Hi guys, just wondering. Those of you who already are living together. Did you have major or minor problems adjusting to each others household, way of doing things, habbits or whatever and if so how long did it take for you to get used to all those changes. Same question for moving and living in a new country (for lotsa people so far away from home). Was your adjustment period short or long or did you not even notice? Maybe also depends what country the person comes from I guess?
Take care all of you

LOL Shall I take that silence as noone has adjusted yet?

OK

I think my hubby and me have almost adjusted to living with each other.... but we have our moments! He's so used to living alone (did for 6 years) that sometimes he forgets to tell me important things, but we're working through it and we're getting there

As for adjusting to life in another country, it's taking a bit longer.... but it's not so bad. Luckily for me, I already lived in another country (Belgium) for 3 years, so it's not my first time. It's silly things that make me homesick for England or feel lonely though - like trying to make a recipe and assuming that they will have the ingredient I need, and then realising that nobody knows what I'm talking about! I've only been here 4 months, so I think I'm doing pretty good so far!

Haha yeah the ingredients I always tend to improvize (but sometimes you just can´t) ...for example had to mix a cottage cheese with philadelphia to get something similar to what I actually get to buy at home....there are lotsa things like that. Spend looking ages for a carp. Which is a cz national meal for xmas dinner. Well everyone there says it´s a smelly fish etc. It never smelled to me it´s a lovely fish. So finally found it in San Francisco, made it and yeah it was smelly. (My fiance liked it though and I got used to it after a while) Guess in USA they don´t breed them in good waters. Bought it at a chinese supermarket so maybe Chinese like it that way...dunno

Hi,

For us it took nearly a year.
Sometimes on a few occasions, I wondered if I did the right thing by marrying him.
It was VERY tough in the beginning once "real life" came into view. I lived alone with my 10 year old son for many years, and he too lived alone. Add some communication issues, a his being homesick a lot, and a culture gap to that as well.

After about 9 months, things settled down. It has been nearly 18 months, and we are very happy. We understand each other, and the differences in the way we do things. I no longer wonder about if I did the right thing. I know I did. Our partnership has grown from all of our experiences, and overcoming our different ways has made our partnership a lot richer.

It takes time, understanding and WHOLE LOT OF patience & love-but have no doubt that it will all work out if these elements are there.

All The Best,

Rose

That sounds wonderful Thank you for your story Good luck to both of you in the future

Hahahahaha........I think your thread got off to a slow start cause you posted it at like, what - 3 in the morning?

I once read it takes about 7 years for an immigrant to completely acclimate themselves to a new way of life.

The longer my husband is here, the more I think that is true....

I mean, he's NEVER been terribly homesick. We've not had any issues as a married couple that we couldn't work through.

But it must take a long time for old habits to disappear. The other day he went around to the driver's side of the car, like he was going to get in as a passenger. When he realized what he was doing he tried to act all non-chalant about it! And just yesterday, when I asked him to plug in something for me, he flipped the toggle switch beside the plug first (like you would do in the UK to turn on an outlet).

He still stands around in the grocery store and stares and stares and what's on the shelves. He's been here over two years.

I love him....he's so silly!

I know the feeling - seriously, how many different types of peanut butter do you need???

I'm not terribly homesick, but I miss my family and friends, sometimes more, sometimes less.

And I miss the feeling of knowing exactly how things work, whom to call for certain things, knowing what's appropriate to do in certain situations. Sometimes it's hard when you realize you don't share the same childhood memories with the people around you, but then again, at times it makes life so much more interesting.

There will be good times and bad times for a while, we all have to keep that in mind, I think.

My SO, the USC, teases me all the time that he'll be curious to see how I will adjust to all these changes...

On the one hand side I really can't wait to see how my lifestyle will change, but on the other side I'm also a little bit scared about now knowing exactly who to call or what to do in various situations.But this is something which I guess will be learned (...or not ) by daily life in the US.

One thing which drives me crazy is that I sometimes simply don't know what is "appropriate" and what is "not appropriate" in the US.
I've learned that many things which are totally and completely ok in good ol' Germany are a TOTAL no-go in the US, and what I consider as being absolutely unacceptable is absolutely all-right in America....

Sometimes I just don't get it...

But I'm looking forward A LOT to my new life....! (And the grocery stores..... )

Andre's been here about a year and a half and he's adjusted well to the US, me, etc. I think adjustment is a constant process as something new seems to be thrown at you every day.

Ask me this question again after he drives in the snow and ice for the first time. I might be cussing then.

haha Rebeccajo very funny yeah I didn´t even realize that for our UK friends there will be the driving on the right side one of the new things but they might be more used to it if they travel around Europe...that makes it more complicated for the rest of us when we visit UK, cuz we don´t get to drive on the left anywhere else around here (I mean in Europe)

Yeah that´s pretty scary for me. I am a pretty much independent person and don´t really like to rely on others which in this case I will have to always ask my hopefully soon to be hubby about where should I go to when I need to arrange this and that? All the beaurocratic system and things like that...have no clue how it works there...But then again..if we then decide to go live in my country, I´d help him out with everything without a problem. So then it doesn´t seem that scary anymore Just maybe uncomfortable before I get used to everything

One thing I see on the horizon...she has a hard time believing I get up at 5 am to go work. thing is, once she is here, I won't want to go to work at 5 am...........
Number 1 reason to get married--bedwarmer.
Number 2 reason to get married--back rubs

I am an equal opportunity bed warmer and back rubber too. I like giving and receiving both

LOL...but didn´t the Jamaican bobsledge olympic team train on sand?

