I feel you, Slim. I do understand. My former wife is very spoiled. If I would have seen that then with these eyes instead of with my 20 year old immature mind at the time, I would have never got involved with her. Obviously, your girl has not walked in Alla's shoes. Alla is happy everyday for the sole reason she actually found a man that loves her AND her children, something fairly rare in Russia. You are on a different train my friend. I wish you well.

You sure are open with your messages, slim. That is nice for people to see and learn about 'Russians in America'. We have some similar 'problems', but me and my wife are just a tad bit older, and I think you are right, it makes a lot of difference. I am not rich, and we both work, but she understands that part. Her quality of life was pretty good in Russia too, I suppose. Decent job, savings in the bank, owned an apartment etc.

The things that didn't work out for us were the food and the bills. She eats almost anything now, but trying to find food 'just like' in Russia was actually a big deal for the first year. You can't take a Russian woman and give her a hamburger and expect her to grin and eat it. I couldn't even give her a nice Chicken vinagrette and have her eat it. It was a big pain in the a$$, but she acclimated eventually. After that, it was her understanding the bills. I am not rich, but I have a decent enough job. So, she couldn't understand how my bills could come close to being the same as my income. That was a sticky point for us, because she is such a scrooge! (I mean saver...) It took a while for her to understand credit, and what things cost (Such as utilities and insurance) in America.

So I guess if you can learn anything from me, look for some good Russian stores or restaraunts in advance, and explain all your finances in fine detail first.

Having the luxury of having Russian stores all around me in me in both San Francisco and Sacramento I can tell you that if you do all your grocery shopping there you will spend twice if not three times what you would shopping at discount grocery stores like Winco, Walmart and Costco. We hardly go to the Russian stores and if we do we only buy a few "luxury" items as a treat.

I am with you Satellite. The DC area has enough Russian stores to do all your shopping, but paying those bills would kill us financially. I was lucky since I met my Wife here, before her J1 ran out. She returned to Russia and I started the paperwork. Her 3 yrs here helped a lot. And yes we frequent Costco.

I must say that living in America while on J1 together with Jason really helped me to get acquainted with American life better. I know it's not that easy as some russian girls think. I know how many responsibilities i will have when i come there. I admit that my parents spoilt me and I admit that I have a pretty easy life here now. I earn enough money to pay for my rent , other bills and for everything I want now. But I am so ready to change it for living with Jason. I had an experience living with him, I know where I am going. And I felt so much happy working everyday but coming home at night knowing that my Jason is there waiting for me. Trust me, it's so much better than just living alone in Moscow.
The good thing for us is that I am working for American company now and when i come to the US I will still be able to work for them on-line. So, i think we will be fine. But anyway, it doesn't really matter how much you earn for a girl who really loves you. Together you will overcome financial and other difficulties.
And, Slim, just give your wife some more time. She chose you from all the other men and she doesn't want to leave you and come back to Russia. It says a lot. For some of us more time is needed to adapt.
Sasha

Awww.... I'm so proud of my Sasha and her posting abilities! Isn't she just great? She kinda took over for me while I was sick with the flu. That's my girl!

Good to hear from you again, Jason! Yep, we've been enjoying the words of your Sasha and Buck's Natalia in your absence.

I think Sasha has stated very well what I was trying to think of the words to say, Slim. Your wife chose you, and I'm sure she had plenty to choose from. I can't say for certain, and I do NOT want to make any more assumptions here than I need to, but sometimes (in my experience, anyway) if a woman isn't getting enough time from her man, she can try substituting 'stuff'. Material things. I know you work a bunch, and I respect the hell of you for that, and I understand it. On your weekends off, find some fun, cheap stuff to do. Do some window shopping and grab a shake. Plan some picnics. Make breakfast in bed. Buy a single rose (if she likes them) every week or two. Just little things. They add up and count for far more, in my estimation, than the new dress or shiny bauble. Yes, an event will come up where the new dress or shiny bauble would have been fabulous and you'll be sure to hear about it, but the disappointments will be tempered by the LOVE and the dedication and caring you demonstrate day in and day out.

