Hi girls, I just wanted to know if out there somebody has found something very common to me (maybe it's depending on the part of USA where you live) but after 1 year living in US I haven't met yet someone to be called girlfriend to me. And this kind of stuff has been stressing me alot..........because when I don't work or my hubby works and I'm alone, it bugs ALOT.
I live in Hawaii where people are very hostile, and to meet & make new friends is like winning the lotto.
I just wanted to know if someone out there has something in common with me.

I just would like to also point out that I'm a nice person & very open to make new friends, so I really believe that it is not my fault, actually I have noticed that the only one thing that girls are interested in here is eating like animals, and having as many kids as much as they can ..........so it's really sucks to me, since I don't have anything in common in that. I would love to talk, exchange converrsation.........nothing at all, everything is concentrated in food & kids..........welll, I guess that everybody is different, so everybody can have their own though and behave.........
Here looks like that if you are not from here, they don't really care about you.......toatally different to the mainland, if you wanna come to Hawaii come just as a tourist, sorry but that's how it is...........don't come to live.

I would like to share your exeperience about new friendship made during yiur first year in USA.

Aloha from a very difficult place where to make new friends

Daphne, I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties in making friends. I haven't yet made it across the Pond to the US so I'm interested to see what other responses get posted here. From what I understand (someone else please correct me if I'm wrong!) then culturally friendships tend to be more fluid and casual in America than in some other parts of the world... and that they are often based on interests. I've lived in a number of different countries and consider myself easy to get on with, but it can be difficult to break through barriers. It took me longer than a year to establish really good friendships when I moved to NL from the UK. I've been here 6 years and it's taken hard work, but it's been worth it. Maybe you can join a sports group or start a new hobby or something as a way of meeting people with similar interests? It can take quite a bit of effort but if you're willing to go for it I'm sure you'll reap the benefits. Wishing you all the best!

Daphne, I am sorry you are having a difficult time forming friendships in Aloha. Do you get along with your husband's friends? That is how many of us started out after moving to the US. After living here for more than 2 years, I consider them my closest friends. In fact, they call me more often than they call my husband when we're making plans for the weekend.

Aside from my husband's friends, I hang out with two girls from work. My husband and I have even gone on double dates with them. So I have been quite fortunate.

We also attend church and have gotten to know many people. I babysit once every 8 Sundays, so that's a good opportunity for me to interact with the mommies and daddies.

I hope things get better for you.

I'm not doing so good on the friends front, either, but I think one year isn't that long of a time, don't get frustrated quite yet

It takes longer to find friends the older you get. I was told that in the Midwest, where I am, it's very hard to find friends (not only for aliens, but also for other Americans who move to the area), but once you find them, they are very committed and loyal.

Keep on trying, I'm sure not everybody in Hawaii is only interested in eating and kids...

I find that becoming friendly with someone is usually quite a long process. It takes time to become comfortable enough with someone to the point where I would call them "friend". To me, a friend is someone who knows the good, the bad, and the ugly about you (and vice versa) but still loves you anyway. The best way to go about it is to join clubs or groups of common interest, and they usually evolve naturally out of that. If you work, that's a good way to meet people too.

It looks like you're from Italy. (I LOOOOOVE Italy. ) Perhaps there's an Italian-American club in your area you may want to check into where you could do a bit of socializing? Maybe there's someone on VJ who lives in your area and would like to meet up?

Don't worry, Daphne. I'm sure you'll start meeting new friends soon. In the meantime, come and visit your friends here on VJ.

Daphne - you're not alone! I've lived both here (in Hawaii) and in Maine for the past 1.5 years. Honestly I think people are nicer to me here in Hawaii, not sure if it's because of my nationality or down to earth nature, or maybe both. In the time I've lived in the states I have very much noticed the cultural problems that arise when I've made new friends. Back in Maine I had a fantastic next door neighbor who I became friends with. Other than her I had no real friends up there. Here in Hawaii I've met a lot of women through an online friendship group. Now that I've said that, while I have met some AWESOME people, I recently had the unfortunate experience of making a toxic friend. You know, the lying, stealing, etc kind... so I kind of backed up for a bit as I thought I must've missed the red flag there.

