Financial support to my wife's family in the Philippines

[therese828 4]

<!--quoteo(post=3567889:date=Dec 15 2009, 08:14 PM:name=Jasman0717)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Jasman0717 @ Dec 15 2009, 08:14 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=3567889"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->I have been dealing with this for almost five years now. Fortunately for me I have a business in the Philippines and my partner periodically gives them money that that is now coming to an end because she is moving to Colorado to get married.

I know it is very difficult to discuss this with your Filipina bride because, if she is like my wife, doesn't understand all the ramifications of budgets and bills, etc. The best I can suggest is that you just tell her that all you can afford is X-amount. Try not to get angry if she continues to pester you, it is just the Filipino way. If you can maintain a reliable assistance they should be able to adjust to it but make sure you don't put your own well-being into trouble to satisfy the in-laws.

Good luck <img src="http://www.visajourney.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/good.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="good.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

Thanks for the feedback. I tell her the amount that is the most which can comfortably fit into the budget and she gets upset, telling me that I'm cheap. She goes on and on about how other Filipinas she knows here had husbands who sent several thousand dollars a year (some of them are now in financially bad shape) and that I should be as generous as them. But if I gave that much money, we would be in financial ruin. What's wrong with asking my wife to go to work if she wants to supplement what I'm sending? I've asked her to go to work, but she insists that there are no jobs out there.

wow..what's plans does she like then if she dont like to go to work?

im a filipina too.sometimes there are filipina's thinking that when they marry american they can sit back and relax..which is not right.if they like to help their family back home..they will then have to work..

sometimes..it happens that the family back home are depending on the money theirr daughter's are sending them for the monthly and that it makes them dependent on it.and that makes them lazy to find ways and to work for a living.

you should talk to your wife.and let her understand about your financial standing.

[rlogan 2,036]

PS: It ain't love, you're just horny.

Sometimes someone comes along with an elegant way of putting it. Your 22 pages of reading were not in vain.

[PatRhea 1]

When i m still in the philippines my husband sends me $250 every week, but i did not force him to do it as i have a job and i didnt quit till the day i m leaving my salary goes to my family from 1995 to 2011..my husband knew it and when i came here in the US he promised me that he will continue to sending them financial support i told him we dont have to do it coz i have a new life now and i know money here is not just easy to earn...but he insist but we talked that he will just give them $100 a week, as we not renting our home..you have to talk about it, she should know that you have expenses here too..goodluck and godbless

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Golly! This thread is already .

[Gizzy 0]

YES,,I MUST AGREE WITH SOME OF THE PEOPLE ON HERE ABOUT THESE MONEY ISSUES..FOR ONE THEY SEEM TO HAVE NO IDEAL OF WHAT A BUDGET IS..I WENT THOUGH THIS WHOLE THING ABOUT MONEY WITH MY FIANCE AN FOUND OUT SHE WAS GIVING HALF OF WHAT I SENT HER TO HER FAMILY..WHEN I MEET HER FAMILY,,ALLL THE PROVINCE THERE IT SEEMED..I KNEW I COULD BE IN FOR SOME TROBLE,,YES THEY'RE THE POOREST BUT HAPPIEST PEOPLE I EVER MEET..I'VE TALKED TO HER SEVERAL TIMES ABOUT HOW MUCH TOO GIVE THEM BUT SHE NEVER UNDERSTOOD..IT GOT TO THE POINT WHERE IT WAS RUINING OUR RELATIONSHIP..SHE COULDNT TAKE THE PRESSURE FROM THEM EVERYDAY ASKING FOR SOMETHING,,BECAUSE WHATEVER SHE GAVE WAS NEVER ENOUGH..SHE ENDED UP MOVING TO CEBU CITY AWAY FROM HER FAMILY TOO STOP IT ALL..SHE COMES FROM A LARGE FAMILY WHERE AS ALL HER SISTERS ARE MARRIED,SO THEY DONT HV TO SUPPORT THE FAMILY ANYMORE AND ONLY ONE OUT OF THE 5 BROTHERS DOES NOW..HER FAMILY CUT THEIR OWN TROATH,,NOW SHE REALIZED THAT THEY ONLY USED HER AND MADE HER LIFE A LIVING HELL...SHE GIVES THEM NOTHING AT ALL NOW..SHES BEEN ON HER OWN SINCE SHE WAS 15YRS OLD AND I ASKED HER WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THEY HELPED HER,,SHE SAID NEVER AFTER I MOVED TO THE CITY TO GO TO HIGH SCHOOL...SHE NOW GETTING OVER THAT MAJOR GUILT TRIP SHE HAS HAD SINCE BIRTH...THANK GOD SHE CAME TO REASON...WISH U ALL THE BEST WITH THIS PROBLEM...ENDED WHILE U CAN,,BECAUSE IT ALMOST ENDED US..I WAS READY TO THROW IN THE TOWEL OVER THIS.....GOD BLESS YOU ALL,AN GOOD LUCK....GREG

[rlogan 2,036]

WHATEVER SHE GAVE WAS NEVER ENOUGH..

Let me hear an amen. All the money in the world isn't enough.

I ASKED HER WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THEY HELPED HER,,SHE SAID NEVER AFTER I MOVED TO THE CITY TO GO TO HIGH SCHOOL...SHE NOW GETTING OVER THAT MAJOR GUILT TRIP SHE HAS HAD SINCE BIRTH...

The cultural tradition is reciprocity, not one-way giving. When they show that's what they're all about, you have to walk away from them.

IT ALMOST ENDED US..I WAS READY TO THROW IN THE TOWEL OVER THIS...

Yes, exactly. It has to be one way or the other: you either walk away from the family without her, or walk away together. She has to make the choice.

[Ken y Leidys 20]

A guy I know from the 4WD club works hard, and sinks his money into his airbagged/hardcore Rubicon Jeep, and his wife drives a slightly older Mustang which he bought/paid for, and she sends all of her extra money back to her family. I believe the part which makes their dynamic work is that she is providing for her family back home through her hard work.