Can somebody help me out here please!!! i have a friend who petitioned his fiancee` and got married a wk after the girl arrived in the US. But he found out that the girl really didn't want to have anything to do with him. Basically, she just used him to come over to the US. What do you think he should do? He already filed a complaint with the INS about this incident. It's been 3mos when this happened and i think the girl's visa expired last fri (Nov.11th) What further action does he need to do next? I need some input PLEASE!!! Thank you....

if he does not want to proceed with the application any more he can inform uscis by written, then the case will be closed, the girl will have to return to her home country. but i will imploy ur friend to give it a seccond thought b4 he could take such an action.

As long as she didn't file for AOS and there is no history of him abusing her then she'll have a tough time staying here legally.

More and more scammer stories showing up. Going to get worse as Nobia claims there will be 10 million more PC users in the Philippines.
No lack of lonely horny Americans to accommodate the maganda pinay there.

A lot of this is alleviated if you find an educated woman.

The ones that are prone to "use" an American for US entry are those without any incomes/education who cannot enter the US on their own with a work Visa.

My fiancee turned down 3 job offers in the US in large cities, making more income than I do, just to pursue the legal fiancee visa route with me after we fell in love. She can travel anywhere she wants with or without my help and is very independent. She never asks for any money and pays her own way through everything on her end. She is also 3 years older than me--so there isn't one of those common 40 year age gaps between us.

Because of that, I would be severely surprised if she were to all of a sudden develop no feelings toward me when she arrives. I highly doubt that would happen considering how strong our bond of love is, and I feel that she'd never do anything to hurt me in any way. I can confirm that with her emotions and body language with me.

Before I met Arlyn, I had read up a lot about scammers online and actually decided to try comminucating with some to see what methods they used to draw Americans in.

I toyed with a few of them for a couple of months, and you'd be surprised at what lengths they go to con people. It was funny to me, because I knew in advance they were already scammers--so it allowed me to learn how to weed out their actions from someone who was genuine.

When Arlyn and I built our relationship, it was an entirely different experience. A real woman will try to uncover your scandal and you'll have to WIN her heart--she won't be afraid to hurt your feelings with the truth. The fake ones throw themselves on the platter for anyone very easily, and tell you all the things you want to hear.

Take heed, and be smart about it. The right "SO" is out there for each of you--just takes patience to find that right one.

I would advise your friend to study up on scammers for future reference so he can weed them out--there are websites EVERYWHERE detailing what to look for. I would hate to see him give up on filipinas completely because of his bad experience--and I would recommend he actually find a lady IN the country IN a province, rather than online next time.

The true filipina women are simply amazing, and if you find the right one, you'll be treated like a king for the rest of your life!

-Adam and Arlyn

It doesn't matter if the K1 expired. The woman fulfilled the terms of the visa by marrying her petitioner.

She may or may not be able to adjust her status if the marriage ends .

She cannot adjust her status based upon marriage to someone else.

As for all this inappropriate comment about women from the Phillipines - good or bad - that's not the purpose of the question. It's also not the only country 'scammers' come from.

Word. Plenty of scammers operating right here from the United States. Huge ring of them pretending to be Russian girls broken up in L.A. not long ago.

That is so sad I can immagine how devastating it was for him to find out. I do not think that the AOS will be approved though if he files an official complaint or something!

Damn shame, unfortunately, I knew quite a few young ladies that were scamming "Kanos" while I was living in the Phils and even met a few of the "Kanos". You could tell them they were being scammed but they wouldn't believe it.........sometimes we men are stooopid.

If he is still married, he needs to get a legal annulment, which will have the result of the marriage never having been considered valid. Unlike the Philippines, legal annulments in the U.S. are easier to get.

An annulment will provide less opportunity for the gal to attempt a self-petition based on an "abusive marriage," since the marriage is not considered to have even existed.

Either way, annulment or divorce, he should start the procedure real soon. He can forget about deporting her or getting swift action from USCIS. It just won't happen that way. He needs to cut his legal ties with the young lady without doing an Adjustment of Status, and let her pick up the pieces, if she can, from there.

