You have every right to be upset. You do your part and then let USCIS decide what they want to do.

Sorry to hear this has happened.

I got that information from the statutes. Google INA Section 216 or the Code of Federal regulations, 8 CFR 216, to see that removing conditions can be done by an alien, without the USC petitioner, in the event of a divorce. I think you are confusing the initial "adjustment of Status" and "removal of conditions". Yes, the initial adjustment of status from non-immigrant (which is what a K-1 visa is) to permanent resident, under the marriage-based calssification, requires a viable marriage. Viable, in immigration terms at that stage of the process, means a marriage that is bonafide; a marriage between an alien and a US citizen petitioner which is sustaining, and into which the alien entered in good faith. Thereafter, however, once the adjustment of status has been approved, that marriage is no longer required to be "sustaining", just that it was legitimate. Should that marriage then terminate, all the alien must be able to do, in order to continue the path to secure permanent residency without "conditions" is to demonstrate that he or she genuinely entered into the marriage and that the marriage was not solely a tool to gain residency.

Diadramous- Thank you very much. That was great info. I will be looking that up.

It's PreTrial Intervention in florida and you'll talk to the Assistant State Attorney. Did the police document the fact you had teeth marks in your neck? If so, there is a possibility the prosecutor may also request probation along with the anger management classes.

Battery (hitting)
Misdemeanor, Up to $1000 Fine &/or 1 Yr. in Jail
Florida Law

Yes you are correct. I already spoke to the State Attorney yesterday and she was just getting my version of events and the history of violence that she's had.

Since she's a first time offender they can offer her the PreTrial Intervention but they need the victims consent. I told them that I did not want them to offer her that. It's painful for me to have made that decision and I've been so distraught over it, but it has to be done.

And to answer your question, yes the police did note the bit marks and they took photographs of me and my bite and scratches.....Its all in the report.

What makes you think noones ever worn those shoes? I know exactly what its like to have a situation deteriorate while anger escalates to the point of doing crazy crazy things to each other. I understand wanting the bigger f-u in a fight. So I can see getting her arrested and maybe an overnight to cool off. But to let it continue, oh my god....how do you sleep? I'm postig because I DO know that at some point you have to stand back and see if what you are doing to someone is right. She is in jail because you don't want to face consequenses of your decisions and actions. You want her to swallow all the consequences of a failed marriage and that is not right. This is your mess too.

I should add that I don't condone violence, its never called for its never right.....but to ruin her life for a jammed pinky and some scraches???? You had a fight. People fight.

You don't condone violence??? Maybe you meant you condone violence.

Anyhow, I apreciate your point of view. And all you are saying I also feel. But its not because of jammed pinky and some scratches. It's because of the REPEATED violence that she had with me over a 9 month period. Over and over and over......I NEVER intended to do anything like this to her. But she never stopped.

Like I said b4 its not a one time thing, it was continuous.

And another thing. Why do you think that I ruined her life???? I brought her here and gave her everything and loved her. She had a great chance with a man that truly loved her and had serious intentions with her, as all of us USC have with our fiances/spouses that we bring from another country. She ruined her own life. Not me. She did this to herself. And she KNEW the consequences and she kept at it.

OK, keep in mind this will cost you out of your pocket also. Public Defender fee is 40 dollars, if the court places her on probation, you will pay monthly. Anger management classes aren't free either. You signed the I 864. I'm only trying to enlighten your awareness of the consequences. Give it some thought. An amicable resolution in your situation may be a better route. I understand your very upset and angry but you may want to rethink this.

Ok, here's whats been going on.

She had a "Jail Report" hearing infront of a judge on Wed morning. There was no one that had bailed her out and no one had given her an adress as to where she can go. She has a cousin that lives here that I spoke to the day after the arrest in case she wanted to do something and she refused to get involved. So my wife ended up having to stay in jail. Her next arraignment is on Dec 13. If no one took her out, she would have to stay there until that day.

