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Bridezilla Update...(I think I'm OK posting this here...)

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
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Great story, Ateam. Thanks for that. I feel that way right now. It's hard to watch someone make mistakes and I"m a big believer and letting people learn on their own. But this is the kind of mistake that could cause a lifetime of hurt. It's not just like, "they are making a mistake in taking that job" you know?

"...My hair's mostly wind,

My eyes filled with grit

My skin's white then brown

My lips chapped and split

I've lain on the prairie and heard grasses sigh

I've stared at the vast open bowl of the sky

I've seen all the castles and faces in clouds

My home is the prairie and for that I am proud…

If You're not from the Prairie, you can't know my soul

You don't know our blizzards; you've not fought our cold

You can't know my mind, nor ever my heart

Unless deep within you there's somehow a part…

A part of these things that I've said that I know,

The wind, sky and earth, the storms and the snow.

Best say that you have - and then we'll be one,

For we will have shared that same blazing sun." - David Bouchard

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Wow, Amanda, this is a soap opera! For your BIL's sake, I hope he can take the time and really decide what is right for him. Major red flag about her saying his dad is not allowed in their house. Extremely controlling and scary for someone to want to isolate their partner from others. Good for you for being strong and your FIL rocks for supporting you.

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
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It's true perhaps he'll realize it. I remember you said she basically transformed from a nice sweet girl to this awful person. That doesn't just happen, I bet she's been waiting to trap a man and she sounds like she'd be the type who becomes worse after the "I do's".

She has thankfully shown you all what she is really like though.

My uncle married a woman who is controlling and he's not allowed to talk to any of us. They have two kids and I have never even seen them. It's sad. It's like losing a family member. I hope that doesn't happen with your BIL.

Donne moi une poptart!

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
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The thought that comes to my mind when I read that your BIL still loves her is . . . does she love him? Actions speak louder than words and by all of her actions she is saying she doesn't love him - she is only in it for herself and as soon as she gets no benefits she'll be gone as well. He really needs to ask himself is this what love is about? If she loved him, would she be willing to step aside from this wedding and just go down to the Courthouse and get married simply - for the love of him? Somehow, I doubt it. He may really want to consider that.

Good luck to him and your family.

Edited by Kathryn41

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
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If I were him I would hold off on the wedding, it doesn't mean break up but look at the person she has become. Does he want that? It sounds like he comes from a close knit family. It doesn't even sound like she would understand. But he could at least tell her... "I don't want to get married right now, this is tearing apart my family."

I mean that's not a wedding... family shouldn't be upset with each other during a time of celebration. If she could only see herself and the way she is acting, perhaps a breather would be good for the both of them.

If she doesn't get it, then he should just let her go. He deserves so much better. You all do. :(

Donne moi une poptart!

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Filed: Other Country: Canada
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If I were him I would hold off on the wedding, it doesn't mean break up but look at the person she has become. Does he want that? It sounds like he comes from a close knit family. It doesn't even sound like she would understand. But he could at least tell her... "I don't want to get married right now, this is tearing apart my family."

I mean that's not a wedding... family shouldn't be upset with each other during a time of celebration. If she could only see herself and the way she is acting, perhaps a breather would be good for the both of them.

If she doesn't get it, then he should just let her go. He deserves so much better. You all do. :(

That is sound advice, but she did threaten him that if he wanted to call it off or even delay that they were done. Threats and control are not signs of a successful marriage. :(

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If I were him I would hold off on the wedding, it doesn't mean break up but look at the person she has become. Does he want that? It sounds like he comes from a close knit family. It doesn't even sound like she would understand. But he could at least tell her... "I don't want to get married right now, this is tearing apart my family."

I mean that's not a wedding... family shouldn't be upset with each other during a time of celebration. If she could only see herself and the way she is acting, perhaps a breather would be good for the both of them.

If she doesn't get it, then he should just let her go. He deserves so much better. You all do. :(

That is sound advice, but she did threaten him that if he wanted to call it off or even delay that they were done. Threats and control are not signs of a successful marriage. :(

:blink: They're not????