My wife and I are still adjusting to each other after being married almost four months. I think I am adjusting well to life in the United States. I'm not always thinking of moving back to Canada now. I miss my family but I love my wife and I am starting to enjoy life here.

LOL I see you hate miles, gallons, all the words without u´s etc

Here's my 2 cents

I've only been here less then a month and honestly, you'd think moving from Canada wouldn't be a big deal, but it is sometimes. I am a very independent woman and have lived alone with my daughter for almost 16 years. I also have a lot of pride in being able to support myself and get everything taken care of.

Funny thing though...I've only really realized this in the last few weeks . I felt like such a nerd to begin with, had to ask my husband to pay for everything because I didn't even have a bank card yet. I couldn't have my own anything (not yet at least) since I don't have a SSN. I've discovered too that the Suzy homemaker thing is so NOT for me. I love going to work and doing what I do.

I've had a few days where everything has made me cry - like yesterday for example...I had just finished printing off & completing all the AOS paperwork for me and my daughter and then i promptly dumped my lunch all over it.....every damn thing was covered in food, not to mention the keyboard and wall

But anyhoo...my husband is trying every way he can to get me out (I can't drive and I moved rom a big city to a slightly more rural area...little bit of a shock), but I know he feels a little discouraged at times. We both didn't anticipate that it would hit me this hard. I found the tiniest of things bugging me last week(why can't paying with debit be normal??) but I'm trying to be more positive....I was born a tad pessimistic/cynical so that contributes i suppose.

No - I would not give this up.....but I am very surprised at how the move has affected me and I've learned some new things about myself

ooo, like what?

seriously i have had the same problems...it´s hard to give an example...just something you´d normally say here is considered rude in translation or something like that...you might not have the problem since it´s not that difficult to "translate" from your language LOL

I think the easiest example to give is when in English you say Hey which is pretty common (and I like to use it)...but if you say it in Czech and the Czech word for it is Hej...its not so nice and I don´t call at people using Hej...cuz in English it´s mostly Hello and in Czech its more like you think someone is not so clever and you can start calling them names (I am lost in translation lol) ...although some teenagers like to use hej as one of their favourite words in part of their teenage speech which would be another lost in translation lol

LOL did the microwave explode or something? Sounds like it But seriously I also don´t get all the credit card thing...I have been using a debit all my life and am pretty happy with it...lotsa things need getting used to I guess. Wish you to get everything sorted out soon so you can start working, find some friends and live a nice life with your husband

Here's another example:

In German language, when you "ask" somebody to do something, you "tell" him to do something,and it doesn't sound mean at all
.....but when you "tell" somebody to do something in English language is sounds rude and bossy and you get weird glances, right? You have to "ask" somebody to do something,right?

My point is that even if your English is ok enough, you keep thinking in your own language and your brain can't help but translating your language into English, and then you end up with stuff mentioned above and you get one of these glances from others....

Or:

in the beginning I found it kind of awkward when a cashier-lady at Wal-Mart or a waitress at Denny's would say "Thanks Honey" to me upon cash collection...until it popped into my head that they were just being nice and friendly!
If they did that in Germany they would get one of those:

ah yes, I see and sympathise... I speak German, so I know that example

however, I was sort of hoping for more stories of mortification... anyone got any of those?

you just wanna hear how everyone else gets embarassed LOL well sofar I don´t have any of those cuz mostly we came across such things with Scott while talking so then when I met his family I already knew some manners LOL

of COURSE I want to hear tales of embarrassment; anyone who says differently is selling something

(or something like that )

Now you got everyone shy

It hasn't been as wonderful and beautiful and we both dreamed it would be. The whole entire time we kept saying that nothing mattered as long as we were together and that life would be great. Not so. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and love the fact that he's here with me, but it just isn't like in the movies. My husband has had a hard time adjusting to a new country and lifestyle and it hasn't been easy. He misses his family and friends very much, a lot less now thank God but it makes me uncomfortable since there is nothing I can do. He is having a hard time with the language barrier and still not having a job. I, on the other hand am having a hard time adjusting to living with someone else since I hadn't done it for over 8 years and also trying to understand him being so homesick.

The good thing is that the situation is 10 times better than it was that first week and even the first month. And we're happier with each other as time goes by.