I couldn't take it anymore so I decided NOT to let her stay there. It's too much. It's been too much to begin with. So I went last night to bail her out, using a freind of mine. To my surprise, she was able to get out that Wed night through the PreTrial Service and was staying at a friends house. I was very relieved. Because it was already getting to me that she was in jail.

I was very "gung ho" earlier on about everything because I was so upset and hurt over everything. But the truth is that I wasn't sleeping at night and I was a total nervous wreck the whole time. I was angry with her, but I love her. And enough was enough.....

I had my appt this morning with the USCIS using the Info Pass. I spoke to one of the Immigration Officers, put everything out to them. I took all the police reports, pictures, emails...everything. They took photocopies of everything, documented it all and put it in her file. They also had me write a letter explaining everything.

I did not know this but you can pull out of the I-485 even after she has her Conditional Residency. What that means is that she has her conditional, but you can write a sworn statement saying that you no longer will sponsor her benefits from Immigration because of and you "fill in the blank". The woman told me that in cases like these they back you up 100%, esp with all the documentation that I had.

She told me that because of the Misdemeanor that they do NOT deport anybody, its too minor. BUT when it comes time to renew her Residency at the 2 year mark that they would deny her. The only way around it she said was that if she got a good lawyer and he was able to convince that I was the abuser and that I was the bad person that they would then give it to her. But because of everything that I showed them it would be highly unlikely.

So there it is. To sum everything up:

I will be getting divorced immediatley.

She won't get deported even with the Misdemeanor Battery.

She can stay in the country if she wanted to, but when it comes time for her Residency renewal she will have lots of problems. Esp with her Misdemeanor (if she gets convicted).

I decided to forgive her, not be angry and resentful towards her and move on with my life. It's the best thing I can do for both of us.

And finally, although its hard to believe, my heart is broken and smashed. I don't understand it, but although all of this has happened, I love her, miss her sooo very much and think of her constantly and I can only hope that time will heal my broken heart.

Thank you all for listening to me and for your comments. I wish you all best of luck in your relationships and hope NONE of you have to go through everything that I went through.

ciao,

mystery

mystery,

What a sad situation indeed! I concur with most of what you learned at USCIS, with the exception of the information you were given with respect to any difficulty she would have to remove conditions. That I flatly disagree with, and I believe the officer was either misinformed or was just trying to give you some feeling that "right" would be done in the future. The truth is that if she is divorced, when she goes to remove conditions she must only prove that the marriage was bonafide. From all you've shared, that appears to be the case. The fact that you are moving towards divorcing her, plays well for her in terms of being successful in removing conditions.
Needless to say, whatever you choose to do, consider your needs first, and let her worry about her immigration issues.

I guess. I'll just let USCIS decide what to do and I'll be moving on......

If she stays, she stays, if she has to leave, she'll have to leave. I won't let whatever happens guide me anymore. I was driven to having her leave because of my anger, but I will just let it be.

diadromus- I wanna thank you for your comments, you seem to have alot of knowledge about the whole spectrum and you enlightened me. If I seemed like a jerk earlier, I apologize. It was just my angry disappointed self speaking....

mystery,

No apologies necessary. I'm glad to have been a source of better understanding. No one can better appreciate the deep disappointment of learning that an alien spouse might not be what one originally expected than I.

FYI from experience working with DV - batterer's intervention programs are waht is deemed appropriate in DV cases as opposed to anger managment....there is a big big big difference...most judges in our area our trained in DV issues and would never order anger managment......tx has to be in a group w/recognized curriculum as addressed in batterers intervention...this is from my direct experience working as a social worker and directly with DV/SA crisis centers.

your anger and need for revenge towards a non american. says more about you than her and her misdemeanor abuse.get over it and move on

741.281 Court to order batterers' intervention program attendance.

If a person is found guilty of, has had adjudication withheld on, or has pled nolo contendere to a crime of domestic violence, as defined in s. 741.28, that person shall be ordered by the court to a minimum term of 1 year's probation and the court shall order that the defendant attend a batterers' intervention program as a condition of probation. The court must impose the condition of the batterers' intervention program for a defendant under this section, but the court, in its discretion, may determine not to impose the condition if it states on the record why a batterers' intervention program might be inappropriate. The court must impose the condition of the batterers' intervention program for a defendant placed on probation unless the court determines that the person does not qualify for the batterers' intervention program pursuant to s. 741.325. Effective July 1, 2002, the batterers' intervention program must be a certified program under s. 741.32. The imposition of probation under this section shall not preclude the court from imposing any sentence of imprisonment authorized by s. 775.082.