Chuckles - I hear ya, and we're rowing in the same boat I think. I make a decent living, nothing too extravagant, but the bills always add up to just under the income, and Natasha doesn't understand it all yet. Some things are priced about the same here as there, but a lot of things are just more expensive. Heck, what with teaching and my regular job I drive about 60 miles a day, which isn't much but with the current price of gas (still cheaper here than most places, I know, but we've been spoiled as Americans for a very long time) that takes a big chunk. It will become clear to her I think with time and experience, and working herself and paying for things on her own.

It's amazing that as the Russian community here on VJ we've managed to somehow take this PHOTO thread and make it all about Russian culture and life and being married and, well, just everything. Personally, I love it! It's the first place I go to read every day.

Glad to have you back Jason! We have been enjoying the wit and wisdom of your other half, for sure!

I agree with you Kevin, I'm glad are morphing thread is the way it is. Makes for much useful entertainment each and everyday.

When I met my wife, that was before she was spoiled! The time inbetween is when she grew accustomed to it. We pretty much led separate lives for about five years; we stayed in contact but she did her thing and I did mine. We knew we were going to end up together but in the mean time, we did our own thing. I was assuming (I know it was dumb) that she was going to be different, but not that different. She was assuming (I know it was dumb too) that I was going to be more mature and rich. Sure, we're both a little bit like we were before and a little bit different, but we've had to "relearn" everything about each other, almost like we were starting fresh. We got to know each other's "soul" but we had to skip over each other's daily doings.

I think we both came into it with different expectations with the key difference being I've adapted to suit the situation and she's been mostly unwilling to. Sure there are things that I haven't bent on but those are mostly things pertaining to life here in the States. We're not going to skip paying rent so we can go to dinner. However, I will ensure I change my clothes before I sit on the couch.

I realize the train I'm on is a different one, but, the girls that end up on the train Alla is on sometimes start off on the train my wife is on. (I doubt that's where Alla started though!) Either way though, I'm a patient man so I'm willing to hang on. I know there are only two stations at the end of the tracks.



I try to be open with my messages because just like someone out there needs to know what to enclose with their I-134 they also need to know their not the only one with a crazy wife. (Or a perfect wife!) We're all going to have some of the same problems, that's just the nature of the game. I hope by sharing some of mine someone out there can avoid having the same problems. (And it's kind of like a confessional. I feel a lot better and less stressed when I pound out the keys a little and get it off my chest. Anything to take stress away!)

I also know that it's a waiting game. To toot my own horn, I am a great husband. There are some things I do that I know aren't the best, but all in all, I'm a pretty good guy and there are a lot of women out there that would be lucky to have me. I hear every day how lucky I am to have her and I know the flip side of that is sooner or later she is going to realize that she has it pretty good too. But, that's up to her to figure out. She'll either get it or she won't. (See above post about the two stations at the end of the tracks.)



I get it. (There's no denying the reasoning behind why things happen. Everything happens for a reason, from the root causes explained in 7th grade biology class all the way up to the devious doings of governments. Human nature is the same regardless of one's home country. People go about things differently, but the reasoning and root causes are the same for everyone.) I just wish she'd hurry up already!



Weekends, what are those?

We're in the same school of thought here. Only difference is, she's not on board... yet. I'm sure she will be some day and as all of you already know, it's just a matter of time.

How much time though... that's the question!

Thanks for all the words of encouragement. I'm hanging in there. I'm a big boy and can call a duck a duck. It quacks, afterall. I just hope that someone out there can take something from this, or, if your wife is like my wife and tells you how horrible her life is, maybe she can read these posts and say "really I think our life not so bad." (That actually happens here. Life is horrible until it's compared to someone else's. Well, someone not on TV, anyway.) Good luck to all, and share more of your (stories) photos!