Very, very correct.

A majority of scammers online only go as far as getting money out of the deal--most of the time it will just be a group of American guys posting pictures of attractive women from many random countries, and copying and pasting generalized messages in emails--sometimes even going as far as messengers or having a woman speak over the phone. Since sincerity cannot really be pulled from typed text, many people fall victim to these scams and lose money in the end if they are not aware of how the scammers operate.

The bad news, however, is some people take it a step further and genuinely are who they say they are, and do whatever it takes to get where they want to go--even if it means hurting an innocent victim in the process.

As hurt and angered as your friend might be over the whole situation, I wouldn't advise him to get USCIS involved. Perhaps I'm just not the vengeful kind, but retaliating on the lady won't help anything in my opinion. I think Kalai's advice is the best. Handle it with an annulment, and let her take it from there.

Should he drop responsibility of her? Sure. Should he retaliate and make her life worse? No. He should give himself time to recover instead, and eventually move on with his life--and let her move on with hers.

That's the best advice I can give.

When people realized they are scammed for the American dream there first response is always revenge by way of taking away their "loved ones" rights to be here. I think when someone makes the decision to make a commitment to bring someone to America they should decide if this is a person that would contribute something to America, your community, and society. If you do not think they would, why would you marry them anyways? Then if you thought she/he would, then let them stay and benefit the rest of us. AH, but all most care about is what do they get out of the deal.

Get some counseling figure out what your lacking emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, that allowed you to fall victim to this type of scam. Stop with the revenge animosity and grow from the experience.

If you have any obligations left regarding the situation, I would tell the truth, but do not waste your time trying to figure ways to get her out. Let the USCIS figure out how to fix your mistake. That is what they get paid for. Spend the time growing, changing, and healing from the situation.

How does that make any sense at all, other than in the mindset of "turning the other cheek"?
Think about it: you say that one faced with that situation should consider whether their fake significant other has anything to contribute to US society. Let me ask you this: how the hell would you know if they really have anything to bring to the table, so to speak, considering they LIED their way to America in the first place? How do you know if anything (anything at all) they ever said to you was true?
You go to extreme lengths to bring them over in good faith, and find out you've been deceived. Indeed the logical, human response is to exact revenge. It makes sense and I, personally, endorse it wholly. The other side of it is to take every precaution you can take to make sure the scammer is not allowed to stay, not because of your personal issues, but because America has enough native-born deceitful/scamming scum that it doesn't need to import more.
Like you said, however, there's no need to waste time trying to figure out ways to get the person out. But letting USCIS know in the first place, and following up on that if applicable, to make sure the person gets deported, is, in part, your responsibility.

Well are they contributing in their country? I here people say "oh they can't make any money over there". WEll what do these people do with their free time in their country? How do you know they are telling the truth? By getting to know the person better.

He nees to report his situation and move on. It is very complicatd process for him to worry about.

Oh isn't that the truth.

How many times have I read the angry comments, especially those that refer to 'how much it cost' to bring them here.

You know, when somebody moves halfway around the world, a little bit of understanding and compassion towards their adjustment to a new life could go a long way.

I often wonder, when I read posts about a USC being 'scammed' - I sometimes wonder just how much real effort the USC put into the immigrants adjustment and adaptation to America. I sometimes wonder if the foreign born spouse didn't just feel neglected, lost and abandoned, and the marriage subsequently fell apart.

CSC has had a couple immigration scam rings broken up since I have been a member of VJ.

Incorrect. An annulment provides no less opportunity for an alien to adjust status based upon an "abusive marriage". Abuse is perfect grounds for an annulment.

There is no "correct" or "incorrect" with an issue like this. USCIS will look upon an annulment differently than a divorce. I can't disagree, however with the responder's suggestion that the alien might still claim an "abusive" marriage when self-petitioning. An annulment, however, is a legal strategy to nullify the marriage, not to legally terminate it.

How so? Provide specifics; everything I've read says that as far as they're concerned, the end of the marriage is the end of the marriage.

I think it possible that USCIS would recognize the annulment as meeting the definition of "legal termination of a marriage," for purposes of meeting the requirements for self-petitioning because of "battery or abuse."