*edited after re-reading*

I take exception to this; you don't know nearly enough about the situation or the two people involved to make such blanket statements... the OP has indicated his willingness to attempt to 'get over it and move on', as you so sensitively put it, so your comment is superfluous as well as being out of line

Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I wasn't aware of these new programs.

Really?? What do you think your post says about you???




Thank you!!



Thank you Archie. Very good info. It's kinda scary what she might have to be confronting here, esp. since she's pretty much alone with the exception of one friend she made here.....



Interesting. Thank you for this info..... I guess we'll find out soon exactly what it'll be for her, if they decide to put her through something like this.

She bit you? Usually a woman bites when someone assaults her. I can
visualize her scratching you or tearing off your hair, but biting...
What, she just jumped at you and started... biting you? It sounds so
strange.

Ok, so you are accusing me of assaulting her.....and thats why she bit me???

mystery, I think some people just aren't worth responding to... you know the truth of this matter, and if you have anything to be ashamed of you know that too; the speculations of some random ignoramus on the internet should just be ignored

gad, the breath-taking arrogance... 'usually a woman... I can visualize...' wtf? approximately three billion females on the planet, but mdlinx knows ALL their habits and actions well enough to make a (barely) veiled accusation of assault to a complete stranger

if it wasn't so pathetic, it would be funny...

mystery I would not even bother responding to that silly comment. You know what happened and that's all that counts. As for someone biting in self defense, not saying it is never done but it is not always the reason! However, many people do attack first by biting and I have seen it many times, especially in my last job in England. Someone I knew was attacked from the back and had his ear bitten off!!!

thats way out of line, you do not know the situation or any of the people involved. he asked for help, then thats what you should give him, or not say anything at all. its a forum.

What an eye opening experience, Mystery I support your efforts, wish I knew what to tell you, I feel for you, you have been jilted completely and you deserve to feel the way you do, please do not allow these liberal out touch comments from CALADAN to or Cindish or whatever to bother you, like you were told do not bother to reply. I wish you the best legally and hope the ex gets what she deserves, DEPORTATION NOW!

Excuse me? Are you just wanking off because I call you on it when you give poor advice, or do you actually have a complaint?

I've been 'skimming' over this thread. I've got to say I really feel for you.

I don't have any legal advice. But, something occurred to me as I was looking at this sad story.

From what I've read, this woman might be glad to go home. Have you considered buying her a non-refundable one way ticket to Columbia? Forget the legal proceedings, just send her.

Perhaps, I'm wrong. I certainly don't know your situation. If my idea is not workable, forget it. It's only a well intentioned suggestion.

Best of luck to you.

I believe the OP's wife already has her conditional green card, so sending her home won't necessarily solve anything.

Mystery the only wanking off going on here is the advice you are getting from Caladan which is totally incorrect, hang in there, you do not deserver all this.

My advice is good. Yours consists of telling people to deport their spouses like one would order a coffee.

I know a 40 year old woman that bit her mother in the ear over an argument... Crazy!

Would you like cream or sugar with your coffee? Deport her now, she has broke the law!

My friend, it appears to me that you have thought this out, and have come to a painful, and I believe correct, decision. At this point, what is left? You did your part, it doesnt sound to me like you were anything but a tool anyway, and why should you be held responsible for this person?

I am in agreement with those who posted that (1) she should stay right where she is, (2) the criminal justice system should be allowed to take it's normal course (3) I wouldnt advise you to even come close to helping this person through any other part of the immigration process (4) divorce for cause should be considered and (5) consider a plane ticket to allow her the option to return home and (6) keep your appointment with CIS.