I thought you could tell it was a duck based on the poop? ;-)

Hello Slim,

I think KGSodie said some pretty good things (see above). I also know all about working 3rd shifts and putting in overtime. If you are paid on an hourly basis, I suspect your overtime wages often make the difference on whether you make it financially month-to-month. At least it did for me. However, the trade-off is that you are probably spending less time with your wife than what she expected before she came. Her calling you "Papa Karlo" sometimes is probably an indication of this. I know the time you spend at work is probably a financial necessity but that still does not help much with respect to her expectations.

As I read your posts, your wife also sounds a little isolated to me. As you said, she does not mix well with your friends and her social contacts seem to be limited to a couple of "russian friends" that she made. I do not know if she has made any real friends at her own workplace. However, I suspect your wife is very dependent on you for emotional support.

My fiancee has not arrived yet so I do not have a store of personal experience to draw on. KG Sodie said some good things. My words would not differ much from his. Little things probably count for a lot especially if you do not have time for a lot of big things due to your work schedule. However, the social isolation worries me a little (OK.... more than a little) if that is really what is happening.

Perhaps some of the guys that are already married might share some ideas of what worked for them in terms of helping their wives to feel less isolated and/or helping their wives to adjust their expectations following their arrival?

Buck

I don't often like to post "me too" posts, but Slim as I've read your posts over the months I've thought the exact same thing myself. Like Buck I have no personal experience on which to base that conclusion, but it has crossed my mind more than a few times.

I too would like to hear from some of the other already-married guys.

Me too!

Could NOT resist!

Me too.

Me too!

Social isolation is an excellent way to describe it. I'd like to tack on that it's self-induced social isolation though. I've introduced her to everyone that I know and she has no desire what-so-ever to be social with those people. Even the people from her job are "not cultured" enough to be around her outside of work. So, that tends to place everything on me. Emotional support, just being a friend, even having fun; everything is on me, which also means so is the unhappiness and isolation.

I'm curious to hear if anyone out there had a similar situation and what they did to remedy it or what their wife did to eventually overcome it.

Problem is, most of the guys that get married get quite scarce here on VJ. They have better things to do with their time.... (Don't blame them one bit!)

Looking at the whole issue though, I don't think it's so much that you guys will deal with this with your girls (or guys) when they get here. I think it's a personal choice my wife makes. She's pretty independent and I don't think the word "lonely" has ever crossed her mind. I think she just has this vision of what she wants her life (and mine together with her) to be like and she's not going to be entirely happy until we get there.

It's going to take some time. We will get there, no doubt in my mind, but I'm realistic about the timeline. If you guys see other stuff or have been thinking anything... share it. I don't see any of this as bad, I look at all of this as more of a "constructive criticism" and "an outside eye looking in." Sometimes that's what we need in our relationships. Suggestions? Other areas of concern and/or helpful hints?

The doctor is in.

Again, I don't have the actual experience of living with my SO yet, so I'm short on practical advice. It could very well be that 6 months from now I'll be in your situation doing a search for this thread (photo thread...must remember photo thread!) to see what other people advised.

But I think it's pretty clear that she needs to figure out a way to broaden her social circle. Again, I don't know your wife, but I have a hard time buying that it's a choice she makes. Or at least not a choice she wants to make. If it were a choice then she'd have some level of resignation to it, but that's not what I see you describing. It sounds to me like she's coming up with a lot of excuses to not make friends, and that could be a symptom of anything from shyness to clinical, but is most likely something in between. I think it's up to you and her to figure it out. Nobody *wants* to be unhappy or lonely, but many of us cling to it when we've gone through something very life-changing. I used to be a real social butterfly until after my divorce. I holed up and didn't come out for a long time. I still have a difficult time making friends now and hanging out with people. I hate that I'm not as social as I used to be, but there is a strange comfort to it too.

Anway, my 2 kopeks.

Once again Doc Kirk, you sound like me.

