I've adjusted pretty well, I reckon. The main thing I have an issue with is the temps. I'm only just getting used to the Fahrenheit temperatures and I'd still rather use the Celsius; it just doesn't seem cold when someone says it is 14f.

Food is my other thing. Too much sweet stuff and I do miss some UK foods too.

People wise I've not many rude people, most are really nice to me and very welcoming. One thing that did take a bit of getting used to is the "uh huh" that people use when you say "thanks". I'm used to people saying "thank you" back to a "thank you". Here they will do the "uh huh" which sounded a little rude to me at first. It isn't rude at all, of course, and I even catch myself saying it now and again.

it took me at least a year or two to adjust to living here in the UK... in some ways, of course, I still haven't, but I feel much more part of things now than at the beginning

of course, that just makes ANOTHER move that bit harder to contemplate...

no second thoughts, but I know damn well how hard it's going to be

I remember the first time I ever saw a garbage disposal in the sink.....
When Mitch dumped the left-overs of the salad in the sink and flipped on that weird thing I was like, what the heck is
THAT ?????

My fiance just cracked up when he saw this expression on my face.....

What a great topic!

Russell and I have yet to file for our K1 and he is back in NZ now ...but we did live together for more than a year and a half both in NZ and Australia and in the U.S.

We had known each other for 8 years before we 'got together' and once we were in each others arms it really did just feel normal and right. Everything else is just a learning experience for us now and usually gives us a giggle.

One thing he needed to acclimate himself to here was tipping. When I was 'down under' I was constantly trying to tip people. I think they thought I was out of my mind. We lived in a small mining community in Australia for a while and I remember having a day at the spa and tipping the girls a good $50. I thought they'd drop! :lol

I also got a giggle each time I was asked..."how ya goin'" by one of the locals in the Australian outback. Took me a bit to figure out.

The people I met in NZ were all VERY nice. Alot like the people here..just with different accents. :lol

Now I consider myself an intelligent person but after having to get used to the time differences and factoring in daylight savings and the differences in words and statements and their meanings for close to a decade of online relations, I just can't be bothered with the Miles vs. KM and Celcius vs. Fahreinheit thing anymore. I just ask him now! He's the one with the masters degree! :lol

It has been a work in progress to say the least! Things are so different here compared to Eastern Europe, you know what I mean it is like a whole new world all at once.

[quote name='zqt3344' date='Dec 8 2007, 03:12 PM' post='1396342']
It has been a work in progress to say the least! Things are so different here compared to Eastern Europe, you know what I mean it is like a whole new world all at once.

I'm sorry it's been hard for you. When there is more of a cultural difference it must be difficult to adjust. I hope you soon feel at home here.

Oh tips...
My husband loves that Americans tip. He made $50 on one job today - and that's not abnormal.
Brazilians don't tip (which is fine with me when I go there....)

Hehehe when Rey got here, I think it's fair to say he felt a little ripped off with all the tipping... now occasionally he doesn't know when to tip and sometimes tries to tip people who shouldn't be tipped. Once he tried to tip the FedEx guy!

Oh Abdou thinks we're all CRAAAAAZY to tip 15-20% on food at restaurants! Wait till I tell him all the other places people are supposed to tip! We've definitely had a bit of a challenge adjusting to each other, and him adjusting to America since his arrival in July. Its definitely a work in progress and gets easier by the day! I asked him a million and one questions before we were ever engaged, then another million before he arrived... but nothing can really prepare you for what its really like until they're here.

I thank VJ a lot for reading about experiences. It helps to know you aren't alone in this situation!