On a more personal note, I truly regret seeing someone put in your position. You have had to make a very difficult decision, and the one you have made seems to be the correct one. Best of luck to you

Regards,

David and Nitadyah

Cindishah, inshaallah, this man has been through enough. Do you not see that he just wants out, wants to forgive her, allow her life to go where it will, and end the relationship? Withdrawal is not anger and revenge. Can you not see that he has worked to get out of a bad situation without hurting this person while protecting himself? Anger and revenge, I think, are because ending it, which is the just and right thing to do, should and does end his responsibility towards her as well.

assaalam please

It may depend on the bank. My daughter was able to remove my son in law when they separated becasue she had held the account and then added him when they got married.

Mystery: Just ask your bank for their rules. Sorry you are having such a rough time. I wish you peace and comfort as you go through this.

Well said D&N and thoughtful good advice for a change. This poor guy has been through so much and has been very understanding and compassionate and forgiving, hope he works it out to his liking for he deserves the best and a good run of luck.

Well I am not here to take anyone´s sides. I read through this and really sorry to hear you are in this situation Mystery and hope u will stop hurting soon

Wanted to share some thoughts of why some people might have reacted the way they did (means why some of them think your wife was just defending herself). I have read a lot of stories of people (the ones that have to go to live in USA cuz their fiance/spouse prefers to live there) that are quite sad too. They basically have to start a whole new life cuz they have to leave their current life behind. All their friends are gone (or lets say very far away). Now it might be pretty stressful/complicated for some people to adopt to a new country etc. I have read a lot of stories where people were complaining that after a year or two they still had no friends there (or no real friends), other people were having big difficulties with finding a job (some of them cuz of language problems)...etc. So it´s understandable that some people might feel like in prison when they have to be at home all day with noone to talk to. And some people might deal with this whole situation really bad while having noone close (or noone frome their original family - cuz now they are close with their spouse or at least they should be). So I can imagine some people get really stressed, depressed, lonely and/or sad or who knows what else. Some might get angry. And therefore they might bite (as to punish the person who brought them there - also they have noone else to bite maybe - joking). (Personally I can´t imagine ever biting anybody but people are different...some people get angry/sad so they cry, some shout, some don´t talk to anybody etc so I can imagine some people might bite). So it doesn´t even have to mean that the person who got physically hurt provoked the other one or did anything bad to them. It might just mean the person who is trying to start this new life doesn´t know what else to do to get noticed maybe? (I dunno just using this example from when some little kids start being difficult and sometimes it turns out they are just asking for attention or help and don´t know how to deal with something etc)

Well it´s a lot of psychology for me to have typed I think

So just another point of view. I think/hope you got to know your then fiance pretty well before you married her and I doubt it you would marry some violent or crazy person. So she might as well have some serious problems adjusting there or she was just hiding her nature from you before. I can´t judge I don´t know any of you. You sound like you gave her all possible you could. Does/did she love you as much as you love(d) her?

I think lotsa people when they are having troubles they tell their partner and they deal with it together. But some people keep to themselves. When you think about it there are lotsa couples that live together in their hometown, have no cultural differences, have their families and friends and still have big troubles with their relationship. So in some cases might be even harder to overcome all the obstacles in a new country. Wish all the couples were strong enough to overcome everything together.

I know you are hurting so maybe you haven´t looked into this from this perspective. Maybe you have and I am just talking nonsense here. Do you two still love each other? (I know you wanna get divorced so your answer might be no but you said you still loved her so how about her?) Of course if you don´t wanna answer it´s ok.

Wish you good luck and hope everything turns out well for you

First of all i am very sorry for your situation , i feel for you cause i know what it feels like to be abused or being in a violent relationship , the comment above is totally out of line here how you can defend a violent woman ? my suggestion keep her away from you as far as possible and i hope she will get what she deserves , after all you have done for her , if she can not apriciate it , i am sorry but then she should go back to her country , maybe she will wake up and learn something out of that ! sorry but this is my opinion ! Good Luck to you ....

