QUOTE(just_Jackie @ Nov 13 2007, 01:25 PM)

tape measue envy
Heard any good jokes lately?
J

lemme see........how about some work related ones?
OUTGOING PERSONALITY Always going out of the office
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS Able to bulls--t
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS Spends lots of time on the phone
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY Too ugly to get a date
ACTIVE SOCIALLY Drinks a lot
VERY ACTIVE SOCIALLY Spouse drinks too
INDEPENDENT WORKER Nobody know what he/she does
QUICK THINKER Offers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKER Won't make a decision
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS Gets someone else to do it
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL Speaks English
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL A nitpicker
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES Is tall or has a louder voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT. Lucky
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR Knows a lot of dirty jokes
CAREER MINDED Back stabber
LOYAL Can’t get a job anywhere else
PLANS FOR PROMITION/ADVANCEMENT Buys drinks for all the boys
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION Gets to work on time
RELAXED ATTITUDE Sleeps at desk
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Actual Quotes Taken From Federal Government Employee Performance
Evaluations (i bet they all work at uscis)
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached
rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been,
but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and
cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only
to change feet."
6. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot
puddle."
7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
8. "He sets low personal standards and then
consistently fails to achieve them."
9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of
an idiot."
10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he
starts, the better."
11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy
to hold it all together."
12. "A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an
ordinary ignoramus."
13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
15. "He's been working with glue too much."
16. "He would argue with a signpost."
17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the
room."
18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
19. "If you see two people talking and one looks
bored, he's the other one."
20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover
glued on."
21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done
using it."
23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the
train isn't coming."
24. "He's got two brains, one is lost and the other is
out looking for it."
25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be
watered twice a week."
26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd
get change."
27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear
the ocean."
28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other
sperm."
29. "One neuron short of a synapse."
30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he
only gargled."
31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."