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
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But if she does not understand his point of view then he can to let her go and not feel as bad because its her threat not his own. She's causing her own demise. MUAHAHAHA!

:P

Donne moi une poptart!

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I am not one for giving advice - as Amanada said I'd usually let people learn for themselves - but the BIL should at least be encouraged to postpone the wedding. He needs tiem to decide if this is what he really wants. No one should get married if even there is a HINT of uncertainty!! Even the marriages that start with both people being 100% are not always successful. IMO, the last thing anyone should do is start one with doubts!! If he delays the wedding they can try to work on things and see if he's really sure this is what he wants.

(Hopefully, if he's lucky she will follow through with her crazy threats of "everything being over" if he calls off or delays the wedding and then all his answers will be decided for him and will be better in the long run!!!)

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
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I follow this blog called Ms. Single Mama. Anyway she is from Ohio and married a man from Quebec, it turned out badly. This is how she described it:

When you Know

by mssinglemama on July 8, 2009

My aunt and I were talking on the phone about my French-Canadian fiance.

We would be getting married in her back yard in just a few days. I was frantically planning the wedding so we could beat an INS deadline to kick him out of the country.

“So, do you have that feeling?” she asked. “You know how people say ‘when you know, you know.’ Do you have it?”

“No, I don’t. It’s not there. Is that bad?”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s fine. You know you want to be with him, right?”

“Yeah. And that’s crazy anyway? It’s all a risk, a leap of faith, how can you just know?”

I was 25-years-old and I was really good at talking myself into things.

After we took our vows we were standing in a dark corner of my aunt’s gorgeous yard, the laughter of my friends and family echoing, me in my wedding dress and him wearing one of my father’s old suits.

It had been a last minute adjustment. My mom had hated his rental tux so she found one of dad’s suits for him to wear. I clung to that for the two years we were together, thinking that it was a sign from my father that we should be together.

But here in the darkness I looked at my new husband and suddenly felt like I’d just jumped off of a cliff with him.

“Well, this is it. We’re in this together now.”

I expected him to hold me tight and tell me how wonderful it would be, something to that effect but we both stood there shuffling our feet not quite sure what to say or do. And it was then that I knew something was off, very off.

If your BIL is having doubts like he is now, that's a sign there is something seriously wrong and he needs to make the right decision before it goes too far

Edited by JillA

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
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You're welcome Amanda. I definitely agree. If your BIL is having doubts at all I would try to just let him know that you're there for support whatever decision he makes. That being said, if he's got doubts, one thing I've realized the hard way is that things don't change after you get married. You can't change a person and if you think that being married and moving to a new place to begin your "new" life together is going to change that person, you're sadly mistaken. SO, if you can live with that person now, just like they are and not tear your hair out, or want to scream running, then chances are, you're good. If not, RUN! :) I say this a little lightheartedly, but I'm absolutely serious and honest in the fact that I wish I'd really realized that before I married my ex.

I know how you're feeling that you'd like to just let him make the decision. That's really hard though when you're part of the family and it's making your whole family miserable. I definitely give my family props for putting up with me and dealing with the awfulness that was my marriage. It was tough on my family though and almost tore us apart. Thank goodness I came to my senses, even if it was a lot later than it should have been.

October 2006- Met Taktyx playing the World of Warcraft

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Canada
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Did I miss something? What happened to the original thread?

Anyways Amanda, I'm so glad things are starting to work them selves out a little. I sincerely hope as well that your BIL takes a step back and looks at the big picture before he decides to walk down the aisle. I'm amazed at your bravery for standing up to her and letting her know that she was being wayyyy out of line by talking smack about you on FB like that...because I know not all of us would have had the same courage.

Good luck with your talk with your husband tonight...hopefully he can help your BIL see the light :thumbs:

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
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I don't know the girl but she sounds like my ex who after we were married considered me as an object not a person.. something to be used for his own gain/needs not loved and that what she has become right now is only going to worsen when she has a ring on her finger..