I have some things to say about that one even if i'm not there yet !
First a few things you need to know about me :
i lived in los angeles for a year 10 yrs ago
i'm a french speaker
i come from france (so french culture), and live in french canada for the last 8 yrs (then also canadian culture)

in the first adaption i had to live (france to canada) (and i see everyone going through that) is that the first year and a half you need to compare (and eventually tell about it) everything... (sometime it can go on people nerves a little bit)...it's not really to criticize but i think it helps to integrate all the new things.

since i know already california i can already say....
some expression that makes me go crazy (and not the good way)
the... honey at the cashier or restaurant ... still kinda like someone said earlier
the... i'm gonna let you go ... when actually it's the other person that needs to go... (makes me feel like... hey don't tell me what i'm suppose to do... if you need to go say it ! (cultural difference))
the... good for you (feel like i don't care.. i know sometime it can mean that but not all the time.... i would have expect the other person to ask question about the subject or talk about it... not to aknowledge how good it is...)
the... good girl (for kids or whatever) (feel like you are talking to a dog)

I think thoses are my biggest ones for now
I have the chance to have a future husband very willing to explain how the how and why of things... beeing very patient... it helps !
Anyone else have some to share ?

I feel the same way about some of those, specially 'good girl'

I REALLY try hard not to compare too much, because it drives me nuts when other people do it, but I know I sometimes still do... even if it's only in my head
and for AGES after I moved to London I mentally converted every price into Aus dollars, just to get an idea - and of course when I went back to Australia in May I started converting everything to British pounds

I think it's natural to compare; gives us all a context... it's whether we do so critically (and constantly ) that can be the annoying thing

The interview went well If you wanna read more details I put it here http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=100308

Great thread so far everyone! I really enjoy reading all these little differnces.

It really is all the little things that are a shock when you are in a foreign country. I've visited my fiancee in china several times now, so I've experienced it a little. We have a lot of fun pointing out and learning the differences together though. She often says I'm backwards for certain things, and I can say the same about her for other things (but all in good fun).

On my first visit, during the ride home from the airport, we were on the freeway and I saw a sign with a fork and spoon crossed, obviously a place to stop for eating. I asked, shouldn't it be pair of chopstick crossed instead of a fork and spoon? I had completely forgotten it until about 10 months later when she reminded me.

I have no doubt it would be difficult to adjust to life here. At times, it will be overwhelming and I know because I've felt similar things just from living in china for 2 weeks at a time. It isn't what I missed, but what I don't understand and what I don't have control over.

This has been a fantastic thread to just sit back and lurk in. My SO will hopefully be here in the spring, and I know it's going to be a huge adjustment for her, just based on what I already know about her everyday culture. For instance I've completely resigned myself to the idea that there will be no wearing of shoes in the house. And for Russians, there's not a big difference between the types of meals they eat for breakfast or supper, plus there has to be black bread at every meal, so that should be interesting just for starters. I can't even imagine all the surprises waiting both her and I. So keep the stories coming, it's great to hear about some of the situations we Americans take for granted that throw the rest of you for a loop.

Yes!! Is a great tread is nice to see other people experiences about our new lifes in a foreign country. Well in my case I am still adjusting I love to be with my husband and spend time together. Something that I really like here are the malls and all the stores even grocery stores they are so big and too many choices for eveything I can spend hours just in the stores I love it!!! On the other hand ...the weather ......well is too cold here I don't know if I will ever adjust to this kind of weather 20F is tooooooooooooo much for me. And the tips oh my God!! I feel is too much 10 or 15 % for a tip but I am sure I will like it if I were waitress hahahah.

Speaking as the USC here... My husband seems to be doing pretty well, though he's starting to miss home a bit after 6 months (though thankfully we're leaving Mon for a visit). Mainly he needs to get a job and feel like he's contributing. Its also hard since I dont know anyone who's into the same things he likes (soccer for the most part ) We are adjusting to living with each other really well, its just the move to the US. Regarding others comments on the "good girl" or "honey" comments, I personally HATE them! I've heard them my whole life and think they are 100% rude and condescending. I want to yell at them every time, but instead I just tip them really badly

Not to derail the thread, but head on over to your nearest British pub. There's a 99% chance they sponsor a local team who are always looking for players.