I'd be happy to hang out, and I'm not your 'typical' housewife who is all about food (I'm a culinary preschooler! lol) BUT... there's always a catch!! I've got children...for some reason they just mulitplied like little gremlins! I have two school aged and a baby

P.S Embrace Hawaii and all it has to offer - I sure have!! The hiking, photography, sunbaking, exploring, shopping.... I even ended up with a small role on LOST by accident!!

Hi Daphne

We feel the same way i dont have any friends since i moved here in US ( we are now in sandy utah) but ive here for almost 2 months now i dont know anyone here except my husband. I am also by myself if is atwork...its hard but this is part of adjustment and soon we will be fine and maybe we could meet some friends too...

Goodluck and take care

Claire

Hi ladies ... I was just thinking about the "making friends" thing today and I have to tell you .. I've been in the US for 3 1/2 months now and I went to see my hairdresser today (my second time going) and I had the best conversation with him. We chit chatted like school girls and I had thought that that was the best conversation that I had had with anyone but my husband since I came here ... of course my hairdresser is totally gay ... so I've decided .. gay men are easier to find than finding good female friends later on in life .. just thought that I'd share my tip lol

I didn't make any friends for 3 years.... Still hoping for a wonder.

been here in Ogden Utah 2years and still no friends.

My best friend here in NYC is a co worker (yes, a guy),a Personal trainer, and he's an awesome friend, I fell like if I know him for years. My hubby used to be a little jealous about him in the past until he met him.

Been here for 2-months.. First thing my husband and I were looking for was a church.. We found one. And I found new friends from that church. Same nationality and some other races.. Thank God!

Hey girls you made happy & put a smile on my face, because at least now I know I'm not the only one not to have made new friends yet since I've moved here in USA after 1 year (except, of course, my husband). Thanks for sharing your thoughts, your experiences, your idea, your advice, thanks so much for giving me at least a positive reaction to something that I was SO concern about.
I will follow some of yr advice, and please send more messages and experiences you have been having, I'll be so happy to hear from all of you, we are in the same boat, isn'it?

Thanks again, Daphne!!!!!

After 3 years it is a long time, and I really wish you can meet at least a very good girlfriend, in the meantime congratulation for the baby you guys are expecting, it must be a great experience!!!!!

I think it's not only moving to a new country where it's a challenge to find new friends but also a new city. I moved to South Florida in June from Texas where I'd lived almost my whole life and between work and spending time with hubby it's been hard to make new friends. I've made some casual friendships at work and we have a blast there, but as far as outside of work I haven't made any new friends really as of yet. I'm fortunate that I new a few people down here already that I used to work with in Texas and they ended up here one way or another but we are all very spread out. My husband had some friends and family here as well, and he's made some new friends just out and about becayuse he's wearing his Panama T-shirt or hat to some cultural events and there's always someone that's like "oh you're from Panama!?, there's not loads and loads of us here like other groups'' and they all get to talking and exchanging numbers and such. I think that such events are really some of the best ways to make friends. I plan to join my college sorority local Alumni chapter here and see how that goes.

Keep your head up, girl! There's bound to be some cool chicks in Hawaii!

Hi daphne! You are not alone I think. I am here in NJ,US for almost a year.but still...no friends...I just talked with my kids and family out there in Phils. thru internet and Sometimes I make a call to my relatives here. I am bored everyday because I still don't work,but hopefully ,sooner I get a job and I can meet friends. Don't worry...sooner you will get a friend I know you are nice and it is not hard for you becuse you are friendly.Try to make yourself busy by surfing internet and enjoy your life in by going outside and feel free...sometimes I walk in the park and it feels me nice and great. Ok ..that's all for now...I hope you can find someone...goodluck !!!

Miles

It took me a long time to get some friends. I find it hard to trust new people and to open up, so it took me a while to truly be friends with some of my hubby's friends from church. It's getting better.