But I've seen a fair number of denial decisions written by USCIS attorneys or adjudication officers which seem to be reflecting a current policy or bias, and which might very well be entirely different a year from now.

Once again I disagree with your assessment of whether an annulment violates conference of eligibility for an alien to receive permanent residency through "marriage". You might want to familiarise yourself with the distinction between marriages that are void ab initio (or void, invalid) and those that are voidable. The simple answer is....as long as the marriage is not void, (in other words that marriage can be voidable), then the marriage may be recognised for immigration purposes.

It's funny how you guys can judge when being on the outside of a situation like this and say "well it was your fault because you brought this person here", etc....

Let me tell you guys something NONE of us PLANNED for things to turn out the way they do. If we knew it would, then I'll tell you for a fact I would not have done in bringing my then fiance here to the US. NOBODY here is perfect and to say that we LACKED in something and that is the reason of a failed marriage/relationship on the basis of a few posts here sharing a problem is so PREMATURE.

REBECAJJO - Your attitude twds the victims in a situation like this is just plain nasty, wicked and humiliating. To say that all we care about is to "send your spouses back to their countries because we spent so much money" is so shallow that maybe you need to be put through a situation like this and have your feelings played with. Then we will see what you would come here and say..... Get yourself through a course of "humanity" and then you can come here and hopefully not come on here and type all that garbage just just reflects the attitude of someone that thinks that you are so much better than others that come here to share a problem......

I've seen all kinds on here, on other web sites, and in my own life. Sometimes it is just a lack of communication and expectations. I deal mostly with Jamaicans and I can tell you, they are ill prepared for what life is like here. St. Louis is the complete opposite of what my husband was used to. Luckily, he is what he calls "adjustable" and he has adapted well. Not without trial and error, of course. There are many who just aren't able to do so.

I think it was Rebeccajo said something to the effect that life after their coming to the US is the true test of the relationship, in another thread. I couldn't agree with that more. In my own experiences, even though Andre said he got all I was trying to explain to him in preparation for arrival, he really didn't. And, we fight battles every day with his family and friends as far as their unrealistic visualization of what our life really is like here.

The relationship may or may not survive what it must endure. Some people can survive the ups and downs to form a wonderful married life. Others, cannot. I don't necesarily believe that everyone who comes here and then decides the marriage is not going to work is a scammer. Nor, do I believe that not enough effort was put into the acclimation process. I believe you can give it your all and it still isn't going to work out.

If it doesn't work out, figure out how to fix your problem and move on. I'm sorry for all those who don't work out. But, I don't want to dwell on the bashing because of it.

Mystery, what was it about my post that touched a nerve with you?

The money bit? The scammer bit?

I'll tell you what I think about 'victims'. That there are TWO SIDES to the break-up of every marriage and on VJ, we usually only get one side.

If my little comment about how the foreign born spouse adapts to life in the US got you so wound up, that's not my problem.

And I can't humiliate you. You can only do that yourself.

Wanna know why your post hit a nerve??? Because you come to this section read a persons post about their failed marriage to a foreign born spouse and have the nerve to judge the persons feelings in regards to that situation!

Comments such as :"How many times have I read the angry comments, especially those that refer to 'how much it cost' to bring them here."

In my thread in which I wrote about my marital problems which resulted in my wife going to jail, you also clearly came out and made it seem as if the physical abuse that I recieved was not a reason for my anger and my desire to send her back to her country. You asked me if I knew what DEPORTATION really meant!!

You obviously are the foreign born in your relationship. And its understandable on what side you are on. But you know what???? YES I SPENT LOTS OF MONEY. And the guy on this thread also spent alot of money. BUT WE ALSO SPENT ALOT OF TIME. WE SPEN OUR EMOTIONS And our anger and frustration is TOTALLY CALLED FOR.

And for you to come here and actually CRITICIZE our anger and frustration with your critical and judmental comments is just totally uncalled for and very inhumane.