Adjusting because you guys are living in together?hmm..here is my opinion through my own experience..me and my husband lived-in for about 5years..and here it goes..we have issues..alot of differences and we are always fighting..but you know..in a relationship there is what i call RRUCT...Respect,Responsibility,Understanding,Caring and Trust..marriage or live in have to have that..if only one is lost,then a relationship is not gonna work..now we are married like 4 moths ago..and we are still having an issue..so you have to give and take..and there is no time limit to a relationship you know what i mean?dont think about when is going to stop the fight...what you have to do is think about it and even if it is not your fault you still have to say sorry so in that way both of you talk about that problem you guys are dealing with..me and my Husband is still fighting but you know we ended up saying sorry with each other because of respect...and it is not about what the culture,race or what country you came from..thats what i know for now..

Haha the backward thing reminded me of something Scott would say: "My dentist appointement was for 3pm but I had to move it back an hour" Which to me sounds like he moved it back to 2pm but he actually moved it "back" to 4pm. Which makes no sense to me cuz when you move something from 3pm to 4pm to me it´s moving forward not back LOL. Took some time getting used to this

Well I know for her it´s impossible to imagine wearing shoes in the house. I grew up that way too. Though I already got used to it some and don´t have a problem with it unless the shoes are muddy or something. Though don´t know what my approach will be if we get a new carpet. I guess I don´t mind it on the old one now lol. But yeah I protested against shoes and now I even catch myself vacuuming while wearing shoes lol. But at home it´s much comfy for me wearing slippers anyway. But I don´t take the shoes off at the door like I am used to at home. But it might be cuz we haven´t had any shoe rack by the door lol. Which we already bought but we still need to put it together So we will see how it goes. But yeah...it´s something she might get used to anyways cuz it´s not really comfortable when you get visitors to start telling everyone to take there shoes off or something...guess sometimes it´s better to melt in with the new culture
Yeah I don´t like all the sweet types of breads and buns there are either. I like them occasionally but not on a regular basis like real (normal, dark or lighter) bread with seeds.
Scott and I we like all different kinds of food and have enjoyed him showing me all the stuff I´ve never eaten and vice versa...he loves Czech food and I love California food so everything is cool

hehe where do you live at? here in my country it gets cold in winter so in California it seems warmer though this winter here is pretty mild I think...lotsa rain though...I think...even if it´s cold in California, it´s mostly still sunny...here it can get very cloudy which isn´t that nice...was landing here last month and the sky above the clouds was so sunny and bright and under the clouds after we landed it was so dark and grey and snowey and rainy lol

Well I think the country the beneficiary comes from might also play a role in adjusting cuz I met a guy on a plane who was originally from west Africa and he said coming to USA for the first time was a major shock for him. Everything was scary...the food (it made him sick), the roads (were too huge) etc. So I think a person from a European country for example would suffer from a smaller shock than that. Cuz we are kind of used to all the similar types of food and have lotsa traffic here too. (That are just 2 examples I could think of right now)
Scott says the traffic in Europe requires much more experienced driver cuz we don´t have so many "one way traffic roads" as seen in USA (lotsa traffic there flows one way so seems much safer and you can almost go to sleep - joking - while driving in USA lol) NOT And even though I am an experienced European driver that drives the stick and is always on guard cuz on our roads we can´t "go to sleep" when I come to USA and if I wanna get a car my car insurance will be 4x more expensive than Scott´s one cuz I have an international driver´s licence and not a California one and even then after I get a California one it will still be as expensive for me. I will have to have the CA license for 3 years to be considered experienced over there and get my cheap rate too
As for fights...we used to have some disagreements but lotsa times we found out it was caused by some language/cultural difference where for example I´d say something I thought was nice and he took it as something bad against him and vice versa. So we talked through those things a lot and improved our communication skills and since we know noone is here to hurt the other one we are able to discuss everything without fighting over something and it feels great Ofcourse sorry is an important word too

Before she left China wife made me take pictures of the house including furniture.
How it was placed in each room realy. Then closet space had to be examined.
I think she was able from the pictures to use some math formula to calculate
space for clothes, shoes etc. The 40 minute drive from the airport to home I
got told where my clothes and stuff would be put. 12am and the whole house
has to be re-arranged. Starting the next day wifey and me hit the town, I mean
the malls ..Still don't understand how she knew so much about rules
of the road. Was at a stop light and I guess I was taking to long to turn right.
She said man theres no don't turn on red sign so go ok .Long story short
sometimes I wonder if it was me that came from China. What a woman.