That was a very good point of view

if you mean my comment is out of line then you are reading it wrong...i wasn´t defending anybody and i wasn´t taking anybody´s sides...i also understand you had some similar experience so you are speaking out of anger...its so simple for everyone to say she should go back to her country...i guess you guys can´t even imagine what it can feel like for someone to be taken away from where they grew up, put somewhere where they know nothing and then you just say send her back...after you want her to try start a new life with u there? how many more changes do you want from a person in a year? you ever tried quitting your life and starting a new life on the other side of the planet? and it doesn´t really help being in usa and hearing so many things on the radio against immigrants etc...then one doesn´t feel very welcome there...
anyways..what i wanted to say...i was suggesting that she should seek a psychologist´s help who could help her deal with her situation better and overcome some struggles or issues she might be having...wasn´t defending violent behaviour...just saying everything has it´s reasons or roots somewhere and can be dealt with some professional help

Good luck on your interview

Thank you It went well

First of all I'd like to thank all of you for your kind words of encouragement and understanding. I apreciate your comments and points of view. Some very good comments, thank you all.

For those of you suggesting I buy a plane ticket back for her, I already offered that and she does not want to go back.

Here's an update:

I had gotten a call from the State Attorney's office to see if I would agree for them to give her Pre Trial Diversion. Which would pretty much mean that she gets to go to Anger Mgt classes for 6 months and a few other conditions and they drop all charges. I have always felt that my wife would be coming back at me with a vengeance, making me out as the bad guy here and just try to make things miserable. So I refused and asked them to NOT give her that.....I want them to prosecute her. Sound harsh right??? I'm a bad guy??? It would seem so. I actually was 50/50 about it but decided to think about my future.

Well, I was right. I was served today with a Temporary Injunction (aka Stay Away Order) that my wife filed against me!! In it she accuses ME of being the one that hit her and abused her on the night she was arrested. Which it TOTALLY FALSE. I DID NOT lay a hand on her at all. She pretty much made up a huge lie that I was hitting her and that she bit me in self defense. And that when she was going to call the police on me I took her phone away and called the cops b4 she did. Just totally a ridiculous accusation. I now have to go to friggin court again next week to fight that. I honestly could not believe it. As of now there's a Stay Away Order against her becuase of the arrest and now she's filing one against me. She made one up back in Oct and it was dismissed when we went infront of the judge. I'm sure it'll happen again. But it's just the odacity she has to just lie through her teeth like that.

I am 99.9% sure she is being coached by someone telling her to do all this anyhow. And she's building all this thing up to present it to Immigration when she has to renew in June 2009. She'll use the Domestic Violence as an alibi or excuse to try and get her Permanent Residency.

I have a feeling that this is going to be one looong never ending ride...........

Sorry to hear that I hope it gets resolved for you fast so you don´t have to keep suffering

Man you do not deserve this. Contact ICE and make sure USCIS knows what she is doing, document, document, document it all and write it all down, dates, times and try to gather as much evidence as you can. That woman needs to be deported back to where she came and if you say her own relatives want nothing to do with her once she arrived her, that should have been a major red flag, she has issues that I am sure they knew about before you married her, sad for you, too bad you could not have done a more thorough background check on her in her home country before you married her. Be strong, seek legal counsel, and do the best you can, you are in for a long process and stress for a while, good luck in court next week. This is sad, no US citizen deserves this kind of treatment. She should be deported, amazes me how if you are so horrible and bad, and she has chance to end it all and go back home, then why she refuses to do that and wants to stay, I say work on doing all you can to help get her out of USA and deported, she has not right being here, sadly based on what you say I think she was using you and scamming you to get into USA for GC. Best of luck. You do not deserve this.

Yes, I agree. It is terrible. Woman who wants green card plays this kind game and surely she is coached by someone. Don't worry, have a good lawyer with you and fight. Be strong!