You are right there is TWO sides to every story, I give you that. And we play a big part in helping our partners cope with the transition. But you know what "it takes TWO TO TANGO". You can try all you want, but if the other person does not put out nor improve there is nothing else that can be done. RIGHT???

So who are YOU to be judging?????

Look, there's a lot of people cursing about how they wanted their spouse's azz deported and how much money it cost them, those ungrateful spouses, like it was a defective eBay auction or something. And then a lot of people chime in about how awful the spouse is, how horrible it was, and don't worry, there's lots of other nice women from that country. It's worth keeping in mind that we only have half the story, at best. How many times do people post on here that it's over and end up reconciling?

No one's judging anything except the rush to condemn the person who isn't able to post their side of it.

A failed marriage doesn't mean anyone was scamming anyone. It just might mean that a relationship consisting of two vacations and online chatter didn't prepare people for the stress of moving to a new country and living life that wasn't all vacations and wooing.

Oh man, Ms. Caladan, you're gonna piss off a lot of folks with that one.

What? It's not casting aspersions. It doesn't mean they're bad people. It's just that it's hard to prepare for a cross-continent move and breaking out of the long distance mindset, where every moment you have together is cherished because it's someone's vacation. (It's a very artificial time; normally one isn't always buying you presents and going out for walks and dinners and movies and meeting family. Most of the time, it's doing dishes and laundry.) It's been hard for us, with me working and him until recently having nothing to do but watch daytime TV and housework. It's an adjustment. It was for us, as a couple with no cultural barriers, ample vacation time, eleven multi-week visits, &c. It's not unrealistic to think that maybe we're not unique, and there's a whole lot of posts in this section that seem to support that. There seem to be a lot of stories that start with 'Well, he/she wasn't who I thought he/she was...'

I believe people in primarily online, long distance relationships can find true love. I also think it's possible, when the person is not there, to be more in love with the idea of the person, or the person you see when one or both of you is in vacation mode, and then discover that your idol, as it were, has clay feet. I've seen it happen with American-American long distance couples, or people who had great online personas who just didn't mesh in person. The witty guy who makes you laugh may be tongue-tied in person; the girl who writes such hot cyber might have acne. I can't imagine that those relationships would have been successful if someone was also dealing with culture shock and the stress of immigration.

All I'm saying is that getting someone here, and finding out it doesn't work, doesn't mean anyone entered with fraudulent intentions.

well I cant agree more with this. We just had our third anniversary (and celebrated it by having a baby ) but the adjustments, ALL of the adjustments, have been much much more difficult than I ever imagined or expected when we began our 'visa journey'. My husband and I do have one of those relationships that was primarily online with only a couple of brief visits, we have big cultural differences and an almost 10 year age gap, so I guess we are pretty typical of a lot of the couples I see on this board. I was so sure at the beginning of all this that the waiting to be together would be the hardest part and once we could 'begin our life together' it would be smooth sailing and I was absolutely stunned at how hard it was for me individually, for him individually and for us as a married unit. Honestly there were several times when I wondered if we would make it. Fortunately with a lot of communication and understanding (plus some good senses of humor) we've made it through. But my point is, if we had ended up divorced it would be oh so tempting to blame it on a 'scam' or a user trying to get a green card. Its easier to be able to blame it on something concrete and make that spouse thats hurt us into the bad guy. But its just not always the case.

Having said that, I am not blind to the fact that immigration fraud through marriage does in fact happen and to those of you who are victims of it I am so so sorry because I know it hurts.

I think I already capitulated when I responded that the annulment "might" be recognized as a "termination of marriage" for self-petitioning purposes.

I think you need to recognize that identical relationship-failure circumstances might result in an approval one day and a denial the next day.

Well mystery, now that you've had a few hours to calm down, maybe you'd like to go back and re-read my post. You're making some pretty strong statements and reading an awfully lot into what was a very innocuous and general post directed at no one in particular.

I'd also like you to know that I am NOT the foreign born spouse. I am an American woman who was emotionally battered by an American man for 26 years. Even at that, I didn't divorce him until after he finally decided to pick me up by the shoulders and toss me across the kitchen, and then a few weeks later throw a shovel at me.

