband's hard earned money to send it to their family back home who in turn spends the money like it grows in a tree that anytime they need something all they have to do is call their pinay relatives in the US ask for exorbitant amount of money. I know there's a place somewhere in the Visayas (no offense meant to fellow pinays who are Bisayas) with most filipinas marrying foreigners and the whole neighborhood is trying to outdo each other with how much money and what the pinays abroad is sending the family.

I also know a friend who works and sends all her money back home and almost everyweek something will come up that will need her to send money. She sends siblings to college and yet one didn't finish got knocked up and she still has to support them. She made them all parasites now she lost her job and family is mad at her calls her everytime asking for money and the poor girl don't know where to get the money....It's ridiculous I get so mad I want to strangle each of her family members.

Filipinas please tell your family back home to get a life and stop pestering you with money..... Grrrr

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I feel bad that so many people are judging my fellow "filipinas". Every case is different, I think the solution to this post is quite easy - the OP has the control of their money since he is the one working. He always has the LAST SAY in the household when it comes to money. It's a filipino tradition to send money and goodies to our family back home when there are occasions or when there is an emergency, but overdoing it is an abuse. If the wife expects the husband to send money or anything regularly, sad to say she just married him for the money. It's time for the OP and the wife to sit down and have a serious talk, if the wife still insist on sending money and they are not reaching to any solution, I think it's about time for the OP to make the decision. It's now or never because life is so hard and any relationship that is founded on other things other than love will not succeed.

While I was reading some of the posts, I was kinda hurt by some of the people's accusations regarding my fellow filipinos. A mistake of a few should not be generalize as mistake of all. I know a lot of successful FIL-AM marriages that lasted a lifetime or even years. It is not fair to be judged, every case is distinct and some judgmental posters should not go by what they observed to a few, they should conduct their own research about FIL-AM marriages. You should know the facts before judging, these incidents are happening in any interracial marriages. Good luck to the OP. Happy New Year to all VJ'ers.

By the way, there are five FIL-AM marriages in my family and we don't encounter such a problem as other people are having, thanks God. My American husband feels that filipinas are great and if he reads this post he will feel bad that SOME people are attacking his wife's fellow filipinas.

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Filed: Timeline

It's all about communication and education... A fool and his money are soon parted.

If it's a common thing for fillipinas to help their family out with money then the wife probably assumed that her USC husband knew about this and understood this before marriage. If it's so common then it's just one in a list of cultural differences that he should have educated himself on before marrying this foreigner. Or should she have given him a book "Phillipina culture for Dummies" or outright told him about what she expected from him beforehand? The jury is out on that one...

My point is, if it's such a common thing in the Phillipino culture to take care of your parents/family by sending money then this guy should have atleast stumbled across it on his research he hopefully did before marrying a Phillipina... and should not come on here acting all surprised that this has now transpired After the marriage...

This problem stems from a fundamental cultural difference. It's not a bad thing to take care of your parents by sending them money, don't take offense to this at all, I think it's wonderful if you are able to. Some cultures are just different though, in America it's more "each for their own" and the elderly are more than likely to spend the end of their days in retirement homes/hospices and not with family members, therefore Americans always put money away for retirement as soon as they can.

If these two got to know each other well beforehand and the OP had spent some time educated himself well on her culture and she on his then maybe this would not now become such a problem and the USC be so surprised at his new wive's demands... Before marrying anyone it's a good idea to get to know them well, but if you're going to be marrying someone from a completely different culture, age group, religion etc. you should do your research thoroughly on that culture so you won't be surprised to learn about such a seemingly common cultural trait after the marriage, and one that could potentially leave you heartbroken and broke...

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