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
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It's really bad from every angle, to be honest. No matter how you look at it, this marriage is just not a good idea right now. Maybe it woul dbe in a few years, but they are so unprepared.

They have not had a serious finances talk, and he's even made the mistake of telling her if she doesn't find a job right away, that's okay...he can cover them both for awhile. Well, now he's got a mortgage and many other expenses he's inherited and there is just no way she can't work. But he put it out there and she's taking it.

She's 25 years old and never left her family's house. She's never paid her own bills, she has never known what it's like to really be on your last dollar. I distinctly remember being 19 and seeing how long I could eat cheese and tomato sandwiches in one week since I hardly had any money to live on. I have been out of my parent's house for 7 years now and I'm only 25. I'm not saying that is how every person should be but being on y our own and without any financial support is tough enough. I just don't know what her expectations are of the kind of life she will be living, and I wonder how hard this will all be for him.

Her parent's are currently leasing a $35K for her and they pay the payments and insurance. They have said they will not be doing so after they get married. There is just no way my brother in law can afford that expense, esp. when his car is on it's last legs and he will need a new one soon.

My father in law is thinking about canceling the rehearsal dinner. He said what's the point in having one when the two families obviously don't get along? We might as well have two separate dinners. He just doesn't want to pay for a miserable evening.

I don't think there is a way to turn this all around at this point. I think it's over the edge now. There is no making nice. Civility is one thing but there is no friendliness involved here.

I think he thinks he can save her. It's a naive thing to think but I'm sure you've all been there before. He just thinks he can change her once he gets her away from her family but her family isn't going anywhere, and neither are the values they instilled in her.

"...My hair's mostly wind,

My eyes filled with grit

My skin's white then brown

My lips chapped and split

I've lain on the prairie and heard grasses sigh

I've stared at the vast open bowl of the sky

I've seen all the castles and faces in clouds

My home is the prairie and for that I am proud…

If You're not from the Prairie, you can't know my soul

You don't know our blizzards; you've not fought our cold

You can't know my mind, nor ever my heart

Unless deep within you there's somehow a part…

A part of these things that I've said that I know,

The wind, sky and earth, the storms and the snow.

Best say that you have - and then we'll be one,

For we will have shared that same blazing sun." - David Bouchard

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Colombia
Timeline
If I were him I would hold off on the wedding, it doesn't mean break up but look at the person she has become. Does he want that? It sounds like he comes from a close knit family. It doesn't even sound like she would understand. But he could at least tell her... "I don't want to get married right now, this is tearing apart my family."

I mean that's not a wedding... family shouldn't be upset with each other during a time of celebration. If she could only see herself and the way she is acting, perhaps a breather would be good for the both of them.

If she doesn't get it, then he should just let her go. He deserves so much better. You all do. :(

That is sound advice, but she did threaten him that if he wanted to call it off or even delay that they were done. Threats and control are not signs of a successful marriage. :(

:blink: They're not????

Only ours sister len.. :D

Amanda I have been reading this and yeah it blows because if you look at from his side and assume you are him sometimes love is so Blind until it is too late. I can remember people telling me things in my life by 99% of the time I had to experience it and yeah they were right but until I did it myself I did not really see. Hopefully he will come to his senses or she will grow up.

Edited by NArocks

Why is it that the only one who can stop the crying is the one who started it in the first place?



More Complete Story here
My Saga includes 2 step sons
USC Married 4/2007 Colombian on overstay since 2001 of B1/B2 visa
Applied 5/2007 Approved GC in Hand 10/2007
I-751 mailed 6/30/09 aapproved 11/7/09 The BOYS I-751 Mailed 12/29/09 3/23/10 Email approval for 17 CR 3/27/10
4/14/10 Email approval for 13 yr Old CR 4/23/10

Oldest son now 21 I-130 filed by LPR dad ( as per NVC CSPA is applying here )
I-130 approved 2/24
Priority date 12/6/2007
4/6/2010 letter from NVC arrives to son dated 3/4/2010
5/4/10 received AOS and DS3032 via email
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10/3/10 POE JFK all went well
11/11/10 GC Received smile.png


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