Diana

Glad it´s getting better for both of you I am sure sooner or later you will reach pure happiness and it will be worth it

I'd say that both my husband I would agree that he is adjusting pretty well. He likes living in the U.S. and does not want to return to Brazil to live. He does miss his family and friends but not too much - he was pretty much on his own since he was young. I know that there are certain things he misses, however he prefers to be in the U.S. - knowing if you work hard you can accomplish so much.
He has adjusted to the food quite well.
His first few months were hard because he was frustrated with English (still is!), but it was worse because he's learning more now and because he had to wait for his EAD - spending a lof of time at home. He HATED being at home watching me work and not being able to.
Now he doesn't like his boss that much (we're looking for a new job) but he's grateful and works hard.

He's having a good time here and is happy. It was an adjustment for us because we were both so independent before, but we love each other very much and are putting so much effort into our marriage. It's wonderful, although at times a struggle.
The language is a barrier for my hubby too, and not feeling that he always understands the American lifesyle. But we'll get there. If it takes at least 7 years that's ok - it's an experience for us. He's been here almost 9 months (wow, time flies) so we'll be ok.

what a lovely post

thank you for sharing your story

i adjusted pretty quickly to living with my hubby...

I am still adjusting living here in the US though and I have been here for 2 and a half years already...

As far as adjusting goes- I am doing fine. I had been to New Orleans several times before I met Mel and I love it here. I love the people and the history and culture. We really do have a great time- we often have people over and there is always good fun and good food.

Mel leaves the car for me- he either takes his bicycle or his motorbike to work- so I have the freedom of getting myself around- I am getting pretty good at knowing my way around. I get a little nervous if I have to drive to an area I have never been- but once I have done it I realize it wasn't so bad and I shouldn't have been nervous.

I do get homesick though- but that is normal. It has only been 6 months that I have been back home- but it feels longer.

The only major thing I deal with is living in the home Mel grew up in- this was his grandparents house and he is very stubborn in his way that things are done and he does not take change around here very well. There are some things that I like to do my way and there are things he likes to do his way because that is the way he was taught to do them, we have different styles. Finding a way to balance that is going to take time.

Yes, I do. haha

Good luck at your interview. Let us know how it went.

Well, I'm known as the "girl who comes straight to the point" here in the office.
I simply wasn't used to the polite phrases and questions at the beginning of a conversation. I have to handle a lot of phone calls and from Germany I'm used to coming straight to the point, no "how are you today" or "are you ready for the holidays yet", I'm usually more like "Hi, I'm calling about...."

I really have to force myself to bring these conversation starters in. Customers calling here now tell me I don't waste any time! But I know I sometimes come across as rude, and I feel bad about it afterwards.

I'm also a lot more "honest" and less polite than my American counterparts. I tend to tell people what I think - not good at times. I'm working on that, too, though.
I seem to be doing alright, whenever I come back to Germany people tend to look at me and say "quit beating about the bush, what do you want??"

I seem to be doing alright, whenever I come back to Germany people tend to look at me and say "quit beating about the bush, what do you want??"
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Hahaha... I quite enjoyed reading about all the funny/embarassing experiences.. Lets have some more Please !!! Someday I might have some thing to share too, considering that I am quite the goofy one myself

Bora Bora nice story Thank you for that and good luck to you

Hehe so what troubles are you having after such a let´s say "long" time?

I will Thank you Yeah I always have this math in my head (have to point out that my head doesn´t like maths much) ....so 1km is 1,6miles ...or was it the other way round? Ok let´s see...this canister is a gallon? Let me see it? Oh ok it´s almost 4 liters or something like that? ....I always try to memorize these things and I often find myself wondering...how was it? D´oh did I forget it again? And that´s just the beginning...don´t start with ounces on me lol Actually...once I was trying to measure something and then put it down on a piece of paper...really easy for me if I use meters and centimeters for the measuring...then putting it down on the paper is just taking some zeros away...putting feet and inches on the paper and making it the same shape/size only smaller - impossible LOL (Scott tried to explain to me some maths about it but I am a real dummy when it comes to this)

Mrs.J06 - I think I am gonna come across some similar problems lol booooo

I can sort of muddle my way along with feet and inches and ounces and things, but I canNOT get used to the ridiculous Fahrenheit temperature measures; they just don't make SENSE

LOL when I need it precisely I have to get a converter. Though last time I was trying to tell Scott that the forecast here is -14°C and I obviously like to talk in F to him so I was trying to say it in F so I said it´s gonna be 32°F minus 57°F (which to me was 32F = 0C and 57F = 14C so I thought if he deduces 32F minus 57F he will get what our -14C is...was wrong lol)

To convert Celsius to Fahrenheit you would times by 2 and add 32. To reverse it, subtract 32 and divide by 2.

Oh cool

*trying to memorize this*

thank you

but that's not SENSE, it's an incantation

Thanks everyone.

Aww, that's particularly painful in Minnesota. I'm from there and I know we REALLY expect those kinds of polite phrases and conversation starters or we think you're rude. That was hard for Rey in some ways. When Minnesotans go into the rest of the country, we are often alarmed by how blunt and (seemingly to us) rude the other Americans can be. We don't understand why anyone would "get to the point."

So would someone clarify to me why getting straight to the point is/would be considered as rude at some parts of USA?

Because people expect a preamble, especially from women.