Everyone adjust differently. I would say the first 2 months were the hardest. When he didn't have a drivers "L". Teaching him to drive on the right side of the road. When he earned his "DL" it got better and had his own car. Then it took two months to get a job and college to start. Now that he has his own life with his college career and job it helps. I am so grateful we had the CR1 visa everything came so quickly. We have lived together for 6 months and now things are running smoothly . All the best on your journey when your SO gets here.

my hubby is easy going person..no problem, but i'm his problem... e.i when I whining about food..

I'm so proud to say it only took about a week for my wife and daughter to learn how to keep all the water off the floor in the bathroom. It was such a strange concept to them.

After changing from air conditioning to heat, to air, to heat, this last change has produced amost no arguments. The first to changes resulted in screaming matches. I'd explain the wife can put on more clothes but I can't walk around naked with her teenage daughter in the house. We've compromised but I'm too hot in the summer and she's to cold in the winter. She'll still get up in the morning and come into my office in her jammies hugging herself because she's cold. I'll remind her about her bathrobe and she scurries off saying, "Old woman forget forget." She's getting warm slippers for Christmas but it's still a good thing I get up earlier and bumpt the heat up from 67 to 71. She'd like it 75 but is too cheap to push for that big a gas bill.

Adjusting to each other was actually pretty easy. I must admit though that after being alone so many years, I'm enjoying my Saturdays and Sundays alone while they both work weekends. Tivo is a godsend, since they're always talking from one room to the next while I'm trying to watch TV. Just push the pause button until it's quiet again. Sssshhhhh! does not sit well with my wife.

I think this epitomises how I am going to be - I know even now I wonder about if I am doing the right thing - there are so many changes involved and so much and the reason I know I am doing the right thing is that we have come through so much together already. I know that whatever we face in our future we can work through together and I hope he will have the patience needed to put up with me while I freak out about being so far from home - at least at first

I think the whole visa process, while long-winded and frustrating, has been absolutely amazing as it has taught us so much about ourselves and each other and has been "character building" to say the least!

Pushbrk ur a big old ham.I knew ur a softy at heart

I love DVR technology too, but I'd be pizzed too if someone tried to tell me TV was more important than my real-life interactions.

It's in the blood.


TV is more important than your real-life interactions. There.

I don't think my TV watching is more important than conversations between my wife and daughter but I do think courtesy is more important than either, in my family's home. As such, loud conversations don't need to occur in a fashion that interupts the activities of other family members. For instance, when I receive a business phone call, I take it in my home office to avoid interupting the activities in the kitchen or living room. If the same things happens with the family in the car, the tunes go off and everybody else is quite so Dad can take care of business.

When Dad's watching TV, Mom and Daughter can talk quietly or take it to another room. If my wife has something to say to me, I use the pause button.

I'm still adjusting, but things are way easier nowadays than they were a year ago. I feel more like this is my home and I'm way more used to how things work here.

I'm pizzed!

Alex - shuddup & be quiet like a good wifey. I'm sure Rey has BUSINESS to take care of.

I've really enjoyed reading this thread, too.

My husband and son just passed the two year mark not that long ago. I have to say that all three of us have adjusted remarkably well. The toughest part, imho, was the driving thing (although my husband might say it has been the language). My husband never drove in Nepal... in fact, one can not reach his village by any kind of vehicle. They walked or took public buses everywhere. When they first got here, he practiced driving my (manual) truck around our (very small) yard. Finally, we just got an automatic. I was having all these visions of him drifting into intersections in the path of oncoming traffic as he struggled to get the truck into the proper gear. Poor thing... I taught him to drive. He drives OK now (a bit like grandma), but I still worry about him all the time and I am a terrible passenger. Still.