I am a USC who has sat on this board for three years and read dozens of posts of failed relationships. Over and over again I read how someone who moved thousands of miles, doesn't speak English as a first language, worships a different God or generally comes from a culture VASTLY different than American just hasn't 'measured up'. And I read about all the time and MONEY the USC has invested in this person. I wouldn't bring up the money if it didn't consistently come up in these equations.

You can rant and rave all you want at me. You can take my post personally when it was not directed at you that way. You can decide I stand in judgment of you and others in your situation - I don't. But I'll tell you something - I've seen the same old story too many times for me to wonder just what parts of it we aren't getting. And I've read enough posts from immigrants in successful relationships, who speak of their adjustments and the challenges they bring, to wear blinders regarding the amount of courage and commitment it takes to leave behind everything you know in the name of love.

I'll bet you twice what you paid to bring your wife to this country that more often than not, a BIG part of failed international relationships is unrealistic and impatient expectations on the part of the USC. You can't plunk somebody down in this country and just expect them to adjust overnight. Sure there are scammers out there. Certainly there are hot-headed men AND women who come to this country and abuse their native born spouse. But there are also plenty of foreign-born spouses who come here, baggage in hand and heart on their sleeve, who get put out on the street.

Two sides, mystery, two sides. Whether you like it or not.

Relative to the AO's decision? If you are suggesting that there exists discretion at the adjudicating officer level to determine that5 two identical cases should be determined with diametrically opposed oucomes, I'd reply that there shouldn't be if the AO is interpretting the law correctly. Given identical relationship-failure circumstances the approval or denial outcome should be identical.

Agree with everything Rebecca said, especially:

Great post Rebecca - thank you!

I agree with that too!!! Greatly

That was a great post, Rebeccajo. So true.

Thank you.

Maya

DEPORT HER! Contact ICE asap!

Rebeccajo,

Are these all your VJ buddies that you asked to come over here to post a reply??? Its funny how none of these people ever posted here and all of a sudden you're getting all these folks posting on how great your post is.....

And here is my reply.....I agree with you. There are two sides of every story. Not everything is a scam. And there ARE many foreign born men and women that come here to the US with the best of intentions..... I never said there wasn't two sides to every story. I never once said none of these things to be true.

You just have a mean and nasty way of just coming on here and posting on these threads where someone is going through a very difficult time with their spouse. And I can smell in your posts your skeptism towards these folks that are posting. As if they are maybe not being truthful and instead of giving out words of encouragement you are the first one to jump up and say well: "Do you know what deportationg means??? How many times have I heard the USC say how much money they've spent....." You even noticed how I had mentioned a different day in my InfoPass and commented "I thought it was Wednesday". Being totally oblivious to how I or anyone else would be feeling and how difficult it is for them to deal with the situation. I sensed it my thread and in this one. Get off your cloud.

You are a bright woman and I can tell you have alot of knowledge in things related to Immigration but be more considerate of others on here, esp in this section.....Its better to give words of encouragement and facts than to judge as you have in our threads.

If the words of encouragement you are looking for is empathy in summarily ending a marriage that is less than one year old, you are looking to the wrong source of comfort. If you are looking for a 'how to' essay on how to deport your spouse, neither you or anyone else will be getting that from me.

I have not judged you one bit. I don't know your story well enough to do that. In this thread particularly I only mused about the difficulties of marriage between people of different cultures. You are the one who read between the lines.

There's a line from Shakespeare that goes something like "me thinks thou dost protest too much". Why are you all bent out of shape about what I think even? I don't pay your bills.

I think it was a great post too.

BTW....I'm not a friend of RJ's. I read whatever posts strike my fancy on that particular day.

I do want to say that I don't think it's fair to bash someone because they are not in agreement with your posts or the way you forsee something playing out. Not to say anyone is bashing here. But, I kind of see it heading that way. If you put something out in an open forum, there are bound to be some who don't agree with you. It's not bashing....it's helpful criticism that may just make you look at the whole situation differently.