After my divorce, I went from the popular guy, to... Well, I pretty much fell off the earth. Mostly because our friends, truly could not get used to me and the former apart. Still today, neither myself or the former have any of our "old" friends. We've had to make all new. It wasn't until I moved to Russia that my social status returned. Probably says a lot about me. I can see that I enjoy socializing as a couple far more than individually. And like you stated, I feel very comfortable alone when I'm alone. I don't have any need to go out. I'm fine watching a movie with a bowl of popcorn at home.

This subject is something I worry a bit for my Alla. The fact that she has her theatre background, she is used to being around "artsy" very social people. We have spoke about this many times. She told me she is wanting a change and really wants to concentrate on family. In her always interesting words, "Jeffery, I was in theatre because I had not a man in my life. I wanted excitement and not to be bored in my free time. But I have you now. I have my children. It will be enough" I do hope that she will not become overly bored here.

In many ways, divorce causes the things Jeffery and Kirk have described - walling off, closing up. Not having moved from one country to another before, I'm obviously not certain but I wonder if moving from Russia and leaving everything you've ever known behind isn't, in some ways, similar.

Well, I tell you. I felt very free in Russia. I felt like a had received a second chance. No one judged me on my past life. I felt brand new and fresh. It was very liberating. If I could have made it, financially, over there, I truly could have stayed for always. I miss living there and can not say I have felt the same since I returned to America.

My experience has been similar to Slim's, although in the last few months my wife has opened up to two couple friends of ours (both Russian couples) and now almost every week we make plans to hang out with them. It took a long time before she was able to trust them enough to get close, however. During her first year here, we spent every moment (outside of work) together except for a single evening when she went to see a Broadway play with the wives of the aforementioned couple. And it wasn't easy, I think I got about 100 text messages from her while we were apart. And please don't get the impression that my wife's a wallflower. She takes the subway to work every day, doesn't hesitate to stand up for herself, has many friends in her native Moscow, and enjoys a rich professional life.

I'm not complaining as we genuinely love each other's company, but if you're a very social person accustomed to contemporary western relationships (wherein it's not odd for a woman and man to have their own exclusive social circles) I'm sure it can be exhausting.

From my experience, there are two factors at work in this phenomenon:

1) Sorry to say it, but it's not easy to find decent Russian woman/Western man couples in the US. Every female my wife met who came here on a K1 instantly grilled her about our income, cars, home, etc. They clearly had no love for their (often much) older husbands and were in it for the upscale lifestyle. Many of these women were shockingly frank about the lovers they took to fulfill their sexual needs, and my wife wanted nothing to do w/them.

Also, I'll never forget the first parties we went to at Russian homes. Always there were several unattached Russian men who hovered about, my wife explained later that they expected our marriage to be a sham and were hoping she'd be looking for a relationship on the side. I'm sure most of you who've gotten as far as the K1 stage know that there will be plenty of American people who will be very skeptical about your relationship when she arrives. Be prepared for local Russians to share the same skepticism, only they won't be sympathetic to you.

2) Your own friends may accept her instantly but more likely they'll be skeptical about her and decide to wait and see. While my friends weren't cold to her, they were obviously waiting to see if she genuinely loved me before warming up.

Anyway, my advice would be to abandon your expectations for her in regards to friends, never pressure her and be prepared to abandon any friends who don't accept her.

OK..... any relationship advice I give probably borders on malpractice..... but here goes. Like Kirk and Jeffrey, I also fell off the face of the earth after my 19-year marriage. All our friends (with the exception of my to-the-death fraternity brothers) were "couple friends" and just did not know what to do with me as a "third-wheel" single. My former church friends, with the exception of one man that had been divorced, totally abandoned me now that I bore the scarlet "D" of divorce. If anything, I learned who my true friends were...... and were not.