You can imagine all the cultural differences. Our home is a real hybrid place. We eat dal bhat tarkari (rice, lentils, curried vegetables) with our hands quite often, but we also have pizza, spagetti, sandwiches and other American stuff, too. The stereo plays Nepali folk songs and American top 40 & rap (our son... groan). Our garden gate and chicken pen clearly were not built by an American carpenter!

I used to ask them all the time: "do you miss Nepal?" "do you feel lonely?" "do you miss your family?" "do you miss your Nepali friends?" Occasionally our son will say he misses playing with friends in the village, but he has always expressed a preference for the US. My husband doesn't seem to miss his friends and family nearly as much as I would have expected. He lived away from them a lot in Nepal because of his work.

Our marriage is solid because there is a deep mutual respect in addition to love and affection. Most of the time we don't have to work hard to communicate well, but when there is misunderstanding, we drop everything until it is settled. I think having a foundation in Buddhism in common helps. This marriage is practically the opposite of my first marriage, and that's a very good thing!

The richness my husband and son have brought to my life is immeasurable. Adjusting to stepmonsterhood has been a real learning experience, but so worth it. And connection to one's community takes a quantum leap with a child in the school system. I never had time to have a nice garden and my husband has created such a beautiful garden for us, it is the envy of the neighborhood! And for someone who lived for 9 years on her own, with all that freedom, I have found sharing a small space with two other people surprisingly wonderful!

The occasional trip back to Nepal is a fantastic perc as well.

I feel so lucky to have them in my life.

I am worried that mero buda will miss his family so much since he comes from such a close, loving family but we will see. I wish there was some way I could help his family to get a laptop and internet connection since phone connections are so unclear and it is so expensive. He is lucky I already know how to cook DBT but my dal will probably never reach the perfection of aama's... I have begged her to teach me how to cook hubby's favorites when I am in Nepal next summer, the way to a man's heart and all... I have also promised him when he comes I will cook Italian and Mexican food for him - lucky for us we are both veggies and like pretty much the same foods. I am going to make a noble attempt to cook cheese momo and achaar when I am in California at my mom's for the holidays - I only wish I could make 'C'(chili) momo since that is our absolute favorite - we also both like spicy food.

I am hoping my own experience coming from Hawaii to NYC will help me to understand his homesickness - it took me about 16 months to 2 years before I really felt happy here - it really was like coming to a whole new country. At least here there is more of a Nepali community. Also we both have a base in dharma(I more Buddhist and he more Hindu but this being Nepal we share) and this is so important. Before our wedding we went to the cave in Pharping where there is a self-emanated image of Ganesh and Tara and we prayed to both of them to protect us, bless us and remove all of our obstacles to a happy life and marriage.

I am wondering how he will adjust to the subway and the general attitude of people here in New York and hope it will not make his heart hard - it is such a difference getting on a crowded microbus in Kathmanu and getting on a crowded subway car in NYC - no matter how crowded or jammed the streets or buses you don't see the road rage and jockeying for position like you do here - it is more an attitude of 'yes, this sucks but we are all in it together and let's make the best of it'. The classic Nepali 'ke garne'(what to do) attitude. In contrast in NYC a lot of times if you bump into someone(unavoidable during rush hour) they take it personally and it turns into a confrontation - it really makes for an awful commute. I have actualy adjusted my work hours so I don't have to deal with the worst of it - I am hoping it will not be such a hard adjustment for Govi.

Speaking as the USC here, my hubby has had good times and not so good. At least now, 6 months on, he is feeling more balanced. The first couple months was like a euphoric vacation in California, with ever blue skies. But then he really started missing everything--including all the rain from back home. He mostly missed having a place in this new world. Back in Basque country, he had his role at his job, with his friends, and with his family. Here, he just felt like the new addition to my family. His English has gotten much better but he still has bad days where he just can't-get-the-words-out! I think the toughest part for him was sending out about 1500 resumes and not getting ONE call back (and this is after working as a Manager for a big company for 10 years back in Basque country). But finally he got a real job and he started today. He (nor I) slept at all last night as life in the silicon valley is way more hi-tech than he's ever been used to....and he's terrified that he won't be able to keep up with the fast pace.