I think that thing about the midwest is BS. Whoever told you that is wrong.

Hi daphne2109,

You're definitely not alone. I had difficulties too making friends here. I knew of a few people but they classify as mere acquaintances. It took me 7 months to really find someone who can "possibly" fit the shoe as a BFF. It takes time and more time building rapport with people you like to know more. The best avenue to finding good friends for me is through work, religious and professional organizations, community groups. One co-worker recently talked me into driving our cars to the new shopping center to shop for our Christmas gifts. My bosses are starting to become my friends too, to the point of them wanting to join the family for Thanksgiving (I know they just want to boss me around to cook for them, haha), which is way too friendly, .

In time, you'll have friends. You just have to be in the right place at the right time. Don't worry about it. VJ offered some comfort to me especially when I wasn't working yet. If you're not too far out I'll drop by and cheer you up.

I lived in Hawaii for about 8 years. It can take awhile to get used to the different culture there, which does revolve around food and family.

I have the best friends in Hawaii and I'm willing to share. Most of them are originally from the mainland. They are great at both easy and intellectual conversations and like to do both indoor and outdoor things, and are just genuinely the nicest people I have ever met. PM me if you want more details to go and hang out with them. I can be a "friend broker'!

I wonder if this is a gender thing. Seriously, I wonder if men make friends easier. My husband found a group of guys to hang out with playing cards. He found them very easily and very quickly and he's known them for over two years now. The friendships have gone beyond just weekly cards to all sorts of events (parties, dinners, gigs, movies, etc)....and I've become friends with some of their wives. He's also easily made friends with people from work. Now I don't know if it's my husband's personality, as he's always had lots of friends, he has way more here than I do....hehehe....or really, is it just easier for men to make friends? I'm being serious here, but maybe there is less competition and all of the other stuff that goes on in female relationships.

In any event, I'd suggest finding activities that you like to do. At least that way you know you share something right off the bat.

I was thinking the same. My husband was here for three months before he found a couple of really good friends. These friends have helped him find work, drove him places before he could drive, invited he and I for dinners, etc. If roles were reversed it would have taken me a lot longer to find friends. I'm not as outgoing and friendly as my husband. He's way more a people person than I am.

To the OP...do you attend church or other religious service? My husband has met a lot of ppl this way.

I think it's less to do with being outgoing or not, but more to do with the way men have friendships. Someone mentioned finding a BFF....men don't need BFF's. They just need to share some laughs with the blokes. I'm speaking in generalities, but I don't think most men need to find that ONE person who will be there no matter what. If they have a problem, a good soundingboard is nice, but really isn't that a function a wife serves....whereas women need that go-to gal pal....the BFF!! LOL I don't mean this to sound like men have shallower relationships with their men-friends, but since they don't get into "their feelings" (I can hear men groaning at this), they just need playmates. LOL

I never have been good at making friends

i have been here for almost 3 years and still no friends besides my hubby....

I am hoping to join a mommy's and me type group so maybe I can make some friends through that...

We moved away from my hometown 2 years ago leaving all my friends and family and I still have no friends .... and I'm still in my own country! ... I swear, if I didn't have a computer and online buddies to chat to I think I would have boiled my head by now.

I am here yet few months but looks like its quite a hard thing to find real friends,real as in europe.i lived all over europe and have bunch of friends there.Here people are bit different,you can rarely trust anyone,because most of people trying to flirt rather with me or my husband,even when we trying to have friends-couple...very weird.I found few russian girls online but they are in La and i am north of CA.
good luck!!!find something to do,like some courses or anything like that.it might help.

*huggles*

or wait....maybe I'm just flirting with you...........



yes, we are all flirts

If you're up there in San Francisco, there should be a lot of Russian people there.

It is hard to make friends here, so true. And the older you get, the harder it is!

As others have said, I guess it is a bit easier for guys to make friends! My husband has a great group of male friends.
They are even building a recording studio together at our new house! They all say that they are paying rent early for use of it! It really warms my heart to know he fits in.