With respect to my current relationship with Natalia, I knew going in that social isolation might be a problem once she arrived. Accordingly, I developed a long-range plan. Now Natalia is a special case because she is an upscale attorney in her country and had the money and freedom to visit me in the USA. During her USA visit, she met my family and did many social things with my former couple friends..... which felt more comfortable relating to me now that I was a couple again. Natalia also speaks english well which was invaluable in her being able to relate to my friends. After she returned to Russia, Natalia also had the means to afford monthly internet service. Webcam was a Godsend in more ways than the obvious. For the past year, Natalia has been speaking on webcam once a week with my children. Natalia also has been speaking on webcam maybe 30 minutes to an hour each day with my mother. My father passed away last year and Natalia and my mom have become very close. Natalia already feels like she has a strong connection with my family even before she comes here next month. Obviously, this required a strong financial and time commitment from Natalia. However, it was well worth it and the end result is that she is already 50% plugged-in before her foot ever touches USA soil.

When Natalia arrives next month, I plan on inviting our couple friends to our home for dinner at least 1 or 2 times each month. Natalia and I will also host parties at our home maybe once a quarter or every 6 months.

My couple friends were also intitially skeptical of Natalia and our relationship. However, most of the skepticism dissipated once they met her.

Now none of this pre-arrival plug-in advice helps Slim much. His wife is already here and already feels isolated whether by personal choice or outside circumstances. Nevertheless, here is my border-line malpractice relationship advice:

1. Get her english up to conversational level if it is not there already.
2. She does not like your friends? If they are mostly beer drinking buddies, then it is probably time to expand your frienship circle to include more couples.
3. She is a snob? I can't help you there if she is truly a snob and thinks your friends are low-class. If they are low-class then it is probably time to level-up. If they are not low-class, then there is probably something else going on. Communication problems due to poor english skills? One or more of your dude friends hitting on her? The USA wives treating her like a Russian scammer ######? You will need to figure this out.
4. Once you figure out what is really going on (See Step 3), then it's time to step up and host things at your home. I can relate if this is outside your comfort level. I was a litigation attorney for 15 years. Many people find me intimidating. My basic personality can not really be described as warm and fuzzy. I am not a social guy and relating to others, especially new people, is something of a chore for me. Anyway, that is my problem and I need to get past it.
5. She is bored and lonely when you are putting in the long work hours? DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON. KG Sodie had some good advice here. Do more things, even very simple things, together.
6. Never underestimate the power of simple gestures to a Russian woman..... or any woman for that matter. Most Russian women like being presented with flowers. Every couple of weeks or so, buy a small $7 - $10 boquet at your local supermarket. Tell her frequently that you love her and that she is a "smoking-hot" babe. From your past posts, it sounds like she truly blossomed as a woman during the interim when you first met her and when she came to you in the USA. She got lots and lots of male attention it sounds like. Give her lots of compliments. Lay it on thick. What might seem a "bit much" to an american woman probably just barely scratches the surface with her.

OK...... that's probably more than enough for now.

Good Luck

Buck

I have to say that i never made any friends in America when i was living there. Maybe, it's just me because i am the kind of person for whom it's pretty difficult to make friends. Sometimes i feel I'm not at all open to people. Though I did meet a couple of people whom i really like to communicate with but they were in their fifties so we didn't really had much in common. I can't call them friends of course. And i just couldn't make friends with American girls of my age. We were too different. At the same time I didn't really like Russians that I met there. Maybe i'm just too picky. So I spent all of my free time with Jason. And it was great. Never wanted anything else.
I think it's a normal situation for people who go to another country to live there. it takes time to find new friends. Sometimes it takes years. But i'm sure that when we are living together with Jason again eventually i will find friends. We are all sociable creatures, we just need to communicate with others besides our beloved ones. I'm not worried about it at all even if sometimes i have problems with getting to know new people. Sometime in future i will have close friends, meanwhile i won't be bored with Jason. I never was.
Sasha

Some very good thoughts here, Buck!

I 100% understand the scarlet "D". As for the list, I will state #6 is highly important and Buck stated it well.