He definitely thinks about moving us back to his country as a long term goal, but acknowledges that we are here now, so that's it for now. So I'm hoping things just get better and better.

As for an embarrassing story--he has many. So I guess in Spanish, the Grand Canyon is called the Grand Canyon de Colorado --as in from the Colorado River. Well we went there over Thanksgiving, and on the way back across the Arizona-California border, they had a border checkpoint. They asked where we were coming from and he naturally said Colorado. I looked at him with this crazy look and told the guy--the Grand Canyon. I later teased him that I hadn't realized that we had been to Colorado. Good thing we weren't coming back from Mexico--we would have been interrogated!

Another embarrassing and not to mention ongoing situation that I would love help from any Native Spanish speakers is that he CANNOT say would/wood. He says good. I tried to teach him a million times, and the only way he can say would is by saying "we" silently before saying would. So it ends up being "I (we) would like to go to the store." I guess the name woody is out for any future kids.

Good luck to everyone!

I've been here almost 8 months and I am still adjusting to everything. It isn't easy. A friend doctor told me my adjustment will take at least 2 years. Seems true to me now that I am working.

I'm not sure about the would/wood words but my husband can't seem to pronounce words that end with the letter D. For some reason they all sound as "Ts" and it' just too frustrating. Road becomes "roat", would becomes "woot", read becomes "rit". Man... it's just too frustrating.

Diana

That sounds about right - it took me about that long to really feel comfortable in New York and I am from that exotic land overseas known as Hawaii. After 2 years I started to feel New York was somewhat 'home' - now(7 years) I totally feel that way. I love Hawaii, it is always the place where my roots are but I am comfortable here now and there are so many things I would miss if I left NYC -like really good Indian food.

Ask me in 3 years.

At the moment, it is going OK. Our situation is a little odd and unstable, so my husband stays at home right now with our daughter and I work full time. However, he doesn't really dig the SAHD thing and figured it would be best if he at least got some practice and references even if he didn't get a real job right this instant. He started quasi-volunteering a few hours a week at a computer recycler/resaler, disassembling and reassembling computers and servers, loading and programming them. He likes it and they like him. Hopefully, the week after next he can apply for an operator's permit and he'll be taking the A+ exam. Finally we will be all done with the last of the loose ends with him and can move in February.

There has also been an adjustment for me coming back here. I definitely don't see Indianapolis the way I used to and don't think it meets our needs, wants, or lifestyle well. I'd like to move elsewhere.

I suppose I will start writing all my new embarassing stories pretty soon LOL

I don't really have any friends here yet.... and I don't have a car to get around so I am basically stuck at home...

I remember saying the same thing.....I look at St. Louis a lot differently now. Funny, cause I've been here all my life.

That´s no fun...I hope you are not too sad and that you find new friends soon...you could get a bicycle to get around or something if you don´t have a car . But since you have lived here for so long already, don´t you wanna go do something out of the house? Like job or some hobby or something where you could also meet some new people?

How are you settling in Marta?

Very well thank you for asking I have no problems whatsoever. I guess I used last year for settling in and now this year when I came over in January nothing crazy surprised me I just feel great

That's so good! So you have a job yet? Did you get the EAD stamp or? What do you do all day?

I've been here in the US for 10 months now and I would say I have been adjusting pretty well except for some few things like I have to learn to drive and maybe reality would start to sink in once I start working. My first week was really fun cause I had to learn to do the diswasher, washing machine/dryer( it was pretty easy though) but I miss my mom's cooking. Both me and my husband were single before we met, so he was used to not keeping his things up and I'm a very organize person...but everything went smooth so far and he's adapting the way I run things in the house.

You go girl!! I am sure I am going to have to do the same thing when I move as well - Jeremy is not the tidiest of people!! Neither am I but I am very organised and everything has its place