MYSTERY:

You are right in every thing you write and feel. And you hang in there, you have all the cause for sympathy and you did that immigrant you married a huge favor allowing her to be here with you in the USA, funny thing I notice is, if you are so horrible and the USA is so bad why do those immigrants not go back on a plane or boat promptly to where they came especially if you offered to provide that, yet for some reason they all seem to want to stay and fight deportation, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm makes me wonder. Best of luck to you, hope it works out, you do not deserve going through this, no one does. Wish someone could offer you advice on what to do and help you.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

zqt, you just keep getting more and more hilarious with each passing day.

mystery, have you retained a lawyer?

and more, and more delirious (in the out of touch w/ reality kinda way) every day.

wow...it's like a little war going on in here

If an immigrant comes to the US because of fraud and they are found out. Then they should be deported. Why should they be allowed to stay?? They are here because of a relationship not because they got an immigrant visa on their own.

I agree that unrealistic expections cause a lot of friction in a marriage, but that can be solved by constant communication and adjustments over time.

Caladan, I agree fully with everything you've said here.

When I moved to the UK, I did so knowing it was temporary. And I also thought that because it was England, it'd be pretty comparable to the US...after all, they speak English But it wasn't, and the adjustment for me....even though I knew it was a temp move...was v hard and at times, v painful.]

'Getting real' with your partner does take quite a lot of the starry eyed wonder away, when it's (real) laundry time, the toilet is clogged, the foreign SO is alone while the other partner works to support them both. When going out on your own for the day is fraught with feeling overwhelmed at being such a fish outta water while you miss everything and everyone you know and love. It's hard! But oh so worth it!!!

But it also doesn't rule it out either. In fact, if an alien does enter the marriage with fraudulent intentions, the "marriage" will fail 100 times out of 100, well adjusted or otherwise!

AH, Mystery i see you have met the "flock". <yawns> and <stretches> and <loads> and <prepares> to scatter pigeons to allow them to impress each other somewhere else

lemme think.....

One part of the advice given is true. Explain the situation, end the relationship, let the system take over, and move on. The system is set up to detect and prevent these things. Real married couples who actually live together and share household, etc have a hard time and a lot of evidential burden to prove ongoing real marriages, and it seems to be getting more difficult to meet this burden, especially in the lifting restrictions step. If a would-be scammer is really a scammer, and cannot meet the burden of proof for a true, bona fide intention to follow through with the commitment to marriage, (and attending / participating in the ceremony only isn't a bona fide commitment) then they are turned down in the next step of the process and given a deportation order. The withdrawal of participation of the USC in this multi-year process is not revenge, and the reporting of the factual events leading up to the dissolution of the marriage is not revenge either. From that, the beneficiary's case should be allowed to stand or fall on its own merits and the petitioner should be free to move on with his or her life.

No intending immigrant has a "right" to be here. No "right" is granted just because someone may have been clever enough to use another person for a ticket here, even if it was to "pursue the american dream". There are legal ways to do that, including self-immigration, or work visa, or student visa, which do not involve using someone and hurting someone for their ticket. There is a high level of underlying trust in one another, on both sides, that is the basis of this process. We do this with the understanding and acceptance that the responsibilities of both the intending immigrant and the USC who petitions for them are clearly spelled out, the process that has to be followed is clearly spelled out, and there is a responsibility to both parties to follow through with the intentions that the intending immigration process is based on. The exceptions are spelled out. If the USC puts the intending immigrant into a situation other than a normal, ongoing marriage relationship (example abuse, etc) that falls under the definition of exception, then that immigrant may pursue other independent options through another category of the immigration process, and the USC is still responsible, and rightfully so, for that situation. Also spelled out.

Why is it that some here believe that stepping onto US soil suddenly absolves an intending immigrant from following the laws and guidelines and suddenly conveys rights to that person that allow them to do something other than follow through with what that person committed to do? As nice and comforting as this "ends justify the means" philosophy sounds on VJ, it is not the normal view of CIS short of compelling evidence that the USC failed to follow through with their commitment. I know of situations where this has happened, the next stage was denied, the appeal was denied, and the deportation order was issued. Nobody wins.

Regards,

David and Nitadyah