I was really fortunate in that all my friends were very understanding after my breakup. A lot of it had to do with the fact that she had a circle of friends and I had a circle of friends, and while we co-mingled in each sphere, there was definitely a definitive "her friends" and "my friends." So when we divorced we pretty much left with our own circle of friends in tact.

My family is a different story though. Not with regards to my divorce, but with regards to Nadya. Except for my children, my family are all suspicious of her intentions. My dad voices it the most, and it made for a pretty unhappy Thanksgiving. Oh they're going to have a field day when I finally do tell them that we're marrying. lol

Just a few comments on Buck's otherwise excellent advice:


Or at least see what you can do about addressing any objections she has about them. Maybe it's just that she doesn't like them because of the social setting, such as always meeting up with them in a bar or something. Maybe see what you can do to broaden their horizons too.


Women can be the worst kind of cruel to other women, and all it takes is a comment that you or I wouldn't think twice about, or even just a quick look that transcends all language barriers.

Or maybe the other wives think she's a snob. I mean, let's face it. Your typical Russian woman can come across snobbish without even saying a word. Doesn't mean she *is* snobbish, but you know how Russian women hold themselves and kind of guard themselves around new people. Maybe they just got off on the wrong foot, and nobody is to blame. (fixing that situation is left as an exercise to the reader... )

We men are problem solvers. We see a problem that needs fixing and we either fix it or duct tape it. The problem is that when it comes to women we're often not very good at identifying the real problem. We think we know, but often our perception is much different than the reality. This is partially because men look for the simplest solution possible, but it's also because women are insane and cannot just state what the real problem is. So even if she's saying "they are snobs" or "they are low class," it might not be the real answer. When you figure out how to decipher that one, please write a book and your financial problems will disappear forever.


Make sure this is what *she* wants though. And make sure your guests know not to eat lunch or dinner first.


No easy solutions to this, I know. When faced with having toput food on the table and a roof over your head, you do what you must do. It's not even an option not to do it. I agree with doing little simple things together, but let's face it...when you're not home, and she's home alone, she's going to be lonely. Maybe a little dog or cat would at least help? (Because you know she's eventually going to start thinking of something to keep her company, and then you're really in trouble... *cough*ребенок*cough*)


Honestly I never cease to be surprised at how far a small gesture will go on my part, and that's with me being 6,000 miles away. I used to think my compliments were embarrassing her because she would get very quiet. I eventually figured out she was just waiting for me to keep going. This was hard for me to get used to. I've never been comfortable with dishing out compliments, and my ex was never any good at accepting them. But I've discovered that at least with my girl that it's like verbal gold.

It also might help if you can re-direct some of her complaints. For example, a common theme I notice in your posts is that she wants to go out to dinner more often than you can afford. Why not compromise and go out for a dessert or coffee/tea after dinner sometimes? It might be that it's really more about the getting out of the house for a little treat than it is about going out to dinner.

My couple more kopeks.

Me too....... me too. One of my pet names for Natalia is "Love Sponge." She never tires of hearing love words and, fortunately for me, she is not shy about expressing her needs. She will sometimes blurt out, "Tell me how much you love me." That is my not-so-subtle cue to go into "romantic mode" and to verbalize my feelings for her....... at length. This is not the time for short pithy statements. Remember Russian toasts....... how they go on...... and on...... and on. She expects the same in the verbal love department. My feelings are very deep and I am pretty good with words...... so I give her a russian-style love toast extolling all her virtues........... characteristics, personality traits, body parts (your hair.... your eyes...... your ahem). She requires a lot of verbalization and I am more than happy to give it to her. In return, she does the same with me. It is very very nice feeling and a very welcome change. My Ex, on the other hand, was more of a "Love Black Hole." I could verbalize all I wanted but little came back in return and, as the years passed, I verbalized less and less. However, the bottom line is that words of love, spoken frequently to our Russian gals, is similar to watering a beautiful flower. The more water you give, and the more frequently you give it, the more the flower opens. At least that is my experience.