A few ideas as I have moved around loads...it takes a while for anyone to make close friends I think. But perhaps join a few classes...Like yoga or an art class. Take a few classes at a community college. Something fun. Perhaps a neat cooking class. I met my friends in Charlotte (I moved there years ago without knowing a soul) by the pool. I'd go everyday, after work and just get to know the faces of who did the same! I met some great people.

Good friendships take time to develop. Don't get discouraged! Good luck everyone!

same here

Being a hairdresser myself- most of my friends over the years have been co-workers and clients.

My ex best friend of 18 years (we met in grade 4) and I had a huge falling out a few years ago and it is highly unlikely we will ever talk again. I really don't miss her- but I do miss her kids. All of them have different daddies even though she had them all when married to the same guy- a big reason why we are no longer friends.

Now that I am not working and don't get out much- I haven't met many people. We are very social and always have people over- I have clicked with one of Mel's friends. She was one of his professors at UNO- we have fun together and we are going to Vegas together next weekend.

after almost 14 months here I haven't found any friend, and obviously, no good friend. but i live in the middle of nowhere and we have no social life, so it was expected.

The person I talk the most is my waxing lady and i have a co-worker I go shopping with occasionally, but no best friends.

oh oh oh ... find a fellow true gambler and you have a friend for life

My husband has never been one to go out and look for friends because he doesn't trust people easily. I still don't know how I won him over .
However, he does have some acquaintances here - some of which are also mine. He made a friend at work - one that I like, along with his family. He also hangs out with our neighbor sometime. Both of these guys are Brazilians. Hubby doesn't go looking for them but it's easier for him since his English is still limited.
We have a group of friends that we hang out with - I met them at work and hubby gets along with them great. I like those kind of friendships.

I've met most of my friends at college (from a few years ago) and from work. I think that's how most people do it - that and church, the gym, school, etc.

I have been here in the US for a year and it was good .My husband was the one who managed to looked for people to become a friend of mine .Most of my friends here in EL PASO,TEXAS are filipinas and filipinos but likewise I have friends with other races. I have friends in the church were we always attend and friends at work, I have even friends in the neighborhood.
Don't worry time will come that you will be able to mingle with another people whom you can call them your FRIENDS.

I've been here 3 1/2 years, and the only friends I have are the three women I work with. There are a few neighbours I talk to, but I wouldn't consider them good friends.

At 51 years old, I don't have kids in common with a lot of our neighbours.

It took me over two years to make friends with people in Nebraska and that's suppose to be one of the more friendlier states.

Now we've moved and once again I have no friends either. People in Chicago just don't seem that friendly.

I feel your pain, your not alone. Other then text messaging my friends back in NE and chatting online, the only people I talk to is my husband and our three cats. If they start to talk back I know to seek help.

I will have been here in Minnesota 2 years in April. I wouldnt say i have made any freinds either, getting used to the aquaintances thing I guess.

I sure miss a pint with the guys at the end of the working week, everyone I work with goes straight home on Fridays.

2 things i would like to point out tho, the freinds I had back home in the UK I had for 20 years or more, you cant make that kind of bond in a matter of months, even years. Also being married and 30+ makes it harder than usual to make freinds compared to memories of friends in your teens/20s.


Dont give up. The one you moved for in the first place is the one that matters most, no regrets

Daphne, maybe you could attend some type of religious services if you follow a religion. My husband has made several friends since coming here just by going to the mosque regularly. Maybe you could find some good friends in a local church / mosque / synagogue / temple? Good luck and I'm sorry you're lonely

Guys thank you sooooooooooooooooooo much for replying, all your messages help me to understand that I'm not alone!!!!!
Thanks!!!!

I have been here for 2 1/2 years, and find Oregonians quite friendly. After the first year, I made a concerted effort to become good friends with the fiancee of my stamp collector friend. It helped a lot!

I started taking Spanish classes and after nearly a year I met a lady with whom I got on well. She went to Australia for a visit shortly afterwards, so when she came back that was an extra thing we had in common. We see each other regularly, but she of course has other closer friends.