My experiences followed this somewhat closely. Most Russian woman/Western man couples where as he described. Which, I suppose, doesn't sound good since that is the situation everyone here is in. I like to think you guys are ok... but from experience most where not geniune (married for the green card), and yes, more interested in your cars and what you have. We did sift through and meet a few good ones though !!!

I never when to any 'fancy Russian' parties, and I do not live anything remotely considered an upscale lifestyle, so I didn't meet the Russin men wandering around looking for a little from these women. Sounds interesting though!!

Probably good advice not pressure her and to be prepared to abandon friends that don't accept her. Fortunatly, I only had to do that in one situation. Just keep getting out there and meet people. Eventually it happens.

This was VERY important for us. Olga was good with english in my opinion, but was really shy about her accent. As cute as you may think it is, it may bother her. Also, ESL classes (upper level) are cheap and another chance to meet people.


A very good point here. You are married now !!! Grow up !!

More good advice. I know its tough... the rewards can be worth it though.


All very good advice... I think we all know this, but putting it into practice is hard sometimes. Anyway, good luck with everything.

Mmmm...... somewhat depressing but not totally unexpected. I can tell you that Natalia was not impressed by the few Russian women that she met here in the USA. I am sure that good Russian-American couples are in the minority.

Of course, all of us are hoping that we do not fit the "Pathetic Loser American Husband - Gold Digging Russian Wife" profile.

Buck

Hmmm Interesting thread. Hope somebody will post pictures again I wish I could give some advice here, but I am in a little different situation. I met her here on a J1 Visa. She had decided to go back instead of turning her J1 into a green card as most her friends have done. She came back because of me. So having had her chance for a green card I know I am not the pass to US Citizenship. Even with that it hasn't been easy. The cultural differences can be tough to deal with. We came close to calling it quits a few times. But her toughness trumps my stubbornness thank GOD. So live goes on. I do hope all of you will be happy in the end.

some pictures to lighten the mood.


Click to view attachment

Heh. The "toilet for men" makes me think of one of my favorite Russian commercials and products, "Nestle Chocolat for men.":

Oh, I'm second home sick again! I love that chocolate. Although it clearly states, "Keep from women" on the label, it never stopped my Alla from having her share.

I can only shake my head when my married friends (American couples) talk about their disagreements and issues - usually silly stuff like they're arguing over where to go for their next vacation, whose turn it is to clean the bathroom, etc. That stuff is so trivial compared w/the challenges we faced (and continue to face, only less often, thankfully).

It sounds trite and cliched, but if you both have a lot of love and at least a little patience to avoid doing anything stupid when disagreements/misunderstandings crop up, everything will be fine.

hahaha........ Russian chocolate is not so bad. Tried some from the former Czech republic once. It had a distinct aftertaste......... not unlike the aftertaste when one is siphoning gasoline and removes the hose too late from one's mouth.

i've eaten it a couple of times, but everytime i do i feel like i'm doing something wrong and i'm going to get in trouble.

Well mostly it's my favorite commercial because of the shot about 5 seconds in.

hahaha..... what are you going to do when Nadya's english improves and she goes back and starts reading your old posts? I think she is going to open a big can of whupass on you.

Kazan' Tiger, are you posting under my account again? You know I told you to stop posting about other women with my account!!

I have no idea what that video is about. Never seen it before in my life.

Guys, (and gals)

Great advice on here. No time to post today although I did read it all. I'll reply tomorrow.

And now I sure wish I had some Man Chocolate!

I'm sure there's a good joke here somewhere, centered around the phrase 'Man Chocolate' - but I will resist....

Don't really know what Man Chocolate is. However, my kids sometimes refer to something as Gorilla Chocolate after observing a particularly disgusting display of animal behavior at the local zoo. I hope it's not related...........

I just returned from 26 days in Siberia with my wife. I found this thread quite something...many great photos..anecdotal stories about wives...Americanization issues...and so forth. Having just returned i have some "energy" about the posts concerning Russian wives transforming into American style slobs.

One thing that fascinates me about Nadia is seeing her take 40 minutes to do her hair and make-up just to walk to the little local grocery store (or as she calls it...the super market.) Through my American eyes, I think it's a little crazy but also I really love it about her and other Russian women I have known. And she looks so darn good when i don't expect it! It is refreshing. It is very Russian. It is a gift. I don't won't to see that change. I won't encourage her to give that up. That's Russian style and grace and it has real value for me...so assimilation be damned.

My advice to American men with sexy and beautiful Russian wives or fiancees...Enjoy it. Embrace it. The Russian ladies need to learn English and get a job...let the assimilation end there. In my judgment if an American man becomes comfortable watching his Russian lady morph into a typical American woman (the ones we see clomping into Starbucks every morning), he's maybe afraid to let his beautiful wife look sexy and alluring in public. Maybe he wants to hide that part of her...that Russian sexy and erotic and stunningly beautiful quality that's so rare to find in the USA population of women. Maybe it's our American male problem...not theirs. Maybe we're jealous or insecure or maybe we don't want to pay for the clothes and make-up. But let's go back to the beginning...let's remember why we started to look for a Russian wife.

I've heard Russian women tell me Russian men marry like to marry ugly women and have beautiful lovers on the side. Let's not join that club. Let's encourage our Russian women to honor the Russian custom of looking good for us...even if only going to the store for bread.

Don't you try and get me in trouble with Alla now-!!!

Thank you for your insight. Beautifully put. I will remember your words when Natalia arrives next month.

Word.


After separating from my ex-wite, it came out that she'd had multiple affairs at different times during our marriage. This has left me somewhat scarred, and I will admit that there's a little part of me that is going to have a hard time dealing with the attention I know my SO is going to get. I trust her implicitly, but the scar tissue is still there. It's something I'll have to deal with. But I do wholeheartedly agree with you. I enjoy that she takes the time to look her best, and it makes me happy that it makes her happy.


Sorry Jefferey, but I'm more afraid of me getting in trouble with Nadya than I am of you getting in trouble with Alla.

I didn't actually look for a Russian wife - only someone I could love that would love me. I started in the USA and then widened my search. The site I found my Natasha on was actually dedicated primarily to Asian women, and Natasha was one of only a very small number of Russian profiles there (maybe 6 in total). But I do agree that I NEVER desire that she lose her Russian heritage, roots, or attitude. I think it is perfectly possible (and DESIRABLE) that she acclimatize to the USA while retaining her Russian essence. Heck, no more shorts and flip-flops for me either when I run to the store! I'll NEVER look as good as my Natasha, but when we go out in public we'll be a matched pair.

You are a better man than me.

My wife sometimes dresses to the nines when we go grocery shopping, but I refuse to be shamed into dressing up to go to Walmart. Four years of marriage and she's still with me. So I guess I'm not a total zero.

I've gotta go with peejay on this one. She can keep her dressing up, but I'm American, and also male, so naturally, shorts and flip flops for me. She does her best to shame me though! Funny you put it like that because that's exactly how she does too; "You don't even have shame because you looks like bumzh? You have holes in your shirt and not even iron your shorts... and what is on your feet? It's tapochki? Pi**ets."

I don't think anyone wants their wife/girlfriend to stop looking so nice, it's that we don't want her to have to look so nice all the time. Whether my wife gets all dolled up or not, she's still going to be the best looking woman at the grocery store. I know she's hot, that's one of the reasons I married her. But I don't need to hear it every time we go somewhere. "I must makes my looks nice because we go outside of home." Yeah, like the stockboy cares that you took the time to do your hair while you picked up that box of tampons.

And not to ressurect the past posts (because we're obviously past that now, there are even some pictures on this thread again!) but it seems what I need to do personally is just get out more. I have a very, very small circle of friends (like, we can all fit in a small car together) and go out only maybe once a quarter. I'm sure if we did more, we'd be more social, and that in turn could lead to her finding the friends and/or activities that she needs.