I met a new neighbour at a block party the second summer, and we clicked. She invited me to drop in and I do from time to time and get on great with her, around her being very busy with work, kids and church.

One of our newest neighbouring families have moved around a lot. They solved the problem of always having to make new friends by hosting a neighbourhood soup night on the first Sunday of the month. It has been their way of getting to know people.

I go to an Intercambio group at the local library on Saturdays, and find that a rewarding way of getting social contact. Two of the people there and the friend I mentioned above have started up our own little group to practise Spanish/English in one another's homes. I can't have anyone over to my place because of my packrat husband, but I am happy to drive to the others' houses. I would call these people friends too, and we even had a dinner together before Christmas with the spouses coming too.

I'm also involved with my stamp collecting hobby. The people in the clubs here have been very welcoming and friendly, and my friend who I mentioned above gives me a ride home most times, so we get to talk about stuff.

I will also talk to the checkout person, etc when I'm out shopping. All the little personal interactions make the day more enjoyable and give me more of a sense of belonging.

All these different groups and friends help, but I also belong to an expat forum, keep up with my online stamp collecting groups and friends, and phone my family and a couple of my Aussie best friends regularly.

Hope this gives you some ideas, Daphne! Don't give up!

For me the biggest problem is knowing what friendship means here. Sure, I have acquaintances and some of them are friendly, but are they friends? How do I know if I can call someone at 3am if I have a problem? In my country I somehow knew...

I worry about this too - while I know lots of people at home - I have two close friends I have known for 20 years each -moving away and having to start a relationship with people all over again is going to be really hard and I really want to get out there and meet as many people as I can...

I've been trying to find people in the area I will be living on networking sites but it is quite hard as everything is so spread out around SoCal!!!

My wife says the same thing about finding friends here. Everyone is 'nice' but its a facade. It is not like it was in Europe. It has been over a year, and now I would say I am forced to agree with her. I do not see it with men, but then, I have lived here a long time and might be conditioned. She has a good friend now, but she is Estonian.

So open up American women !!! You are missing out on some real good friends

I'm a Nebraskan who has moved to Chicago.

Nebraskans are very friendly, but getting to know them is tough. Most of us grew up in very small towns, and the same generations of family tend to stay there. I went to school in a neighboring town and I never felt like I was "accepted" because my family hadn't been there for at least 3 generations!

Chicago is a bit different. Most of my friends here are not actually from Chicago...come to think of it none of them are! We're all pretty much transplants from either downstate or other states.

I met many of my friends here years before I moved through a forum for U2 fans and going to concerts and such. I've got to be close to a few of them and made friends with their friends.

But anyways, I think it's more like people don't want to be bothered with making new friends. My roommate has the same groups of friends that she hangs out with all the time. They go to the same bars, same concerts and she complains about never meeting guys. I don't know...ppl seem afraid to put themselves too much out there.

Hello, "sweet heart"
please don't take offense to the "term of endearment"
I really hate you are going through this. I know what it is like not having any friends. but count it all joy, better to have no friends than to be surrounded by "fake" friends. I am from the Midwest, and it is difficult making good friends regardless of where you are coming from. Even here in the "Midwestern" states, the stigmas are different from one area to another (i.e. Iowa to Illinois to Minnesota to Wisconsin). With you being in Hawaii, I empathize with you. If you are not from there, you are definitely an "outsider". You say that you work, that is a positive, at least your mind isn't "idle", but know that "co-workers" are not friends, they are just that, people that you work with and should be treated as such. I don't know what your interests are, but if you go to church, start there join the choir or some other auxiliary. Then there is the community college, take a class or volunteer to tutor at the college. I can only caution you to be aware of social parasites so that they don't prey upon your vulnerability. Take your time, and by all means, make them audition for you. A true friend has no problem proving their genuineness and being patient. Keep your head up.
p.s. and for the record, I will be your cyber "girlfriend" if you want and for as long as you need.